Halifax Players Sacrifice a Goat Before Game 7's Overtime Period, Attempt to Recruit Audience for Cult via JumboTron

[Gustav 6,099]

HALIFAX--The VHLM playoffs this season brought with them a wave of promise this season, as arguably the deepest-ever draft class and the most talented VHLM population of all time assembled with their respective teams in an all-out battle for supremacy. Though one side of the bracket saw the Yukon Rush winning the play-in round in two games and subsequently losing in 5 to the Minnesota Storm, the other side brought with it a far more interesting and well-fought matchup, one that had been anticipated all season long and was simply destined to be--the series between the Houston Bulls and the Halifax 21st. After falling behind by 2 games in the series, the Bulls rallied back to force a game 7, which, as all good game sevens must, went to overtime. What happened before that overtime period, however, left Houston coaches and management displeased with the ambience in Halifax. 

 

After the buzzer sounded to end the third period, all lights in the arena were shut off, save for a dim red glow around the whole ice surface. Halifax players formed a circle on the ice, whereupon a goat was brought into their midst and slaughtered. 

 

"The guy doing it didn't look much like a priest or a rabbi, either," said Finn Theismann, who contributed a goal and an assist for the Bulls during regulation. "That's the Church of Satan if I've ever seen it."

 

Afterward, a brief ad was run on the arena's large video scoreboard, advertising an "alternate lifestyle" in Guatemala, sponsored by the team. 

 

"Ye ken, Ah want tae stick it tae th' cheil an' graw mah hair it an' shower ance a month an' vote fur obscure third parties. But Ah awreddy dae 'at," said Callum MacElroy, the Bulls' token Scotsman. "Somethin' is wrang thaur an' they're nae tellin' us."

 

Halifax then proceeded to win the game in the overtime period on a goal by Nathan MacKinnon, but Houston's staff was less than satisfied. Almost immediately afterward, the team asked the league to review the game and determine whether Halifax's display constituted an unsportsmanlike attempt to gain an advantage. 

 

When contacted about the matter, league officials declined to comment. 

[Radcow 63]

These Halifax guys will do anything to win. Smh.

[ShawnGlade 1,002]

What did I just read