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Fast Food, Fast Theme Week.


Banackock
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fast food wacky tobaccy GIF by Toby Keith

 

Well, once again we find ourselves in the depths of theme week. This seasons theme week is future players, whether it be our own and or somebody else's. It's a little tough to write about a future player for myself when I've only just begun on a new journey with my newest player Isabella Campbell who is still fighting her way through the first VHLM season (she hasn't been drafted into either league yet). While her future is already predetermined, like many of my players, it's still fun to think about the future and what could come out of the agency. Lately, maybe due to the pandemic, work and life being crazy, and the fact that I've been doing the same shit on here again and again and again for years and years is wearing on me a little bit. It's tough to write about shit because you've literally done it hundreds of times. This week, we're really going for it all in theme week. I got to thinking of which way we're going to go for this. Who would make a good player? What would have a good background and story to it? Most of my players have something like that or at the very least, good names. This week, the VHL is going to some places it probably never thought it would before (or maybe it already has? who cares). We're kicking our consumerism and advertisement game up. You see them all the time on TV. Them beautiful fast food ads with the burgers that look nothing like they do in your hands like they do in the commercials. The fries that either taste like plain potato or have so much salt you can taste the ocean. That's right. Fast food kings and leaders are coming to the VHL. Here's the Top 3.

 

ronald mcdonald fun GIF by McDonald's CZ/SK

C - Ronald McDonald

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 185 pounds

Number: 13

 

To me, it's the most famous brand  of fast food chains in the entire world. I don't give a shit who you are, everyone knows Ron and the magical taste of a McDick's burger. Whether it's the beefy taste of a quarter pounder, @Big Mac, a poutine or their amazingly tastey and very salty fries, they do shit right. That's why It's hard to believe that if Ron actually wanted to come play in the VHL, he wouldn't do a damn good job at doing it. If he put even half the skill and effort he puts into making his business roll and his burgers tastes hella fine, I think he'll be flopping bitches better than he flips burgers. He once played a pond hockey tournament that New York American Scouts were attending for the VHL and each one of them left the report on him "BA BA BA BA BA... I'm lovin it". This either speaks to how good Ron truly was, or how unoriginal NYA really is. Probably both.

 

kfc GIF

D - Colonel Sanders

Height - 5'11"

Weight - 220 pounds

Number - 66

 

This is my go to taste bud extreme. Man, they day after isn't so tastey unless you throw that shit in the oven, cook it again and then set her on broil for a minute to get that skin crispy again (you're welcome), but the day of, I don't think there's anything better on this planet than the Colonel's chicken. No, Beaviss. No even electric powered pipelines. I don't know what it is but something tells me the Colonel's secret recipe for a chicken that tastes better than your grandma's could compute to his hockey skills being pretty bad ass. If you look at the above gif, not only does he make chicken his bitch, but anything and one that crosses his paths feels a little bit of his wrath. The Colonel would be a huge defensive member to any team. He's short, but has the size overall and would play a really strong game. That and you get free chicken, so why the fuck not? That shit would be hella good and his goals would be finger lickin.

 

love him burger king GIF by Cheezburger

G - Burger King

Height - 6'3"

Weight - 203 pounds

Number - 35

 

Not enough love is given to the self-proclaimed "Burger King". The man makes some solid burgers, the chicken fries are pretty damn deadly too and whenever I make a trip to Edmonton, it's hard to not want to give the Burger King himself a visit to see what's on the grill today. During one of these meetings, he popped out from behind the fire place in their establishment and he came to speak with me. This might of been real or a heavy burger grease induced coma I was in for attempting to attack the double whoppers which is easily half the size of your head. He said to me, Bana, if I ever to come to the VHL it's going to be in the form of a goalie. I do not know how to stop pucks, but I make a good, fat burger, so I think I will do good. I had to agree with him. Something also already tells me there's been a "burger king" in the VHL. If there has, he has nothing to worry about because nobody talks about the other one and the BK King is the true OG and King.

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