twists

week 3 claim tehe >.< uwu

I have been trying to figure out why Moscow has been so bad this season and I think I have finally figured out why. @Spartan is our GM. There’s no worse GM in the entire VHL than him. Has he ever won a cup? Of course not. He’s had the best teams that the VHL has ever seen and he can’t even win a continental cup? Who is this guy. Even I, the reigning inactive champion, have a cup. The Victator brought many wins to Moscow, but Spartan threw all of those in the toilet when he took over. There’s only one true GM that should be overseeing Moscow, and that is @Grape. He might actually bring us some wins. My sources tell me that Putin has lost all faith in Spartan, meaning his life expectancy is probably about 4 more days. Why the blues continue to allow this abomination of a GM to continue working in the VHL is beyond me. Something has to give at this point. Even @Steve our AGM has been complaining about our losses. I humbly ask @Beketov to remove Spartan as a GM and to install Grape in his place. Thank you for listening to my Ted talk and I hope you all learned that Spartan is the worst GM ever. K thanks baiiiii

Okay that's asking too much

I asked ChatGPT to fix our recruitment issues and this is what I got Preface: I am not copy pasting an article that ChatGPT wrote here, I am instead going to cover the actual good ideas it suggested to help recruiting. 1. Engaging Social Media Presence: This will not come as a shock, but in this section ChatGPT discussed much of what Z suggested in his original post. The only thing it brought up that I hadn't thought of was sharing "behind-the-scenes" activities on social media. It would actually be super interesting to hear a teams war room audio (even if only 30 second bytes) before a draft, or a funny screenshot from the blues discord, etc. 2. Interactive Website and Forums: This section described what we already have, a forum that allows players to interact, encourage engagement, etc. It did suggest one thing that gave me pause though. It suggested a mentor program for newer members that would help them stay active. I thought this was a great idea, but I'm not sure on the feasibility of enacting it. I don't think it would have to last more than a week or two, but even for a newbie to have someone they can turn to when they don't know what to do would be nice. This is kinda the VHLM GM job, but maybe a more solid one-to-one program would be more effective. 3. Promotional Events and Tournaments: This section basically described our world cup and world junior cup tournaments. This is a hot take, but if we incentivized those further with some TPE for the winners they would be dramatically more effective at keeping people engaged in the offseason. Another idea would be to introduce forum-related rewards such as an exclusive title for winning a championship, maybe you get to pick your username color for a month, etc. There's a bunch of small things that we could add in terms of forum customization for users that could keep people more engaged. Allow spending player store money on forum customizations perhaps? 4. Streamer and Content Creator Collaborations: So this was definitely an insane idea, but the gist was to make twitch drops for the VHL. We could go live on the official VHL twitch accounts and maybe giveaway TPE or some exclusive item that only the stream watchers would receive. I feel like a cool forum title is almost perfect for this. Or maybe player store money, etc. there's a lot of interesting ideas. 5. Referral Programs and Incentives: Oh look we already have this. I think there could definitely be revamp of our current system. It's passable, which is fine, but that also means there's room for improvement. I don't have a magic idea to improve our referral program, but there's gotta be something more we can do here. We really are doing the bare minimum lol. I do realize increasing/expanding this program could increase attempts at making multis, but we do actually seem to have a good handle on that. tl;dr: ChatGPT actually gave some decent recruitment ideas for the VHL and I summarized them in the points above.

She'd probably have a better job than I've ever had at the end of one season lmao

Honestly, she'd probably join if I asked her. Idk if I want this to be and "us" thing or just a "me" thing though

I also don't have friends and demand to be given more TPE for my lack of friends!

1. Back during covid I found it from a post on /r/hockey 2. As someone who sucks at graphics (think actual mental deficit) and can never find someone to do a podcast with, I've burned out on writing my weekly VHL essay so many times 3. We might win a game or two more 4. I'm thinking about asking my girlfriend to move in with me soon, so thats cool I guess 5. Favorite of all time? Probably Roller Coaster Tycoon, favorite in adult times would be Fallout 3 6. No clue, I will always be at the mercy of STHS, stats are made up and don't matter

recruitmentp

Also, can we just ban media spots? Nobody except maybe 3 people enjoy writing a weekly VHL essay

Hey how does it feel to not be Head of PT?

happy belated birthday! I get not wanting to deal with it, but you simply could have said nothing. A couple members of your team had already made some well thought out posts. I just don’t think it helps a situation to be inflammatory (even if Z can be an ass sometimes lol). I know you’re better than that is all I’m saying

The sure fire way to improve recruitment/marketing Everyone always says that there are no good ideas when it comes to ways to improve our marketing efforts, but that is simply untrue. There is one sure-fire method that everyone has forgotten about, except @BOOM. Where we you when Boom dropped the hottest titties the VHL has ever seen? That single post probably attracted hundreds of new 12 year olds to play in the league. If my business minor in college taught me anything its that sex sells. Imagine a world where we partner with PornHub. We could get the post-video ads and start something like "Did post-nut clarity hit a little too hard? We have a solution for you, join the VHL". Literally would attract more 14 year olds than this league has ever had even during covid. I also advise that any new graphics created must use a naked body. Hockey equipment in sigs is nice, but we're playing virtually, so we don't need that. We should also start allowing NSFW content on discord. In every channel. Think about how good of a first impression it would be to join the VHL discord server and someone FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY getting rizzed up by some hot babe with her tits out. Literally all of the 11 year olds would stay. All I'm saying is if I had a way to look at hot nudes AND play virtual hockey I might just transfer my whole retirement fund to the league.

We all know telling someone to shut the fuck up when they bring up valid points means you've lost the argument before it started

Damn I didn't think defining goals and having to meet them is such a terrible thing, but once again this is the VHL I guess lmao

I will say though, everyone in this damn community is too afraid of hurting each others little feelings to actually improve anything. This has been a common issue since I've been here. If someone sucks at their job, this community lets them waste away at it until they "retire". Plus, once you get into a cushy gig like being on the recruitment team, no one wants to lose that job and they're all going to cover for each other. Wouldn't it be crazy if the more important league jobs (things involving real life) were merit based? Crazy idea I know.

5 Uncapped 1 MILL PLAYER STORE Doubles Week Tx ID: 843048766R973444W

1. Yeah I can't really complain, he's just under ppg 2. I just got done pushing DK, now I'm on to SS 3. I'll actually be headed to NYC for Thanksgiving, hitting some Christmas markets and chilling in the big city 4. I know you hate it Steve, but I don't mind. It might also be because I'm rebuilding my own player 5. I bet in 2 years we'll be unbelievable 6. I still want there to be more flexibility in point tasks. If you suck at graphics writing a damn essay every week isn't very appealing

Week 2 claim

Gotcha, I'm dumb

Top 3 Anti-American Sentiment in Moscow Since being traded to Moscow, there has been some severe anti-American sentiment and we need to talk about it as a community. 1. Vladimir Putin - Pretty much enough said here. When I first moved to Moscow he told me he was going to nuke my family and friends if I didn't perform well. He explicitly said this was because I'm American, and if I was Russian I'd get a free pass. 2. Moscow Fans - Upon entering the stadium for the first time I was greeted to cheers of "Death to America" and "kill the infidel". Luckily Moscow's arena security has kept me pretty safe. Now that I've scored a few goals, those cheers have seemed to calm down. 3. Russian VHL Refs - During games I tend to get called for penalties much more than some of the Russian-born players. If the game is played in Russia, I'm probably going to be in the box for most of it. Personally, I find this very not cool. I've reported this to the VHL Commissioners multiple times only for him to ignore me.