John Cimarno

GO MARLINS I BELIEVE IN YALL!

it isn't lol how long you been in this league again?...

stay mad.

please stop

maybe that was the intentions of the Media Spot

This week I have decided to make a less serious media spot to lighten the mood in the VHL. My player John Richards has been on an absolute tear as of late having a 22 game point streak. This point streak was snapped and I believe it's all @Jason kranzfault for allowing it to happen. He should've gave me all the ice time because as an AGM he definitely has the abilities to submit lines. Now I am not going to score 40 goals and I won't finish the season an assist per game. I am taking this to court and testifying against you Jason. *At court* Judge McJabooty: all rise to sing Hallelujah. Richards: I am here to file a lawsuit against McDonalds. They got my order wrong and kept bringing up the alleged banana attack of 2014, I think the server was @sadie. Jason: What's this got to do with me? Richards: I'll get to you in a second. Judge McJabooty goes over the files and realizes that Richards is an absolute legend. Jason is found guilty of fraudulent activities and is sentenced to 70 years without parole + 5 life sentences. Richards wakes up and goes to eat breakfast with his sister @kirbithan. Richards tells his sister all about how weird his dream was and that he could see the future, he then proceeded to snort his milk and pass out on the floor. Kirby and Richards father @Lemorse7showed up and started to cry. Kirby was laughing, Lemorse was crying and Richards was probably dead. This is quite common for the house. Uncle @jacobcarson877came over and told Richards to get up and Richards woke up and asked Jacob why. Jacob told Lemorse that his kid was fine but that wasn't the reason Lemorse was crying. Lemorse was crying because he knew Richards was extremely messed up. So that night Richards and Lemorse went to visit cousin @sadie who works at McDonalds and asked her to look after their dog. Sadie reluctantly agreed and Lemorse and Richards spent quality time together, as Lemorse questioned Richards about his behaviour, Richards simply said "I once at a quarter with my thumb on my tongue." This is the end of the very messed up story, if you don't understand any of what's happening I apologize but you are simply just not smert enuff than. Just kidding to be honest none of this makes any sense. oh crap I didn't meet the required amount of words, alright time for more nonsense muahahaha. Sadie didn't eat the dog she simply bathed it in water and no soap. So once Kirby got back home from Home Depot she got mad because her dresser was on the wall as opposed to when she left, her dresser was on her roof. She was so mad that the neighbours cat started to get up on it's own 2 legs and walked over and told Kirby in Spanish that pumpkins don't grow at night. Kirby calmed down because she realized the cat was right so she threw the sun out and now she has a lemon on her head. Sadie ran away from the Lemorse guy after he went back to retrieve the dog along with Richards who looked like a leprechaun because he was Canadian and not Montrealian. This is what is feels like to have terrible dimmensia like me. Like it or not I forgot everything I just wrote.

I got harrassed by them after they got fired and they told me they were determined to take Jason down with them. I am just happy it's over. Thanks for the support!

Most of, if not all of you, know what happened to the former Lynx GM. Ever since they've been replace by moon the LR has been dead and I can't help but think it's a direct result of the former GM's actions. I don't like to pin stuff on people or anything I am simply just stating how I feel. I like that Jason was kept arround as AGM I feel like Jason is a good person and only means the best for everyone. Keeping Jason around shouldn't be a negative thing for the Lynx. I feel like I can't wait to go to the VHLE now because playing for the Lynx after what happened just feels embarrassing to me. I have little motivation to earn TPE and I just want this season over with. I have great teammates and the management now is great but I still can't bring myself to want to play here for much longer. Everyones so quiet in the LR too and it just makes this whole experience less enjoyable, I constantly find myself talking to the Marlins because their LR is way more active. I obviously hope the Lynx do well in the playoffs but I just can't wait to get drafted into the E so I can get out of here. I know it's unprofessional but at this point I am done. I want to also thank you for reading this and I want to clarify that I don't hate anyone involved with this or what happened, I just simply have no desire to play for the Lynx probably ever again.

YES I GOT MORE THAN 0 I GOT EXACTLY AS MUCH AS I NEEDED TO GET CAPPED! 200 TPE ON THE DOT!!!!!

