The VHL Bachelor: No Homo Edition [Reviewed]

[Banackock 8,141]

 

A majority of the female population in North America spend their Sunday evenings sipping a glass of wine, with the lights dimmed and candles lighting up each corner of the living room. On the television, the theme song plays, the introduction comes on and you know it's finally time. The long wait is finally over and the Bachelor has officially returned to TV screens all across North America. Along side their beautiful women, sits their male companion. There they sit with their hands on their laps, their minds in the shitter and their eyes fixated on their significant other. The thoughts of "Pizza", "Beer" and "I wonder what James is doing? Is he having pizza and beer while watching the game in his man cave?" crosses their minds as they pretend to have interest in the show. Ladies, we're happy to say the Bachelor has finally returned but this season has a significant, exciting twist to it. We're escaping the everyday world and have taken our interest into the hockey world - specifically, the Victory Hockey League. Men, we said the word hockey so I'm sure we have your captured your interest now. Let's move forward!

 

Now, about the show. Each season, 10 guests join us in the house while one person puts it all on the line to find true love. Here, we have a male who is in search of his soulmate and the one person he can spend the rest of his days with. Also sharing the house, 10 other contestants who will battle it out and try to convince him that they are that one person who is truly compatible with him. They will try to show him that they're the one person that he should and would happily be able to spend the rest of his life with. Without further delay, let's meet your Season 1 Bachelor. 

DRAPER @Draper

 

Age: 29

Height: 6'2"

Weight: 210

Cash in the Bank: $55,000,000 estimated (55 M)

 

Firstly, we'd like to give a moment for the ladies to catch their breaths. Not only is he a tall glass of water, but he also resembles David Beckham a whole fucking bunch. Prior to moving, Drape lived in the cold, white, and polite nation of Canada. Draper, now however, resides in the sunny state of California where he owns a beach front home right off the ocean. It's there where he spends a majority of the year, catching some wicked sun, drinking anything that has liquor in it and taking out his personal yacht for a fishing trip with the boys. What's that? You're screaming he's a total heart throb, drop my panties to the floor type of guy and he has money? Fuck, your gold digging ass must be ecstatic as your dream guys has finally appeared before your eyes because yes, he has a whole lot of money and plenty more toys where that came from. Take it how you want to ladies, but there's a butt plug in his sock drawer just for that lucky girl. 

 

 

For starters, Draper is a well known person among celebrities and is one of the most famous people currently in any sport in North America. He currently holds the position of commissioner in the Victory Hockey League with a reported yearly salary of 23 Million dollars. With that large sum of pocket jingle, Draper hasn't been afraid of flaunting his cash. In his 5 lot garage, it's packed to the tits with custom, rebuilt cars, trucks and old bikes. His go to vehicle is the Ferrari F12Berlinetta with an old, rebuilt 68' Chevy truck to go along with it. This well known Bachelor has been documented by TMZ as being single now for nearly 4 years and is always seen coming to and leaving from important celebrity events without anyone wrapped around his arms. Last week he was seen leaving Kevin Hart's pool party stumbling across the lawn with Kevin Hart's cat in his arms. Amazingly, this is the first time in 4 years he's left a party with some pussy. His drought without lust and love very well be over though. It's all about to change!

 

Now that you've met the Bachelor and have likely fallen in love with him, it would only be fitting to meet the people who will be contending and potentially fighting to the death for his hand in marriage, but as I'm sure you know, that's not how TV works. We like to end shit on cliffhangers and keep you wondering until next time and that's exactly what we're going to do. Who will be entering the house from the VHL/VHLM to try and win over the sexy, powerful and ever so wealthy Draper? Stay tuned and find out TOMORROW OR SUNDAY. Afterwards, each episode will be available for the fans every Saturday evening. Until then, remember boys, fuck your women immediately after because they're loving this shit right now.

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Episode one, The VHL Bachelor: No Homo Edition

 

Edited April 23, 2016 by Banackock

[Will 4,662]

Let the bitches know that despite my Californian residence, I'm a fuckin Northerner at heart 

[Banackock 8,141]

2 minutes ago, Draper said:

Let the bitches know that despite my Californian residence, I'm a fuckin Northerner at heart 

Noted and done, mate. 

[Evans 305]

Reviewed: Let's hope that Raper works out well with the ladies. Presentation of this thing was really nice. Love the layout and the subject matter allows you to carry this thing on as long as you want.