Gustav

"Anyway, here's Wonderwall," said Halifax GM Anthony Rogers, pulling an acoustic guitar out from under his desk. The press let him get halfway through the first verse before politely informing him that the press conference was, in fact, not over, and that it would be nice, so very nice, if he could give the time to answer a few more questions about his team, the Halifax 21st, currently (and suspiciously) atop the VHLM standings behind some admittedly (though, again, suspiciously) stellar play from a few star players and the team as a whole. The conference got under way again, and ran smoothly until Rogers was asked for his opinion on the VHLM's two expansion franchises: the Houston Bulls and Philadelphia Reapers. At the mention of these names, Rogers showed no reaction whatsoever and asked the reporter to repeat himself. When he did, Rogers' response was a simple "I don't know what you're talking about." The 21st's response, or rather lack thereof, to negative anecdotes from Houston's players could certainly be explained by the situation at hand, as Rogers seemed to have no idea that the Bulls (or the Reapers) even existed in the first place, even after having played both. "So that's where Kozlov went," said Rogers, looking over Houston's roster and noticing Viktor Kozlov, a physical forward previously owned by the 21st and the lone player to be selected in this season's VHLM Expansion Draft. "Garcia, too. When the last round in this draft came up we looked for him, but he just wasn't there. I thought he just quit or something." Various Halifax players could not be reached for further comments or reactions. (@McWolf I did it)

2 points each from Kirbsson and Jurri. After Jurri's hot start sort of died down the fine folks around the league stopped hearing about him as much but he's kept the numbers rolling.

Looking at this map, every team seems to be concentrated in the same general region: Southern Canada or any part of the United States. Except, well, the Yukon Rush. The Rush are located in the center of Canada's northwestern province of Yukon, which I didn't even know existed until I looked at this map. Actually, I thought Yukon was in the middle of Alaska, but whatever. Upon further review, the placement of the Rush logo on this map seems to place the team in the village of Mayo (population about 200), located in the center of the province. While some have dismissed the idea of having a team in the middle of Canadian nowhere as ridiculous, it is my opinion that the farthest reaches of the Western Hemisphere's geography are among the most fascinating regions of the world--undisturbed by man and a true spectacle of nature. Because of this, it is my suggestion that VHLM higher-ups consider the placement of another team in a remote area of the far north. Not in Canada, not in Alaska, but an area not even part of this map. How about...Greenland? Yes, people actually live there. Over 55,000 people, in fact. Though this is, not surprisingly, a low density for the world's largest island (actually, if you want to get technical with things, it's three islands under the ice sheet), it still has its population centers, most of which are concentrated in the Western half (if I wanted to get really remote with things, I'd put a team in Scoresbysund, a village of 492 people in the Eastern part of Greenland, surrounded by absolutely nothing in all directions). These centers, in fact, include a capital: Nuuk. Nuuk actually manages to make the Yukon village of Mayo look like the small village it is--home to over 17,000 people, it is, in fact, larger than my own hometown. It has an airport, a university, and it's home to the government of Greenland, a constitutional monarchy led by Queen Margarethe II since 1972. As the (actual) site of the first discovery of land in the Western Hemisphere, Greenland deserves all the historical recognition it can get, and what better way to accomplish this than by putting it on the map as the home of a professional hockey team in a league that many follow intently? Because of this, I see no greater alternative than to say... ...Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Nuuk Nukes. Edit: @oilmandan I started this reply before seeing your idea for the Chernobyl Nukes. I came up with this on my own, I swear--I would never copy someone else's idea and pass it off as my own. The best of luck to both of us. Edit #2: ...and here's definitive proof that I have indeed thought of this name beforehand--I actually talked about it in my first VHLM player press conference, back on February 25th! Going to tag @Banackock here to clear my name and also tag @oilmandan again because I hope everything's all cool between us. I am not in any way trying to say that he stole my name, and it is my opinion that he most certainly did not; I just want to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I ABSOLUTELY did not see his post and decide to piggyback on it. *Disclaimer: the above logo is not my own work. It is in fact something I found on Clipart Library, a royalty-free online image collection, and as such still may be used as a logo for a VHLM team. I wish I could design a logo; however, I am not only not at all artistically inclined, but even less artistically inclined in terms of digital art programs, with which I am entirely unfamiliar. I hope you at least like the team name.

