Corco

Revenge 😩

Isle of Man SHOULD be Europe but I wouldn’t actually make that roster, so I shouldn’t complain.

My body is ready.

+10 Chad Magnum

the team that shitposted their way to a cup

Now I want an actual Media Spot generator

Chad Magnum Center 6' / 195lbs. Just an overall beautiful man Strengths 1. Literal Strength - Magnum is arguably one of the strongest players currently in the VHLM; the only players with a higher strength attribute than Magnum are: Shawn Glade Jr. (OTT), Danny DeYeeto (SSK), David O'Quinn (SSK), Erik Summers (MEX), Jaxon Walker (MEX), Oskar Lagesson (MEX), and Kevin Reegsman (MIS). Magnum spends a minimum of 20 hours in the gym daily though, so don't expect those six aforementioned VHLMers to stay ahead of him for long. 2. Scoring - Don't let his statline of 35GP 2G 2A 4P 0.11PPG fool you, Chad Magnum is a scoring machine (on and off the rink ;)). Sure, on the surface the scoring numbers don't look good, but that's not the whole story. See, Chad Magnum will only shoot the puck when he knows that it will go in, hence his eye-popping, astounding, and amazing 20% shooting percentage. Expect Magnum to routinely pot 200 goals a season in the VHL. 3. Leadership - If you want an alpha-male leader on your team, look no further; Chad Magnum is your guy. Despite having only a 40 rating in the official VHL leadership statistic, Magnum oozes charisma. I mean just look at him; strong, chiseled jawline, buff physique, and huge but not problematic groin. You cannot look at him and tell me that he won't be the greatest VHL player in history. Weaknesses 1. Discipline - Never one to back down from a challenge to his status as the VHL's alpha male, Magnum will almost certainly take a penalty or get into it with an opposing player for the most trivial of reasons. For example, Magnum took a slashing penalty against Saskatoon's Danny DeYeeto for DeYeeto simply telling Magnum that he thought Fight Club wasn't worthy of it's 8.8/10 rating on IMDB. Magnum will need to develop thicker skin in the future if he wants to stay out of the box (he won't though). 2. Puck Skills - Having never even put on ice skates before signing a contract with the Mexico City Kings earlier in the season, scouts would say that Magnum is doing pretty well for himself so far, all things considered. That being said, Chad possesses little to no puck skill whatsoever; passing, puck handling, you name it, he sucks butt at it. 3. Hoes - Chad simply cannot help himself when it comes to the hoes. He can't resist; if he even glances at a hoe at any time, the hormones start ragin' and the moves start a makin'. If he isn't careful, hoes could derail Magnum's near-impeccable HoF career path. Hopefully his obsession with gardening equipment goes away by the time Magnum reaches the VHL.

Player Card Template Name: Chad Magnum Team: Yukon Rush Player Number: 69 Render Choice: here Are you S70?: Yes

Based on THIS roster F - (S11) Carl Jacobs, TPE: 691: I don't know much about Jacob's career outside of what I can find on his HoF page, but he seemed like a very likeable player. He had an impressive career that spanned a full eight seasons, but not having enough individual awards kept him off my Team Canada. F - (S31) Kameron Taylor, TPE: 1,303: Kameron Taylor just misses the cut here, despite having a higher career point total than two players selected to the team (Ethan Osborne and Zach Parechkin). Taylor will without a doubt be remembered for being the face of the now-defunct Cologne Express, bringing them into relevancy nearly all by himself. A lack of career hardware outside of two Jonsson trophies and a Kevin Brooks trophy hurt his chances of making my Team Canada. @Kendrick F - (S16) Jardy Bunclewirth, TPE: 841: Perhaps one of the greatest 1st-generation players of all-time, Jardy Bunclewirth broke onto the scene in S18, winning RotY along with a Continental Cup with the Wranglers. Bunclewirth would go on to have an illustrious career, highlighted by a Scotty Campbell Trophy, Brett Slobodzian Trophy, two Lemieux trophies, and two more continental cups. He just missed the cut for my roster due to having less points than any of the other forwards on the roster. @JardyB10 F - (S1) Brett Slobodzian, TPE: 355: Perhaps one of the biggest "what-if's?" in VHL history is Brett Slobodzian. The Saskatoon native amassed a whopping 636 points in only 360 games; this amounted to a career points-per-game average of 1.77, 2nd only to the VHL god, Scotty Campbell. Had Slobodzian not retired early and kept up with his career PPG, he would have had a chance to be only the 2nd VHL player ever to reach the 1,000 point plateau.

