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Hello, my fellow maple syrup drinking, monopoly money spending, bardownski going, brewski chugging, milk-in-a-bag having, sorry saying, and 4-Nations winning Canadians!!!! How are we doing out there tonight!?!?!?!?!

Canadian Celebration GIF by Pi-Slices

Now before I begin this announcement, some haters are referring to this iteration of team Canada in the WJC as the "Halifax 51st," and I personally will not stand for this kind of American propaganda surrounding my team! We lost in the gold medal game of the S96 tournament, and it's been a few seasons since our boys and girls got bestowed gold for our efforts. I personally think it's time to reclaim our sport and our national pride! I proudly, and patriotically, present to you, my fellow Canadians, the S97 Halifax 51st Team Canada Rosters!!!

Starting off at the faceoff dot, making his second appearance for team Canada, hoping to have a big time bounce back from a 0-point performance in last season's tournament after his decent S95 run with Asia as a merc, its center Jackson Jeannot @Lucas anton of the Philadelphia Reapers!!! 

On his left wing, representing his home and native land for the second time in the WJC and the Halifax 21st, it's the only Canadian with an ounce of it in his heart, Hater Tottingham @Trunkxolotl!!!

On the opposite wing, in his WJC debut, hoping to utilize that VHLM chemistry with Jeannot from the Philadelphia Reapers, it's the big old Jacob Seed @oilmandan!!!

Centering this squad's second unit, after two seasons of being a mercenary for the Asian team in this tournament, returning home with gold medal winning experience, and representing Canada's own Mississauga Hounds, its Jay Sikes @JaySmacksss!!!

Heading back to the right side, it's a skater represented by one of the most winning agencies this league has ever seen at any level, having represented the only VHL quintuple gold winner of all time. Hoping to once again have their client have the title of WJC gold medalist after an unsuccessful merc attempt with Team World in S96. He did just secure the Founders Cup less than a month ago with the Las Vegas Aces, it's the @Tyler agency and their new star client Raoul Cyr!!!

On the left side of the faceoff circle, it's a mysterious figure from the San Diego Marlins, represented by the same agency that oversaw the rise of Hall of Famer Erik Killinger. They hope to repeat that level of success and a WJC gold medal in their debut tournament is a great first step. It's Zak Trokker and the @Peace Sports Agency!!!

Some theorized after a bout of absence following the S97 regular season this former gold medalist would skip the WJC after a mercenary stint in Asia a season ago, but after some calls back and forth between myself and this amazing young faceoff taker, we got them to agree to represent their home nation and bring that medal winning pedigree back over the border from his cozy stay in South Beach with the Marauders! Its Sidney Sheppard @GoodLeftUndone!!!

Break out the eyecharts, hearing aids, and walkers because our next player is coming to you straight from the Greatest Generation and his vacation home in Mexico City. Some say his dementia is so bad he actually thing these VHLM and WJC games are just his local beer league matches. Even if he doesn't know his own daughter's name or where he is - heck, he doesn't even know his own legal government name - he is an absolute menace to deal with on the ice, and he has been given the moniker of Old Man on Skates @Jason 2.0!!!

clint eastwood kids GIF

The final forward to make the cut for team Canada after some tough deliberation is a player struggled in their last appearance for this great nation, but I believe in a major turnaround from. Representing another proud Canadian franchise in the Ottawa Lynx, it's the one and only Kyle Evans @Kyle Evans!!!

Moving to the defensive side of things, it's a lover of shopping carts and kitties and all-around tomfoolery, it's a Canadian national treasure and two-time WJC tournament participant. Now representing the Los Angeles Stars AND the Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia.... ITS BUBBLES LaFLEUR @AJW!!!

blinking trailer park boys GIF

Right beside this legend is a much lesser known but still equally as much a tough as nails Canadian. Some would describe the skill set of this defender as raw, but I see loads of potential to impress in this tournament next to our nation's best. Introducing, representing the Ottawa Lynx and making his WJC debut... Vincent Martinez @bigdolla!!!

Now, sadly, Canada has neglected teaching the youth about how to play defense.... All the young Canadians want to be like 4-Nations hero, Jordan WInnington or Connor McJesus or Le Big Mac Nathan MacKinnon. We must outsource...

sad GIF by NHL on NBC Sports

*boos ring out from the crowd, trash thrown at the announcement stage*

Alas, we found some true Canadians of the mind, body, and soul. First up, it's a player whose agency has in the past on many occasions skated with the intention of seeing the proud #BoatGang Halifax 21st lift the Founders Cup for the first time and has yet to find success in this endeavor. This player is shockingly making their WJC debut and coming off a Founders Cup win of their own with the Las Vegas Aces, from the Juan Ceson Agency, its Manuel Ceson @dylanjj37!!!

Next to him, hailing from across the pond, a great ally of the Canadian people and home of our wonderful monarch (Long Live the King!), it's a player hailing from the shores of the United Kingdom! We find ourselves with another player who is making their WJC debut and will be flying from Mexico City after spending the last four seasons with the Kings (how fitting), it's Carl Erhardt @Elite Steel!!!

British Soccer GIF by 100 Thieves

Now in goal we had three really good options to choose from, but at the end of the day the two we chose are on their final seasons of WJC eligibility and each gives us the best chance to win night in and night out. 

First up, also representing the Los Angeles Stars after a run in San Diego, hailing from Sunnyvale Trailer Park in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, probably taking a break from some hairbrained scheme and otherwise less than legal activities, its Canadian national treasure and scumbag, RICKY LaFLEUR @DarkSpyro !!!

the life ricky GIF

And lasst but certainly not least, coming off a gold medal win against his home nation, hoping to use that experience to bring hockey glory back to the Great White North, now representing the Helsinki Titans of the VHL... its Draw Mac @okochastar!!!

Celebrating Gold Medal GIF by Disney+

That concludes this roster announcement, will all the gifs mess this up? I don't know yet. Do I think they are awesome? 100,000% yes I do. Is Canada winning gold in S97? Bet your maple-syrup-soaked asses we are! O CANADA!!!!!!!

 

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