I understand I'm a long shot for anything at all, but: -Garcia is American, so USA is my first choice. -However it would be an honor to be considered for anything at all.

I think Halifax has been spiking their pregame incense. The ultimate proof? Their Buefordsson effigy burned particularly quickly during pregame. Something's going on here. ...as a side note, Garcia/Buefordsson/MacElroy combined for a goal yet again. The force is quite strong with these three against Halifax.

Houston's either winning everything or losing everything lately...unfortunately this is the worse end of that deal. Nice 2-point game by Kozlov though, he's a wonderful prospect who's quite underrated because he's a defensive forward rather than a goal scorer. Fairly unknown as far as 200-TPE players go.

Beau Buefordsson gets his first career goal shorthanded! Nice to see this. Maybe one day he'll score against Halifax.

Great game by MacElroy! It's quite safe to say that the Bulls are legitimate contenders.

Jerry Garcia putting up the offensive AND defensive numbers lately! I love it so much. Top 10 in the league in both hits and shots blocked, and hovering in the top 5 some days. Exceeds expectations for a 5th round pick, I'd say.

I hope you know I'm going to write this when I have space under the TPE cap to do so.

Breaking: Halifax GM Doesn't Seem to Have Read Any of Houston's Articles This Season, Thinks Players Don't Know His Team Exists

Go Hooston. Cannae wait tae win agin

HOUSTON--the Bulls came into Halifax on Saturday knowing that they would need to prove themselves worthy and come away with a win in order to show that they were legitimate contenders for a rivalry with the first-place 21st. After a Halifax pregame ritual for the ages (read more in vhl.com articles), game 69 of the VHLM regular season (nice) was under way, with Halifax taking a 2-1 lead over the arguably rattled Bulls through the first period, with defensive players and players on the lower lines, such as Charles Alderson and Fudge Popsicle, finding the score sheet while Houston's dominant top scoring line (Maximilian Kirbsson, Kari Jurri, and Victor Kozlov) providing the scoring for the Bulls. The second period saw the script flipped a bit, with Kirbsson scoring from Jurri and Kozlov yet again and defenseman Samuel Sparrow also finding the net, this time from third-liners Joakim Sederstrom and Rhys Chism. The Bulls were out to a 3-2 lead at this point, but Halifax tied it up again as Rhye Tyr scored on the power play just over 2 minutes into the third period. About 7 minutes into the third, though, the fate of the game was ultimately decided. Houston forward Ludvig Sederstrom won a faceoff and the puck was knocked back to defenseman Jerry Garcia. He was checked off the puck, but it found its way to Garcia's defensive partner, Beau Buefordsson, and Houston maintained possession. From here, Buefordsson passed to Scotsman Callum MacElroy, who took the shot but had it blocked by Halifax's Anton Edvin. After caroming off of Edvin, the puck leaked back to the point, where Garcia unloaded a blast into the back of the net for Houston's game-winner. So why was this goal, and this game, so special? Well, first of all, look at the players with assists: MacElroy, whose drunken rants about Halifax have become league-wide news, and Buefordsson, who on his last visit to Halifax was deported before he got out of the airport. But Garcia? "I think all of us have some sort of issue with Halifax," said Garcia, who had before been fairly reserved on the topic of this season's newly-established rivalry between the two teams. "Back before the draft, I was actually contacted by Halifax twice. I'd only been registered for the draft for a day or two at that point, and I thought it was pretty neat that anyone at all was interested in me. I think they thought of me as a last-round selection, though, because I wasn't picked by them even when a few players around my level started to come off the board. I wanted to go to Halifax before the draft, but Houston has now shown me that this is where I am actually wanted." And wanted he is indeed in Houston. Upon the Bulls' arrival back home this morning, they were greeted with a parade, along with a rally in their arena, with Garcia front and center. Streets were packed with Bulls supporters waving anti-Halifax signs, Houston radio stations played the Bulls' goal song, "Horns Up," on repeat, and billboards with Garcia's face can currently be seen around the city. "Not only am I a defenseman, but I have a very defensive style," said Garcia on his goal during the rally. "So it's really a surprise that I've scored at all this season. But I think that wanting to beat Halifax as much as I do gave me that extra bit of energy I needed to put that puck in the net." When asked how the Bulls plan to use their strong following and momentum in the games to come, Garcia proclaimed, "Let's get that cup!" Based on Houston's strong play thus far, this doesn't look like a far-off dream.

The Houston Bulls and Halifax 21st finally met on Saturday, after a good deal of hype as many Houston players came forward to document their unpleasant experiences with not only the 21st but the city of Halifax in general. Any viewer of this game would have expected a hard, physical, competitive matchup, with both sides doing all they could to put the other in their place. But all expectations fell short of what ultimately happened during the pregame warmup in Halifax that night. Five minutes in, the lights in the arena shut off, and thick clouds of incense descended from the Halifax general managers' private box. Somebody down on the ice struck a match, and a scarecrow wearing Beau Buefordsson's #42 Houston Jersey was burned at the stake while Halifax players skated around it. By some Houston players' accounts, they were singing the Halo theme song. "I know the Halo theme song has gotten to be a bit of a joke lately on the Internet," said Buefordsson, who had to be disguised to get through security at Halifax Stanfield International Airport, "But it was scary. I took it as a bit of a threat; I didn't know whether this was normal Halifax behavior or if they were trying to send some sort of message or what." For the record, it didn't work--Halifax lost 4-3 on a third-period goal by Buefordsson's linemate, defenseman Jerry Garcia, who Halifax famously considered in the draft but let slip into the 5th round, where he was ultimately picked up by Houston. Halifax players, coaches, and management collectively avoided the topic during postgame interviews.

Three Houston players in the top 10, including #1 and #2! Founders Cup here we come.

You know it. ...Good game though

See just about anything written by any Houston player

Riga 4-2

Vancouver New York Helsinski Riga

Wait what about Scottish?

Jerry Garcia--Houston Bulls--Oliver Kylington (if possible)

HOUSTON--Bulls forward Callum MacElroy has gotten quite a bit of media attention lately, and he seems to be embracing it. Yesterday, MacElroy was contacted by the media for a few comments on the Bulls' long string of games against the Yukon Rush, in which the Bulls have not been particularly impressive but have shown for sure that they deserve recognition as a legitimate contender in their first year of existence. Instead of answering these questions, an animated (and visibly drunk) MacElroy proceeded to give a comprehensive ranking of every VHLM team's name, talking for upwards of ten minutes for each and more than periodically stopping to chug another can of Deuchars. So, without further ado, here's what hockey's favorite Scotsman had to say about his competitors: 8. Halifax 21st It should come as no surprise to any follower of Houston that the team has already developed burning feelings against Halifax, and MacElroy was no exception, coming forward earlier this week with his own negative pre-draft impressions of the city. Here's what MacElroy had to say, in part, about the 21st: "Awe rite, noo thes a body sucks. Whit th' heel is a twenty-first anyway? Ye hae tae explain thes nam tae anyain fa hears it coz nobody knows whit it is. It coods be twenty-first century, twenty-first regiment, twenty-first century schizoid cheil, anythin' at aw. E'en if it's guid it still sucks." 7. Ottawa Lynx Lynx, surprisingly, functions as both the singular and plural forms of lynx (though "lynxes" is actually a valid representation of the plural as well). This wasn't the issue MacElroy had with the name, however. As it turns out, he had done his research on the team before the VHLM draft, and it shows in his lack of appreciation for the name's origins. "Hoo unoriginal can ye gie? Thaur was awreddy a minur league basebaa team called th' Ottawa Lynx. That's loch if we waur called th' Rockets. Th' lack ay creativity haur makes me want tae jump intae th' Hooston River." The Houston River is in Louisiana, but we didn't tell him that. 6. Minnesota Storm At this point, MacElroy offered a very drunk (and surprisingly accurate) criticism of American citizens, no matter their region, and explained just how Minnesota's name is a prime example of the American way of thought. "Thes is whit happens when ye lit americans gab abit weaither. They aw want tae gab abit hoo whaur they bide is sae huir uv a much waur than everythin' else, hoo it's tay hot, tay braw, tay snowy, whatever. Jist swatch at thes name--'ooh, aam frae Minnesota! Swatch at aw uir storms!' Nobody gi'es a jobby." 5. Saskatoon Wild It became clear to us at this point that MacElroy wasn't going to be a fan of many on this list. He disagreed with this name for much the same reason he disagreed with Minnesota's: Western culture. "An' these Canadians, they're jist loch th' Americans. Ye hink they're aw braw syrup-drinkin' fowk, an' 'en when ye gang thaur they're aw loch 'look at uir bonnie Canadian wilderness!' dae Ah caur? nae! Ah jist want tae play some hockey." 4. Philadelphia Reapers MacElroy addressed the VHLM's other expansion franchise with the tiniest bit of respect, but then threw even that out the window as he reflected on what society as a whole might think. "Ah dornt see onie problem wi' thes nam, but nobody cares abit reapers anymair. Sure, back when th' irish didne hae onie tatties, th' nam was sure tae make a causey urchin afraid. But 'en Blue Oyster Cult went an' tauld a' fowk nae tae be scared sae noo nobody is. Thes nam sucks tay noo 'at Ah hink abit it." 3. Yukon Rush In much the same way nobody cares about the name "Reapers," MacElroy says, nobody cares about the name "Rush," though at least it has some sort of significance to the area. "Noo Ah ken 'at back in th' day aw these fowk decided tae freeze themselves inside it tae fin' a bit ay gauld an' gie rich. But hoo mony fowk ur gonnae ken thes? American kids ur gettin' dumber by th' year an' bonnie suin nobody is gonnae min' thes at aw. It's a guid reference, but it ay tooch." 2. Las Vegas Aces MacElroy here had the same issue with this name as he had with Minnesota and Saskatoon, that being an overrepresentation of regional pride, but decided to discount a bit of it due to his own personal interests. "Noo haur we hae mair americans talkin' abit hoo their city is th' best. It's aw th' fowk in las vegas sayin' 'take a swatch at us, we spend mair bunsens than ye!' Ah loch thes nam, thocht. Ah loch gettin' blooter'd an' gettin' laid an' i've awreddy bloon ben mah contract bunsens. Sae Ah can identify wi' thes a body." 1. Houston Bulls MacElroy put his own team at number one, offering a bit of hometown bias and putting an end to an altogether crazy interview. "Noo here's th' greatest nam in th' history ay names. Hooston isnae sayin' 'look, we're Hooston! We hae mair bulls than ye!' 'at woods make nae sense. Americans also ken whit a bull is, ur at leest Ah hiner they're nae glaikit enaw nae tae. When Ah saw thes logo fur th' first time, Ah main hae jumped a kilometer in th' air. It makes ye afraid an' it's perfect fur thes league's scariest team." After McElroy finished this last comment (with his volume rising with each one until he was outright screaming by the end) he passed out drunk on his front porch, and reporters left without any further inquiries.

