The Tough Guy:

[Gaikoku-hito 2,324]

The Tough Guy:

 

This might not be completely what was expected but it was something that I cannot get out of my mind once I seen the theme week for this season. So, without giving away much let me tell you a little story….

 

 

This past summer like I always do I invited some of the boys over for a good old BBQ, swimming pool and Texas Hold`m games of poker. Of course, the usual suspects were involved with the fact that we are a close- knit group in Vancouver; not to mention a few of the guys think they are tough.

 

 

Starting with the type triple whiskey shot touch guy of Rip Wheeler aka @ScottyP and of course he had to bring his new little sidekick and fellow I don`t show up for anything friend; not to mention I am more likely hiding under a desk at school Bazooka Joey!! But when it comes to card games and money exchanging hands, I say more the merrier!

 

 

We also had I don`t need to wear a shirt and I might not even know where my shirt is but actually a tough guy Guntis Gavilrovs @Girts; who can always be seen with his posse of followers in Logan Ninefingers @Scurvy(sounds tough until you realize how he actual lost his finger) and Bollos de Trueno @Thunder ; who I thought was Greek until I realized, he was another want be banger as he is Mexican. To bad we broke up this gang shortly afterward with a trade to see the new godfather of New York born. Creating an even tougher posse with Janser @Daniel Janser and Richmond @badcolethetitan. Trying their best to recreate the scenes from Slapshots with the Hanson brothers. Makes me wonder who is going to be the guy that strips on the ice; most likely the guy by Maxim Anisimov since he is managed by @McLovin and slight screams I am a stripper not a fighter.

 

 

Soju @Frank; you know what I am drinking and the forgotten one in Riley Martin @Smarch. Not sure who but someone even invited a small person that went by the name of Elf Shoes @ELF_SH0ES and went around most of the night throwing things at people screaming; “I am a lucky charm!!”

 

 

As you can see the night as it went along become more wild and some of the thing I heard or seen I cannot either mention or prove to be true even with it being at my house. But overall I think the night was a huge success up until this point as it was the typical house party where you are not sure if you are not seeing correctly due to the amount of drinks you have had or if it is from all the cigar smoke from everyone at the table having one hanging from their mouths.

 

 

That soon changed and maybe in a good way since the time was prefect as I was slightly up and most likely about to loose big as I started pushing my chips all in on a nothing hand. In walked the wife (dun dun dunn…….)!! Also good timing since I also think things could have been starting to head south as Guntis had thrown down a knife on the poker table with slam and the tip sticking into the table; while looking at Ninefingers and stating something along the lines about "how would you like to lose another finger for your troubles" or something along that lines.

 

 

She took one look at want had happened to her clean house and had that look in her eyes like I was going to be sleeping in a grave by the end of the night but thank good for Rip Wheeler, as the drunk buffoon walked right up to her not realizing the hate in the air and stated something corny like "how do you want to get Rip tonight hotty!!" Well, It didn`t take long before she had grabbed the hand that was reaching to go behind her back and twisted causing Wheeler to go head over heels in a flip. His sidekick also mis-reading the situation was shot out of a bazzoka ran over to aid him but found a himself face down with her foot on his head. All I can think now is how bubble gum soft he was!! LOL!!

 

 

Without letting up on the two guys she screamed; “Parties over!! Go home before you end up like these two!!” I don`t remember correctly what happened next but Guntis stood up and said something like "not until I am done my drink" or something stupid alone those lines. “Oh, You think you are the Tough Guy do you?” the wife claimed calmly as she swiftly grabbed the drink and poured it over his head. “Tough Guys the party is over if you like it or not!!” Guntis went to say something again clearly not happy with his shower but before he even managed to get a word out of his mouth the wife had him by his nose with her two fingers asking him if he was going to comply. Not being able to move his head since she had him so tightly all I heard was small wimper; “Yes Ma`am!!”

 

 

At this point I tried to make my exit by sneaking out the sliding door of the kitchen leading to the BBQ area and pool but if you think I was going to be successful then you have never seen the wife pissed off before!! “Where the hell do you think you are going?” Uh, Uh ….. looked around the room for some help but clearly none was coming so I quickly stated,”to start cleaning up? Honey!!” I think I might have gotten away with it until the very last part since I never call her nicks and she lost it. “Honey!! Don`t you Honey me!! Think you are so smart ……bah bah bah ……” as I watched the rest of the guys take the small window and escape quietly out the front door. I still have so many shoes left behind that I am sure that my garage looks more like a shoe store then a garage. I keep asking the guys to comeback to the house an collect their shoes but I keep being meet with the same response,”Nah!! You can keep them as they were old anyways!!” Makes me wonder how the guys explained to their wifes and girlfriends, why they came home shoe less and where the heck they had left their shoes?

