SweatyBeaver

+10 Gregg Stallion

Houston best team in the league confirmed

DC; 3-1

259 New York Americans @ Calgary Wranglers 260 HC Davos Dynamo @ Vancouver Wolves 261 Malmo Nighthawks @ Riga Reign 262 Toronto Legion @ D.C. Dragons

It has become increasingly clear that the Houston Bulls may have jumped the gun with their city wide celebration and have experienced the worst hangover in human history. Since their city wide party the Bulls have went 1-15-0 and are once again the laughingstock of the league. “Mexico is somehow still worse than us.” a very drunk player told reporters before passing out during one of the teams infamous sadness drinks. “Enough is enough” a very frustrated Sonnet told reporters after her phone was exploding with messages from other GMs making fun of her and her team. “This team needs a revamp” She began to scour the local hockey scene looking for up and coming teams who could take the mantle and lead the her back into the win column. Finally, she found them; the pride of the Houston Peewee league; The Gulfton Orange Slices. This team of eleven and twelve year olds had dominated the Houston peewee league and Sonnet believed that these kids could lead her team back to glory. “The Orange Slices have done what this current Bulls roster never could do, they have actually won games” she told media before the biggest moment of the Orange Slice’s lives. For the Bulls players they thought it was another regular practice that they were going to put no effort into, little did they know their jobs were on the line. The Orange Slices were on the ice in their neon orange jerseys hungry for a chance to take the place of the current Bulls roster. “I want us to destroy them and ruin them for everything they are worth.” Captain Timmy McGraw said to his team in his squeaky pre-pubescent voice while rallying his team pregame. The two teams were going to play a 20 minute game, the team that won would enter the VHLM as the Houston Bulls. The current Bulls roster was shocked that their jobs were now on the line and dependant upon a game against a team of children born in the late 2000’s. The game started off fast as all of the dads in the audience jeered and mocked the Bulls roster as they desperately tried to stop the Orange Slices and their blazing speed. Immediately the Bulls experienced a familiar problem; their defense did not bother showing up to the practice. “It is okay I can do this.” Goaltender John Poremba said to reassure as Orange Slice star Nico Wilson scored a hat trick in the first two and a half minutes and celebrated with an impromptu Fortnite dance on center ice. This was the story of the game as the Orange Slices skated circles around the pathetic Bulls team that was desperate to keep their jobs. The only real excitement happened halfway through the game when a frustrated player collided with 4’4 Toby Smith and sent him flying 20 feet face first into the boards. At that point all of the dads in attendance stormed onto the ice and beat up the entire Houston Bulls team within an inch of their lives. The final score of the game was 17-1 for the Orange Slices with Houston’s lone goal coming from Poremba’s dump pass that went into the empty Orange Slice net as goaltender Kai Young was too busy flirting with all of the girls behind his net. The decision was made! The Houston Bulls were to be unemployed with each player applying at the near by Burger King for a job. Effective immediately the Gulfton Orange Slices were to be the VHLMs newest team, removing the Houston Bulls from the league (League officials have refused Sonnet’s application for the relocation of the team and told her to ‘suck it up’ and to ‘enjoy the rebuild.’ with the current and disgraced roster.) -Duke McCart, The Houston Hustler -665 Words

The city of Houston really hates the Bulls right now. A recent poll of the cities population showed that somehow the Bulls are more hated than Bill O’Brien and the Houston Texans of the NFL right now. “I know they traded the best wide receiver in the league for an old and washed up runningback but at least they give us something to cheer for!!” An irate citizen said while physically assaulting The Bulls mascot; ‘Benny the Bull.’ Even the Houston Astros the infamous cheaters of the MLB, The always dissapointing Houston Rockets and the now nonexistent Houston Roughnecks of the now defunct XFL polled significantly higher in the poll asking citizens to rank the cities sports teams from ‘I guess I can forgive them’ to ‘they are literally worse than the Zodiac Killer.’ “What have the Bulls even given us!? This season is an absolute train wreck.” Couch Gm Brian Anders wrote in a heated twitter thread showcasing how he would do far better as the teams Gm. “I thought for sure we would have beat the Texans….maybe even the Astros but wow…things escalated quickly.” Gregg Stallion told police after receiving numerous death threats from the 6 people who actually follow the VHLM. -222 Words