I would be completely fine with keeping Okposo for the leadership factor if the Sabres weren't paying him $6 million this year. Here's why his contract was a big mistake in the first place: -He had two seasons above 20 goals with the Islanders and was more well-known for being John Tavares' linemate than for putting the puck in the net. -In 4 of his 8 seasons (not counting rookie year) with the Islanders, he didn't manage to play 70 games. -In 2010-2011 he played 38 games and scored 5 times (~11 goal pace for the year) and in 2012-2013 he played 48 games and scored 4 times (~7 goals per 82 games). Both of these should be obvious red flags to any GM. -They signed him to a seven-year, $42 million contract. Since then he's been slightly above average, topping out at 19 goals two years ago and scoring 15 last year. These numbers don't deserve top-line money, and it shows as he isn't on the Sabres' top line, even losing out to Sam Reinhart, who, though he's put up the points this year, never lived up to the expectation of an elite power forward that the team had for him when he was drafted. -He's continued to struggle with injuries, particularly with concussions. Just a few weeks ago he got one from a single punch to the chin--not even to the part of the head containing the brain--and last year he had one that put him in the hospital and ended his season. Now before you say "that's what you have to do to get a player who is a leader at that level," let's compare Okposo with James van Riemsdyk, who was (and continues to be) much more productive than Okposo for similar pay. -James van Riemsdyk signed with the Flyers last year, getting a 5-year contract worth $7 million a year. A bit more than Okposo's, but not as long of a commitment and similar enough in that both are significant investments. -Van Riemsdyk is 6-for-9 in terms of seasons where he played 70 games or more, not counting this ongoing season, of course. Not much difference ratio-wise, but the difference here is his ability to stay healthy. Kyle Okposo has NEVER had back-to-back seasons where he played more than 70 games, and if he hits 70 this year, it will mark the first time he has ever done so. van Riemsdyk, on the other hand, has never not followed a 70-game season with another, a sure sign that any significant injuries of his have not been recurring throughout his career. -Van Riemsdyk's rookie year was the only year in which he played 70+ games and did not score 20 goals. Okposo, on the other hand, is 3-for-5 with these types of seasons. van Riemsdyk has also hit or broken 30 goals twice, which Okposo has never done. -Okposo is 30; van Riemsdyk is 29. Okposo has played two more seasons than van Riemsdyk, so any discrepancies in stats cannot be made up to be due to a difference in experience in favor of van Riemsdyk. Both have a good number of years ahead of them, but both are experienced enough to be leaders. -Both have had 4 seasons at 50 points or more, and, in fact, Okposo has the higher of the two high scores, scoring 69 points back in 2013-14. Furthermore, 3 of these seasons came in his last 3 years with the Islanders...so it was perfectly understandable for him to be a big name in free agency. If you were GM of the Sabres, would you brush aside his injury problems and sign him for $6 million a year for SEVEN YEARS IN A ROW because of this? Possibly. Apparently someone thought this was a good choice, because here he is and here he continues to be. Even if you'd agree with his initial signing, it's impossible to contend that he should still be around in Buffalo for $6 million a year. He had a no-move clause through last year, so it's entirely possible that the team has just been waiting for the right moment to cut him. But there are so many other things you can do with 6 million dollars. ...like scrape together an extra million and sign a player like van Riemsdyk, who's been as good as and arguably better than Islanders Okposo for his entire career. I'm not saying "Let's go out and sign Patrick Kane," or trade for Connor McDavid, or Nikita Kucherov. I'm talking about a player who's just been pretty darn good but doesn't have the "superstar" label that commands millions more than this. We were all excited when Okposo came here--I was too. It's just become apparent that he isn't worth nearly as much as he's being paid, and paying someone who pretty much used to be James van Riemsdyk just isn't the same as...well, paying James van Riemsdyk (or some other equivalent player. He's just the first one that came to mind). If Okposo were paid something like 2 million, even 3 million, I'd be willing to let it slide and keep him for the experience he has and the leadership he'd bring here. But 6? No thanks. Get someone who's worth it. I hope this clears things up.

When we click on summary Houston is listed as Retired/FA. WE DEMAND RECOGNITION FOR OUR TEAM NAME. Oh, and let's hear it for Jurri.

Sign a few veterans. The team is all young guys and has been for a while. Cut Okposo. Though I hate to say it we could do without Pominville as well if he's taking up significant cap space Fire Housley. I've never been able to take him seriously as a coach. SIGN JEFF SKINNER IMMEDIATELY. He's been great for not only Eichel but Reinhart as well. Start picking forwards who can score. We have our defenseman in Dahlin and Montour is a proven starting-caliber player. Draft another goalie with potential--Luukonen is looking pretty good but is no guarantee. I'm tired of hearing for the past 5 years about how our prospect pool is great but nothing ever happens. Again, this team absolutely needs to go out and spend big money on somebody who is a proven leader in this league. I don't care what we have to give up. It's unfair to just throw our rookies and prospects in with a few other inexperienced players and expect them to become team leaders with a group of people they don't even know yet. As a fellow Buffalo fan, I feel you. Let's get that cup sometime in the next 50 years or so.