@STZ @Beketov @sterling @Bushito @Jericho @DollarAndADream

I've been looking at old indexes today, and it looks like Jardy put his nationality as Austrian in the sim.

This is the shit I like. Also can't believe that Hall of Fame CPU player Alex Rawnsley was FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY from Austria.

1. Mississauga is now only 2 points behind us. Are you worried or do you think we can hold the 2nd place spot from them? Eh, it's still early and we're only going to get better, I think we hold it down. 2. Jaxon Walker is currently our only player in the top 10 in points. Who do you think is going to pop off next and move into the top 10 in the VHLM? Chad Magnum, obviously. All I need to do is score 10+ PPG the rest of the season and I'm good. 3. Now that we are halfway done with the season. What are your Win-Lose-OTL predictions for the end of the season? I can personally guarantee that we will not lose a single game the rest of the season, provided that we score more goals than the opposing team. 4. We have the 2nd and 3rd most hitting players in the VHLM. Why do you think we are so angry? Anabolic Steroids. We're all taking them together in the showers pre-game. 5. The holidays are coming up quickly, what are you looking forward to the most? Kissing coach's wife under the mistletoe. 6. We are thinking about organizing a team vacation, where is your ideal location for this? Vasteras, Sweden.

For these rankings, I used three separate variables: Number of Players, Average TPE, and Total TPE. I then ranked each nationality in each of the aforementioned three statistics and assigned a weight to each (1x for Number of Players rank, 2x for Average TPE rank and 3x for Total TPE). The actual values themselves are hard to explain, so I'll just leave this link here so everybody can see the system I used. This data is as of November 22nd, 2019. Complete Rankings 1st. United Kingdom Coming in at 1st overall in these rankings is the United Kingdom; led by strong earners Joseph McWolf, Finn Davison, and Phil Marleau, the U.K. stands atop these rankings due to a strong blend of all three rating criteria. They only have five players below 200 TPE, and all of them are S68 draftees or later, so don't expect the U.K. to slide down in the rankings that much, if at all, next season. 2nd. Latvia I've been out of sim leagues for nearly 2 years, but before I left I remember that [real?] Latvians were becoming a force in the VHL and other leagues, so it's no surprise to me to see them ranked 2nd overall here. They're led by a trio of high-TPE earners, Kallis Kriketers, Randoms, and John Frostbeard; Their only visible weakness is a lack of youth, with only one draftee from later than S67, defenseman Aldis Auzins, who unfortunately declared for the S70 draft after these rankings were compiled. 3rd. Canada You would be kidding yourself if you didn't think that Canada would at least be in the Top 3 of these rankings. Hockey is Canada's sport, and the numbers back that statement up too; of the 58 nations in these rankings, Canada has every nation beat in # of players (157) and Total TPE (40,522). The United States are relatively close behind the Canadians in enrollment with 146, but nobody is even in the same ballpark as Canada in terms of Total TPE, the U.S. is again the next closest at 33,600, but after that the numbers fall off a cliff; the United Kingdom is a distant 3rd with 6,516 TPE. The reason that despite the gargantuan lead they possess in the aforementioned two categories, the Canadians are 1st overall, is that the lack the high average TPE that the U.K. and Latvia have. For the many superstars Canada has, such as Brick Wahl, Jake Davis, Julian Borwinn, and Kronos Bailey, they also have the inverse, players like Vander Peng, Bilal Syed, and Jesse Sublime; players who amounted to nothing in their career, but still negatively affect Canada in these ratings. 