Gustav

So much for that expansion draft

I picked this team back when I had absolutely no idea what was going on...how did I manage 2nd place? Also--am I correct in saying that I can claim this for 3 TPE?

You included, let's not forget that. I'd like to take a moment here to thank this guy for giving me every last bit of help and advice he could in my first days in this league. I've probably said this too many times by now, but I came ever so close to logging off forever within a few days after I started. Sonnet stepped in and told me (as many times as I needed to hear it) all about everything I needed to get going (and then some). So thanks to the MVP of my VHL career, and good luck with everything. Hope to see you around.

I'd like to apply as a writer. My skills are pretty much limited to writing only, as I'm not much of a graphics guy and wouldn't be interested in or at all good at podcasting. I also likely won't be able to make much work in terms of covering events live (i.e. during them), but I'd be able to get something out soon after if needed. Hope this doesn't limit me too much.

1. I'll be the first to ask it in an official press conference: what inspired you to come back? 2. Who are you happy to see still around here? 3. On the other hand, who are you sad to see has left? 4. For our newer guys (myself included): has the league changed much as a whole while you were away? If so, what happened, and do you like it? 5. Where do you see yourself ending up with your career, in both the VHLM and the VHL? 6. This past season's draft class was arguably the strongest the league has ever seen, and it's my opinion that this season's could be just as good. Do you think this will affect your chances of rising to the top? @Phil

HOUSTON--Ludvig Sederstrom, the Bulls' most valuable free-agent signing this past season, has managed to create a few waves recently after the Houston locker room got quiet for, well, a few days. Since the team was knocked out of the playoffs last week (I think? Seems like we've been in the offseason now forever. Time moves by incredibly quik during the season and incredibly slowly outside of it), we've heard next to nothing from an otherwise attention-grabbing locker room. But in today's age of anyone and everyone being ripped apart (sometimes rightfully so, sometimes ridiculously) for things said on social media years in the past, it was only a matter of time before the trend (is trend the right word? Never mind, I've used too many parentheses) found its way to professional hockey. "Hanging at the beach with my boys," read the caption on a 2016 post from Ludvig Sederstrom's Instagram account (@xXGangstaBoi42069Xx). "Tried to pick up a few chicks but none of them seem interested in hockey. One of them said I was too white and another rated me a solid 3.8 out of 10. Better luck next time I suppose! XD" Too white? Come on, Ludvig, you're in Sweden. "Too white" is a legitimate achievement. What mattered most to the online community, however, wasn't the "picking up chicks" comment, nor was it anything that Sederstrom said, for that matter. Since the post resurfaced, it has been slammed relentlessly by player after player and regular internet troll after regular internet troll for none other than the sheer unflattering quality of Sederstrom's shirtless picture. Multiple users made posts along the lines of a simple "ew," but comments as creative as "This is the gay conversion therapy Mike Pence is looking for" could also be seen amongst the ranks in the comment section. Multiple VHL teams who had previously expressed interest in drafting Sederstrom, too, have since backed off that sentiment, and instead opted for the old "decline to comment". Of course, Sederstrom's sheer ugliness a few years ago says nothing about the physical appearance of his agent (@aleks), who assures me that he's an absolute babe.

Thank you again! Unfortunately I'm on Mac, so as far as I know Photoshop is out of the question. But thank you very much, as I'm sure just about anything you've said is applicable to Gimp. #freeboubabi

@gorlab wish I could like this more than once. I have a TON going on this week, but as soon as I can I'm going to use all of this and hit the photo editing. I'll probably be back watching these videos and reading what you said multiple times...I wasn't expecting anything near this level of response from anyone here. Thank you.

To whoever a) can help me out a bit and b) wants to help me out a bit: As you can see from my (current) signature, I know nothing about photo editing whatsoever. As a new GM, I'd love to be able to make some decent-looking sigs or graphics for my players by the end of next season, and would indeed consider it an underachievement if I couldn't at least make something passable by that point. I just recently downloaded Gimp and I've been playing around with it, but I really have no idea where to start. Does anyone here use Gimp for their editing? And if so... -What's the best way to isolate a player from an image (for example, to put over a different background)? -How can I get any sort of font that doesn't look like it would be readily available in Microsoft Word? -What are some other features that I might find useful, and what do they do? To anyone who gives me any valuable input on this, THANK YOU. I'd appreciate it a ton.

