Claimed:Chillin' with the Cucumber (and David Cameron)—Evgeny Nezhmetdinov [Final 6/6]

[Alucard 46]

CHILLIN' WITH THE CUCUMBER

 

VHL FORUM SPOTLIGHT ON:

 

EVGENY NEZHMETDINOV

 

 

 

VHLM Draft Talk

With the VHLM draft fast approaching, we sat down to talk with one of the league's newest prospects.

 

Evgeny Nezhmetdinov is a Kazakh winger with a taste for the dramatic. Operating primarily on the right, his speed and puck-handling skills are sure to make him a favourite with the fans wherever he winds up, but questions still remain over his defensive capabilities. This week, we sat down with Evgeny to pose him some questions of our own.

 

VHL: Evgeny, welcome. A lot of fans of the VHL and VHLM won't have heard of you. Tell them what they're missing.

 

E: Uh... I don't know, haha... I guess my skills? I don't know. Some people talk about my speed, or my puck-handling. I think they will know me after shoot-outs. Oh, I know! They have no cucumbers in the stands. At Snezhnye we have always cucumbers in the stands!

 

VHL: Ah yes, the cucumber! Tell us about that. Why are you called the cucumber?

 

E: Is actually a funny story. When I was 16 I went to competition for vegetables. My uncles (sic.) grows giant vegetables, and every year they look at the vegetables—many of the farmers grow them, and they compete—and they judge, and pick the biggest, nicest-looking vegetables for prize. My father and I went to watch, and before they pick winners, I was running—playing the fool, I think you say—and I fell over a cucumber. I broke my ankle, couldn't play hockey for five, maybe six months, and all my friends call me Kiyar. Kiyar is cucumber in Kazakhstan.

 

VHL: Breaking your ankle isn't very funny, but it's good that you can laugh about it now! Do you even like cucumber?

 

E: I like me! Cucumber the vegetable? Is ok. Is nice in Kazakh salad.

 

VHL: You'll have to make us one of those so we can judge for ourselves! So you grew up playing hockey in Kazakhstan; a lot of scouts from the KHL came to see you play last year, yet you've said that you want to play in the VHL. Why is that?

 

E: VHL is exciting. There is great fans, the community is awesome... Already I see on the internet fans of VHL talking about me, and all I hear is good things, like... 'beware the cucumber', and 'super-star in the making'. I like this. I look on KHL, NHL, or on reddit—NHL sub—I hear some good things there, but also 'oh he is so small', 'he can't'... how you say, 'hack the big leagues'? Or 'oh, Chára will destroy him'. I think 'please, I will dance around Chára!'

 

VHL: So you don't like the negativity you receive from the NHL fans?

 

E: Yes, something like this. Is not so much negativity from NHL fans, but positivity from VHL.

 

VHL: Well we will definitely agree with you there. So for fans of the VHL and VHLM who don't know you, tell us how you got into hockey.

 

E: Honestly?

 

VHL: Is it a big secret?

 

E: Haha. Maybe. In high school I see hockey, I like hockey... but then there is girl. Irina, she is called. She... likes hockey. She likes hockey players, haha.

 

VHL: Ah, so you thought if you were a hockey player...

 

E: Exactly! Haha!

 

VHL: You were only in it for the nookie!

 

E: Uh... the what?

 

VHL: Never mind. You'll learn about that if you wind up in North America. So you and Irina... did you...?

 

E: No. I think it is for best. One year later I hear her talking to her friend, and she says 'oh, I hate cucumber! Is disgusting!'

 

VHL: Definitely for the best. I know I could never go out with a girl who didn't like how I tasted.

 

(Here Evgeny laughed so hard that he slapped his thigh, and told he us he liked us. By now we really liked him as well, and we hope he winds up in the VHL. He's sure to liven up any locker room!)

 

VHL: So you obviously didn't stop playing hockey after that. Did you just fall in love with the game? Instead of Irina?

 

E: Yes. There will be other Irinas, I said. But hockey? There is no other hockey.

 

VHL: There's field hockey.

 

E: Ah, yes, but in Kazakhstan we have too many fields, and in all of them sheep, and cows, and they s**t in fields. This is not fun.

 

VHL: Haha! That's true; there's no s**t on the ice rink. Well, Evgeny, it's been a pleasure meeting you. I wish there were more cucumbers like you in the league. Before we go, is there anything else you'd like to share with us?

 

E: Uh... I should leave on good note, yes? You have young fans read VHL Forum? Yes? To them I say: do what you love. And eat your vegetables.

 

VHL: Just don't eat the cucumber, right?

 

E: Haha. Well... maybe if Irina is reading...

 

We thought we'd better end things there, before the conversation became unsuitable for those younger readers. It was a brief chat, but one we won't forget for a while, and especially not if Evgeny winds up playing in the VHLM next year. If he does, you can bet we'll be the ones in the front row waving giant cardboard cucumbers over our heads. All we can say in closing is...

 

 

 

#dealwithit #cucumber #vhlforum #vhlmdraft

Edited June 3, 2015 by Alucard

[BOOM 8,571]

Ha, nice intro.

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Content: 3/3 - Pretty damn great interview. It was a joy to read!

Grammar: 2/2 - No grammar to correct here. It's obvious that the Evgeny parts are purposefully messed up.

Appearance: 1/1 - Good!

Overall: 6/6

[Victor 10,730]

I came here for David Cameron memes. I was not disappointed.

[CowboyinAmerica 2,791]

Claimed