Gustav

Jerry Garcia was born on August 9th, 1998, in San Francisco, California, to two parents who were perfectly normal in every way, thank you very much. ...Well, not exactly. Eyes of the World: The Early Life You see, despite incredibly improbable odds, both of his parents were conceived at Woodstock, were born in the spring of 1970, and embraced the counterculture movement of the '60s in ways which would make some hippies say "hey, man, let's take a step back here." "You know, I was never around at the same time as the Grateful Dead," said Garcia, who, not altogether coincidentally, shares a name with the group's all-time great lead guitarist, who died of health complications three years to the day before the defenseman's birth, "But you'd never know it from looking at me or my family. Other kids grew up with The Wiggles; I got 45-minute jam sessions." At home, Garcia's parents burned incense, smoked weed, and, well, kept smoking weed. "I have no idea how it's possible for anyone to be constantly stoned like that," says Garcia, "but it happened. I remember the first time I tried it, and I was 8 years old in the back of our old station wagon and we were driving from Boulder to Seattle to follow Phish." In this respect, however, the talented young player was quite different from his parents. "I hated it," he says. "I coughed for days on end afterwards and didn't feel much of anything. I decided to never touch the stuff again." The social dynamics of school proved to be a challenge for Garcia as well. It was a rare day when he did not face the ridicule of his peers for anything from his tie-dye shirts to his organic almond butter and flax seed sandwiches. Despite all this, however, he didn't hate his identity. In fact, he embraced it, picking up the guitar at the age of 12 and forming Grateful to be Alive, a local jam band which played gigs in San Francisco bars from when Garcia was 15 until he turned 18. At that point, though, he'd had enough. Enough of the counterculture. Enough declining his parents' offers of pot brownies. Enough almond butter and flax seed sandwiches. And though he continues to love their music, even listening to the Dead can wear thin on a 24-hour basis. As soon as Jerry Garcia could legally leave home, he packed up and did it. Truckin': Journey to Houston "In retrospect, that may not have been the smartest decision," Garcia remarked. "I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I didn't know where I was going to live. I'd worked at a local co-op at the end of our block that believed in 'sticking it to the man' and not following any federal laws. As luck would have it, that principle extended to the minimum wage, and my $4 an hour didn't really amount to much in savings." All of which, by the way, were in cash, as his family did not trust banks. "I fit everything I had in a suitcase and carried my guitar on my back," Garcia recalls. "I needed to get out, so I decided on Phoenix. I didn't really have a reason why I was going to Phoenix. I just wanted to. Anything is cheaper than San Fran these days." So he did. And as it was the middle of August, it was hot. Not just hot but Phoenix hot. "I stepped out of the car and it was a hundred eight degrees. 108! And it was like that all week. I spent my entire first week walking around a Walmart trying not to be noticed just because it was air-conditioned. Eventually I found an apartment and a full-time job at a rec center, and the very first thing I bought was the nicest window-mounted AC unit I could find." Eventually, Garcia became settled in with his surroundings, and as part of his job was to do some paperwork and organization for a local junior hockey team, he visited the rink one day to try skating for the first time. "To be honest, I really only walked in because it was cold," says Garcia. "I knew the manager, and he let me on the ice after hours for as long as I wanted to be there, so long as I resurfaced it afterward. Within a month, I was absolutely flying around the ice and was starting to get pretty good with a puck." Good enough, in fact, that he was invited to try out for the junior team that winter, improbably making it onto the first defensive line a few weeks into the season and attracting scouts from some minor professional leagues. "It was unbelievable seeing this kid," said Alexander Pepper, Helsinki goaltender and general manager of the VHLM's expansion Houston Bulls. "He didn't look like anything special from an outsider's perspective. He really just looked like any other defenseman out there. But the fact that he'd gotten to that point and was competing with very talented players who had been playing their entire lives after just a few months was ridiculous. I put him on our draft board right then and there." Garcia woke up at 5:00 every morning, going to the rec center's gym before it opened at 8 and working out for three hours straight. And then he'd skate. Whether his team were there or not, if the ice was unoccupied, he was out there. "I kept a printed schedule of all the times the rink was available, in my car, in my apartment, just about everywhere I could. I'd skate for an hour, bring out the Zamboni for a little league game, skate for another hour, bring it out for the beer league, skate again, then practice with the team and put in a bit of extra skating work after that. The manager was great: he let me do all this as long as I had all the paperwork done for him by the next day. I'd do it during games and sometimes I'd take it home at night. Some nights I was up past midnight and I got up at 5 the next morning anyway. I'd take weekends off from skating, and sometimes I slept straight through Saturday." And when the draft rolled around, Garcia's dreams came true, when he was picked up by the Bulls with the 36th overall pick in the VHLM draft. Garcia has had a strong preseason so far, recording a goal and four assists through his first four games despite maintaining a defensive style of play. "I couldn't be happier," Garcia says about his arrival in Houston. Oh, and he still listens to the Dead.

