World Junior's Berth for LeBastard Not All That

[Andre LeBastard 112]

 

World Junior's Berth for LeBastard Not All That

 

Miami Mauraders captain Andre LeBastard has been selected for the World Junior Hockey Championships set to commence shortly. Although, confusingly the player will not represent the nation of his birth: Canada, but instead will suit up for...well we think it is the world team but we are not quite sure. It would appear that every nation involved in the competition seems to share the one locker room, which, it has been reported, is making things very confusing. 

 

Not only is it quite tight trying to get dressed for practice, but there are also unsubstantiated complaints that there was a mix of heady aromas wafting through the locker room from the four Jamaican player's corner, as the shout of 'Cool Runnings!' rang out every few minutes.  Reports indicate that the players in question were removed from the locker room when they tried to push a bobsled out on to the ice and officials realised they were not, in fact, hockey players at all.  

 

With the catering service contract going to the lowest bidder, many of the players have grown tired of borscht and have started bringing in box lunches from home packed by the WAGs. This has proved embarrassing on occasion when two (or more), players have discovered they have the exact same packed lunch boxes. Some players, being millennials, have been triggered by the close proximity of so many people and have been seen wandering the room with glazed eyes mumbling something about kale, avocado and safe places.

 

The language issue too, with some 50 different types being spoken across some of the teams involved, has also added to the general confusion.  Several fights have broken out, with many players unsure of just who to punch in the face. Many players raided the local candy store close by the rink for Upper Deck hockey cards, in order to identify player nationalities and thus determine who may be a teammate and who is not one. The situation has, however, made for some hilarious chirping between players apparently, as the rink PA announcer, confusing the number of players on the ice simultaneously with a public skating session, continually stops the music and many of the players turn and start skating in the opposite direction. 

 

Andre Lebastard has told our Shite Sports reporter that he has no idea who his team manager is, who the coach is and indeed, who any of his teammates are at the time of writing. 'All I know is I been here since Monday and I'm still in line for the toilets.' One wag in the locker room was quoted as saying, 'It's like the UN in the room, unfortunately without the hot Swedish chicks doing the translating.' Another unnamed player stated, 'I have never seen anything like it and I have been in the Marauders AND the Hounds locker rooms!'

 

One thing is for sure, with puck drop for the tournament scheduled for some time on Monday, there will have to be some order from the chaos sooner rather than later. 

[Ricer13 2,776]

Review: Nice to have a little insight on the world juniors this season. Very well put together article. The layout and grammar are on point. Good blend of humour in the mix of the story keeps it entertaining and making the reader want to read more of your material. Nicely done Andre. Rating 7.9/10

[fonziGG 1,068]

3 hours ago, Andre LeBastard said:

Andre Lebastard has told our Shite Sports reporter that he has no idea who his team manager is, who the coach is

Hi that’s me

[Andre LeBastard 112]

[bigAL 2,176]

On 6/7/2020 at 8:34 AM, Andre LeBastard said:

 

 

Andre Lebastard has told our Shite Sports reporter that he has no idea who his team manager is, who the coach is and indeed,

 

On 6/7/2020 at 12:06 PM, fonziGG said:

Hi that’s me

Shite Sports reporter, meet Shite Sports manager

In all honesty, I'm having trouble matching player name to user name to discord name too, and we've only got two languages in the LR!

 

Great work Andre, I love the updates from SSN!

[fonziGG 1,068]

33 minutes ago, bigAL said:

Shite Sports reporter, meet Shite Sports manager

I am the shittiest sports manager. Get that right bucko