Scandals of the Finals

[Phil 5,119]

In a seemingly disturbing and scandalous chain of events, players from the VHL Finals have come under fire from the league's commissioners about their code of conduct. Here's what's been reported in the early hours of the morning:

 

Firstly, the Wahls - Brick and Bennett - from the Americans reportedly broke into a New York Sports Store and shoplifted the entire stock of jock cups. Apparently, they needed them for a 'collection' they were starting, but no one believes that. 

 

Secondly, Olsen and Sixten from the Riga Reign are on the loose after being seen outside VHL legend Odin Tordahl's house, vandalizing it. The house sustained 36 separate wounds by egg and a broke wall from 2 cement cylinder bricks. Police are baffled.

 

Meanwhile, 2 black bouncers were attacked outside a strip joint. Robin Gow and Lindberg from the Reign were trying to get one of the hookers to come home with them. They were refusing, claiming that the 2 gentlemen on the other side of the club had already promised that. The 2 have now been identified as Low and Tremblay from the Americans. Allegedly, Tremblay offered the hooker up to the Reign players but the act was taken as an act of malice. When the Bouncers intervened, the Reign players decked them and ran out of the club.

 

Somewhere not-too-far-away, Slaughter and XxX, all-stars of the Americans,trying to unwind from the game last night, saw McQueen, Robert Gow III, and Szatkowski Jr from across the bar. With good intentions, they ordered their opponents a pitcher for them. McQueen, not trusting the New Yorkers, sent it back for a new on and then returned the favour, walking over with another pitcher. Little did Slaughter and XxX know that he had slipped laxatives in it. No one is sure what the repercussions will be.

 

Simultaneously, Fjorsstrom had been reported missing by the Reign coaching staff. He was apparently over-due for his ice bath but never made it. Tordahl has been called in for questioning when he emerged from the hotel Riga were staying at with a T-Shirt saying I have no clue what happened to Fjorsstrom. 

 

Mayhem at Madison Square Gardens was reported in the early hours of the morning. Denis, Keeler, and Boomgaarden were making adjustments to the visitor's lockerroom, replacing the wallpaper with jock cups, used hockey socks and undergarments. Despite all three wearing gas masks, Keeler still fainted. West, a Reign player who'd forgotten his rubber duck in the showers, entered the lockerroom and resuscitated him, only to pass out. The three Americans made a break for it. 

 

It is uncertain what the power-heads in the VHL will do. Will we see the first abandoned Finals in VHL history? Will all players but NY's Senor Chang and Riga's Percy Miller be banned? Will the VHL try to sweep this under the rug? It is too early to tell, but we should, like a good sunburn, keep our ears peeled. 

[Victor 10,942]

Kanye West plays for Riga?

[BOOM 8,748]

Simultaneously, Fjorsstrom had been reported missing by the Reign coaching staff. He was apparently over-due for his ice bath but never made it. Tordahl has been called in for questioning when he emerged from the hotel Riga were staying at with a T-Shirt saying I have no clue what happened to Fjorsstrom. 

 

 

 

"Officer, you must be mistaken. My shirt clearly says Seth has no foreskin".

[Phil 5,119]

No Victor, but Rocky West does!

[Phil 5,119]

 

"Officer, you must be mistaken. My shirt clearly says Seth has no foreskin".

 

That was your undershirt. And it was found taped up on the wall of the Vistor's lockeroom at Madison Square Gardens... it had this picture above the caption:

 

Look familiar? 

[BOOM 8,748]

Have never seen that before in my life!

[Smarch 3,153]

bitches 

[Phil 5,119]

bitches 

 

At least you went home with the hooker. The Riga guys went home blueballed.