4th. Ireland The Irish grab the 4th overall spot in these rankings thanks to a handful of hard-working, albeit slightly less than superstar-level players, such as JB Rift, Konstantin Mulligan, Denver Wolfe, and Lando Baxter. Much like their neighbors to the east, the Irish are strong in average TPE, coming in 8th overall in that regard. Expect them to slip a bit in next years rankings due to the impending retirement of defensemen Konstantin Mulligan and Lando Baxter, but look for two young Irish defenders, Odin Omdahl (S70) and Kevin Reegsman (S69) to pick up the slack. 5th. Finland We're starting to see a bit of a pattern in these rankings; that pattern being that 3 having strong TPE earners are key to landing a high ranking. Finland's Big 3 are forwards Rauno Palo, Joel Ylonen, and Mikko Aaltonen; those three account for over 50% of Finland's Total TPE. Don't expect Finland to stay at this position in the rankings for long though, as they have a trove of young talent, such as Mikko Lahtinen, Griff Manzer, and Mikeal Cuddy, all of whom are S69 or younger. 6th. United States of America Team USA suffers from the same problems Team Canada does; placing 2nd in both # of players and Total TPE simply isn't enough to offset a low average TPE. The Americans have a glut of stars, like Alexander Pepper, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen, and Julius Freeman, but it's the vast amount of ~35 TPE guys that drag the USA down to the 6th spot in these rankings. 7th. Sweden Instead of having a big 3 like their Nordic neighbors the Finns, the Swedes have more of a Big 2.5; the Big Swedish 2.5 consists of wingers Pat Svoboda, Elias Dahlberg, and Henrik Zoiderberg, who compose nearly 45% of Sweden's Total TPE. Sweden's biggest weakness right now is a positional one, as they only have three current goalies, none of whom are above 120 TPE; they are all young though (S69/S70), so there is a chance this weakness turns into a strength soon. 8th. Poland Poland very much reminds me of Ireland; they have no real superstar player, but Greg Eagles and Piotr Jerwa lead a small, but hardy squad of Poles who manage to grab the 8th overall spot in these rankings. They don't have much young talent outside of S69 draftee Boris Boris though, so their current rank may be in jeopardy in a few seasons time. 9th. Australia Like the Polish above them, the Australians also lack a true star player. Berocka Sundqvist and A Red Guy are the two best Australians; this whole group is young though, they definitely have room to grow. Their lowest TPE players that will make an impact in the VHL are ~250 TPE, and only S68/S69 draftees. Also, absolutely LOVE the name Baka Lakalaka. 10th. Italy Italy's current rank of 10th overall may come as a bit of a surprise (it certainly did to me), but I don't expect Italy to maintain this rank next year. Their highest TPE player, Paolo Nano, is retiring at the end of this season and while Luciano Valentino is definitely the next big Italian VHL star, I don't see him being able to easily make up the 700+ TPE that will be lost with Nano's retirement. 11th. Russia Just like Italy above them, Russia is in trouble. Their current superstar, Maxim Kovalchuk, stands at 1,149 TPE, but is retiring at the season's end. Vladimir Pavlov is solid, Dimitri Volosenkov, Valeri Morozov, and Viktor Kozlov are all decent role players, but after them Russia doesn't have much young star talent waiting in the wings. I expect them to drop a few spots at minimum in next season's rankings after Kovalchuk hangs up the skates. 12th. Iceland Finally we break away from the trend of nations whose ranking will likely drop in the coming seasons; Iceland looks to be a team on the rise. They only have two players older than S68, Bjorn Scoringsonn and Kolur Bjoernsson, and those two are both solid players at the VHL level; the rest of the nation's roster is oozing with promising young talent. Wolf Stansson Jr, Sigard Gunnar, and Shush Nyko all project to be stars at the VHL level, and I would definitely expect to see Iceland crack the Top 10 of these rankings in the coming seasons. 13th. Czechia The Czechs are buoyed by two impact players at the VHL level, Shawnomir Jagr and Mat Tocco. Dagmar Havlova (S69) is a promising young talent, but I wouldn't exactly call him a future star just yet. If he does develop nicely, we could see Czechia creep up a big in the rankings. 