Tixe

3

http://I.imgur.com/kZSBacY?r.PNG[/img] Not my best work, but first in a long time.

Sterling Archer Forward Assists Points

Danger Zone Sterling Archer Yukon Rush

Far from what I am capable of, I have never worked with a cartoon render before.

Ottawa 3 Brats 2

Blades Rush Royals

Like I'd ever do something unsportsmanlike. :rollseyes:

That point per game tear <3

Vlats?

Activity is easy with an LR like ours.

Very close game, that shot difference tho...

Ottawa Lynx 3-1

No Rush The call came in the early morning, as Archer turned over to grab the phone his arm ran across the girl next to him, Amy or Sharon, Melanie, whatever her name was, he reached past the empty alcohol bottles, and picked up his phone. It was showing a number from the Yukon, in Canada. Twenty minutes later, Archer was packing all his tacti-necks, as well as all the warm clothing he could find, as he was heading to the Yukon to play for the Rush, not his preferable location, with the lack of scantily clad women in bikinis on the beach, but with the cold and the dark of the arctic nights, he was sure he could find someone to help warm his bed before he and some other girl found their way back to it later His first season, a very raw rookie, in Yukon showed him to be one of the better players on the ice throughout the first handful of games, perhaps due to his defensive awareness and positioning. "It's all about being in the right place at the right time and the puck not in any danger in your own zone, you need to get the puck away from your zone if it is in danger." That is true, Archer, having the puck on your stick and actively making shots on your opponents net is what leads to goals. Who said you were a bad hockey player? "Someone said I was a bad hockey player? Who? I'd like to have a few words" Relax, it was a figure of speech, Sterling. Meaning to say you are a lot better than expected. "Than who expected" You know what? Never mind. So with Archers shot having put up 8 goals and 10 assists, good for 5th in league scoring, it shows that through dedication and effort, you will see results. "What? I show up drunk off my ass every practice and have been trying to get with the puck bunnies since I stepped off my plane." Wait, what? So how have you had time to practice? "Well I am practicing my stick handling skills, so maybe that has to do with it." The Rush themselves are doing well, with 7 wins in 12 games, they find themselves in a three way tie for 2nd place of the eight minor league teams and are doing everything they can to cement it and move up to even bigger accomplishments, namely a championship. "That is my first to-do, I want to win a championship and I want to win one really soon." You have that winners dedication, that drive to be the best, huh. "Oh no, can you imagine the amount of booze and women at the after party? I wouldn't be able to move an inch...not that I would." Do you think of anything besides women and alcohol? "Yeah, crocodiles, alligators, and aneurysms." Those are pretty scary yeah, why do you think of them? "Well, I have a fear of the first two, because of what they are, aneurysms can spring up anytime and without notice." Yeah, You could have one in the next thirty seconds. "Oh god, no. Don't even put that in my head. AHHHH! Now I can't stop thinking of it, you asshole." Well I guess that concludes my interview? "What the hell is wrong with you? I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die."

The Life and Times of Sterling Archer Early Life Sterling Mallory Archer, a man named after the sterling silver rattle given to his mother by his valet, Woodhouse, back when he was a bar man. According to the story, he received it from a clapped our Arab whore in exchange for a pint. Growing up, Archer believed his father to have passed away when he was three years old, but as it turns out his mother lied, a common occurrence when it comes to Archers father. Throughout his life he has searched for his biological father, eventually coming to realize that it could be one of a few prominent people in the spying industry, Russian Nikolai Jakov, rival organization O.D.I.N.'s head, Len Trexler, or could possibly be the jazz drummer, Buddy Rich. His mother later revealed the possibility of an Italian activist whom could also be Archers father. During his school years, he was sent to boarding school for his entire primary and secondary education, amounting in a total of fifteen years, showing his mothers distance from him and the cause of their strained relationship. He excelled at lacrosse, being offered a scholarship to John Hopkins University, however this was not to be as he would be the victim of gunshot wound and would not be able to play. He later attended and graduated from Georgetown University. Post Graduate He began working for his mother, a retired spy, from a young age and became a top spy in the organization, with the codename "Duchess" alongside fellow agent Lana Kane with whom he had a relationship, that eventually went south due to an affair. Upon learning the possibility of Nikolai Jakov as his father, he traveled to Russia only to be captured by the KGB, where Mallory hired Barry Dylan to track him down, he succeeded in escape aided by Russian spymaster Katya Kasanova, who would later die in self sacrifice to prevent a cyborg Barry Dylan from killing him. Distraught, he went to French Polynesia where he tried to escape the spy lifestyle only to be tracked down at his mothers request by a former ISIS agent, Rip Riply, before they themselves had to be rescued by Lana and Ray due to their capture by pirates. After Mallory is insulted by Archer, he is forced to escape on his own via helicopter. After the FBI shuts down ISIS due to not having any sanction to perform espionage, they attempt to find buyers for a large quantity of cocaine they have on hand so they can all retire early. Later on Mallory succeeds in an affiliation deal with the CIA, resulting in the reformation of ISIS. He also finds out shortly thereafter that Lana had used in vitro from semen he had stored and is the father of her baby. As a result, he went to Thailand, furious that she did so but finally came home after a mission that send him to Borneo. His last assignment was to be shrunken down to microscopic size and destroy a clot in a brilliant scientists brain. They succeed but expand the ship inside the doctor, killing him in the process. Foray into Hockey Now jobless, as they are disavowed by the CIA, they wonder where money would come from in the time being. Archer, decided due to his background in lacrosse and to piss off his mother, that he would play professional hockey for a living. Joining the East Coast Western Hockey League, where he amassed one goal and two assists to go along with fourteen hundred and ninety four penalty minutes for a league record, as well as setting two more, one for his complete and under futilty while firing the puck, having scored only once on over six hundred shots on net and for firing six hundred shots on net in a single season, records which have not even had anyone close to reaching them, the nearest being eight hundred penalty minutes and four hundred and nineteen shots by Pam Poovey, his former coworker who has shown much more talent, amassing an incredible forty goals with no assists, deemed the "Bull Cannon" due to her farming background and the rocket of a shot none are willing to stand in front. The emergence of her as a start saw Archer stumble. Over the following two seasons, he scored two more assists and added over two thousand penalty minutes for infractions ranging from tazing, chokeholds, assaulting referees. assaulting teammates, drinking on the ice, drinking on the bench, drinking in the locker room, drinking in the shower, drinking on the plane, drinking on the bus, drinking on the toilet, drinking while dressing, drinking while undressing, drinking during practice, drinking during team meetings, drinking before, during, and after charity events, drinking during training camp, drinking during training, drinking during drills, drinking during team building trips, drinking during family day, drinking during the off season and drinking while giving a press conference. Learning he was overage to play in the ECWHL, he continued to drink only more, stating "There is not enough alcohol for this" and bedding many gorgeous women. When Lana learned of his return to his previous ways, she dumped him, entering a relationship with cyborg Barry Dylan, Archers former teammate and arch-rival. This saddened Cyril who has forever wanted Lana back, becoming a mopey mess and causing Archer to drink further whenever around his former co-workers. After scoring two goals in a single game without taking any penalty minutes, he gained the notice of many GMs, mainly in the VHLM. THE VHLM He was then called upon to join the Yukon Rush, a minor league team in the Victory Hockey League system, with Season Forty Nine underway, the coaching staff look towards him for his leadership, to stop drinking so heavily and to learn how to shoot the puck and skate. With training camp upcoming, we could see improvement because if not, the coach said he would be in a zone filled with danger of being sent back to the ECWHL, a very dangerous place to be, if his play in the offensive zone did not improve. However he was offered the possibility to plug a hole (phrasing) on the fourth line if needed as a grinder, what happens next will have to wait til next time. Archer, out.

Sterling Mallory Archer A native of Tangier, Morocco, Sterling Mallory Archer, spent many years as a secret agent for ISIS (The International Secret Intelligence Service) where his peak physical fitness allowed him to excel into one of the best agents in the world. At 184 pounds and 6'2, Archer has found that he may be a bit too much on the lean side for the game of hockey and may have to bulk up a bit before he takes to the ice against men much larger than himself. It is quite common for younger players to think they can zip around the rink, using their speed and elusiveness to roll away from checks, time and again that has come back to haunt all but the biggest and the strongest of the new rookies, Archer was no exception to this, being absolutely rocked several times before finally learning to keep his head up and continue moving, using his puck handling and skating to keep the puck away from defending players and keep himself from getting stapled to the boards. His mother, Mallory, has shown extreme distaste for the game of hockey, of course which drives Archer to perform even harder every night and is what drove him to try out the game after visiting Canada and his mother commenting on the brutality of such an aggressive redneck sport before returning to her phone call from Nikolai Jakov. Archer had decided then and there that he would be a star hockey player, if only to piss off his mother. It was similar in structure to lacrosse, a game at which he excelled, so the transition was a bit easier and the great hand eye coordination gained allowed him to develop strong puck handling skills, which unfortunately seem to be countered by intoxication most of the time. Originally wanting to play goaltender, Archer was forced out his net, not by a better goaltender being found but upon the coaches discovery he was filling his water bottle with high alcohol content moonshine. This became a prevalent problem in the third period where Archer would be found to be quite trashed and almost completely useless, getting scored on six times in a four minute span before being pulled and replaced with Barry Dylan, whom he despised enough to begin a fight with his own teammate, resulting in an ejection and game misconduct. Archer now will be playing on the wing, where he can fire shots on net and fight other players without fear of league repercussions. Hoping to increase his play, he has worked nonstop on his defensive awareness, practicing retrieving the puck out of the corners and being in better position, he received yet another suspension for tazing an opponent in the corner while retrieving a loose puck. So far, Archer has had great difficulty transitioning from a secret agent to a professional hockey player, but in time, he should turn out to be a star. With his fellow teammates sparked and driven to succeed in the cold northern Yukon territory of Canada, it shouldn't be too long. Pros and Cons To examine him as a player though, you can see that while he does have flaws in that his chronic alcoholism has stood in the way of his progress and success, especially in regards to his reflexes and coordination, it has not been entirely detrimental to his play, especially as a winger who carries the puck. Due to the alcohol numbing his body, he takes numerous thunderous body checks nightly, but keeps getting up, relying on a half bottle of painkillers and a morphine drip to go to sleep each night. A player as loyal to his team as Archer is, only comes along every so often. Willing to put his body through hell in efforts to block a shot, being willing to fight guys twice his size when they take liberties against his teammates and going into the corner with huge power forwards bearing down on him, he seems to have a desire for injury and that may be seen as a bit of con to some and a pro to others . While working on his defense, none of his other skills were practiced and he became quite useless in most other areas. Unable to focus on one thing too long as a hockey player, transferring over from secret agent where he had one goal in mind, he has so far been unable to coordinate an offensive system with his defensive play, choosing to pass the puck even on empty nets. Whether this is a selfless act or simply because his shot is so poor he'd likely miss anyway, is left to debate. Speaking of his shot, it is among the worst the league has ever seen, scoring only once on over six hundred shots over his three season career in the minors on a deflection off the goalies ass. Another con may be his fear of alligators, crocodiles, and brain aneurysms. Which has made playing in Florida an issue as he tends not to sleep a wink, instead sitting on the top of the hotel with a loaded handgun awaiting a surprise attack by a reptilian death machine. A reason he would never return to the goaltending position is because of the poor play of his teammates, who nearly did give him an aneurysm, causing him to lose focus and drink more, which directly led to him losing that job. For now, he will start practicing being a sniper.

This is a pretty neat idea, but my other self disagrees. Serious though, do it.

I'd like full points, any advice on improving it to ensure?

M. Nocturne Shamalamalamalon Martello Nocturne Shamalamalamalon is a hulking defensive defenseman, registering at six feet eight inches and two hundred and fifty pounds. The eighteen year old man-child, hailing from Ohmyakin, Siberia, the usual holder of the Northern Pole of Cold for the coldest recorded temperature in the Northern Hemisphere. Pros Shamalamalamalon is one of those big bruising shutdown defenders who can contribute offensively but is primarily on the ice to prevent scoring chances. Working on his checking, core strength as well as his puck handling skills has allowed him to become a prodigy two-way defenseman, providing more offense then he did early in his career when he mostly killed penalties, blocked shots and tossed his body around much to the disdain of the opposing team. His drive, passion and team first attitude has seen him beloved by his teammates, earning him the nickname "Smiley" due to him always smiling all the time and providing a laid back and joking atmosphere within his locker room. Cons However one of his biggest issues and probably the most readily apparent from the start of his career is his poorer skating and terrible passing ability due to him learning how to produce an incredibly heavy lethal slap shot, he never properly developed skating technique and is only now getting to the level and speed needed to contend at the higher level, his coaches being very patient due to his rocket of a shot from the blue line, he unfortunately has stone hands when it comes to passing, usually placing the easiest passes a few feet in front of or behind his teammates. Summary Ideally, you'd want his booming shot on the power play if he can bring his other skills up to par to compete at the minor level and hopefully enough by the time his VHL career starts for it to not negatively impact his team. Overall, he is a hard worker and is used to playing heavy minutes, placing his body on the line and making the lives of his opponents as miserable as possible. A very dedicated team member, who enjoys being relied upon to prevent goals on the penalty kill and at even strength. A possible insane willingness to place himself in harms way has a story of him blocking a shot with his jaw after losing his helmet and refusing to get out of the way of the previous years Hardest Shot Winner. He played the following night but used a full face mask, stating "I am no man, wear face shield make me baby but doctor say I cannot play without face shield so I play with face shield. Make coach much happy to not see me die on ice I guess. Back home in the motherland, in my hometown when you get hit with puck, so cold too numb to feel, do not care. Hurts little bit now that it not so cold but to me, loss hurt more especially when not block shot and shot go in and loss." (502 Words)