1. You've earned 10 TPE in your first week. Not only is that more than I got in my first week, but that's pretty impressive overall for someone who's just starting and doesn't yet know the ropes. Share a bit with our other new members about how you were able to get to this point. 2. On the other hand, has there been any part of the website you've found difficult to navigate or understand? 3. Have you looked around at all the VHLM teams? If so, where do you think you'd like to end up? 4. Our expansion teams--the Mississauga Hounds, San Diego Marlins, and Mexico City Kings, are all set to begin their first seasons in the league this upcoming season. Give us your take on the matter--how would you feel about playing for one of these teams? Better? Worse? About the same? 5. It's your chance to call it now--which round of the draft will you be picked in, and by what team? 6. If you weren't a forward, would you have ended up playing goaltender or defense? @mmarcoux98

Because there's nothing like clickbaiting Beaviss. sorry

Hey there Hounds! This thread, yes, this one right here, is where I'll be posting questions for all of you to answer every week. To find the latest set of questions, go all the way back to the last page of the thread and scroll down--everything here is chronological. Answer three questions for 1 capped TPE, or six questions for 2 capped! Let's make it a good season, and most importantly, GO HOUNDS!

Beginner's attempt at a sig, I know it kinda sucks but I'm pleasantly surprised I was able to do this much.

Looks great! A bit of build advice here: before you go pouring TPE into leadership, know that that attribute won't help you out nearly as much as defense will. Defense helps quite a bit on both ends of the ice--in fact, many VHL elite scorers have defense ratings of 99. It will also (I believe) help your checking game some. I'd never tell you what you can and can't do, and you have lots of freedom with whatever build you'd like to make. But I think most to all experienced league members would agree with me on this one.

Pete Rose wants to know your location.

Also stealing Blade's questions for press conference credit, here we go. What VHL team logo do you like best? You know, everyone is saying Malmo, and I tried to disagree, but it's simply the best one out there. What VHLM team do you want to be drafted by? I'm not going to be drafted into the VHLM, but everyone should want to be drafted by Mississauga. I can promise a load of fun here. Is your player a blonde, brunette or redhead? Yes. Weirdest thing in your hockey bag? Everyone's always checking my hockey bag for weed, but I don't actually smoke it. Right now, the weirdest thing would have to be a lucky bottle of rat urine, given to me by my lineman Beau Buefordsson as an end-of-the-season present after Houston was knocked out of the playoffs. I don't actually want it there, or anywhere, but I haven't found any good place to put it yet. Colored tape for your stick, totally yes or absolute no? why? Not just colored but psychedelic. Gotta make those opponents trip out when they're trying to get around you to your net. Funniest thing about your player? I've gotten so many letters from these supernatural-type Deadhead hippies who think I'm actually the second coming of their favorite guitar player. I've been in contact with the local police and every Friday I drive down to the station and drop off all the drugs I've been mailed over the week. What is your goal/ fight song? Give me the Grateful Dead's Terrapin Station. All 16-plus minutes. Not really an adrenaline rush kind of thing but it's a real masterpiece of a mind trip if you listen to it right. Edit: should anyone have further questions for Jerry, here's my personal press conference:

An expansion team perhaps?

First thing you need to do to be eligible for the draft is write your player's biography. The instructions are as follows: -If writing a novel, it must be at least 200 pages, handwritten, and shipped via carrier pigeon to VHL Headquarters. -If writing a musical, it must consist of at least three acts, and be performed live for Bana. -If writing a symphony, the minimum is nine movements, and the same live performance requirement goes there as well. Once you've gotten past that elementary task, feel free to ask me or any other GM for TPE-earning tips.

Many questions as to why we were all suddenly tagged by this post

HALIFAX--The VHLM playoffs this season brought with them a wave of promise this season, as arguably the deepest-ever draft class and the most talented VHLM population of all time assembled with their respective teams in an all-out battle for supremacy. Though one side of the bracket saw the Yukon Rush winning the play-in round in two games and subsequently losing in 5 to the Minnesota Storm, the other side brought with it a far more interesting and well-fought matchup, one that had been anticipated all season long and was simply destined to be--the series between the Houston Bulls and the Halifax 21st. After falling behind by 2 games in the series, the Bulls rallied back to force a game 7, which, as all good game sevens must, went to overtime. What happened before that overtime period, however, left Houston coaches and management displeased with the ambience in Halifax. After the buzzer sounded to end the third period, all lights in the arena were shut off, save for a dim red glow around the whole ice surface. Halifax players formed a circle on the ice, whereupon a goat was brought into their midst and slaughtered. "The guy doing it didn't look much like a priest or a rabbi, either," said Finn Theismann, who contributed a goal and an assist for the Bulls during regulation. "That's the Church of Satan if I've ever seen it." Afterward, a brief ad was run on the arena's large video scoreboard, advertising an "alternate lifestyle" in Guatemala, sponsored by the team. "Ye ken, Ah want tae stick it tae th' cheil an' graw mah hair it an' shower ance a month an' vote fur obscure third parties. But Ah awreddy dae 'at," said Callum MacElroy, the Bulls' token Scotsman. "Somethin' is wrang thaur an' they're nae tellin' us." Halifax then proceeded to win the game in the overtime period on a goal by Nathan MacKinnon, but Houston's staff was less than satisfied. Almost immediately afterward, the team asked the league to review the game and determine whether Halifax's display constituted an unsportsmanlike attempt to gain an advantage. When contacted about the matter, league officials declined to comment.