F- Jake Davis @Velevra

They get better by the minute. Houston tomorrow is better than Houston today. Houston today is better than Houston yesterday. Prepare to be amazed.

Better than everyone.

This year, the VHLM saw the arrival of two new expansion teams, both with the singular aim, as is common in any VHLM team, to shock the league with a championship win in their first year. These teams, the Houston Bulls and...well...to be perfectly honest I don't remember the other team. This article isn't about them, and if it were maybe I would have the motivation to check on that. Rather, it's about how the Bulls are perfectly set to take the league by storm and strongly establish themselves as the league's best. Prepare for liftoff. 1. A strong draft. The Bulls came out way ahead in this season's VHLM draft, managing to pick up four (yes, four) players currently over 100 TPE, with one already at the 200-TPE VHLM max. In the later rounds, the team found great value as well, managing to pick up a new member who proved to be active (OK, fine, I'm talking about myself here), as well as snagging Callum McElroy (@GlowyGoat), a veteran forward who has brought invaluable wisdom and experience to the team. 2. They absolutely nailed it in free agency. After the draft, the Bulls completed a second defensive pairing with the signing of Beau Buefordsson (@Radcow), a well-placed offensive complement to 36th overall pick Jerry Garcia. As well as this, the team rounded out their third complete scoring line with the signing of the Sederstrom brothers, Ludvig (@aleks) and Joakim (@Samee), who are currently paired with McElroy. All are active members and have already contributed immeasurably to the team's locker room. 3. They have exhibited dominance both offensively and defensively. Take a look at today's preseason matchup with the Philadelphia Reapers. The final score was 4-3, Bulls, but that made the game seem much closer than it ended up being. The Bulls recorded a whopping 67 shots on goal, while Philadelphia only managed 14. The Bulls managed to record over 4 times as many shots on goal as the Reapers, which is a great testament to their ability to play as a team, through all 60 minutes of a game. 4. They're deeper than Carl Sagan's thoughts. As has been mentioned above, the Bulls have incredible depth at every position. While some other teams in the VHLM are lacking in depth, the Bulls have it all. Every line is active, and Houston has the ability to rotate any of nine forwards and four defensemen onto the ice at any time, creating deadly combinations and always being able to have a dominant presence on the ice. 5. They actually like each other. It's impossible to perform effectively as a team when the players, whether in the virtual world or in real life, can't stand each other. Anyone reading should wish they could drop in on the Bulls' locker room chats. They're funny, supportive, and indicative of a true team atmosphere. 6. They're better than Halifax. Enough said. 7. Great management. There is nothing to be gained on this team by sucking up to the GM, but everyone does it anyway, myself included. Why? @Sonnet has been incredibly helpful with answering (quite literally) anything that we ask, usually within a minute or so of posting. The way he's built this team so far shows that he is a hopeful player's dream. Hats off to the best GM ever Sonnet I know you won't sneak in a few extra TPE for this but it was worth a shot 8-10. I don't know, I got to 500 words and couldn't think of anything else to say. I hope you all enjoy being steamrolled by the Houston Bulls this season.

I was there, can confirm that's how it looked

HALIFAX--Beau Buefordsson went undrafted this year, but that didn't stop him from being at the center of a pre-draft scene in Halifax. The defenseman who signed with Houston on February 19th came forward Sunday night with a shocking, and perhaps, a tad humorous, anecdote from before the VHLM draft, when he was being scouted by teams around the league. Visits went well, he said, to every team interested in seeing him, even as he flew to northern Alaska for a visit with the Yukon Rush. There was one team, however, that he did not meet with, and that was because he didn't even get past airport security. The official cause? He "looked too Nordic," according to French-Canadian Jean-Luc Dubois, head of security at Halifax Stanfield International Airport. "I went through the metal detector, got the full-body scan, complied when I was asked to take off my left shoe so they could smell it, didn't complain when they took my lucky bottle of rat urine, and they still stuck handcuffs on me and shipped me back to the States because I had the 'nose of a Swede'," Buefordsson said in Sunday night's press conference. When reached by the media, a representative of airport security delivered one single sentence in reply: "Canada is a country for the French." Many other Canadian cities, Vancouver and Toronto included, have condemned this statement, and the city of Halifax states that Buefordsson's detention "in no way reflects the moral character of Halifax or its people." Representatives for the Halifax 21st, thought by a small group of Houston's supporters to be at the root of this problem, could not be reached for further comment at this time.