I'd like to apply!

unfortunate for the Kings but if they can get on a roll I'd be scared

Richards has turned his season around. He was extremely underwhelming for large portions of the season this year but now he has 52 points in 50 games. He has way more assists than originally expected and is looking like the steal of the first round. Although the players chosen ahead of him have all had incredible seasons respectfully, Richards has done it all and is doing it all. He has the PIMS, the hits, the goals, the assists, the points, he has played up and down the lineup and has even played defense. Richards has shown to be a leader in the lockerroom and is willing to give the Lynx anything in order to help the franchise win. He sees the biggest competition for the championship is the Aces. They are the only team that the Lynx haven't been able to beat in the regular season yet. Excited and motivated to keep scoring and keep on winning, Richards has been working out harder than usual. It's like there's a new found confidence in the man that was never seen before. And now that there's 22 games left in the regular season, what better time to heat up than now? His usual linemate in Sadie St Louis has been moved to defense and Jaggerbomb has taken her spot on the first line so Richards is now the first scoring option in terms of goals. This could either further benefit his game or weaken it. I can see it going both ways to be honest. Richards is a strong scoring winger who can play anywhere in the lineup and isn't afraid to get in the dirty areas. If you need a goal put Richards out there, he will do his best to make something happen. He takes a lot more penalties than most skilled, scoring wingers do but that's part of his game. For a 5'10 player he is quite feisty and loves to play the physical game having nearly over 100 hits as the Lynx lead in that department it's in no question that Richards has a huge part in that. As Richards gets better, so does his team and teammates. This past sim the Lynx went 4-1-0, the only loss was a 5-3 loss against the Los Vegas Aces. Richards had an assist in that game stretching his point streak to 7 games. He would love to score more goals but won't complain about the assists at all as he has 36 assists in 50 games. He is almost an assist per game which is incredible. He has a new found passion to distribute the puck and put it in an area where his linemates, Brayden and Sadie can bury it. He is excited to end the season on a high note. As he prepares for the VHLE draft, he is trying to impress the scouts by scoring as much as possible. Think March Madness but in October, that's what Richards is doing. It seems like these past 5 games Richards raised his game to another level. He has seemed to be a whole head above the competition and has been destroying the VHLM as of late. Hopefully this continues to be the case through the last 22 games of the season and he can carry over this incredible success into the playoffs.

congrats Kirby and to everyone else in the captaincy roles, all deserved!

The fact that Richards has scored 11 points in the past 5 games is astonishing and great news for the Lynx. It seems they have found a line combination that works for the first round surprise. Heading into the past sims which were a double sim, Richards was sitting at 41 points in 45 games. After the sims Richards sits at 52 points in 50 games. He had a 4 assist game against the Hounds and that really propelled him to these point totals. he now has a 7 game point streak where he has scored 14 points in his past 7 or something like that. Richards is sitting at 183 TPE and will be capped as soon as next update. He should end up with at least 197 TPE by the end of this week assuming he get's nothing from fantasy zone. Richards and the Lynx are battling for first right now with the Aces who seem to have the Lynx's number when it comes to beating them. Though we have had some close games, we have not been able to overcome our rivals in Vegas. Richards isn't scoring 40 goals this season by any stretch but he is scoring tons of assists with 36 assists and 16 goals his role of being a goal scorer has flipped this year. He still hopes for 25 goals though which is entirely possible. At the rate he's going he could score 85 points in 72 games. The turn around for Richards has been incredible to watch and he continues to get better and better.

love me some stats

To begin the season with the Ottawa Lynx Richards scored 4 goals and an assist. Since the first 7 games he has struggled, he hadn't scored very consistently and has ben up and down the lineup as a result. Richards recently lost his captaincy and as a result got motivated enough to score more and more. After going through a 12 game goal drought sitting at 7 goals, Richards has exploded and now has scored 15 goals meaning he has scored 8 goals since losing his captaincy. He has also scored more assists playing on a line with Sadie and Aven. Richards has proven to be an elite scorer at times and I believe there's more to give. With the 16TPE I have banked after this article Richards could look like a whole new monster heading into the next sims. Richards has only scored 1 goal in the 2 sims today but the whole team was meh today. All in all Richards has recovered his season and is looking a lot better as of late.

all I could think about is new sigs???

