The Late Night Random Thoughts Thread

[FacePuncher 1,343]

I was gonna make this a PT because it should be well over 500 words, but then I'm like "well this isn't VHL related at all" but still wanted to write down my thoughts because it helps me sort stuff out and calm down, and also I think I could generate some discussion by talking about random crap and my friends that are currently like all pissing me off. So if you want to hear a semi-delusional college kid ramble about whatever's on his mind, keep reading ya weirdo.

 

So. My sleep schedule is fucked. I didn't sleep last night until I got home at 2 and took like a 3 hour nap and my friend woke me up. So basically I'm still just staying awake because idk, can't fall asleep! And ik that the best way to go to bed is to put away all electronics and just lay down, but then I have to think, and I don't like doing that. So my goal of late is to pretty much stay up till I am so exhausted I pass out instantly without thinking. Not a very good decision but right now it's how I get through the night.

 

anyways, so I've been playing a shit ton of video games. Beat Shadows of Mordor, RDR, and the Dishonored DLC, just started Watch Dogs 2 and it's lit, though this Alcatraz mission I just played brought me this close to throwing the tv(not really, but I was pissed).

 

anyways, I'm pissed at my friends. And I'll get to that in a minute. But let's start with me because who doesn't like talking about themselves.

 

so, I'm trying to lose weight. Now, I'm not like obese by any means, but I let myself go when I was dating my ex. So I have a belly now. I try really hard to conceal it because I hate it, so I'm trying to change it. Problem is, it's hard and I'm not very mentally tough in that area. I tried to go running, but when I had work I was on my feet all shift and then I didn't feel like doing anything. I like soda, and ik all my friends are like "that's terrible for you, stop that" but you know what, all my friends keep telling me to not get shit faced when I drink and not so drugs, but guess who doesn't give a shit! But  I have been trying to cut down and I think I've succeeded. The problem is just that water sucks. Bottled water always just tastes off to me, and tap water down here in Waco is ass so it's like no. But still I've made progress. The big problem i think is that my metabolism has slowed down a lot but my hunger is still catching up to it. Because really my eating habits haven't changed at all from when I was younger. I've started eating a lot less though, which can be dangerous because when I eat less it usually means I'm being all depressed and shit, or I'm playing an unholy amount of xbox. But I think I'm making progress. My physical aspirations are really just to be skinny again, I don't have any desire to get ripped or whatever. In high school I was always pretty skinny, and I got a fair amount of girls. I mean, I usually struck out, or didn't wanna push it towards a relationship, but a lot of chicks talked to me and I think if I wasn't so nervous I could've banged a few of em. So I'm just trying to get back to that.

 

anyways, why this was relevant was because I was trying to bring it around tonwhat my friend Trevor was saying today. Basically he's complaining about something to do with his gf and her eating habits, because she starves herself occasionally because Trevor is a fucking asshole who basically scoffs at anyone who isn't in great shape. Even people who aren't fat but aren't built he'll talk about, and he pesters me constantly about going to the gym, which actually makes me want to work out less than before. But anyway, his gf is really insecure about her weight because Trevor gave her good reason to be from what I've heard, and he's getting mad an is like "I don't understand why she's acting like this" and it's like idk what to do. On one hand I feel like he needs to realize what he's doing, but also idk if that's my place, and how tpdo I even start that conversation without sounding like a dick? Idk

 

but yeah, Trevor is my best friend pretty much, but sometimes I wanna knife him. Is it normal to like, hate your friends sometimes? Because I kinda hate my friends a lot it seems lol.  First of all, he doesn't chew with his mouth closed, and every time I bring it up he denies it. Second of all, he's a pretty stereotypical southerner. Like he bothers me about wanting to go shooting all the time, and like, that's just not fun to me, and he doesn't seem to grasp how anyone wouldn't enjoy shooting guns. And third, he doesn't realize that other people have problems I don't think. Like, he will complain all the time. And while I am facing possible loss of my scholarship, he's talking about how people in ROTC make fun of him, and I'm just like no offense man but I could care less right now. But I don't say that because I'm a nice guy,

 

then theres my friend Daniel. He is a stereotypical business major with a silver spoon. He's a great guy, but it's just when he complains about how a waiter didn't bring his appetizer out quick enough, and says how he won't take his meal until the chips and salsa come out in a Mexican restaurant, I'm just like holy shit man, can you be any more pretentious? I think I'm using that word right.

