twists

Queefson extends in Moscow Moscow, Russia - Earlier this morning, Eric Queefson penned a new deal with the Moscow Menace. The deal is good for two years, the second year being a team option. @Spartan was quoted saying "We're pretty sure he's going to go IA again, so let's basically just sign him for one year and see what happens". Queefson was quoted saying, "And I took that personally". Queefson was seen doing so many Point Tasks that the VHL updaters aren't able to handle the massive new inflow. "He's already 4 seasons in advance now", said updater @leandrofg . Queefson has been spotted talking to all other teams in the VHL as they probably believe in him more. All the other teams agree that Spartan is a big stinky poop head. By far Queefson's biggest supporter is @Arce who plans on taking him on a wonderful adventure to Atlantic City. We aren't exactly sure why Queefson signed this contract if he has so much pent up rage for Spartan, but maybe he has a humiliation kink.

1. I'm on it so by default its the best roster in the league 2. I'm loyal to Moscow, they're the only team that hasn't traded me yet 3. They knew. Or they were really high. Either one I blame you for it 4. I've met quite a few. Most of the core Red Wings team I have met. Ironically, the only person I haven't is Yzerman 5. Honestly I don't care either way. I could be the best stay at home defenseman ever, or I could score goals. Whatever helps the team more 6. no

But the memes write themselves I'm sorry.

Moscow Menace new favorites to win cup due to Queefson's return Chernobyl, Ukraine - Late last night @FrostBeard was beside himself. Driving around downtown MOSCOW begging (thru texts) Queefson’s family 4 address to Eric’s home. He knew that if the trade went through he had just made Moscow the new favorites to win the Continental Cup. Unfortunately, as it came down to the wire, Frosty knew he had no chance to change the outcome. He was quoted saying, “He got me,” Frosty said of Queefson's trade. "That f***ing Queefson boomed me." Frosty added, “He’s so good,” repeating it four times. Frosty then said he wanted to add Queefson to the list of players he hangs out with this coming offseason. The aftermath of this drama has seen Moscow's cup chances soar to heights that nobody has ever seen before. In fact, they very well might just not lose a single game this season. When asked about his contributions to Moscow Queefson said, "I don't think anyone in the history of the VHL has quite the impact on a team that I will have. I've got that dog in me, and no one can stop me from carrying these chumps to the cup. I am him". In a surprise twist, it seems as though Queefson will slot into the 2nd or 3rd pairing on defense.

And to think you got in trouble for some nice titties smh

1. I tag @Spartan in every discord channel I can find to annoy him. Then, if I get bored of that, I play Starfield 2. We're going to have an elite squad in 2-3 seasons, so that's nice 3. I'm more curious what time in India Spartan had to draft at, also explaining to your family why you're up at 4am drafting virtual players had to be great 4. Hmmmm probably Italy. My family is from there, and it's just ridiculously beautiful and calming in the northern areas. 5. Hmm I like both golf and hockey currently. I suck at both so they get frustrating, but thats how I get better 6. Red Wings baby! We look good for the first time in almost a decade!!!

I'm sorry Lemorse I love you

Wait, can I claim these?

An Apology Hello everyone, as you may know by now I have returned from being IA. If you haven't caught it in Discord, I went IA due to the absolutely insane pressure/time commitment work had put on me. I was working 11 hour days as a software engineer and by the time I was done, all I wanted to do was turn off my brain and try to get some semblance of relaxation. Unfortunately, my hours recently have only partially improved. I do not have it in me to do PTs anymore, and probably won't for the foreseeable future. All that being said, I owe some people apologies. I went completely awol and had multiple people reaching out to me. It sounds stupid, but I was so exhausted that the thought of explaining what I was going through was too much for me. By the time I worked up the energy to explain it, it had been days/weeks since I had received messages, and I felt too guilty to respond. I'd like to apologize to both @Enorama, @thadthrasher, and @Doomsday for abandoning my team in the E. I really tried to make it work, and I know I put you guys in a terrible situation. I'd also like to extend my sincerest apologies to @FrostBeard. Of all times for me to come back, this seemed like the cruelest. I had absolutely no idea I had been traded to Moscow, I had just seen a lot of @Spartan tagging people for what seemed like sims, so I thought I'd make a joke. He then reached out and told me what had happened. I told him I'd at least try to be a clicker. Realistically, I can probably be depended on to click, do trivia, and do pressers. This literally might be the only VHL.com article I write who knows. I probably owe more apologies to you all then just those three, but I felt that I needed to say something. You have all been really supportive of my return and that means a lot to me. Love you guys and this community

wtf wtf?

wtf muff is back?

would bang/10

1. I try to model my player of off the fanbase of swifties 2. no, @Spartan sucks 3. He needs more of me in it 4. honestly good question, probably spartan telling me he misses me so so so much and then @N0HBDY drunk texting me 5. I'll be working construction and ripping some cigs 6. ripping cigs from the above answer

Imagine having such a bad roster that you caused a bunch of rules to change and 2 teams to get deleted

1. Better than expected, plus we're going to get a high draft pick! 2. I mean, maybe. But we'll be even better next year and I'm thinking we'll break the streak! 3. Mark Calaway. He was our best rookie out of the bunch. Honorable mention goes to @fishy for being that bad bitch in goal 4. He's super lame...just kidding. He's gonna be a beast to have on the team next year. Remember when I said we're going to be good next year? He's part of the why. 5. Pls pick @Doomsday, then the Stockholm management team will also be on the same team in the VHL 6. Brin up our lads in the E, and take a great pick in the 1st and second. If we do that, I bet we're in the playoffs and maybe more!

4 ain't bad

Of course I win the year that Spartan had to make my last pick smfh

1. Feels great and its because I'm such a good rookie 2. This is definitely facts. We all go out for a rager after we win a game and wake up feeling better the next day 5. Yeah @Beketov is a bum, I totally got him beat for rookie of the year

Stockholm Outlook Rest of Season The Vikings have had a rough and rocky start this season. It also looks like that won't be getting any better. I'd be surprised if the Vikings could even win a single game more. Thanks to the wonderful methods of how the VHLE works, the Vikings couldn't even get a goalie this season. Oliver Twists the GM was caught saying, "The VHLE is a very good league and there's absolutely no flaws in its rules or how it is run. I honestly can't believe we haven't had a VHLE expansion yet, with so many active players ready to play in the E". We all know that a GM would never criticize the league he works for, so I wonder if there is a hidden meaning behind Twist's words there. The only team that has lost to the Vikings is Rome and the world is shocked at how that happened. With two teams at the bottom of the league with 1-19 and 2-17-1 records we truly wonder if the VHLE is working as intended. also @Viper sucks at checkers

1. Probably me :(. I have no points in checking or fighting. I'd get my ass beat. 2. Frostyboi always has a deal in the works, so I bet its true 3. Honestly we've been doing okay. I'm fine with an extra year of rebuild though. I want us to be awesome in the future. 4. I put my 100% faith in the Frost. He's done us right so far, I believe in his moves 5. Probably Calaway. He hasn't done a lot this year yet, but all his stats are there to blow up. I think we'll notice more of him soon 6. I think it can go either way, and I personally don't have too much of an opinion about this. Once again, I trust the Frost so I'm sure he's doing what is best for the team

Can I be unskipped @Spartan ? G - Alexander Minion F - Daniel Janser

F - Tomas Sogaard D - Pierre Emile Bouchard @badcolethetitan

Willing to buy stonks in GoGear