Against every conceivable odd the Houston Bulls are no longer at the bottom of the VHLM standings. Instead of spending their time at the local bar drinking their sorrows away the Bulls players are about to have the biggest party in history of Houston. “Not since 1837 when this city was founded has the entire city of Houston been as overjoyed as we are right now, the Bulls are no longer in last place!!” Mayor Sylvester Turner told the live news report all while shotgunning his third drink of the afternoon. For the Houston Bulls this week has been the greatest week in franchise history. “I did not believe that they could do it but they did it….They are in eighth place, its amazing.” An openly emotional party goer told local media as he ugly cried at the thought of the Bull’s miraculous run. At the start of the week the Bulls sat at the bottom of the standings and were the laughingstock of the league, however the rival Mexico City Kings decided that it was their turn to take the laughingstock title and usurped the Bulls as the worst in the league over this past week. “This honestly is up there with the greatest moments in hockey history, this is the true miracle on ice, the Bulls are not in last!!” Mayor Turner told the crowd of over 10,000 on stage at the party before drunkenly falling off the stage and breaking his hip. The party is reported to have lasted 33 hours filled with drunken partying as the entire city of Houston shut down for an impromptu holiday in honor of the Bulls’ miraculous week. Star forward Roadkill Steve was spotted dancing in a moshpit alone, completely naked and full of drunken glee. “I honestly think the sky is the limit for us, watch out Ottawa we are coming for you!” GM Sonnet told reporters before she projectile vomited all over them. For goaltender John Poremba this was a particularly emotional party “The defense finally showed up.” He said as the entire defensive unit showed up to the party late once again leaving their goalie to bail out the team and set up the party by himself “This happens a lot to me honestly…I need to sit down, my back is sore from carrying this team.” He said before sitting in a corner by himself and sipping a glass of sparkling water. “See bots good for team, we make team win. Go bots go!” Bot 2 said as he drunkenly took to the stage and started deriding the actual human members of the team. The rant went on for 4 minutes before he was shot by local law enforcement to the delight of the crowd. At the end of the party everyone walked away completely hungover leaving downtown Houston as a complete mess. The Bull’s players, much to their dismay learned that they had a game in 3 hours and had to get suited up for it. Each player took the ice in the dim arena wearing sunglasses and hoping that they once again would get bailed out by their goalie. Unknown to the team Poremba had stayed behind and was the only person cleaning up after the party. -Duke McKart, The Houston Hustler 565 Words

Watch out world, the Belgian Beauty has finally arrived. After a tough start in the VHLM for Gregg Stallion on the lowly Houston Bulls. In his first 7 games he managed to achieve a respectable 5 points, but Stallion knew that he could do better. This week was a different story for Stallion, he exploded offensively as he was promoted to the top line and immediately made an impact for the Houston Bulls. Playing alongside Roadkill Steve and J.J. Johnson on the first line Stallion recorded 28 points in 14 games and helped play a pivotal role in the Bulls resurgence as they miraculously climbed out of the pit of last place. “I have learned a lot playing for the Bulls, I am thankful to be playing with Roadkill and J.J. they have taught me a ton and the three of us have really been clicking as a line. We have actually won a couple games and that feels amazing, I really hope that we can win some more and maybe make a push for the playoffs.” Scouts see a lot of potential in Stallion who has recorded 33 points in 21 games already at this young stage of his career. “The sky is the limit for this kid, the sky is the limit.” A VHL scout told local media after watching Stallion live for the first time. 232 Words

Vancouver 3-1

109 Malmo Nighthawks @ Vancouver Wolves 110 Toronto Legion @ Prague Phantoms 112 Helsinki Titans @ HC Davos Dynamo 113 Riga Reign @ Moscow Menace

Houston Bulls aiming for 10th this year

I just want to win something at this point

Reality in Houston is more bizarre than anything at this point

Gregg Stallion is not thrilled with how his first 7 games in the VHLM have gone so far “I know I can be better and I will be better. Playing for the Bulls has really grown my perseverance, I still give it my all on the ice and even though we lose I am not going to give up.” Stallion told reporters as he casually bench pressed 400 pounds while shirtless. Stallion then went over to the squat rack and began to squat double his body weight as he continued to field the reporters questions. “You know, I am pleased with my transition to the North American game I have 5 points in 7 games on the worst team in the league so their is a lot to be proud of.” Stallion upon finishing his squats went to the chin up bar and then finished with 200 push ups all while the reporters continued to ask him more questions. 163 Words