 

then there's Kolten. She's dating Daniel. She's 27, a former navy person, has a kid, and an ex husband. Daniels younger than me. Ik it's nit that big of a deal, it just weirds me out sometimes. Anyway, she is just not very good at holding stuff in, so she will occasionally just like get super snippy and it pisses me off. I think that's more just a girl thing but yeah, it bothers me.

 

Then there's my old friend Gio. He has lady issues. Basically, he is in a similar situation as me, except instead of his ex cheating hepis just broke up with him before college and found another guy soon after. And instead of, say, saying some mean things to his ex, breaking into her fb account, screenshotting her drunk and dirty messages with the guy she cheated on me with, and sending them to her very Christian mom so that she wouldn't be invited to any family gatherings anymore because no one fucking messes with Austin Dwyer and gets away clean, they are still friends. So it messes with him. And I keep telling him hey man, you probably need to cut her out of your life, because I've been there and it felt better once I let her go, but he refuses to listen. Also he yelled at me for drinking, which considering I have always helped him out, and never judged him for cutting even though it kills me to see him do it, he has the motherfucking AUDACITY to judge me for getting drunk. I actually still haven't talked to him or his ex since that night......

 

anyway, that's all I can think of in my random ramblings in an attempt to let y'all know stuffs about me and also to clear my head and find something to do at 2:43 AM. So. Yeah. Good talk

[FacePuncher 1,343]

Oh, forgot to add, changed my profile pic to a semi-edgy selfie that I actually really like and I think it has a lot of meaning behind it so that's cool at least

[Jericho 917]

Well that's a handful, I'll toss some advice your way that you're free to do with as you will. I'll preface this by saying that I'm in no way qualified in any form of psychology from an educational standpoint, but I've been in very similar situations before so I kind of know how these could potentially play out.

 

So we'll start with you. If I remember correctly you were semi-recently about to get engaged to a girl and just beforehand you found out she was cheating on you and ended things. So you're in a position of vulnerability. The way I've always handled breakups is that I attached increased importance to other aspects of my life to fill the gaps until I was ready to deal with those feelings. That's why you'll see some people throw themselves into work or fitness or something like that. I would always take gaming more seriously when that kind of thing happened. It seems like you've done a similar thing but for you it's more about proving to yourself that you are still attractive to women. Everything else (wanting to be skinny, improving your diet etc) all relate back to girls. This is totally fine, but I've always found that pushing into something completely unrelated easier since early on in a breakup you aren't really going to every be at your A game for women, but it's not as likely to throw off your sweet dunks on the B-ball court or whatever. The extar complication you have to get into by trying to get back out there is that cognative bias is something that, if you aren't aware of it, is going to fuck you super hard. Since you already felt that you aren't doing as well with women, every rejection is going to stand out a bit more. You'll also get more than usual because you're still dealing with the last relationship internally. So as long as you actively compensate for this (as in, don't worry about the rejections, just enjoy the successes and focus on those) you'll be ok.

 

So let's talk Trevor. Obviously I can't be certain but it sounds like Trevor has undiagnosed autism in some form or another. He can't empathize with another human being, which in turn causes all of these problems. He doesn't understand that getting into/staying in shape aren't always easy for people genetically/a priority for everyone. He literally thinks that his world views are facts of life. If he thinks fitness matters then he literally doesn't understand why someone else wouldn't. So to him the logical conclusion is that his girlfriend is being lazy, so he calls her out on it. And since he can't empathize he doesn't see why his words are incredibly hurtful to her. This also applies to him giving you a hard time, but it's so much worse coming from a significant other. He's literally emotionally abusing her and he doesn't even realize it. This is also why he brushes off your scholarship issues and focuses on his random garbage. He doesn't have scholarship issues so he doesn't get why you do, and he thinks his problems are a big deal. I honestly think he should go see a psychologist if he doesn't want to ruin all of his relationships, because they can teach strategies to austists that will replace genuine empathy.

 

Daniel just sounds like someone who's never had a problem that couldn't be solved by money. He either needs someone who doesn't care about maintaining a relationship with him to completely stomp him in a debate or he needs to be cutoff for a year or two and learn a bit of humility.

 

His lady, fuck man I dunno. Sometimes chicks are like that, but it might have something to do with the ex/kid. When you have to maintain a relationship with an ex because of a child sometimes your tolerance for other things gets drained by them and you just get snippy. I'd probably just cut her some slack if it's only every once in a while. Chock it up to her having a bad day.

 

Gio doesn't have lady issues, he has confidence issues. That dude is still hung up on his ex because, I'm assuming, she's the only chick to ever give him the time of day. He doesn't think anyone else will so he can't move on from her. I would say him calling you on the drinking is more of a deflection than an honest opinion (unless you're doing dangerous shit that stems form it). He can't fathom a world where he doesn't get this girl back so he thinks you're trying to take her away from him and he lashes out. If he gets a bit of confidence then he'd probably be ready to move on some day. A little time with a therapist would probably do a world of good.

 

PS: You probably could post it as an MS. The grading team is moving as fast as a constipated turtle.

Edited January 19, 2017 by Jericho

[Molholt 2,183]

My thoughts that you probably don't want/need lol...

 

My sleep schedule gets off like that all the time, the super unhealthy way I fix it is by staying up all night one night, so that I'm ready to sleep early the next night. It jumps me right back into a normal schedule usually. It makes me so ready to sleep that I don't have time to think (I've always been one to get caught up in thoughts like that as well). 

 

I'm also playing WD2, and it's pretty great.

 

I drink a lot of pop as well. What I did, rather than cut it out, was I started buying the 7.5 oz cans, the really small ones. Basically, anytime that I normally would've drank a 12 oz can or 20 oz bottle, I drank one of those instead. Just cutting back that helped a lot. Then if you want to incorporate more water you can. Get flavored water or something you can add to water. Water sucks. 10 calories from something you mix in is better than 150 from a can of soda. 

 

It sounds like your friends aren't people that are worth staying friends with. This might sound harsh, but they sound like the guys I was friends with in college because I lived with them, and since graduation we don't talk much anymore. I've always found that I cut down the herd quite a bit. I essentially have a handful of friends that I can really, truly count on and that I get along with 95% of the time and I cut out the rest. I live with my best friend from high school, kept essentially one friend from college who I talk to nightly usually and have a couple of close friends at work. The rest? Not worth it. I don't have time for it and its not necessary. Surround yourself with people who you want to be around and want to be around you, who cares about the rest? Life is too short to be around people who make you unhappy or don't care about you. I'd talk to them about the things that bother you and if nothing is going to change, why waste your time?

 

Also, don't do a bunch of stuff to try and change yourself to attract more girls. This will sound cheesy, but find someone that cares about you for you, not for whatever chameleon you're trying to be. I realized that I hid playing video games from like my first three girlfriends and I never realized how dumb that was until I was with someone I could be completely open with. I was worried about them judging me or my use of time and really, if they don't like who I am, then why am I wasting time with it? 

 

Anyway, everything is so small in the grand scheme of things that nothing is worth worrying about or stressing about. Just be you, be happy.

[FacePuncher 1,343]

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

Well that's a handful, I'll toss some advice your way that you're free to do with as you will. I'll preface this by saying that I'm in no way qualified in any form of psychology from an educational standpoint, but I've been in very similar situations before so I kind of know how these could potentially play out.

yeah, I was just thinking. Sometimes my brain gets way fuzzy and I usually cope by either thinking through everything and writing it down, so I was like why dont I just write it in here so you're forced to see it!

