CIA’s Long, Likely Wrong S96 Mock Draft

[CowboyinAmerica 2,894]

 

CIA’s Long, Likely Wrong S96 Mock Draft

 

We’re at the best time of year again. Finally, we don’t have to pretend like we’d be able to pinpoint Riga on a map, or try and define what a Legion is and why it would apply to hockey. Now that unimportant things like the actual games are behind us, we can all pay attention to what actually matters: baseless speculation on teams’ futures based on absolute guesses about the draft.

 

Yes, it’s mock draft season once again. Drafts tend to have a certain flavor depending on the season, ranging from stacked to weak to confusing. I wouldn’t be surprised if this year’s draft ends up somewhere in the latter - there are some strong prospects to be sure, but it’s also not a Superdraft. If I had to guess, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the best players in this draft are first gens who aren’t getting hype right now, and end up passing some of the recreates that are already showing some signs of inconsistent earning.

 

Of course, especially in a draft like this, that makes it an absolute fool’s errand to try and predict where everybody is going to go. Luckily for all of you, I’m just that kind of fool. Here’s one person’s guess what’s going to happen in the upcoming draft, based on little but my own perception of team needs and some guesses about how players will end up in the future. And as always, if you don’t like where I’ve slotted your player, you should absolutely take it as a personal slight against your character.

 

Let’s get to picking! All TPE totals are accurate as of Sunday afternoon.

 

 1. Prague Phantoms: D Pan Daffleck, Saskatoon Wild - 389 TPE, @OrbitingDeath

 

Not having last year’s first certainly stung, but now the Prague rebuild can truly begin in earnest. But the top of this draft is a bit interesting - the top three players by TPE are on the blue line, but do you really want your rebuild to begin with a defenseman? It’s a genuine question, but there’s one piece of wisdom that supercedes everything else: When you see an OrbitingDeath player, you take them and ask questions later. Considering the agency’s previous defenseman Condor Adrienne was a Hall of Famer who won 12 individual awards, I think Prague would be just fine beginning the rebuild that way. The one caveat: Since this team does need a lot of depth, I wouldn’t be shocked by a trade down to restock the cupboard either.

 

 2. Helsinki Titans: C Brandon Petan Jr, Ottawa Lynx - 342 TPE, @sadie

 

Now this one is more of a question for new Titans GM McLovin. River Harrington is sitting there as the highest TPE player on the board, and Helsinki does only have one player on defense younger than S90. But on the other hand, that player was last year’s first rounder Ahsoka Tano, and I have a hard time believing they would go D in back-to-back seasons - especially with a strong center like Petan Jr on the board. Petan gives the Titans a tailor-made replacement for the retiring Tullemore Dew, and would be the first line center of the future next to Maple Dogwood and Isaac mclflopper. I don’t think you could go wrong either way, but the utility of a first-line center is just a bit too much to ignore.

 

  3. D.C. Dragons: D River Harrington, Ottawa Lynx - 370 TPE, @kirbithan

 

The other team entering the offseason with a new GM, things might actually be a bit more straightforward for Qripll specifically because the cupboard is more bare. Konstyantyn Shevchenko, Harold Benson and DB IV are solid pieces to begin the rebuild in earnest, but if the Dragons are to take the next step, they really need one of the top talents available. Harrington is just that, giving the team its newest top defensive player on the future to go with the top forward of the future in Shevchenko. I don’t see them reaching for someone like Youre Not Fucking Retiring if this is the board, making this one a fairly straightforward pick.

 

 4. London United: G Deadpanda, Las Vegas Aces - 285 TPE, @Alex

 

This is where I think things could get interesting. Similar to Prague, the cupboard is pretty bare in London as they’re entering a full rebuild. Similar to Prague, a forward or defenseman would really help to establish a tentpole that the rest of the team could then build around. But unlike the first pick of the draft, there isn’t an OrbitingDeath sitting there. So, would London take the best player available in Alagsantere Groenvold? I could certainly see it - but I also wouldn’t be shocked by an alternative move. With the Alex agency coming off a potential future Hall of Famer in Skor McFleury, Deadpanda is a strong prospect around which to begin a rebuild. There are other goalies potentially available later in the first round, where London has pick 9, but if they want almost sure thing goalie talent it’d be tough to pass up Deadpanda here.

 

 5. Moscow Menace (from Los Angeles): D Alagsantere Groenvold, Mexico City Kings - 343 TPE, @VattghernCZ

 

Somebody let Moscow get another lottery pick? Damn you all to hell. Anyway, this one isn’t one to overthink. Nils Andersson is entering their final season, and Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage is starting to get up there in years as well. There isn’t another defensive player currently in the team’s prospect pool. And Groenvold is easily the best player available by TPE, especially over the next defensive player available on the board. The Menace could hypothetically try and wait until pick eight to go defense, but I don’t know why they’d chance it. Groenvold would be a pretty straightforward pick here.

