The dumbest article I've written... so far

[Blazzer 759]

Welcome to DAMN IT BoG news! Today we are covering the riot outside the ‘BoG headquarters’. The awards ceremony was held at the Pines 1oa Hall in downtown New York with a whopping 3,200 athletes and their families attending the ‘prestigious’ event. The hall is rather small because it’s named after Jeffrey Pines that insisted he go 1^st overall hence companies refused to sponsor the building of this hall after such a bold claim. Let me explain what is the BoG. They are a group of people that take care and oversee everything in the league including the voting for the awards. My sources tell me that the awards was said to cause this riot.

 

The VHL awards. Many athletes fighting for one award just like football but here it’s all the metal towers. You know it doesn’t cost much to make a trophy so why fight for one when you can just make another one? Easy peasy! I guess the reason behind why they want it is because of prestige and acknowledgement. Who am I to say, I’m just a news reporter that is forced to cover this weird story. Was that why it caused the riot? My sources tell me no. So what’s the reason behind this massive upset? Is it all for fun or are they OUT FOR BLOOD? The riot has seen children uses (fake) axes and water guns (with no water) to shoot the police that try to stop them. Ahh children joining in the violence, such cute kids right? (I’m kidding, you should run)

During the riot, a little boy named Dr. Dil PfD. Apparently he’s the practice facility doctor and this is something I can’t confirm because he has many dad’s, indicating he’s a child. Would you let a child treat you after getting pucked in the face? Moving back to the riot. Dr. Dil lost dad #4 and #9 during the riot which made him panic and ask Mr. Muff for help. Baby dil took forever to try and find his dad because he couldn’t recognise them. Bad dil! The very kind Mr. Muff gave in and found dad #4 and #9.

 

The riot was targeting the BoG HQ but somehow ended up in the local swimming pool and trash dumping site . Due to exclusivity, the BoG never revealed their headquarters’ location to the league and the public. So how did they ‘find’ the assumed location of the BoG?

 

Mem(e)bers of the VHL and VHLM took out their maps..... Wait, what? Maps? Yes. Who uses maps now a days? *clears throat*  took out their maps and used a special technology to pin point the location. This technology is available everywhere at a high cost and everyone only has 10. Yes, they used their fingers and randomly poked the map to pin a location. The VHL community is so tightly bonded that they all touch the same location on the map. A small town outside of New York. After arriving at the location, they rioted with tear gas, water balloons, plush toys, beer cans etc. Oddly enough, they didn’t realise that none of the BoG were present and the most obvious thing is, there were zero office building within sight. It would have been expected at they used their incredible estimating skills to find a office building... That’s certainly not the way to do a riot.

 

The riot at the trash dumping site never took place and no one knew why. But reports have suggested that a group of tall, green humans were surrounding the site and they were pictured holding a bowl of egg salad each. Well known VHL member Beaviss is known to be addicted to egg salad. This led to many speculating that he indeed did a one man show and freaked out the people living near the site. Is that really effective? It is because America is known to have alien sightings so this help freak out more innocent people.

 

After the event ended and realisation set in, the league was fined with a $300,000 fine for vandalism and terrorising the peaceful neighbourhood. The VHL just might be bankrupt now, oh well.... A zamboni carcass was found in the pool and no one knew how it landed in there. The zamboni was charred and had a matte black surface from the burn. The biggest mystery is still out there. The world have never heard of the VHL and the BoG. So who are they and what made them do this?? The residents in that neighbourhood is now scarred for life with the constant fear of another attack like that. Meanwhile, police reports say that the people that suspected of being part of the riot have no record of being alive on Earth.

 

So what is the reason for the riot? This whole article has been full of nonsense and weird stuff so if you read this far, kudos buddy! But also why are you wasting your time on this article? You could have went over to an article by Jiggs, Laine or literally anyone else. But thank you. So the reason behind this huge pointless riot... I honestly don’t know. Its up to your imagination really. It could be because someone didn’t get an award they might have deserved or even because of a friend wanting to support another friend that didn’t get an award. It all up to you because Earth doesn’t know of a VHL. Let your imagination run wild! Moreover, when the citizens of the USA were asked about the Pines 1oa hall, none of them could tell where that was. This leads to even more confusion among the community.

 

5 days later…..

An unknown building in downtown New York collapsed after a loud bombing sound was reported by passer-by’s and residents. The ruins of the 20-story building that once stood tall and proud spreads across the streets, roads and the nearby park. Who was behind this horrible disaster? The ruins might give us some answers. According to ‘experts’, the concrete slabs are engraved with the logo with three letters and it’s WTF. WTF supposedly stands for where’s the food but ‘experts’ think it could be more sinister than that. There were many accessories that adorn the walls of this magnificent building. From logos like VHLM, VHL and even hockey jerseys. Is this the HQ of that mysterious league that started the riot and made citizens petrified? We will never know as there were no survivors of this disaster….

 

 

1084 words. For week ending 29/11 and 6/12

Edited November 16, 2020 by Blazzer

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

5 minutes ago, Blazzer said:

But also why are you wasting your time on this article? You could have went over to an article by Jiggs, Laine or literally anyone else.

Because I wanna see how dumb the article can be so I can maybe think of something even more dumb

[BOOM 8,744]

32 minutes ago, Blazzer said:

But also why are you wasting your time on this article?

 

Because I like to read when I poop. 

[rory 1,915]

idk what companies ain't sponsoring that building, Pines lending his name to that hall is a Christmas miracle 

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

4 minutes ago, rory said:

idk what companies ain't sponsoring that building, Pines lending his name to that hall is a Christmas miracle 

Can we get Pines to be Time Magazine's Person of the Year already?

[Blazzer 759]

32 minutes ago, rory said:

idk what companies ain't sponsoring that building, Pines lending his name to that hall is a Christmas miracle 

I heard they approached Siemen, Pfizer and also Taco Bell

[a_Ferk 766]

This article was exactly as advertised in the title, it was pretty dumb. I approve of the rioting against the Bog, it was pretty relatable. Not sure what you had going on the text, it changes colour like 3 times. Anyways I give this article like an 8/10. Sounds about right.

[JigglyGumballs 1,056]

34 minutes ago, Blazzer said:

I heard they approached Siemen, Pfizer and also Taco Bell

Taco Bell Hall sounds like a toilet emporium

Edited November 16, 2020 by JigglyGumballs

[Blazzer 759]

8 minutes ago, JigglyGumballs said:

Taco Bell Hall sounds like a toilet emporium

Taco Bell hall shouldn't even be a place. It would be gross

[Gustav 6,402]

2 hours ago, Blazzer said:

So the reason behind this huge pointless riot... I honestly don’t know.

 

This accurately describes 90% of all VHL riots and there's not much that can be said to convince me otherwise.

[Blazzer 759]

On 11/16/2020 at 12:51 PM, a_Ferk said:

Not sure what you had going on the text, it changes colour like 3 times.

I just saw this. I didn't do anything to the text actually, black coloured font all the way

[Blazzer 759]

Claiming week 1/2

[Blazzer 759]

Claiming week 2/2