What was once a lively and jovial locker room with laughter and excitement is now filled with silence and tension. For the Houston Bulls this season has been anything but a success. It is only 11 games into the season and the Bulls are 1-7-3 with a negative 7 goal differential. “This is obviously not the start we are looking for…to be honest we do kind of suck right now, but there is no way it could get worse…right?” GM Sonnet told reporters after her teams latest loss. “At least our goalie got an assist” She said desperately trying to see the bright side. Gregg ‘The Belgian Beauty’ Stallion has found it hard to be positive on this team “I want to win, and I am used to winning, I have learned a lot of humility playing for Houston.” Stallion told a local reporter. “I want to win with Houston, I love my teammates and I want us to actually win something, but for now I am going to the bar to drink.” Stallion said as he and his teammates once again went to their favourite bar to drink their sorrows away. Houston Bulls fans are understandingly frustrated with their teams status in the VHLM but they are optimistic that the team can turn around and win some games. “My hope for this team is that they can get 10 wins by the end of the season. Honestly though I am expecting about 6 wins with this team.” The anonymous fan said as he burned his Houston Bulls jersey. “I think one of the biggest problems we have right now is that there are about 12 robots that play on our team and they really weigh us down.” An anonymous player who wished not to be named in fear that the robots on the team would kill him said. “I think we need actual humans in all positions on our team, don’t get me wrong Bot 2 has done his part on our team but I cannot help but feel that someone with flesh and blood might actually contribute better.” Another unidentified player said in a recorded Uber rant. “I play hockey good, I shoot puck good, Houston bad but we make it better” Bot 2 said in an interview after the game where he once again finished the game as the top bot on the team by recording one shot that missed the net by 6 feet. “Bots better than human filth team be better just with bots” Bot 4 said chiming in and though he spoke in a monotone robotic voice there was a noticeable edge of malicious intent in said statement. Houston police are well aware of the trouble brewing in Houston between the teams bots and actual players. “We have found a disturbing amount of human body parts near the residence of the Bull’s bots, right now we consider this a coincidence but we will keep a close eye” Police told reporters as Bot 7 was seen in the background repeatably stabbing a bunny and then devouring it whole. “Once again there is no reason to be concerned for the well being of this team.” Officer Jenkins said before he vanished never to be seen again. 572 Words

Player with the worst +/- has to foot the bill at the end of the season

After 4 games in the early VHLM Season the Houston Bulls are 0-3-1 with a -28 goal differential. Are the players and management of the Bulls already distraught and lost in this young season? "Hell no!" an unidentified player yelled at a reporter asking that very question after The Bulls lost 5-4 in a nail biting shootout against the Saskatoon Wild. Instead of spending the teams money on team building events or morale boosters each player is given unlimited tabs at the local bar that the team frequents. "It is going to be a long season with a lot of soul crushing moments so we want to make sure that our boys can drink their sorrows away" GM Sonnet told reporters. Experts are split on if this will be an effective method of coping for this team but no one on the team seems to care. After the latest loss every member of the team was seen at the bar in varying states of euphoria and drunkenness. The team kept on repeating the same song on the jukebox and singing along with it in a very off pitch manner. "It is painful and annoying having these guys in here every other night but hey, a profit is a profit." Bar owner Lee Goody told the police officers sent to breakup a bar brawl between the team mascot and a 70 year old senior citizen. 234 Words

