Claimed:An Old Encarnacion Article [Final 6/6]

[Tagger 2,722]

Preface: This is actually an article I wrote way back on the 25th of September 2013, which as some of you will remember was within the period where we were transitioning from the second VHL site to the one that we use today. However, probably just down to me forgetting I had written this point task, this has never been submitted for points on either of the VHL sites (I've checked both sites to make sure)

 

Kanye West's "Yeezus" album sounds like how Encarnacion plays hockey

 

While the phrase “No one man should have all that power” has become synonymous with rapper Kanye West, it appears that he may have a rival, as a hockey player was able to not only have the VHL league site brought down, but also cease league proceedings yesterday night. Edwin Encarnacion, who more of you will associate with the baseball field than the ice rink, was set to be announced as the new captain of the Riga Reign franchise by his general manager Mike Szatkowski in a pre-prepared VHL.com article. However, just as the article was about to go live on the site, one of the editors for VHL.com realised what the article they were about to post up contained. Realising that there was absolutely no way that the Reign would announce that their captain for season 35 would be a rookie who has been ridiculed every day since he stated his intentions to join the league, the editor decided to pull the plug on the website. As the article had been prepared as a home page headline along with all the other captain announcements, this meant that anyone who viewed the site would not be exposed to the false information that was to be posted, at the cost of not being able to view the site at all. The VHL Commissioner Victor Alfredsson has heaped praise on the editor:

 

“We would wholeheartedly like to thank the individual who stopped the VHL from posting misleading information on the site. We would like to applaud him on his quick thinking in a high pressure situation, and although it has come at a cost, it has come at a cheaper one than if we had posted the article. Announcing Encarnacion as a VHL captain would have had a drastic impact on our global standing within the industry and our share prices. If our standing decreases, then we risk not being able to bring in the high quality players that the VHL and its fans deserve. If our share prices go down, then we would have to forcibly remove some of our hard working men and women from our wage structure. We will now have a thorough internal look as to how this phony article ended up being minutes from publication, which we expect to take no longer than a day. By that point, we will be able to continue with our work towards getting prepared for the preseason. In addition, we have decided to give out a $100,000 fine to Encarnacion for his behaviour that led to this event occurring. Although there is nothing to say that Edwin was at direct fault for this error, the bigger problem lies within the fact that he is a terrible person that no one likes, a terrible hockey player that no one could support and a person with an unhealthy obsession for burning company property. If he conducted himself better, or simply didn’t exist, this problem would not have arisen.”

 

 

Encarnacion threatening people with fire? Nah, couldn't be.

 

Encarnacion however was not so happy with the decision:

 

 

“What in the actual blue fuck man, nahmsayin’? I was told by my boy Gronkowski that he wanted me to lead the man, nahmsayin’? So why, WHY, are the suits behind the scene holdin’ me back man? WHY? I swear down man, I am gonna burst down that office door man, find the guy who didn’t press the “go” switch or whatever makes a computer put shit up, and BURN HIM TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ GROUND, NAHMSAYIN’? Like I said man, my boy Gostkowski man, he said “I want you man, put this team on your back man, let 'em know why they think you’re the Black Jesus this world’s been praying for” and let me tell you this right here right now man, nothing is going to keep me from fulfilling my boy Lebowski’s wishes, nahmsayin’? Lewandowski has given me the greatest opportunity a man can get, and Im’a show these suit wearin’ fools up top that he was one hundred percent legit to gimme this job man. AND NO, I DON’T GOT NO OBSESSION WITH THE FIRE MAN, NAHMSAYIN’?!”

[Toast 887]

Content 3/3 - I'll take your word on this not having been graded before. It was certainly an interesting read, of course! I wonder what kind of backlash Edwin would've received for actually being quoted saying all of that... also how the hell did these publications get such massive quotes from everyone???

 

Grammar 2/2 - No complaints here. Just a run-on sentence and some nit-picky grammar stuff. For example,

 

season 35 -> Season 35

 

Appearance 1/1 - It had pictures and stuff so it's great!

 

Final 6/6

[Victor 10,943]

Biggest regret of stepping down: not being quoted in your Media Spots any more.

Also good effort with Mike's name, it's a difficult one for sure.

[CoachReilly 688]

Claimed