G Alexander Pepper @solas

1) The draft is over, the signings have settled down, and the VHLM is just about ready to get things started. Who do you think is the favorite, going into this season? -Well, Houston, of course! We were stacked after the draft, getting great value with almost every pick. Players such as Beau Buefordsson, Callum McElroy, and Jerry Garcia (ahem) have caught on to the process of earning TPE incredibly fast and figure to be great for our team. We have also since signed three new and very active members, which only help our case more. 2) With teams filling up this quickly, further expansion of the VHLM might be a potential talking point. Where would you put another minors team? -I'd love to see a team placed in Nuuk, Greenland, called the Nuuk Nukes. ...But if you hate puns then I'd also like to see a team in Buffalo. 3) The offseason's ending- what's your player's plan to get back in shape for game 1? -Deep-fried Oreos have been cut back from my diet, albeit only on Wednesday nights. 4) Do you/your player have any preseason superstitions to help boost their performance? -Steroids are great I snap my stick in half after every game's warmups. Really gets the adrenaline going. 5) Now that you've had time to get used to your team, who's been your favorite teammate thus far? -So far I'd like to give a big shout out to my linemate @Radcow for being a great sport about the fact that I wrote, and plan to continue to keep writing, articles trashing everything about his player. He says one is coming about me so keep your eyes peeled...I've seen the idea and it's arguably funnier than mine. Oh, and a big shout out also goes to my GM @Sonnet for being incredibly patient and informative about every question I've had. 6) If the commissioners/GMs could do one thing to make your VHLM experience more fun, what would it be? -Really, just keep it up! I know this doesn't help with improvement at all, but I don't have any ideas whatsoever at the moment. You're all great to the new members, so really just stay that way and I love you all.

Sorry I don't think I tagged you right @Velevra

Oyorra Arroyo-F @Velevra

Jerry Garcia: Rookie Profile VHLM Team: Houston Bulls Height: 73 in. Weight: 194 lbs Age: 20 years In today's league of ever-younger players, some as young as 16 years of age, it is a notable occurrence when a player makes the choice to go pro, or even to seriously consider the game of hockey as a legitimate future pathway, at the age of 20. While Jerry Garcia, a picture of natural talent and determination may have made a relatively late entry into the world of professional hockey, he is still a prime example of uncapped potential and should, by all early accounts from his largely unnoticed entry into the league, be able to develop into a legitimate star and top many a team's wishlist as a pure defensive defenseman. Strengths: -Defense: Jerry Garcia is a pure defensive player. He is always ready when called upon to block a shot or to keep the puck in the zone, he is the man to shut down any offensive-zone possession or odd-man rush, and he figures to be the first choice for any team on the penalty kill thanks to his exceptional defensive skill. Though largely unnoticed by the league's press, Garcia has been described by many a local reporter as a "goalie's best friend," as he is always ready to stop whatever an opponent has coming. -Skating/Puck Handling: Garcia also demonstrates exceptional control while carrying the puck, and despite specializing in breaking up plays, is very difficult to knock off the puck. He is a reliable stickhandler and can be trusted in any situation possible--the puck is absolutely safe with him, so long as he is carrying it. -Passing: A purely defensive player can handle the puck all he wants, but for his team to score, he must be able to feed the puck to his more offensive-minded teammates. Being paired with offensive-minded defenseman Beau Buefordsson, as well as being able to feed the puck to any player on any one of Houston's potent combination of three complete forward lines, puts Garcia in heaven as far as player development is concerned. While, as has been more than clearly established, he is defensively-minded, one should look for Garcia to put up the points this season in the form of assists, as he is surrounded by the tools for success and is quite adept at the passing game himself. Weaknesses: -Scoring: Garcia can, to put it bluntly, not be trusted to put the puck in the net. He is the polar opposite of a scoring defenseman, and while he may have all the tools necessary to set up a perfect opportunity, will rarely create one himself. His slap shot has never been seen as a deadly weapon and his shots will likely never find their way in unless they are redirected or the goaltender is perfectly screened. -Discipline: While Jerry Garcia is a coach's dream in terms of breaking up a play, his methods for doing so can be questionable. Garcia has not been known to have total control over the taking of penalties (or lack thereof), and it shows, as he is a frequent visitor to the penalty box. This is not a giant red flag, as discipline is a skill which can be easily refined as a player gains experience, but it is a red flag nonetheless. -Fighting: While fighting is unimportant on a statistical level, winning a fight can often provide a charge to a team's morale and spark a string of scoring with a change in, or a boost of, momentum. Jerry Garcia does not fight. He claims to never have been in a fight his entire life, and has said that he would "lose outright" against "just about any player in the VHLM." While some GMs and coaches may see this as helpful, it must be noted that this is a specific skill that some may prefer, and he does not bring it to the table.

