The best team literally no one will care about. (Because it's all VHLE players)

[Shindigs 1,771]

So there are a lot of ways to go about making the dream team for this theme week. Best players of all time statistically speaking? Best current players? Users you'd most like to have on your team? Best names of all time? All of them are perfectly valid and reasonable choices. Which is exactly why I skipped them to instead focus on the unsung heroes (for now at least). That's right, it's time for the VHLE All-Star team of all time (well 2½ seasons).

 

Like any Shell GM mode, EHM or FHM save. We'll start where you start, by picking up our Franchise #1 Center. So who will it be? The IA legend from Oslo: Brussel Sprouts, who sits atop the VHLE record books with his 130 point season? NO That makes some level of sense, so we can't do that. Which leads us to the only completely illogical choice, and thus the only logical choice for me: The Board Game Clue on Skates @MubbleFubbles! Clearly this was an easy choice, as it is the only inanimate object on the list of possible candidates. Thus giving it that unique flair you so desire in your #1 Center, because what sells more jerseys than mystery? And boy does it have that in spades!

 

So with our #1 Center out of the way, I'll continue in order of how I normally draft in EHM and go with our #1 Defenseman next. Again, we have plenty of logical choices that I will completely ignore. Like Zeljko Ranogajec, who is already in the record books for his S81 campaign, and going even harder this season. No, makes too much sense! Unite #TeamClue by literally picking my own player like an absolute asshat? No, that's a Chad move and also there's a much better choice! That choice is obviously the one, the only: Seymour Butts @fonziGG! He's got size, he's got (some) speed, he's got protein farts and he's got a crippling cheesesteak addiction! What more could you possibly want from your true #1 defenseman? Also rumor has it he may be a future HOF:er, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

 

Well, goalies take forever and a day to develop. So I'd better get one of those weirdos to stick in the minors and age like a fine wine. But who do we choose? The near unbeatable Anime Protagonist of S82 who is currently just being really annoying to play against? No that makes sense, and that's very much not allowed. The Red Menace who put up 5 flipping Shutouts in S81?! No that's reasonable too. There must be at least something utterly silly we can do with this position. Some will think: A power puff girl as your goalie would be real silly! But no, fishy's player is just too good right now. So that's not allowed either. Why do goalies have to be so difficult? Well, because they are goalies. So in honor of being the person on the forums who most diligently embraces the spirit of being a goalie (and thus does weird shit for apparently no reason) is without a doubt in my mind: Ben Dahl @Ben. When it comes to getting you to shake your head and say "Well, I guess he's a goalie so it kinda makes sense?" no one can touch Ben. None! That's exactly what you want from your star goalie, confusion and possibly quotes about the universe.

 

Now it's time to fill out our wings with snipers supreme. Who will it be? Well I'm afraid the first pick is actually going to make sense. Because it's the S81 campaign with Oslo of one Yun Chiang @nurx. Going from being a depressing 3rd line player in Stockholm. The trade to Oslo, where instant chemistry was found with Brussel Sprouts. Lead to one of the most intense cases of bullshit sim rigging by Simon seen in the modern era. As Chaing just decided that goalies don't exist and thus goalies no longer existed. It was a bit weird, but highly effective as my former AGM went on an absolute rampage and ended the season with 57 goals and 111 points, despite doing literally nothing for the first almost half a season. There have been rumors that the cause of all goalies mysteriously forgetting what a save is against Chiang had something to do with Chinese officials "visiting" their families on game days. But alas no proof of such event has been shown in court, and all proof that was found of such events mysteriously disappeared when the whole building holding the server farm with that footage spontaneously combusted 1 week before the trial. Very unfortunate, and completely coincidental. Anyways, moving on!

 

So who will be our 2nd winger? Well, that's the million dollar question. Since I'm currently held at knifepoint by a damn rubber ducky. I'm afraid that the choice has been made for me though. Yes, it's Nic McMuffin @Ente2997. Sneaky fucking ducks... Clearly his scoring prowess is just absolutely outrageous and has absolutely nothing to do with Simon absolutely loving Oslo's wingers and making them score like crazy (because Oslo never has a roster). No this is just down to clan McMuffin having legendary hands that can be matched by none. Truly they are the pinnacle of evolution and Oww, stop stabbing me I'm trying duck! because of this it would be a true honor to have such an upstanding hockey player take up the wing next to BGCS and Mr.Chiang. If we learned anything today, it's that the VHLE is a lot more competitive than we thought, between murderous ducks and Chinese conspiracies. Everyone is trying to get in on the action in the E.

 

This leads us to our final spot, the sacrificial cap dump spot. Which usually ends up being my favorite player, because who doesn't love an underdog? Yes, it's time for our Defensive Dman! The unsung hero of the unsung heroes! This is a hard one since STHS almost doesn't track any valuable stats tied to this at all. So we're basically guessing at this point. Except there does exist one player for whom I do have a lot of relatively valuable stats collected. In fact it's a player who I first had my eyes on to draft to Team Clue in the JST. But I got too greedy and missed out on just a few picks! So when Frosty and I got down to VHLE draft scouting, I really wanted us to get this player. And more importantly the user, because he seemed like a really cool guy that I'd like to be on the same team as. Thankfully our sleep deprived draft day plans worked out and we were lucky enough to draft said player. And he's been an amazing team mate. Someone I'd love to play with for many more years than we will get to in Bratislava. It's the man known as Brian "The Payne Train" Payne @Scurvy. Because if you need someone to be in a lot of pain, and probably without a puck to boot. Then Brian is your guy. He will give the other 4 guys the room to breathe they need, and it will be glorious.

 

So that finalizes our Lineup as the following:

Left Wing: Yun Chiang @nurx [S81]

Center: The Board Game Clue on Skates  @MubbleFubbles [S82]

Right Wing: Nic McMuffin @Ente2997 [S82]

Left Defense: Seymour Butts @fonziGG [S82]

Right Defense: Brian Payne  @Scurvy [S82]

Goalie: Ben Dahl  @Ben [S82]

 

The VHLE needs love too!

[Scurvy 1,125]

Thanks for the kind words!   

[nurx 914]

5 hours ago, Shindigs said:

There have been rumors that the cause of all goalies mysteriously forgetting what a save is against Chiang had something to do with Chinese officials "visiting" their families on game days. But alas no proof of such event has been shown in court, and all proof that was found of such events mysteriously disappeared when the whole building holding the server farm with that footage spontaneously combusted 1 week before the trial. Very unfortunate, and completely coincidental. Anyways, moving on!

Remember this claims are baseless and the Chinese government is proud of the local boy.... unless you want to have a... good dinner with my friends...

[Ente2997 44]

This is the way