14th. Spain Spain's roster only consists of two players, but as the old saying goes, Quality > Quantity. Elasmobranch Fish and Carles Puigdemont are the pride and joy of Spanish hockey, with both players having enough skill to make an impact on the VHL rink. 15th. Slovenia Slovenia is the highest ranked nation with only one representative, and they have current VHL TPE leader Ryan Kastelic to thank for that. Kastelic has been one of the best players in a VHL for seasons now, and while he may be losing a step or two due to old age, he can still skate with the best of them. Slovenia may dissapear completely from these rankings when Kastelic hangs em up, but they certainly are having their moment in the sun right now. 16th. South Korea South Korea is along the same mold as Spain; only two solid, yet subdued VHL talents in Chico Smeb and Matthew Kai. Those two may not be stars, but they provide South Korea with enough TPE to take the 16th overall spot in these rankings. 17th. Japan As we get lower and lower in these rankings, the amount of players a nation has usually begins to drop; Japan bucks this trend a bit. Of Japan's 7 total players, 4 of them have reached the VHL, and while Kefka Palazzo, Ryo Yamazuki II, Hiroshi Okada, and Bald Guy aren't going to be setting records anytime soon, they have enough TPE between them to propel Japan to 17th overall. 18th. Ukraine Ukraine is all about that Jet Jaguar babyyy. The Center has played all four seasons of his career for Moscow so far, amassing 253 points in 244 games as of today. Rede Kachur is a promising prospect though, as he currently has 74 TPE and is scheduled to be drafted in S70. 19th. Hong Kong Another twofer here; Dalton Wilcox and Hugh Chan make up the entirety of Hong Kong's current, and while they aren't TPE whores, they do enough to keep Hong Kong in the Top 20, snagging 19th overall. 20th. Germany Of all the remaining teams, Germany has the highest amount of players on their roster with 13; this is actually the 6th highest amount of players that single country has, but for the Germans, it's mostly Quantity over Quality. Mark Gebauer is the only player of VHL caliber, and outside of promising young players Erik Summers and Roadkill Steve, there isn't much hope for the future of German VHL talent. 21st. Taiwan Here we have our 2nd nation with only one roster member; Tzuyu, a Taiwanese member of the esteemed Fong player agency, has represented Taiwan well on the VHL stage, winning two Continental Cups with the Toronto Legion as well as an Alexander Valiq Trophy as the leagues top offensive defenseman in S65. Tzuyu isn't getting any younger though, and Taiwan is in danger of falling off the map completely when he retires after next season. 22nd. Denmark The Danes seem to always have some representation in the VHL, and while their current ranking is abit low, I could definitely see it rising considerably in the future. They have a glut of young talent in Soren Jensen, Lewis Dawson, and Frans Eller. The continued positive development of these youngsters will be key to Denmark rising in next season's rankings. 23rd. North Korea Acyd Burn is a superstar in the making, and Kim Jong Un has a bit of talent as well, but Burn is the straw that stirs the drink for North Korean hockey. He and Jon Un could definitely help North Korea gain a few spots in these rankings next season. 24th. India Indian goaltender Michael Johnson hasn't exactly had a favorable start to his young career so far, posting a .912 SvPct and a 2.94 GAA, but there's no reason to think he won't improve his play and TPE-earning, which would also give India a boost in these rankings. 25th. France For the past few seasons Guillaume Fontenette has been the face of French hockey in the VHL, but that looks to be changing soon; S69 6th overall pick Guy Lesieur has all the talent of a future VHL star, and expect his rise to coincide with the rise of France in the rankings. 