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

So we'll start with you. If I remember correctly you were semi-recently about to get engaged to a girl and just beforehand you found out she was cheating on you and ended things. So you're in a position of vulnerability. The way I've always handled breakups is that I attached increased importance to other aspects of my life to fill the gaps until I was ready to deal with those feelings. That's why you'll see some people throw themselves into work or fitness or something like that. I would always take gaming more seriously when that kind of thing happened. It seems like you've done a similar thing but for you it's more about proving to yourself that you are still attractive to women. Everything else (wanting to be skinny, improving your diet etc) all relate back to girls. This is totally fine, but I've always found that pushing into something completely unrelated easier since early on in a breakup you aren't really going to every be at your A game for women, but it's not as likely to throw off your sweet dunks on the B-ball court or whatever. The extar complication you have to get into by trying to get back out there is that cognative bias is something that, if you aren't aware of it, is going to fuck you super hard. Since you already felt that you aren't doing as well with women, every rejection is going to stand out a bit more. You'll also get more than usual because you're still dealing with the last relationship internally. So as long as you actively compensate for this (as in, don't worry about the rejections, just enjoy the successes and focus on those) you'll be ok.

Yeah, I get that. A lot of people keep telling me to take it slow and don't jump back into things. A lot of things I have rerouted to, like playing a ton of video games. I'm just, partly I'm the king of unhealthy relationships, so that doesn't help me a lot haha. Ik I'm definitely not ready for a serious relationship right now, it's just I would like at least a relationship. Of course I miss the physical, the cuddling and sex and stuff, but mostly I just hate not having anyone to talk to. My phone has been so slow lately and no texts, which sucks and makes meh lonely.

 

plus there's the whole thing where she was my first, so like, if I could break that and just get with someone, even if it's just a one night thing, it would help a lot. I hate thinking about her and what she did with the other guy.....I just want to replace those images with something of my own.

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

So let's talk Trevor. Obviously I can't be certain but it sounds like Trevor has undiagnosed autism in some form or another. He can't empathize with another human being, which in turn causes all of these problems. He doesn't understand that getting into/staying in shape aren't always easy for people genetically/a priority for everyone. He literally thinks that his world views are facts of life. If he thinks fitness matters then he literally doesn't understand why someone else wouldn't. So to him the logical conclusion is that his girlfriend is being lazy, so he calls her out on it. And since he can't empathize he doesn't see why his words are incredibly hurtful to her. This also applies to him giving you a hard time, but it's so much worse coming from a significant other. He's literally emotionally abusing her and he doesn't even realize it. This is also why he brushes off your scholarship issues and focuses on his random garbage. He doesn't have scholarship issues so he doesn't get why you do, and he thinks his problems are a big deal. I honestly think he should go see a psychologist if he doesn't want to ruin all of his relationships, because they can teach strategies to austists that will replace genuine empathy.

Tbh I think it's just that he's a stereotypical country boy super conservative. Maybe that ties into it somehow. Idk, I just don't want his gf to hurt because of him, and like you said I don't think he realizes it so I don't want him to fuck shit up with her and hate himself for it before it's too late.

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

Daniel just sounds like someone who's never had a problem that couldn't be solved by money. He either needs someone who doesn't care about maintaining a relationship with him to completely stomp him in a debate or he needs to be cutoff for a year or two and learn a bit of humility.

Yeah, probably. I think some of it is how he was raised. Like, I definitely didn't grow up poor(until I kinda forced myself to beam but that's a different story). My family was probably upper-middle class. But my dad came from a very poor family of seven on welfare. He knew how important it was to save and shit, and he didn't just hand me whatever I wanted. Daniel comes from a family where his father, his grandfather, and his great-grandfather all made it big. i mean shit, his dad bought him and his brother A HOUSE  to stay at during college. Like, shit lol.

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

His lady, fuck man I dunno. Sometimes chicks are like that, but it might have something to do with the ex/kid. When you have to maintain a relationship with an ex because of a child sometimes your tolerance for other things gets drained by them and you just get snippy. I'd probably just cut her some slack if it's only every once in a while. Chock it up to her having a bad day.

Yeah she's not too bad. Sometimes she just ticks me off tho. Some of the problem might be that our friend group is 3 guys and her, so she probably gets sick of our shit after a while lol

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

Gio doesn't have lady issues, he has confidence issues. That dude is still hung up on his ex because, I'm assuming, she's the only chick to ever give him the time of day. He doesn't think anyone else will so he can't move on from her. I would say him calling you on the drinking is more of a deflection than an honest opinion (unless you're doing dangerous shit that stems form it). He can't fathom a world where he doesn't get this girl back so he thinks you're trying to take her away from him and he lashes out. If he gets a bit of confidence then he'd probably be ready to move on some day. A little time with a therapist would probably do a world of good.

He might, idk. I'm no therapist either haha. Speaking of which he's had a therapist but since then he's gotten worse so idk. I've never been one to put a lot of stock in therapy but that's just me. He definitely wants that girl back though, and likely thinks I'm trying to take her away from him since I mayyyyyyyyyyyyy have done that once(ik, I broke the bro code, not cool). But yeah, I'm just trying to help him but like, it's just he's judging me after I didn't judge him and that makes me mad.

 

my drinking habits may not be the best considering I don't really have a stop button, but he don't know that!

10 hours ago, Jericho said:

PS: You probably could post it as an MS. The grading team is moving as fast as a constipated turtle.

Hue 

[FacePuncher 1,343]

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

My thoughts that you probably don't want/need lol...

I mean I did post this on the site for a reason

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

My sleep schedule gets off like that all the time, the super unhealthy way I fix it is by staying up all night one night, so that I'm ready to sleep early the next night. It jumps me right back into a normal schedule usually. It makes me so ready to sleep that I don't have time to think (I've always been one to get caught up in thoughts like that as well). 

Yeah, I need a sleep study or something. It's not as big of a problem when my life is going better, but also I've never been a morning person, I'm more of the "stay up till 4 wake up at 11" guy.

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

I'm also playing WD2, and it's pretty great.

Quickly becoming one of my favorite series. Hope they keep it up. I'm a big Ubisoft fan as well

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

I drink a lot of pop as well. What I did, rather than cut it out, was I started buying the 7.5 oz cans, the really small ones. Basically, anytime that I normally would've drank a 12 oz can or 20 oz bottle, I drank one of those instead. Just cutting back that helped a lot. Then if you want to incorporate more water you can. Get flavored water or something you can add to water. Water sucks. 10 calories from something you mix in is better than 150 from a can of soda. 

Yeah, I've cut back a lot. When I don't work, that helps some(I work at a gas station and I get free fountain drinks soooooo), but mostly I've tried to stop buying it as well. Like, if I go to a restaurant, I'll get water so it's cheaper. Trying to save money right now as well, because I don't have a steady inflow of cash and I spent a lot on this damn ex ?

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

It sounds like your friends aren't people that are worth staying friends with. This might sound harsh, but they sound like the guys I was friends with in college because I lived with them, and since graduation we don't talk much anymore. I've always found that I cut down the herd quite a bit. I essentially have a handful of friends that I can really, truly count on and that I get along with 95% of the time and I cut out the rest. I live with my best friend from high school, kept essentially one friend from college who I talk to nightly usually and have a couple of close friends at work. The rest? Not worth it. I don't have time for it and its not necessary. Surround yourself with people who you want to be around and want to be around you, who cares about the rest? Life is too short to be around people who make you unhappy or don't care about you. I'd talk to them about the things that bother you and if nothing is going to change, why waste your time?

Yeah, I get that. Idk if we will stay friends or not. It's just they are occasionally fun to be around, and at this point it's either hang out with them or be lonely. I'm not a big social butterfly(by design though) but it's nice to have at least someone for right now. At the very least as someone to drive me to the grocery store

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

Also, don't do a bunch of stuff to try and change yourself to attract more girls. This will sound cheesy, but find someone that cares about you for you, not for whatever chameleon you're trying to be. I realized that I hid playing video games from like my first three girlfriends and I never realized how dumb that was until I was with someone I could be completely open with. I was worried about them judging me or my use of time and really, if they don't like who I am, then why am I wasting time with it? 

Yeah, I gotcha. I'm not trying to change my personality really, just my look. Part of that could just be my insecurity though. If someone  doesn't like me because I play a ton of video games or do sim leagues, they can gtfo lol

5 hours ago, Molholt said:

Anyway, everything is so small in the grand scheme of things that nothing is worth worrying about or stressing about. Just be you, be happy.

I can try, it's just if it was that easy I'd feel better by now already