Merica Ranks VHLM Teams

[Merica 69]

 

Hey everyone, it’s your favorite American, Josh Merica!

 

I’m here to deliver my VHLM team rankings. I’ll play for whoever, I don’t give a f**k, it’s the minors and it’s only purpose is to serve as a stepping stone to the VHL, so the team I play for doesn’t matter, as long I am getting the minutes I should be getting, which is all of them. Don’t give me minutes and we will definitely be at each other’s throats.  Intro complete, enjoy.

 

#10-  Minot Gladiators

• Where do I even begin? How about with the location…I am betting no one here has ever actually been to Minot, North Dakota before, because if they had they would know how absolutely shitty it is, and it’s the last place I want to spend my time.  Than, sigh, we have Blake Campbell. No thank you. Also, logo sucks.

#9-  Bern Royals

• Jala would probably take away my guns and not allow me to have it in my locker, because he is anti-guns and anti-freedom, so I would have difficulty playing for someone who doesn’t believe in freedom. I also don’t know anything about Bern, except that it isn’t located in the United States of Freedom. Oh I almost forgot, you won 7 games, so clearly something is amiss…Oh yeah, anti-freedom.

#8-Moscow Red Wolves

• I respect Putin for being a hard-ass, but he is a communist son of a bitch and I would not do very well in a communist country, I’d probably start a rebellion and go all Luke Skywalker. Nice logo, nice team name, but definitely not one of my top choices.

#7-  Bratislava Watchmen

• I dig the name, don’t mind the location, and Bratislava is one of the best teams, but Bratislava isn’t located in America….or even, *looks around cautiously* Canada.  KitRas is cool enough, you can be annoying at times, but who isn’t?  You’ve done a great job building the Watchmen, and I like the color scheme/logo.

#6-  Brampton Blades

• I remember fong from a long time ago, but that was a long time ago. Brampton, like every team in this league, could use my help and would immediately be vaulted into the Championship.  I don’t really have anything else to add, except Brampton wouldn’t be terrible, like it's logo.

#5-  Oslo Storm

• Norway? Now were talking. If I can’t play in America, Norway wouldn’t be a bad place to be, and I have nothing against BluesBoy.  Oslo wasn’t all that great last season, and would benefit, like every team, from my presence alone.   Not sure what the dude in your logo has to do with a storm though.

#4-  Ottawa Lynx

• My boy Frank, official member of “team f**k you”, one of my favorite members. Would love to suit up for you and the Lynx, and Dear God do you need the help, I mean f**k man. Do yourself a favor and let me make you look like a hockey god as we wreck the shit out of the rest of this league. Frank is the only reason Ottawa isn't last, I might add. Logo wins the award for most bland.

#3-  Turku Outlaws

• Max MacInnis loved it in Turku, and  I wouldn’t mind playing there myself. Well run team, made it to the VHLM finals before choking. I can assure you, Josh Merica does not choke. Add me and you will be hoisting that trophy that next season.  Plus, I am a real life outlaw, I say whatever I want and people can't stand it, like outlaws.

#2-  Saskatoon Wild

• Kendrick recently stepped down, but the Wild remain one of my top destinations. MacInnis was there briefly, and he loved it there as well. RiceMuncherManDude likes to eat rice and is a pretty cool guy, so I wouldn’t have a problem playing for him and the Toony Toones. Also, best logo in the VHLM. You would be wise to select me.

#1-  Yukon Rush

• Almost entirely because Ramicus just got named GM. We are tight and I would enjoy playing for him and the best team in the VHLM.  You need to trade up and draft me, because if you don’t, you wont be winning the championship next season, you can mark my words. You are #1 on my list for a reason, so make it happen! Just imagine all the dirty Jew jokes I will provide in the locker room.

There you go. Again, I’ll play for whoever, but maybe keep this mind?  (looking at you specifically Minot) I  mean, even if you are low on the list, you would be a fool to pass me up , because I will be better than everyone else no matter what. Especially Jedediah Smosley.

 

[Merica 69]

Bumping so everyone sees this.

[diamond_ace 3,112]

Funny how the only USA team is 10th. Campbell is going back into the VHLM draft (as well as the VHL draft - he was a waiver guy last season) so odds are he doesn't even end up on Minot. If your point is to try to avoid him, he may or may not be a Gladiator.

[Ramicus 147]

[Merica 69]

Funny how the only USA team is 10th. Campbell is going back into the VHLM draft (as well as the VHL draft - he was a waiver guy last season) so odds are he doesn't even end up on Minot. If your point is to try to avoid him, he may or may not be a Gladiator.

its incredibly disappointing Minot is the sole American team, pretty poor choice.

[diamond_ace 3,112]

its incredibly disappointing Minot is the sole American team, pretty poor choice.

Agreed

[Frank 5,259]

Thank you for the kind words. We could use some team fuck you on this team. 

[Kendrick 4,741]

Frank and Rice are good GM's, quality choices! But just don't bust

[BOOM 8,817]

Yukon needs another huge ego now that I won't be there next season. I think you'd be perfect!