 

 

The crazy part is the fact that some of the guys had no clue where they were as I found out later and cannot confirm to this day if it actual happen at my place or after they all fled the scene to some shady bar down town but it was around the same time that incident with Soju happened or has it happened more then once. But either way summing up what happened quickly was Soju was drank by some of the guys due to running out of alcohol; try spelling that once you are a few shots or drinks in and see if you can spell what you have been drinking. Soju ended up being drank with Highmore @NineIQ v2 coming to his aid by calling the cops. Soju hasn`t really been his self since the incident.

 

 

Well, the wife didn`t kill me and as I was cleaning up down stairs I heard a scream come from our upstairs bedroom, followed by “what the hell is that?” I ran up stairs as fast as I can; not think that maybe my life would be in danger if someone had left a pair of panties in our bed or something even worse!! I flung open the door like the super hero most men think they are to find my wife using a hockey stick poking at something in the bed. “What is it?” I asked like a idiot. “If I knew what it was then I wouldn`t be poking it with a stick now would I?” She snapped; fair point though!! As soon as took a few more steps towards the bed I could clearly make out the small green elf costume that Elf Shoes had been wearing all night and of course him still in them fast a sleep in the middle of the bed. “Oh, He looks like a sleeping child!! Isn`t he ….” I was cut off before I could finish the statement. “If you think that looks like a cute sleeping child then I hate to say it but we are never having children!!” the look of disgust was unreal and she finished; “Get him out of my bed now!!”

 

 

I did what most would do when you have a drunk friend sleeping somewhere where they shouldn`t. I grabbed a big bucket and filled with ice cold water, without think I threw the full bucket on the small guy in the bed and shouted, “Time to get up!!”

 

 

Elf Shoes jumped up and screamed, “ I am a lucky charm and you can see my pot of gold….” As he started reaching for his pants but thank god for pissed of wife!! He barely touched the belt of his pants when she did a round house kick connecting right under his small chin as I watched as he flew towards the bedroom window and out …. I ran over to the window and can only think how luck we are to have a bunch a bushes under the second floor bedroom window as all I seen when I reach the window ledge was green little man quickly running away say” but they are magically delicious??”

 

 

When the I thought the night couldn`t get any stranger; through the commotion the wife opened the closet door and sitting rocking back and forth holding a bottle of Topshelf Vodka was former Vancouver Wolves Kisslinger @Kisslinger softly whispering to himself,” I wish I was at the spa!! I wish I was at the spa!!” I don`t know why and I am sure that I will never know why Kisslinger was in that closet.

 

 

The wife grabbed a few things from the closet throwing them in overnight bag and calmly stated,"If you don`t have this place spick and span by tomorrow morning you better call the cops for your own protection!!" The grin was one I will never forget as it clearly stated murderous thoughts and twinkle in her eyes. Like the idiot that I am I asked,"Where are you going?" The Wife gave as side way glance that once again could have killed and stated,"I cannot sleep here as you have soaked the bed" with an implied are you an idiot at the end."So I am going to stay the night at your expense at the Hotel Georgia in their Rosewood Suite and you may join me for breakfast if this place is clean by then" The wife left me standing in the middle of the bedroom with myself now wondering where was I going to sleep tonight?

 

I never cleaned the house so spotless in my life ... well, because my life actually depended on it. Luckily for me a few of the guys once they found out the wife had left for the night came back around like great team mates that I know they are and helped clean up the mess that we created. One such player was Ninefingers and as we finished up throwing the last bag of garbage by the side of the road I stated,"So your house next time?" It was met with huge f-that smile and a statement of, "if you think your wife owns your balls, you should see mine!!" We both fell into chairs in the living room exhausted. "Won`t your wife be concerned that you have spent the whole night out?" "Uh, I better go if you want to see me every again!!" He stated quickly raise to his feet. "I think she might kill me do you want to come help me explain?" "Uh, no!! I don`t need two pissed off women at me!! You are on your own like I am in a few hours. I might drop by later though once things have calmed down? I will bring her something nice!!" I stood with him at this point and walked him towards the door. 

 

 

He must have thought I was simply walking him to the door to thank him or out of respect as he was surprised when I walked out the door with him and locked it behind me. "Where are you going?", he questioned. "I know this little flower shop down the road open 24hrs. I need to buy flowers for my wife so that she wont kill me at breakfast, also thank god we are eating in public" "Can I come with you? As I think I need to visit that store as well!!" He asked. We walked silently down the road towards the little flower shop think about our deaths. "See you later?" "I hope so", he stated with a smile. "And you?" he added. "I hope so too!!" and off we went to face the wrath the wifes!!

 

 

Morale of the story?

The Tough Guy is always the wife that puts up with her mans shit!!

 

 

2239 words Apr 6th, 13th, 20th & 27th claims  

[Thunder 1,314]

1 hour ago, Gaikoku-hito said:

t was met with huge f-that smile and a statement of, "if you think your wife owns your balls, you should see mine!!"

Ninefingers showing you his balls or his wife?

[Gaikoku-hito 2,324]

2 minutes ago, Thunder said:

Ninefingers showing you his balls or his wife?

Clearly or at least i thought talking about his wife!! LOL!!

[Girts 1,216]

Hah this is great!