Since it is theme week I have decided to compare my only 2 VHLM GM's to each other, this means that I will be comparing @lil OG zand @jacobcarson877. The first GM to pitch an offer to me was Jacob, but Lil Z was very quick to do so as well. I came in with 13 games left in the regular season back in S84 and I had joined the San Diego Marlins where Jacob was the GM and is still currently the GM. In San Diego, I learned how to navigate the forum and how to better optimize TPE earning. I met some great people like @kirbithanand @sadiewho is currently on the Lynx with me too! Jacob is a very helpful and patient GM. He will help you with just about anything including dumb trivia questions. He knows the league better than I do and better than a lot of the people I know. He likes to help his players earn as well as they can and can also talk about real life stuff like volleyball. Jacob is a big reason why I continue to be active in this league. I think every new player needs a GM like Jacob to help and support them in order to make it seem like they aren't useless or idiots. I got drafted alongside Sadie in the VHLM draft of S85 to the Ottawa Lynx by Lil Z who I will from now on refer to as Z. Z is a kind person always wanting the best for their players. They will help with trivia and everything else. It was a bit of an adjustment to move on from Jacob and start fresh with Z but it worked out in the end. I became captain of the Lynx although I have been recently stripped of the captaincy I still do my best to be a leader in the room. Ever since I had my captaincy role revoked I started to play a lot better I am almost a point per game now after being almost 15 points under a point per game. Z tries their best to get everyone playing time and tries to spread the ice time out evenly. Though Sadie Brayden Don and I are normally locked for top 6 minutes, it's nice to see the players with under 100 TPE scoring goals and points like @Jaggerbomb. The change from Jacob to Z wasn't too massive, the only major difference is that I took on a captaincy role right away. I feel like you really can't go wrong with either one of them Jacob or Z because they're both always willing to help and their AGM's are also super friendly and helpful I believe Jacob hired @aimkin this season and Z hired @Jason kranz. Jason is a very eager member and is always wanting to help out. He joins everything possible and applies for as many jobs as possible. Unfortunately Aimkin was hired this season by Jacob so I have not been able to personally see what kind of person they are but I am sure they're just as amazing at their job as Jason is!

IT DOES?!

always have been shawty

John Richards is an absolute menace, he can score, he can pass, he can dance and he can not remember the name of the man who told him he was his son. Richards, having the IQ of a goldfish, often forgets who his parents are. His parents, Gold and Fish, have been trying to get him to be smarter but it has been hopeless. They have brought him to the doctors office multiple times but they forgot that the dentist is not the doctor. Low IQ must run in the family. Although Gold and Fish are smart enough to drive, they have terrible memories. They also tend to occasionally try to breathe in water for no reason then proceed to choke on it. The Richards' family is quite weird. John has been living his best life in the VHLM getting paid no money to score goals. It's actually a miracle that he became captain. Man can't even remember the names of his own teammates. John has a weird pregame ritual of waving his stick around for no reason. He goes to the locker room and pretends he is riding his stick as well. One day someone walked in on him committing this weird act and he said "can you read this Oreo? I think it's German." The poor person who had to encounter Richards proceeded to read the word "Oreo" and Richards said "you're welcome" and went back to riding his stick. He then went out to the bench and layed on the ground saying jibberish until the coach told him to go score a goal. Of course the only word he understood was goal so he got on the ice and got the puck and scored on his own net. I don't think that's what his coach meant but Richards didn't care he started doing snow angels in celebration for his own goal. He should have 40 goals by now if own goals counted as regular goals but he doesn't. His coach sees this as a gamble either Richards will score on his own net or he will score on the opposing teams net. Either way he does what's asked of him so you can't get mad at that. He is currently doing jumping jacks on the toilet while balancing on a frog he got from the local pool. He once kissed a frog hoping it would turn into a princess but it said ribbit, got up and walked away. Turns out that wasn't a frog, it was a dude dressed up in a green hat and said what the heck when John kissed him. I once heard him say yabba dabba doo in the bathroom and got angry when he heard his echo because it was copying him. That was a 2 hour screaming match with himself. John Richards has had issues with self awareness, social awareness and self control. I hope he goes to school tomorrow and doesn't end up at the local supermarket like last week.

Long time ago, in a town quite little, a man named John created his VHL player. He is now known as John Richards. This is his story. John Richards has an IQ of a goldfish, all he knows is that he likes 2 people who also seem to have goldfish IQ's and that he goes on the ice to score goals. He attempts this by swinging his stick violently at a random fan in the stands. How unfortunate. Poor John who's been struggling to score for unknown reasons, has been putting up assists to compensate for his lack of goal scoring production. The fans he swings his sticks at leave the arena scared and worried. He went on record to say "I thought they were corn dogs so I ate my cookie and drinked my skateboard yesterday." As you can tell from this statement, Richards isn't aware of his low IQ level and is quite confident in the things he says. He aspires to be like Serena Williams but he doesn't know that she's a tennis player so that may explain the violent waves of the sticks mid game. He has had many lawsuits filed against him but due to pure insanity and again more violent stick waving the judge got so scared that they overturned the case. Richards is quite the menace and in his free time he goes up a hill just to cut the grass with a spoon. His friends Lachlan and Sadie thinks he is smart so they ask them to read them a picture that they drew for him in spanish. This is the end of Richards' truly chaotic story.