It is another usual night for Gregg Stallion of Leuven, Belgium. He has once again led his team to a convincing win over the visiting opponents delivering 2 goals and 2 assists in this game. He is a local hero and celebrity on his home cities men's league team, Gregg is only 15. "He has accomplished so much at this stage it is actually preposterous." Coach Slavin said speaking of the star 15 year old "I really think that the sky is the limit for this young man just based on his trajectory and maturity right now." Coach Branc told this to reporters 5 years ago, now Gregg Stallion is looking for a new challenge "This league is to easy for him." Coach Branc said laughing "He has adapted to this men's league so well and I think his skills are just too good for this league and he has to move on to somewhere more his skill level." For over 5 seasons playing for Leuven Gregg recorded 182 Goals and 313 Assists in 125 career regular season games, he won league MVP all 5 of his seasons and has hoisted the Challegers Cup 3 times. For Gregg he credits his growth to his coach, his team and his parents; Nicolas and Mila. "I really could not be the player I am right now without the support of this organization and especially my family. They believed in me when no one else did and I want to make them proud as I take the next step in my professional career." An emotional Stallion said after his final game at Leuven. For Stallion his sights were set on the world renowned VHLM. "The level of competition will really push me and excited me." Stallion told reporters when he first arrived in North America to train with other North American players to get used to that style of hockey. There were many critics that did not believe that Stallion's game would translate from the small Belgian stage to the VHLM but for Stallion that challenge excited him. "I love the challenge, I live for a challenge the VHLM will be the best challenge for me" Stallion told the media after a practice. The rebuilding Houston Bulls saw the potential in Stallion and were eager to give the Belgian Beauty of Leuven an entry contract into the VHLM. "I'm really excited for my chance to play for this team, I want to win with them and I want to grow in my game with them." Stallion told reporters after news of his signing was released. Scouts are divided on how well Stallion's game will translate to the VHLM but they agree on one thing: if he makes and succeeds he has the potential to dominate for years to come. For Stallion he is content to take it one game at a time; "I am ready to play and learn, I know it will be hard but I am hungry and ready to compete for the Bulls and hopefully make it in the VHL." The dream that a 15 year old Gregg had when he first started playing is now even closer to becoming a reality Jason Trubman, VHLM Analysis. 536 Words

Awesome! Excited to join this team

It would be an honour for the Stallion to join the Bulls, accepted!

By Marc Slavin, The Leuven Observer. Leuven, Belgium-Mila and Nicolas Stallion knew that their son Gregg was different from the rest of their children. The family of 5 grew up on a small farm outside of Leuven and while Gregg's two older brothers continued in the family tradition of farming, Gregg was different. Nicolas Stallion often finds himself recalling the start of Gregg's love for hockey; "When he was young he was fascinated with the sport of hockey, none of our other sons were interested in the sport but Gregg was really passionate in playing this sport so I found a team in the city of other kids his age and we started to help Gregg practice and get into the sport." For Gregg this was the start of a new trajectory that would completely overtake his life as he grew up in rural Belgium. In front of the local media before his last game in Leuven, Gregg was choked up in his words "My parents were so supportive of me and really did their best to help me achieve this crazy goal I had. My Dad would drive me into the city everyday so I could practice with other kids, my coaches were so supportive and I really am thankful for these people that believed in me. My mom and my brothers never made fun of me or anything for my wild dream." This was Gregg's last game in front of his local team and nearly all in attendance would give him a standing ovation as he netted the game winning goal in overtime. "Gregg is going to go far" Coach Louis Branc told reporters. "I am so proud of his development and I believe he will have great success on the world scale." Though the team eventually fell short of the championship coach Branc would not stop singing the praises of his young star player. "Gregg put it all on the line and ultimately we lost to the better team in Brussels, it was not Gregg's fault at all, he was the one who lead us and kept us in the series." Gregg is now looking to the VHL as his goal and the next step of his already illustrious young career. "I obviously have to put in a lot of work but I am hungry and motivated to make it in the big leagues. I would watch these players and games as a kid and they inspired me to play the game of hockey and I hope that there are kids who could watch me and get inspired to play this amazing game." Gregg has risen to world wide prominence and has some buzz from audiences in bigger hockey markets, to them Gregg is 'The Belgian Beauty.' This moniker began as his highlights went viral on YouTube and were featured on many popular sports networks. "I started getting messages from fans around the world telling me that they thought I was a really good player and that the wanted to be like me." Gregg said beaming with his trademark infectious smile. Many scouts are saying that the sky is the limit for Leuven's own Belgian Beauty and for Nicolas and Mila they cannot believe that their sons crazy dream is now a very real possibility. "No matter what happens we are so proud of him." An emotional Mila told reporters "To the world he is the Belgian Beauty but to us he's our son and we will always be his biggest fans." 585 Words Using PT for Mar. 22-28. (Please give feedback so I can learn and figure out how to do all this well, thanks)

Because Gregg Stallion is ? ?

We all will be soon

Player Information Username: SweatyBeaver Player Name: Gregg Stallion Recruited From: Reddit Age: 20 Position: RW Height: 72 in. Weight: 180 lbs. Birthplace: Belgium Player Page @VHLM GM