26th. Vatican City Condor Adrienne, represented by the prestigious Green/OrbitingDeath agency, may not have the talent yet to make a big impact on the VHL rink, but he certainly has the work ethic and the pedigree. Expect to see the Vatican rise in these rankings next season. 27th. Monaco A season ago, ACL Tear was giving Monaco hockey fans a reason to believe, but now, he's giving them a reason to doubt. Tear had all the makings of a future star, but abrubtly stopped going to practice a few weeks ago. Monaco was set to jump in the rankings, with Tear as their only representative, but now that jump looks to be in danger. 28th. Sri Lanka Sri Lanka certainly is not a place you would expect VHL talent to arrive from, but Nethila Dissanayake doesn't care what you think. Dissanayake is an impact player at the VHL level, and continues to work hard on and off the ice. Will it be enough for Sri Lanka to rise in the rankings though? 29th. Switzerland You would think that the Swiss would have had more talent, given that they house one of the VHL's most historic franchises, the Davos Dynamo. Alas, this is not the case, as Owen May is the only current Swiss representation at the VHL level. S70 draftees Gabriel and Leon Gutzwiler have shown flashes of promise though, and if they continue to develop we could definitely see Switzerland elevate themselves above the 29th spot. 30th. Brunei Brunei's [only ever?] VHL representation Keven Foreskin gives Brunei the 30th overall position in these rankings. The S68 draftee has shown that he can make an impact in the VHL as a two-way center, but will need to continue his development on the offensive side of the puck as well if Brunei wants to improve upon their current standing. 31st. Slovakia Despite having six total players, Slovakia is still ranked at a lowly 31st. There is some promise here though, as their entire current roster is S68 or younger, and they definitely stand a chance to improve if Ondrej Ohradka and Milos Slavik continue to lead the way. 32nd. Egypt S69 1st overall pick Cinnamon Block will be the reason that Egypt rises in the rankings next season. The defenseman has all the makings of a superstar in the VHL, and is already well on the way to stardom. 33rd. Sierra Leone While Walter Clements may not be the hardest working VHLer, he certainly knows his role and plays it well. The defense-first center may not help Sierra Leone move up much in the rankings, but there's always a chance he turns up the work ethic. 34th. The Netherlands Kari Jurri is the only Dutchman to make it to the VHL and even then, he wasn't anything special, scoring 26 points in S66. He has not played since. Don't expect Holland to move up in the rankings next season. 35th. Austria Clayton Park has carved out a halfway-decent career as a backup netminder in the VHL, but him not showing up to practice in months is the reason why Austria doesn't appear poised to rise in the rankings anytime soon. 36th. Singapore Jerry Wang made his VHL debut this season after posting a 95 point season last year in the VHLM. While he may not end up being a gamebreaking player, he's solid enough that Singapore should gain a spot or two in the rankings next season. 37th. South Africa Not gonna lie, I love this name. 38th. Niger I also love this name. 39th. Serbia Petrovic comes from a storied agency, and while he may not end up a superstar like some of his agency's previous players, he will certainly make an impact. Serbia should rise a few spots next season. 40th. Dominican Republic Encarnacion comes from a long line of highly successful VHLers. I certainly wouldn't be shocked to see the Dominican Republic up there with Slovenia and Taiwan as countries with a single, TPE-whore superstar in a few seasons. 41st. Belgium 42nd. Romania 43rd. Hungary 44th. Lithuania 45th. Estonia 46th. Antarctica 47th. Armenia 48th. Bolivia 49th. Haiti 50th. Belarus 51st. Bosnia and Herzegovina 52nd. Norway 53rd. Jamaica 54th. China 55th. Cambodia 56th. Mexico 57th. Israel 58th. Brazil @Members 8,000+ Words Claiming for the following weeks: 11/25-12/1 12/2-12/8 12/9-12/15 12/16-12/22