Ramicus

Pick me.

Meute Reign Meute Titans

I'm happy because I read this. http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-in-middle-east-given-own-country-in-31700,36484/

Skates on the Ground: Down Through Earth George “The General” Patton, now a minimally accomplished hockey player, has begun his search into a long and mixed up past. After a very strange interview last week, in which Mr. Patton had some very strange misconceptions about who he was, many critics of the General of the United States Army and “The General” of the Yukon Rush hockey teams have come out and said that George “The General” Patton of the Yukon Rush (and perhaps General George Patton of the United States Army, too) has lost too many of his marbles, useless within the confines of a hockey arena as anything but a peanut vendor. The search began in Heidelberg, a town in Germany where the original Patton died. As he looked into things, why his namesake died became apparent. The official cause of death was pulmonary edema, which means that fluid accumulated in the parts of the lungs where the air is supposed to go, as well as congestive heart failure, which meant that his heart was suddenly unable to pump the amount of blood needed to supply his body with the oxygen whose place was being taken by the liquid that wasn’t supposed to be in his lungs. “But why did he have all that bad stuff going on?” That question led The General to dig a little deeper, to December ninth of 1945m when General Patton, Major General Hobart Gay (Patton’s chief of staff), and Private First Class Horace L. Woodring (a soldier who happened to be driving the car in which Patton and Gay were riding) struck a very large truck that had turned in front of them in their 1938 Cadillac. Woodring, Gay, and Robert L. Thompson (the Technical Sergeant driving the truck) were uninjured, but General Patton smashed his head into a glass partition. This didn’t seem like a very good reason to the hockey Patton. He set off in search of the three men, but alas, they’re all dead by now, because they were old in 1945. Saddened by this, he flew to Luxembourg, to the quarter of eastern Luxembourg City known as Hamm. Hamm is the location of the Luxembourg American Cemetery and Memorial, the resting place of General George Patton and many of his Third Army soldiers. It was a lovely place, with mowed grass and headstones that are maintained and kept nice. That, of course, wasn’t why George was there. The young hockey player had brought with him a very nice x-ray machine, powerful and hard to carry around (and even harder to get through security). It was even harder to lug through a cemetery, to the site of the general’s grave, but that’s what he did. When he turned it on and lined it up, he found… Absolutely nothing. Come back next week for… THE MANY-HEADED GENERAL or NOT GIANFRANCO

I like writing stuff.

I'm not a Star Wars person (I prefer Picard and Crusher to that Vader guy and that girl who got chained up or something), but those are some very nice logos. The helmets are obvious and intentional copies of NFL teams, but the way the Star Wars people were adapted to NFL logos, very clever.

3 2

Who IS The General? Who is George “The General” Patton? Well, that question is what we are here to answer George Patton was born in Germany twenty two years ago, according to official league statistics. He certainly looks a lot older, closer to the age of his namesake, the four star general known as “Bandito,” “Old Blood and Guts,” and “The Old Man.” General George S. Patton was born on what would later be known as Armistice Day (and later Veteran’s Day in the United States) in 1885, which means that he would make him one hundred twenty nine years old this year. That seems more than a little bit too old for professional hockey, whereas twenty two makes just a little bit more sense. I decided to ask The General about life, hockey, the universe, and everything. Benjamin Davis Wilson: Tell me a bit about growing up in Germany with a name such as yours. George Patton: I’m not sure what you mean, I grew up in Californi—Oh, that’s right. Yes, Germany. I grew up in a town called Heidelberg, which is on a river called the Neckar. It is the fifth largest city in Baden-Württemberg, which is a state in the southwest of the nation of Germany. I believe it borders on France, but I’m not quite sure of that. Benjamin Davis Wilson: You’re coming into the Victory Hockey League system relatively late, and as a completely unknown talent. I had truly never heard of you. George Patton: What are you talking about? I won twenty two awards for my service in the Mexican Revolution, World War I, and World War II. I fought at the Battle of the Bulge and invaded Sicily. I assisted John Pershing in the invasion of Mexico to fight Pancho Villa. You’re calling me unknown? Benjamin Davis Wilson: With all due respect, Mr. Patton, you were born in the nineteen nineties. World War II ended in nineteen forty five, and the other campaigns you mentioned were even before that. How do you explain that? George Patton: Oh, right. Um, I’m not going to comment. Benjamin Davis Wilson: Alright. What sort of hockey do you see yourself playing when you hit the ice with your new team? George Patton: I like to fight, and that’s my plan. I’ve been beating people up my whole life, I see no reason to stop now that I can be put in a penalty box for doing it. Benjamin Davis Wilson: Alright, Mr. Patton. Thank you for spending some time with me. George Patton: No problem. Which way is the exit? Well, there you have it. A young man who spends his time confused about who he really is. I’m sure we’ll be seeing plenty of the addled young man as he bides his time in the Yukon locker room, waiting for his chance to be drafted and start his career in earnest. No way this guy is twenty two, right?

Give me my money! +10

I know Seth plenty. I'm on SHL.

Have no fear, Ramicus is here! I am not a cowboy (הלואי). I am Rami. I am 17. I live in the Bronx. I am fairly skilled with firearms. Those two facts are not related. I promise. I am Jewish. I am a high school senior. Anything else you want to know, ask me.