ctots

This week’s pod hot off the presses https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/Graphics-Maybe-e262r5f

It’s reaching the height of summer here in the United States, and the temperature is climbing as expected. The AC in our house went out this week, and it’s got me thinking a lot about how the weather impacts sports. Obviously outdoor ice hockey is impossible when the weather is warm, so the ability for the sport to gain in popularity is reduced the closer you get to the equator. In the early days of hockey, playing pond hockey was ahuge advantage – players who could flood their back yards for a place to practice fared much better than those who had to patiently wait for their scheduled ice time in the rink. Enter: street hockey. Inline skates aren’t a perfect translation of ice skating, but it’s close enough for my tastes. I’d love to see a tournament similar tothe Junior Showcase Tournament that took on a summer vibe and was themed around street hockey. I’m not sure what it would take to organize that or if it has any interest outside of my own head, though. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Though the season is only just beginning, the Ottawa Lynx locker room is showing strong evidence that they are gelling as a team, although not in the way that managers and coaches hoped to see. Every player on the roster has had a run in with the local police authorities; the team is making it clear that their goal is to raise hell. Below is an overview of the kind of chaos that they’ve caused since the start of preseason. Lucky Mitts allegedly stole a snowmobile and took it for a joyride, only to end up stuck in a ditch a couple of miles away. According to unconfirmed reports, Mitts found the snow machine idling outside a gas station and his teammates encouraged him to go for it. “I’m just glad that I got my sled back in one piece” said Perry Tomlinson, the victim of the grand theft snowmobile case. Mitts was released from custody without being charged. Lucky, indeed. Bruise Banner was held overnight following an altercation that took place in a shopping center parking lot. When asked for comment, Banner provided the following: “I saw this guy leave his cart in the middle of the lot – he didn’t take it back to the cart corral thing. I asked him to stow it properly and he flipped me the bird. It… devolved from there.” Banner posted bail and is awaiting a court date. Harry Callahan was questioned in relation to an armed robbery of an art supply store. The perpetrator matches Callahan’s physical description, but thankfully the player had an alibi for the time of the crime. Investigators are still working the case, but it seems that the robber didn’t leave a trace at the crime scene. YaBoiOven was trespassed from the local all you can eat buffet on a Tuesday evening. The player arrived early that morning with the rest of the team for a pre-practice breakfast. When the rest of the team was finished, Oven seemed to just be getting started. The young man proceeded to eat nonstop for the next ten hours to the astonishment of the restaurant staff and other patrons. The team returned that evening to check on Oven, who was being escorted from the building by police. “I wasn’t even finished eating yet!” the player protested, but to no avail. As a result, the entire team has been banned from dining there. Jakub Izackywas caught on camera throwing rental scooters into the river. Police questioned him about it, but ultimately decided not to press charges because literally everyone hates when those things end up just littering the streets like so much garbage. Med, ShinoaHiiragi, and CelisePereira were all caught breaking and entering the facilities of a pet daycare. The police report states that the three players smelled strongly of alcohol and insisted that they needed to get in to pet the puppies. The owners of the facility were understandably irritated but did not feel threatened enough to pursue legal action. Tommy Sleeves was given a field sobriety test by officers on duty after he was seen, in the words of an eyewitness, “surfing on the roof of a public transit bus like that scene in Teen Wolf.” Sleeves was found to be stone cold sober, strangely. He will be required to sit through driving safety classes to prevent further reckless behavior on the road. Andrew Cobbersonhas been pulled over for speeding three times per week since his arrival in Ottawa. The young man has paid well over $4,000 in traffic violations already, andshows no signs of stopping. The team has offered to provide Cobbersona permanent driver to prevent him from getting into trouble, but he has refused, insisting on driving himself everywhere at breakneck speeds. Ryan Artyomov, possibly the least offensive of the team, cannot seem to follow the rules of the cross-walk. Almost constantly, the world class goalie steps confidently into traffic from anywhere along the street. This behavior has caused several traffic collisions and he has been given dozens of citations. Trouble adjusting to the local culture, perhaps?

Oh good, my weekly reminder that I’m not keeping up. I’m not crying, it’s just raining on my face.

