Dirt McGert - The Origin of Gert B. Frobe [2/2]

[NumberJ5 45]

Early Life

 

Born in Kansas in 1994, Gert B. Frobe entered the world into the care of two self made bar room heroes, Gertrude & Gary Frobe. Gert's father, Gary, had made a name for himself as a prize fighter in the Midwest Dive Bar circuit as a brawler, taking on any & all comers and leaving them all in his wake. His mother, Gertrude, was a 10 time bareknuckle champion in the concert division of the Midwest Crowdfighters Association, specifically Hair Metal. Needless to say, Gert had a lot to live up to from the get go. Not wanting to force Gert to follow in their footsteps, they quit their careers in the crowd fighting sector to raise Gert in a stable and loving household, despite it being the only things they ever knew. Gert's father was able to gain employment by following his hobby as an accountant, while his mother went back to work as a school teacher, eventually becoming a part of the administration as a principal. During the times they were at work, Gert was enrolled at a local day care just after his first birthday, where his parents found out quickly that fighting was in his blood.

 

His first day at preschool, Gert's father said to him, "Have a fun day, son. I hope you make a lot of friends and always stand up for what you believe in." Gert took that last part to heart.

 

 

 

After making his first friend at preschool, Shayna, he saw one boy, followed by 4 others, telling other kids what to do. If they refused, the boy would then push them over and quickly move on to the next child to start the process all over again. Soon, the bully and his entourage made their way to Shayna & Gert, who were playing with the wooden train set in the middle of the room. Gert saw the bully's eye lock on to Shayna, but before he could make his demands, Gert pulled his shirt over his head and landed a devastating uppercut, knocking the child unconscious immediately. The 4 other boys quickly stepped in, with Gert knocking each of them out, in turn, one punch after the other. A preschool record that stands to this day.

 

As the years went on, Gert's parents realized that the raw energy and grit that Gert had needed to be channeled into something productive, rather than destructive. After a few failed attempts at little league, they found one sport with enough physicality that seemed to keep Gert at peace: Hockey.

 

 

Gert's physical presence was immediately felt as soon as his coach told him that he was allowed to hit anyone that came his way with the puck. "Gert" he said, "These guys want to hurt your goalies feeling by putting the puck past him into the net. Your job is to protect him from that." A kid of few words, Gert simply nodded, then proceeded to lay out any child unfortunate enough to get the puck across the blue line. In one game another child became so fed up with Gert's checkin ability that he hit the first kid that skated next to him. Gert's friend (and now teammate) from preschool, Shayna. Gert skated from one end of the ice to the other and just before the penalty box closed, dove in head first and unleashed fury upon the boy.

 

Gert was given a one year suspension from the pee-wee league for unsportsmanlike conduct.

 

College Career

 

Gert was heavily recruited by colleges all over after a video went viral of a scrap he got in his junior year in high school. Before delivering a knockout hook, you could actually hear him say, "Does your mother sew?" then he was heard post knockout saying, "BOOM! Get her to sew that!" That got the scout's eyes on him, but his bone rattling hits and 69-0 career fight record across pee-wee and highschool got him offers, not to mention his ability to get the puck to the more proficient scorers on the team. In a desire to see more of the country, he opted to accept a role with Sacred Heart University.

 

At Sacred Heart he became a huge fan favorite, continuing his undefeated fight streak through his freshman year. His points were low, save for the occasional assist, but his fists were stone and his PIMs were unrivaled. He once saw an opposing enforcer jump his teammate, so he jumped off the bench and speared the enforcer into the ground, pummeling him until 3 refs and his captain pulled him off. As he skated off the ice to the dressing room, over the PA, Wu Tang Clan's Bring the Ruckus blared overhead. Soon he became known as "Dirt McGert" after Wu Tang Clan's Ol' Dirty Bastard. He had fan chants and even student made memorabilia, he was greeted at every party with a drink immediately and rarely went without a replacement upon finishing. It was a good first year, but he became comfortable. Too comfortable.

 

Already a sub-par skater, he stopped training that summer. He overate, overdrank, and found himself at camp the next season overweight. His coach rode him and rode him, trying to get him to slim down before the season started. It helped, but it seemed it was too little too late.

 

Then, the unthinkable happened.

 

In the first game of the season, playing against the UConn Huskies, Gert noticed an opposing defenseman across the ice, deliver an elbow to his good friend, Tommy Castonguay, causing him to fall and hit his head on the ice. Gert rushed to his friend's defense, but by the time he got there was winded. As he grabbed the defenseman's jersey to deliver his signature knockout, he was greeted by a quik jab, followed by an absolutely brutal right hook. Frobe hit his head on the way down, knocking him out cold.

 

When he came to, he was in the hospital. His parents were at his bedside, happy to see that he had finally gained consciousness.

 

"What....happened?" Gert asked.

 

"Son" his dad sighed, "What happened to you is something that's happened to both me and your mother. You got too complacent. You got so caught up in the myth of your greatness that you ate a fist for dinner a topped it off with a nap onto the ice."

 

His mother chimed in, "Same thing happened to me during the Whitesnake concert back in 1990. After I was able to take out the entire first row at the Twisted Sister show a month earlier, I knew I was the shit. Started smoking more than normal, stopped keeping my endurance up and I got flattened by 350 lb female security guard after I called her Fatsquatch."

 

Gert nodded, remembering hearing the stories before bed.

 

"Mom... Dad... am I gonna be able to play hockey again?"

 

His father smiled, "Gert, don't be silly. Not only are you going to play hockey again, but you're going to do it top physical condition. But more importantly, we need to get you back into top mental condition before you get back out there."

 

Gert agreed to take a break for that season to train and get ready for the following year. He followed a rigorous training program set for him by his coach with strict dietary restrictions, alongside his fathers workout routine, including punching through ice blocks to keep his fists conditioned. He was able to return to SHU and went right back to work, leaving no opposing team's enforcer to doubt his abilities. His mental game was at peak performance as well, tallying the lowest amount of PIMs in his career, actually finishing with less than someone else in his division for the first time in his career.

 

The knockout turned out to just the wakeup call he needed, as it helped his maturity and discipline, while putting him in the best shape of his life.

 

Now, he's turned his sights onto the VHLM, ready to prove to the rest of the world that the Legend of Dirt McGert is only growing.

Edited July 16, 2019 by NumberJ5

[Kekzkrieg 160]

Review: Incredibly graphic (pictures are priceless) and absolutely a riot to read! Glad to see Gert's parents were in full support of his playstyle and hockey career. Great redemption story for Gert and awesome backstory on both parents regarding their careers and as role models for him. I'm very much interested in seeing what kind of bruising Gert will do in the VHLM and also terrified to play against him haha Awesome write up and can't wait to read more!

Edited July 16, 2019 by Kekzkrieg

[Big Mac 310]

Review: 10/10 story as the man above me said priceless graphics. It was a funny, and at times odd biography. These are some skills that will help you with articles (if you’re new). The humor was classic and everything seemed genuine instead of going over the top for laughs. I’d give this a solid 6.6/10. Keep up the good work man. 

[fonziGG 1,068]

Review: Pretty standard bio. I think theres some aesthetic work that could be done on this bio. Pictures could've been centred and maybe even the titles could've been centred as well. Overall, the story was great. 

On 7/15/2019 at 7:24 PM, NumberJ5 said:

Gert was given a one year suspension from the pee-wee league for unsportsmanlike conduct.

 

Easily the best part of the bio for me.