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Fast Food, Take Two.


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Well, the struggle is real. This week was the first week of my girlfriend's chemo, work has been kicking my ass, life in 2020 is a weird one and well, it's been a long time on here. I always remembered a few members talking about being around for some time and after a while you start to think to yourself, "what this week?". I think I'm kinda getting to that point. I don't really think that's the case. I just think everything else is on overdrive and this is one of the things that I am still doing 100%, but the effort to hit 100 requires quite a bit more energy. Fortunately, last week was theme week and the blue team was gracious enough to allow us to capitalize on a doubles week to earn some sweet TPE. I wrote the blab-fest on new players coming into the league from Fast Food chains and figured I got another doubles week thanks to donations that one idea might as well get two birds stoned at once and get this shit-fest under with, over with and hopefully forever forgotten. This week, we're coming at you with some hot, hot moves. Last week we seen Colonel Sanders, The Burger King and the golden arch boy, Ronald McDonald. We're back at you with some more fire. Who is this weeks fast food chain F, D and G? LEZ GO.


wendy delivers GIF


LW - Wendy

Height: 5'10""

Weight: 155 pounds

Number: 77


Let's get this right off the bat in saying that these burgers are probably some of the best of the best? I don't know. I get the #7 Homestyle Chicken and that bad boy is always a fucking delight. You know what else is a delight? Her puck skills, her moves, her dangles and them red piggy tails you see swiping in the wind as she dekes your ass at the blue line and leaves you high and dry. She started playing hockey when the franchise opened up, in hopes of getting some of her establishments opened up in arenas throughout North America, however, the brand never caught on. Fortunately, though, while the brand may not have caught on for something that would work during a game, she did manage to catch the eyes of some NHL scouts (rumor has it, the Oilers are looking into to her, so take the report with a grain of salt... they have her lined up as the next best thing since Nail Yakupov). They capped the scouting report off with the saying "you know when it's real.." and we're unsure if they were talking about her talent or their beef. Shit!




D - Chuck. E. Cheese

Height: 6'6"

Weight: 217 Pounds

Number: 64


I've never been, so if you have and it's amazing, I apologize ahead of time. To be fair, I see why kids go somewhat bonkers over this place. Yet, when I seen the commercials, it was a big "meh" for me. You got a lot of arcade games and that usual shit and I think they deserve you a wack load of pizza. Oh, cool. Real original. Even still, it's crack for kids. The big old mouse himself has done real good bringing in the cheese and he's never afraid of some good old cheddar. This is likely why he's a roller hockey champion. Yeah, we know. It's not ice hockey so it doesn't count, but if you seen this guy play, you'd probably think otherwise. He kills people. He's huge. This is one big mother fucking mouse. He'd have Dumbo or any elephant shitting bricks over him. He's laying people on the ice and even has a nickname for any form of a big solid hit in a game. Commentators have been calling it the "Mouse Trap". Also original. I can only imagine putting skates on this guy. Someone needs to do it. I bet you 3 TPE Chuck. E. Cheese makes the HoF before Beaviss. After all, one thing you can say about him... When your hungry for fun, it's Chuck. E. Cheese.



G - Hamburglar

Height: 6'3"

Weight: 210 Pounds

Number: 30


I know, I know.. what the hell. You already did McDonalds, why you doing it again? You got Ron. He's a big, flashy center, who is good at putting the puck in the back of the net. He can also make super dope passes and make magic happen on a nightly basis when his game is on point. Can you really have Ron, though, and not his arch nemesis, the Hamburglar? This man has been stealing the magical goodness known to you as McDonalds burgers since Ronald was kicking on the streets of Saskatoon with @gorlab (smoking darts behind the local 7/11, sharing a box of them nasty late night, bar hopping wings, while your mouth taste like an ashtray, Doritos and jagerbombs). Once he found out that Ron was potentially fucking with the VHL, he just has to get involved. Hamburglar was on the Ellen Degeneres' new T.V show after being cancelled for being an c word called "Not the Ellen Degeneres' Show" to talk about the recent move to hockey and had this to say... "Ron's a bitch". 

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