Game 3--Toronto Game 4--Helsinki Game 5--Helsinki Game 5: Helsinki 5-3 Series leader in points: Oyorra Arroyo Series leader in goals: Oyorra Arroyo Series leader in assists: Oyorra Arroyo

Some time ago, @Renomitsu released a long article detailing just about everything about the upcoming VHL draft's defensemen--not only the top-rated prospects but just about every single one (read that here). While much has changed with the league since, with some players having their draft stock rise quite a bit (going to casually mention Beau Buefordsson here) and others seeing a significant decline (noted semi-active, radically offensive built, mid-to-late-round prospects Srraxxarrakex II and DWin Championship haven't been on in a few weeks), the top three mentioned in this article are still, well, the top three (and the only ones above 200 TPE at the moment). And some distance has been put between them and the others, too: there's a 16-TPE difference between our lowest-TPE defensemen here and Codrick Past, the next-highest on the board. Anyway, though, since I don't think anyone likes to sit around here and listen to me talk, here we go with a closer look at our top three... *Note: this board will use TPE numbers as of the end of last week, as not all of the below have done all they can this week although I certainly believe that they plan on it. #1: Aron Nielsen, Minnesota Storm (@solas)--222 TPE (+56 since previous article) Nielsen went through most of this league's run of mock drafts being picked to go later in the draft, with many putting him somewhere in the second round, somewhere below both of our next two. Though solas is a former great, having reached the Hall of Fame a couple times in the VHL, Nielsen was under a bit of speculation as a potential unsafe draft choice as, while he was taking advantage of welfare and getting by on about 10 TPE every week, he really hadn't been creating content to his full potential--welfare (though 6-point welfare) was the choice about half the time, while the other two players here have done everything possible to earn every last point available. With that being said, however, Nielsen's activity has gone up quite a bit lately--creating a biography during theme week earned our number-one player here an absurd 32 TPE for that week, and Nielsen finds himself comfortably on top of the TPE standings. Current build and stats: While Nielsen is an offensive-type player, we can see that he's fairly balanced--a scoring rating of 76 is complemented by defense, skating, and puck handling all significantly upgraded, making Nielsen dangerous on both ends of the rink. While it's possible that solas' welfare-claiming may bother some GMs, this may be canceled by reputation alone--both of our other choices are rookies. Look for Nielsen to be a serious consideration for the first team to pick a defenseman. 2. Jerry Garcia, Houston Bulls--206 TPE (+56 since previous article) Garcia is my player, so I won't go on too long about what I've done. Last week, a lucky win of a doubles week in the monthly lottery enabled Garcia to overtake our #3, Charlie Paddywagon, in TPE, though only by a little bit. Lately, Garcia has been projected in a few mock drafts--Tagger's included--to be the first defenseman off the board, being picked by defense-hungry Davos around #7 (depending on where the Malmo pick falls). The same can be said about both Garcia and Paddywagon--they're both solid prospects who earn every possible point available, and there's nothing negative to be said against either in terms of activity. Current build and stats: Garcia has a passing rating of 70, but beyond that he's purely defensive--he put up arguably the most impressive defensive numbers this year at 238 hits and 110 shots blocked, albeit running up 154 penalty minutes. 3. Charlie Paddywagon, Las Vegas Aces (@DMaximus) --204 TPE (+50 since previous article) One could say that Garcia is the defensive version of Nielsen--definitely on the defensive side of things but with a nice offensive stat or two to even things out. Paddywagon, though, is more like the defensive version of nobody, unless you know someone who put everything they had in the VHL into scoring. Not that that's a bad thing--defense is one of the most important stats out there and it's easily the single most important stat there is for a defenseman. Paddywagon has a defense rating of 90 already, more than enough to do well in the VHL. Last season's first defenseman off the board, Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen, has topped 400 TPE and is below Paddywagon in this regard with a defense rating of 85. Paddywagon spent much of this past season leading the league in blocked shots, only losing the crown by one on the last game of the season. While a fairly unbalanced and concentrated build has put Paddywagon under Garcia in most mock drafts, most have him being picked a little bit farther back, with another Davos selection around #9. He's still a safe bet, though--not only has he been a consistent TPE machine, but he knows what he's doing stat-wise. DMaximus wrote a quite impressive script to analyze the stats of Team USA in the World Juniors, and was almost my AGM in Mississauga--though the decision made was eventually different than he would have hoped, it was certainly a tough one, and I recommended (and still recommend) him to any GM interested in taking him on. Current build and stats: Defense, defense, defense--that's all Paddywagon is about. If you want someone purely for their ability to defend, Paddywagon is your guy in the draft. Many have complained about the lack of a "franchise defenseman" in this upcoming draft, but these three (and more!) have done quite a bit to legitimize themselves as solid prospects. A case could be made for any of them as the draft's best, and this shouldn't be a topic to overlook when the draft rolls around.

Is this actually part of the recruitment memo?