HOUSTON--We have a problem. Or at least Beau Buefordsson does. The city of Houston pulled countless strings to bring out the best for the Bulls, one of the VHLM's two new expansion teams. Just short of $700 million was spent on a state-of-the-art arena, connected to a multipurpose facility housing everything from a shopping mall to the Bulls' practice rinks. And yet, just a few days after the ribbon was cut on the practice facility and team activities began, the doors were closed, citizens hoping to catch a glimpse of the Bulls' practice were turned away, and there was ribbon up again, this time of the yellow "DO NOT CROSS" variety. And after a day and a half of speculation, the answer has finally been released to the media. "When Buefordsson walked into the room," said a member of the team who did not wish for his name to be printed, "I almost threw up." Furthermore, according to this player, "[w]e couldn't even get the smell out after he left. We've just hired a private contractor to replace all the carpeting in the locker room and we also plan on getting the entire thing fumigated. I don't even know how something like this is humanly possible." For Buefordsson, as well, things got ugly. "[Houston GM] Alexander [Pepper] chased him out of the building with a sponge and a gallon of bleach. I don't know what happened after that and I'm not sure I want to," said the player. Buefordsson has reportedly been ordered to pay for the professional deodorizing of the facility, as well as for an entire year's supply of air fresheners and cleaning equipment. When contacted by the media, both Pepper and Buefordsson declined to comment.

I'm in

Player Name: Jerry Garcia VHL/VHLM Team: Houston Bulls Cash you have: $1.5 million Purchase Name: First Generation Cost of Purchase: $500,000 Cash Left: $1 million

+4

+4

1. I just joined this league a little under an hour ago, so I'll answer this and any other questions to the best of my ability. So far, this league seems like it could be a lot of fun. I've gotten (very!) quick replies to what I've posted so far and am looking forward to building a great player. I know very little about how it all works but lots of people here seem to have gotten very into it so I hope I may as well. 2. Earning TPE is not incredibly clear at first--I know a few things about it (which is partly why I'm here in this thread) but had no idea what to do for a little while after I created my player. What I would suggest is a direct link in the VHL Portal or, even better, at the top of the page, containing comprehensive information on and direct links to areas of this site which can be used to earn TPE. Maybe it's just because I'm new but it was highly confusing to me. 3.I did read the newsletter, and it was very helpful to me, as I found the information that I needed about earning TPE and learned a few other things about the league as well. 4. I would love to be drafted and become a member of any one of the league's teams. Hopefully I can work my way up to the VHL in my first season, but if not then patience is key. 5. I don't know much about the teams in the league at the moment, but looking at the recent post by Riga's GM, I can tell that team is managed thoroughly (plus Zemgus Girgensons is from Latvia so I'm kind of biased). 6c. I hope to be a consistent, active member of the league. As of right now, I am a defenseman with mostly default qualities, so I have the ability to use my TPE wisely to be able to fit into any role a manager wants for me.

Hi, I just joined the league and am wondering how I might earn TPE for player upgrades. I found and watched a video, but it seems the website has been largely overhauled since then and the features mentioned are either not in the same place or altogether nonexistent. Just wondering how I can get started.

Player Information Username: GustavMattias Player Name: Jerry Garcia Recruited From: Reddit Age: 20 Position: D Height: 73 in. Weight: 194 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM