An Ode to Boner [1/2]

[CowboyinAmerica 2,840]

 

Boner: He Might Not Be a Hall of Famer, but He's Got the Stats of One

 

There is a current VHL defenseman who is top five in both hits and shots blocked, just as he has been the past couple of seasons. In only his sixth year, he will likely become the 20^th player to top 2000 hits and the 28^th player to top 1000 shots blocked by the end of next season. It’s entirely possible that he’ll be top ten in both categories by the end of his career. Oh, and by the way, he’s done all this despite not updating in a few seasons.

 

His name is Boner. And he could be stiff competition for a Hall of Fame spot.

 

Sound crazy? Perhaps it is. Created by former Vasteras Iron Eagles (RIP) general manager Corco, Boner is technically spelled with an accent over the e, but that’s not as fun. Currently, he has been stuck on 320 TPE since roughly his second year in the VHL. Over that time, he’s amassed just 169 points, but his greatest contributions have come on the defensive end: 1634 hits and 868 shots blocked over the course of his career. While other players such as Ay Ay Ron have amassed defensive accolades, Boner has quietly been one of the best defensive players in the entire league—he actually tops Ron in career hits and shots blocked, despite playing one fewer season than the former defenseman.

 

And here’s where the naysayers would come in: Well sure, but Boner’s actually put up those stats because he’s been on a bad team. In actuality, though, that hasn’t been the case. Boner did start out on some rebuilding teams, being drafted to Stockholm then moving over to Calgary when the team’s roster was ported there in Season 58. But as a member of that franchise, Boner has gone to the playoffs each of the past two years—and in fact, some would argue that his mysterious virus that caused him to miss playoff games last year was a big reason Calgary fell in the finals. This season on Riga, Boner is poised to go to the playoffs once again—that would put him on a winning team for exactly half of his career seasons thus far.

 

It’s highly unlikely that Boner will make the Hall of Fame. His offensive stats are lacking for one, and secondly I think the league’s leadership might have an aneurysm if a new player came in and saw “Boner” as the league’s most recent HOF inductee. But that doesn’t mean he should be ignored from the proverbial Hall of Very Good, especially as his offense is picking up in the latter part of his career (his current 47 points on Riga’s high-powered first line is by far the most of his career). By the time all is said and done, he’ll certainly pass Hall of Famers like Olivier Scarlett, David Walcott, and even trophy namesake Sterling Labatte in both hits and shots blocked.

 

And let’s be real—I’m not one to typically like dumb names, but there’s something pure about a player named Boner, ahem, boning the competition. It remains to be seen whether he will be on Riga past this year, especially given his upcoming depreciation, but I do hope he gets a title. It would be glorious to see the name Boner on a banner, with parents shielding their kid’s eyes from looking up to the rafters for generations to come.

[Tyler 882]

 

[Jose Gonzalez 33]

JGRS Review
Information: 10/10 Being new the the VHL I never heard of Bonér (note only useful time to have an international keyboard in the US....) so thanks for informing me on some more history.
Readability: 9/10 Good job but not good enough for a perfect