Claimed:The Ballad of Alan Garner [Final 6/6]

[CowboyinAmerica 2,889]

The Ballad of Alan Garner

 

By David Duerr

CalgaryWranglers.com

 

While researching the Calgary Wranglers’ extraordinary Season 18 for a feature story coming later this week, I happened upon something odd. The names Berger, Stormwall, Bunclewirth and even Dudek have been well preserved to history, and modern-day hockey historians can tell you even the smallest details about these players and their agents. These days, it has been widely assumed that there are only two agents from that Season 18 team still left associated with the Victory Hockey League on an active basis, Victor and JardyB10.

 

However, you know what they say about assumptions. This is the ballad of the forgotten man on the championship-winning Season 18 Calgary Wranglers: backup goaltender Alan Garner.

 

 

The beginning

 

The origins of Alan Garner are somewhat unknown, given his own secrecy surrounding his birth. When applying for the VHL, Garner simply put “USA” as his birth place, instantly giving rise to speculation that his parents were members of the witness protection program. When asked about this theory, Garner said nothing, similar to the nothing he said during the rest of his stay in the VHL, so naturally we can assume this is true.

 

Between his mysterious birth in “USA” and his appearance before VHLM scouts in the lead up to Season 15, very little is known. It’s a wonder, then, why he became hooked up with an agent that is well-known to many in the sports world: Ninetyfourgoalie. These days, NFG, as he will be called going forth, is best known for guiding Jerrick Poole through the treacherous waters of free agency. He clearly has a good eye for talent, and it’s believed he saw something in Garner that screamed future star.

 

However, when he finally got in front of those scouts, he proved… nothing at all. As previously noted by many VHL historians, this time period was a particularly weak one for minor league talent. Even so, Garner could not work his way onto a starting job on a single one of the VHLM’s eight teams, settling for a backup job for the Minot Gladiators behind the relatively anonymous Serhiy Hryhoriy.

 

Of course, there’s only one reason we know about this at all: As would become a common thread in his life, Garner stood idly by while the people around him performed great feats. His Season 15 team would win the Founder’s Cup, one of just three Minot championships in the entire franchise history.

 

 

Calgary Time

 

Perhaps seeing something in his handing-out-Gatorade technique that they particularly liked, the Calgary Wranglers took a flyer on Garner in the third round of the Season 16 draft. To be fair, he didn’t leave Calgary with zero practice hours at the position. To be fairer, he left them with exactly 11 for his entire career, which actually may be even more infuriating because it hints at what may have been.

 

Calgary signed Garner to a three-year contract worth the minimum salary, $500,000, for three seasons. To be honest, he may not even have been worth that much. In his 29 total games with the Calgary Wranglers over four seasons, Garner engendered ridicule every single time he stepped on the ice. “LOL, you barely beat a team with 2 d-men and Alan Garner in goal while having no CPUs,” said Victor after one pre-season game against New York. “That Alan Garner fellow is pretty talented,” Joey Clarence said sarcastically after a different game against New York. “Don't expect much more starts from Alan Garner either!” said his own general manager after one particularly poor performance.

 

And yet, Garner continued to win. Somewhat hilariously, Garner’s name is not listed among his teammates on the championship banners for Season 18 and 19, a testament to exactly how little use he actually was to their team. However, look at the team roster for both Season 18 and Season 19, and Garner is there, backing up Dudek and Voss, respectively. Thus, in total, Garner won three total championships in five seasons, including two Continental Cups. That sound you hear is James having a stroke.

 

As odd as it may be to say for a player who finished with a 9-14-1 record, a .832 save percentage and a 6.09 goals against average, Season 18 was the pinnacle of Garner’s career. In the eight required games for him as a backup goaltender, Garner went 3-5-0, with a career-best .867 save percentage and a 4.89 goals against average. If you say that Garner did not contribute to Calgary’s championship at all, you’re probably correct, but it’s still nice to see.

 

 

The Curse of Garner

 

Of course, with Garner having so much success with so little effort, the karma gods would not stand for this. Thus, they were out for retribution… and in walked Ninetyfourgoalie again, this time with a new player: Jerrick Poole. Despite a high TPE count and being placed on a talented team, Poole and his Toronto squad have had very little playoff success, being blocked by both New York and Quebec City in recent seasons.

 

Some conspiracy theorists believe that Ninetyfourgoalie will never win another championship unless he attempts to break the curse. And they have a way: He must return to the scene of the crime, Calgary, and prove to the VHL gods that he is willing to provide the franchise with an active player. Indeed, GM Austin Gow gave him an opportunity this past offseason to right his wrongs, but instead Poole went back to Toronto again.

 

Will Poole ever escape the curse? Or will he return to Calgary in an attempt to break it? Only the future holds the answer. But until then, he can remember Garner, the player that never actually did anything to deserve success, and remember the good times. 

[eaglesfan036 4,603]

I love this. Only you could pull up some random scrub from history and make a great article :3

 

Actually yeah probably too but still really well done 

[Victor 10,943]

Hmm, Toronto could use a goalie atm. Garner > Poole

Wow Hryhoriy, that's one of Kachur's old players.

Loved the mention of James. I wonder if he has any Founder's Cups.

I love this. Only you could pull up some random scrub from history and make a great article :3

Actually yeah probably too but still really well done

Is that a challenge?

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Content: 3/3 - Superb article. Great insight into a lesser known player that nobody cared for.

Grammar: 2/2 -

 

"offseason" - off-season

Appearance: 1/1 - Great.

Overall: 6/6

[CoachReilly 688]

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