 

 6. New York Americans: D Slava Kovalenko, Mississauga Hounds - 276 TPE, @OblivionWalker

 

Unlike the teams I’ve talked about so far, the Americans are in retool rather than rebuild mode and would very much like to win in the next season or two. And luckily for them, they have both picks six and seven here and have the possibility of getting a little bit creative with their selections. For the first one, that defensive corps is extremely talented, but also looking extremely old. Yvel is entering their final season, Dodo is two seasons away, the wonderfully named Jebediah Big Ol Doinks in Amish is entering regression, and former first pick Janser is one season away. They need some youth on the blue line, and our top first gen in Kovalenko would provide just that. Following a season of strong growth for the Hounds, Kovalenko would likely need one more year of seasoning with the Hounds but would step nicely into the Americans’ lineup next year in a season they’re still hoping to compete. One note: I also wouldn’t be shocked if they’re the team trying to trade up to #1 or #3, if there’s somebody they see as the final piece.

 

 7. New York Americans (from Calgary): RW Youre Not Fucking Retiring, Philadelphia Reapers - 305 TPE, @twists

 

I’ll be honest, I thought about getting cute here. Most of the Americans’ young talent is in the forward corps with Shelby, Gretzky, Reynolds Jr and French, and WWWWWWWWWWWW is quietly three seasons from retirement in goal. I certainly see an argument for a goalie like Chazz Michael Michaels or even Trunov. But what the Americans really need is some talent that will be able to contribute quickly in their competitive window and is, well, not fucking retiring. Following a 116 point season with VHLM champion Philadelphia, Retiring clearly comes in with some scoring skills on a team that struggled with that aspect at times last season. They’d be a natural replacement for a retiring McKeggegger next offseason.

 

 8. Moscow Menace (from Warsaw): C Joel Jakobs, Philadelphia Reapers - 211 TPE, @Plate

 

There are three ways the Menace could go here. The first is goalie, but with Syko in the prime of their career, I don’t think that’s reasonable. The second is a recreated welfare-plus player like Villain, Shaw or Mackingikus, which would provide consistent earning, but maybe not the top upside. But if I had to guess, Moscow has enough talent already on the team that they could afford door three, a big swing. Jakobs’ agency hasn’t had much success in the VHL previously, but already is getting close to passing previous player Jordan Bennett (also drafted by Moscow, for what it’s worth) in terms of practice hours. With a job working for the league’s magazine, there’s reason to believe they’re here for the long-haul as a top practicer. And, of course, with a defensive player already taken in this mock, the Menace could look for a top offensive player in the draft. It all makes sense.

 

 9. London United (from Seattle): RW Wefernardo Mackingikus, Philadelphia Reapers - 245 TPE, @vincentlg2007

 

This would be the downside of taking a goalie early - that’s the top position on the board in this configuration, and certainly London wouldn’t be selecting two goalies. But there’s a solid forward on the board that would help rebuild that side of the ice. Although Mackingikus has had a few welfare claims during practice time recently, the agency behind Mackingikus has a strong legacy - Vincent Laroche-Gagnier ended up winning two VHL titles in a long and productive career, mostly with Calgary and D.C. That type of consistency would serve London well as they look to enter the rebuild, with Mackingikus establishing a tentpole to build around following another season or two in the VHLM.

 

 10. HC Davos Dynamo (from Vancouver): D Narnia Shaw, Miami Marauders - 252 TPE, @Dabnad

 

One of these teams is going to take a chance on a goalie, and I wouldn’t be shocked if Davos is it to push Aleksanteri Kaskiniemi-Kekkonen a bit. But with that said: Ben Laas is starting to get up there in age, and with a lot of the other holes on the Dynamo roster filled, I wouldn’t be shocked if they traded up to #10 to fill that hole specifically. Narnia Shaw’s agency had a strong and consistent career with previous player Dabnad Shaw, who played largely with Malmo before bouncing around at the end of their career. Early returns are showing similar consistency with Narnia, and Davos could afford (and maybe even prefer) potentially two more seasons of Narnia playing in the VHLM.

 

 11. Helsinki Titans (from Malmo): G Vladimir Trunov, Halifax 21st - 204 TPE, @qripll

 

Here’s where I think the goalie run begins. THE MIGHTY ICE WIZARD looked like a strong player as the seventh pick of the S94 Draft, but in recent weeks, that ice has begin to thaw as they’ve been an inconsistent presence in the practice facility. Especially with the draft board as it is, I’d expect the Titans to sure the position up with a potential replacement. But that begs the question: Which goalie out of the multiple available? Chazz Michael Michaels is the top goalie by TPE, even over Deadpanda, and is looking for an opportunity to prove themselves. Draw Mac comes with strong activity in the SBA and a history of being loyal to their VHL franchise. But I’m picking the lowest TPE option - but only because it’s the one that created most recently. Vladimir Trunov comes from a line of Trunovs with VHL success, and of course, the agency is spearheaded by D.C.’s newest GM. I see the new Helsinki leadership taking a big swing that Vladimir will develop into a top-tier goalie.

