The Art of War 3: Now I Pranketh Thee

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” -Sun Tzu

 

As the result of the Dispersal Draft,  me and my good friend/former teammate Patrik Laine found ourselves in new teams. Me in Ottawa, and Patty in Miami. Though that doesn't mean the war is over as our fates would soon intertwine once more as the first game of the following season was our teams going against each other. I learned that the hard way as once we had lost the game, My gear was unexpectedly given a new paint job. So I looked up the next meetup between our teams and planned my revenge. The plan was simple. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Game 36 of the season 73 came, and it was the perfect opportunity to enact my plan. The game ended up with our team losing 5-2, but that wasn't important at the time. I sneaked into the Miami locker room post-game, and I gave Patty Laine's gear a nice new paint job myself while he was gone. I also added something a little extra there as well. Not only would he have to switch out his freshly painted gear, he would also need to wash his hockey bag a couple of times as I sprayed fart spray into the bag. I did not go off scot-free as one of his teammates entered the room. Though I had already done what I had to do and skedaddled my way out of there. Once the deed was done, I went back to my car, only to find out one of my tires were slashed and the rim rusted. I knew something like this might happen, so I packed a spare tire. I know Patty well enough that he would do something like this. I did not expect the rim though, so I had to buy a replacement.

 

 

“The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so that he cannot fathom our real intent.”  -Sun Tzu

 

The game right after the Miami incident, I decided to try something new. It wasn't to prank someone, but rather just confuse others around me to the point that it would make an impact. And I would do that with the simple banana. As soon as I woke up and got myself ready for the day, I grabbed a banana, kept in on my left hand, and held it as I went into pre-game practice. I also switched out my current visor to my tinted visor I use for practice sometimes. When I first arrived at the arena. Teammates were confused as to why I was holding a banana as I placed on my gear. I simply said "why not?" as I proceeded to practice with a banana on my left hand, my stick on the right. Playing hockey with your stick in only one hand was rather quite challenging. Yet I was dedicated enough to pull through. My teammates thought that I was only going to have the banana in hand at practice, along with the tinted visor. I only proved them wrong when I held the banana and dawned the visor as I got ready for the game. Since I was in the top defensive pairing, I started the opening faceoff. Sure enough, the Mississauga Hounds, my teammates, and even the refs were confused. I managed to hold my own whilst holding a banana and only using one hand for my stick. It was difficult and highly unnecessary, but I was dedicated. I even managed to score an assist in the second period as I redirected a pass from Arthur Dayne during a powerplay. It ended up on my defensive partner, Micheal Keef's stick and he scored. That assist proved that I was able to be productive even with a banana in one hand. Though not long after, tragedy struck. 5:35 of the second period, I was struck by a Mississauga player and not only did I lose the puck, the banana fell onto the ice with a SPLAT. My plan to keep the banana on my hand the entire day was foiled just like that. I was livid. An innocent banana died in vain, and I needed to avenge it. I ended up getting two more assists in the second period that 6-0 shutout. Finally the banana had been avenged.

 

(764 words)

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