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All Star Game Scandal Behind the Scenes

 

Head Coach Robbie Zimmerman Tampered with Equipment of Opposing Team During the All Star Game

 

The Victory Hockey League is no stranger to scandal. The years have seen controversy strike the headlines many times, from The New York Americans and the Seattle Bears engaging in gang warfare in the 20s, to CAL G bypassing the 8 season retirement rule and playing several decades to Vasteras existing for more than a season. Usually these controversies are sparked around a common goal in one way or another: The Continental Cup. New ground was broken this year when a cheating attempt was made in an effort to win All Star glory.

 

@KingRobbie has been many things over the years: Founder of the Short Bus Americans, self proclaimed heel/troll, possibly the only known case of a contract holdout in VHL history and secret lover of Meg. One thing you could never call him, was a cheater but he managed to sink to a new low when he made an attempt on the life of a rival player, mere hours before the all star game. Robbie was spotted entering Team Der Meister's lockerroom and tampering with equipment, mostly at a superficial level: ripping John Sleeman's socks, putting bengay in David Hamilton's cup and drawing a dick on Phil Hamilton's jersey. All of these were considered minor offenses that were justified by their hilariousness, but Robbie went one step too far when he put a rattlesnake in Greg Clegane's trapper. This highly venomous snake nearly killed the goaltender, and successfully made him play like a bag of dicks (0.727 save percentage through one period of play).

 

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David Hamilton stumbling around with a fiery crotch during the first period

 

Though Greg was only payed in the first period, Zimmerman's Team Cocaine did manage three goals, which ultimately lead to a shootout victory. When asked to comment to the media Zimmerman denied everything, and when presented with undeniable evidence his only comment was "Man, I'm gonna be fine. I didn't try to kill the Clegane anyone cares about. Sandro was fine so @JardyB10 isn't going to give a shit and @Victor's old and washed up, so he can't do anything about it. Basically, I pulled off the perfect crime. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a date with a hooker on the moon."

 

The media attempted to reach Jardy Bunclewirth for comment, but given that he lives in Buttfuck Saskatchewan, a town that exists without electricity or cell towers, he was unreachable for comment.

 

When @der meister was asked to comment, he had quite a bit to say. Unfortunately for us, the entire statement was made in angry German, which is untranslatable even by my girlfriend's mom. Though I can't relay his words, please understand that the tone was angry even by German standards.

 

This will eventually fade to be just another scandal to be fondly remembered by the annals of history. The VHL learned a very important lesson that day: Put more interesting rivals in charge. I'm just saying, if it was Team @Jericho and @brovy, maybe nothing bad would happen (except another masterful hacking attempt on Kesler's account).

 

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3 hours ago, KingRobbie said:

Yep I did all that and then some. What u gonna do about it?

 

Thanks for reminding me about my contract hold out lol. That shit was epic. You forgot to mention only player to receive a in game suspension 

 

It's hard to kep track of 9 years of history. Your biography needs a team of historians.

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