F - Hulk Hogan 2 @scoop

F - Napoleon Dynamite @cLoWn

D - The Board Game Clue on Skates @scoop

D - Jake Thunder @cLoWn

oof, ping of shame

Okay you wieners, I updated my roster, so nobody is allowed to have any more position changes. Or else. OR ELSE. kthx

well shit Hopefully I remember to fix that tonight

Okay, here I am to talk about Super Coach, thank you for reading. We got access to Super Coach after a long period of Berocka lobbying the BOG about it, and apparently they got tired of hearing him suggest it, because they finally relented. This is my first season participating of SC. I just “bought” my team this afternoon. You guys, it’s so easy and fun. It took less than eight minutes start to finish, and apparently there’s some TPE to be earned by playing? I didn’t really read the details. Update: I read the rules and depending on how you place, you will earn between 1 and 6 TPE for participating. If you’re not already signed up for Super Coach, go get in on it. I’ll even put a link in the post, like a gentleman. Pick a friend and build a team around them. Pick yourself and go for glory. Build a balanced team. Grab two superstars and a few ham-and-eggers. The options are pretty much unlimited. I’m unlikely to win, but I’m excited about it nonetheless. edit: link -

https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/Ctots-Ctalks---Bruise-Goes-to-Ottawa-e25m7dc Explicit language, as usual.

https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/Frantic-Commute-Discussion-e25efi0 (caution: profane)

Before we begin Season 89, let’s take a look back at Season 88 in the VHLM to answer the age old question: which coast is the best coast? I’ll be comparing the two conferences to see which reigned supreme in the most recent season. Reviewing the numbers, it’s obvious: the Western Conference is stronger than the Eastern Conference. Did the strength of competition make the season more difficult for the Kings and Marlins, who established themselves as the dominant forces of the conference? What does it say, then, that the cup champions are from the Eastern Conference? The idea that “iron sharpens iron” and champions are made when competition is at his highest doesn’t seem to apply here. Just looking at the story on paper, Season 88 was a Philadelphia dream come true. For a city that’s used to seeing their franchises fail time after time to secure a championship, the Reapers overcame all odds and gave them an underdog story for the ages. Could they have achieved the same level of success if they were clashing against the higher-caliber competition in the Western conference all season long?

Game recap: This was hands down one of the most thrilling Game 7 finishes that any season has ever seen. The Reapers did well maintaining possession of the puck in the first period, outshooting the Kings 9-3, and cashing in late in the period on the power play to go up 1-0 heading into the intermission. Mexico City equalized early in the second period, and battled back in a big way. A slashing call put the Reapers back on the power play, and the special teams unit didn’t let the opportunity pass them by. 2-1 Reapers entering period 3. A penalty heavy third period lead to Mexico City scoring on the PP late in the period, pushing the game to OT. After nearly a full period of overtime, Anthony Simmons found the back of the net on the power play to win the game and the championship. Philadelphia riots (positively)

Check it out gang, I’ve got something a little bit different that I’d like to try out for this week’s VHL.com article: three ways to hype up for sim results. Given that sims happen instantly, there’s no way for the league to “set the mood” for the sims with things like music or countdowns or whatever other tricks they use in hockey stadiums to get the crowd excited. I’ve got three suggestions on offer today, and they’re guaranteed to increase your enjoyment of the sim results at least a little. Check out the standings. This is a good way to whet the appetite for more hockey math. See where your team is sitting compared to the rest of the league, get a feel for how the other teams are doing. Check out the VHLE and VHLM, too, if you’re not doing that already. Check in with your team’s discord server. I admit, I’m pretty bad about this one, but I think there is a lot of merit behind it. Most of my social interactions with the league take place on discord, and if I don’t make a conscious effort to involve myself, I don’t get any of those fun interactions. Pump up the jam. Pick a song that represents your player or team or hockey in general that you really enjoy. Put that track on before you look over the sim results. Let the excitement for hockey seep into your bones. All right, those are my suggestions. Good talk.

I'm on the hunt for the top 10... you're on notice, fellow rooks.

Listen here thanks: https://anchor.fm/ctots/episodes/We-Back-Baby-e24k125

Good evening sports fans, welcome to Generic Coverage Nightly, where tonight we will shed light on the facts and theories surrounding new VHLM Draft entrant, Bruise Banner. Banner is a relatively unknown player in the world of the Victory Hickey League, and for good reason: the young center comes from a background of street hockey. He was recruited by his college’s ice hockey team in the middle of last season. During a stretch of unfortunate injuries, Banner volunteered to take the ice to fill in the gaps. “This is going to be an unmitigated disaster.” Said one anonymous source with connections to the team. The sentiment seemed to be echoed in the locker room. That is, until the team started winning. Banner showed a talent in the face off circle, averaging 58.5% through the 20 games he played in his abbreviated season. Not just a face off specialist, Bruise has shown himself to be a competent offensive threat. He has a strong instinct for screening goalies. He’s even found a few tip-in goals for his effort. Is this the sort of player who can succeed on the ice against VHLM-caliber competition? The jury is still out. This season will answer all of our questions about this unknown quantity. Stay tuned for more on this story as it develops.

Player Information Username: ctots Player Name: Bruise Banner Recruited From: Returning Age: 20 Position: C Height: 74 in. Weight: 225 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM

You're a beauty, Thunder, I love this kind of coverage!

Elegant endings are for podcasts that get listens! Hahaha TPE is what it’s all about for sure