 

 12. Moscow Menace: C Mad Villain, Las Vegas Aces - 260 TPE, @Tate

 

Recognizing now that Moscow has three first round picks, I wouldn’t be shocked to see them try and make a move up either. There is a need to consolidate talent somewhere, I’d imagine. But since I’m not predicting trades, let’s go out with a big swing. Mad Villain’s agency has very publicly said their player will not be reaching the VHL, and in fact will no longer even be present in VHL facilities at all. But even since that time, Villain has claimed welfare, trivia and VHFL. Interesting. What would be the most Villain thing to do: Try and tank your own draft stock, of course! I’ll say the Menace take the chance on the villain here that the team can get them to stick around.

 

  13. Prague Phantoms (from Davos): G Chazz Michael Michaels, Mexico City Kings - 286 TPE, @Xflexz

 

Prague has the first overall pick in this draft of course, but soon before writing, they made a move to trade pick 10 to Davos for picks 13 and 16, gaining more depth in the process. I’d have to think that move was made with a potential goalie in mind, given that many are bound to be around in the latter half of the first round. As noted before, Chazz Michael Michaels is the top goalie by TPE with a welfare-plus strategy, and they’d likely be ready to move up after one more year in the VHLM. They’d pair well with someone like Daffleck to provide a stone wall of the future in rebuilding Prague. Now, that does beg the question - former first rounder Ondrej Vencko has returned to practicing, could that cause some friction? I’ll say that’d be a good problem to have if you’re Prague, take the talented player and figure the rest out later.

 

 14. Chicago Phoenix: G Draw Mac, Miami Marauders - 261 TPE, @okochastar

 

The Phoenix are a very interesting team entering this draft. They’re very much in win-now mode, with Gaming and Mancini staring down retirement and stars Oven and Artyomov now fully into regression. If they could find a way for a win-now player, particularly by trade, I think they’d go that direction. But there aren’t really any win-now players left on the board at #14, with the top forwards and defensive players left requiring at least two more VHLM seasons. So I see them preparing early for the eventual rebuild with the selection of the best player available: Mac. Coming from a prominent SBA agency, Oko’s past three players have all reached 1000+ in the VHL. I’m sure Chicago would take that consistency and have a top chip either for trade or the eventual rebuild.

 

 15. Toronto Legion: D Dog Jagr, Miami Marauders - 190 TPE, @koty_k

 

Toronto may not yet be rebuilding following the retirement of some longtime stars, but Callahan, Machado and Bob getting up there in years, it’s certainly not far away. As a result, and with the draft board sitting as it is, the Legion are looking at a player who will likely be living through a rebuild in 2-3 seasons. Jagr has largely been present at the welfare facility so far, but has done so consistently - and crucially, with trivia, press conferences and fantasy zone mixed in. There’s some potential for a solid player here with that consistency, and that’s all the Legion can be shooting for here at pick #15.

 

  16. Prague Phantoms (from Riga): D Kurt Bachmann, Mississauga Hounds - 175 TPE, @Blutch

 

We start and end with the same team, the Prague Phantoms and their need for any sort of talent to come in the door. Bachmann comes with a similar story to Jagr in the previous pick: a welfare earner but consistent in doing so, with trivia and press conferences sprinkled in to provide some potential for a solid piece. Bachmann probably would require two more seasons in the VHLM before coming up, but the Phantoms can afford to wait. A good get to bring more talent into the door as the Phantoms continue to rebuild.

 

Edited September 30 by CowboyinAmerica

[CowboyinAmerica 2,894]

2000+ words

 

Claiming for the weeks ending:

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[Tate 450]

1 hour ago, CowboyinAmerica said:

 

 12. Moscow Menace: C Mad Villain, Las Vegas Aces - 260 TPE, @Tate

 

Recognizing now that Moscow has three first round picks, I wouldn’t be shocked to see them try and make a move up either. There is a need to consolidate talent somewhere, I’d imagine. But since I’m not predicting trades, let’s go out with a big swing. Mad Villain’s agency has very publicly said their player will not be reaching the VHL, and in fact will no longer even be present in VHL facilities at all. But even since that time, Villain has claimed welfare, trivia and VHFL. Interesting. What would be the most Villain thing to do: Try and tank your own draft stock, of course! I’ll say the Menace take the chance on the villain here that the team can get them to stick around.

 

 

This was a genuine thought of mine, how fun it would have been to fool everyone, but to be clear to all - this will be my last season in the VHL/M, as I plan to help Vegas out for one more season and then hit retire. Thank you for the interest, and as much as I love being in mock drafts, do not draft me --- unless it is 69th overall, in which case- thank you.

[koty_k 13]

would love to go in the first round. but i understand if i dont

 

[koty_k 13]

great read though

[CowboyinAmerica 2,894]

On 9/30/2024 at 9:52 AM, CowboyinAmerica said:

2000+ words

 

Claiming for the weeks ending:

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[CowboyinAmerica 2,894]

On 9/30/2024 at 9:52 AM, CowboyinAmerica said:

2000+ words

 

Claiming for the weeks ending:

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Claim 4