Ramicus

claims Ken Anderson

I like to pretend that he never happened.

Daniel Craig is not a good Bond. He plays a decent Bond, to be sure. The series has lost some of its wit and light-heartedness, but he does a fairly good job. He just doesn’t look the part. Furthermore, the redo has weakened Bond too much. Old Bond stops the guy on the train long before Moneypenny needs to shoot him. Old Bond is able to stop himself from going into cardiac arrest, and doesn’t need a Bond Girl to come out and save him. Old Bond doesn’t make bad movies (I’m looking at you, Quantum of Solace). The best Bond was Brosnan. Connery tends to win these arguments because he was first, but Brosnan had the wit needed to play the character. Brosnan’s Bond was perfect, in that he didn’t have very many flaws, and that’s as it should be. Look at the scene in China in Die Another Day. He knew about the surveillance behind the screen. Craig’s Bond would have slept with the masseuse, who would have pointed a gun at his head and brought in support, forcing him to fight his way out. In conclusion, Bond is Bond. He’s a superhero without superpowers. He’s barely human, but the pinnacle of humanity.

The Hero: Origins When we left off, George “The General” Patton was in France. He had come from Yukon Territory, where he had received a pep talk from his friend and fellow member of the Yukon Rush, Torez, Ukraine, native Fedir Okranitz. Before that little conversation, The General had met Emil Zola who had informed him that HYDRA, a terrorist sort of group previously known to George Patton as a piece of the fictional Marvel universe, existed in the real world, as well. He also learned that he had been created anew by HYDRA after having been brought to the United States after his death in Heidelberg, Germany, during a secret part of Operation Paperclip, which had officially brought to the United States Nazi scientists. He learned that the United States government had created him, then – for some very strange reason that he did not know – allowed him to run off and play hockey. He learned that he was one hundred and twenty nine years old. He also learned that the threat was real. He learned that HYDRA was amassing power, and that they would soon do very bad things to the entire world. He would admit that most of that had been learned in the Captain America movie, but if everything else in the movie about HYDRA was true, he had a feeling that this would be, too. According to his research, however, Captain America was not as real as his HYDRA opponents. There were no Avengers to fight the threat of evil. In fact, the only person who knew for sure was himself, George “The General” Patton (and you, my dear readers, but George “The General” Patton doesn’t know about any of this). The French had not understood him, and surely Zola had found his a way to get his computerized behind out of the Yukon arena. If only one person knew of the threat, only one person could fight the threat. He was the only one who could do what was necessary, and he would do his very best. And so it was that George “The General” Patton became a superhero. Granted, George “The General” Patton would be a superhero like Batman, self-made and without actual powers. He didn’t have very much at all. He had some hockey player strength. He had some resources. He had some army training, but that training was now over one hundred years old, and so it was probably slightly outdated. He also had an unnecessary and unexplained pin up girl sidekick, named Cherry Baxter. In short, he had everything needed to be a superhero except for super powers. With his background appropriately established, George “The General” Patton and Cherry Baxter boarded a plane out of Aéroport de Paris-Charles-de-Gaulle, or Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport. The General was armed with a short novel, a soda, a buttered croissant, and a deli sandwich. Cherry Baxter was armed with the same stuff, as well as her disarming smile. Their plane took off, and off they went to… Come back next week for… HIS SUPERPOWERS DONT or START A FIRE

Yukon offers a contract.

VHL related because I'm recommending it to y'all. It's called the Art of Racing in the Rain. It's about a dog. He belongs to a very nice man. The very nice man gets married. The very nice man and his new wife have a baby. The dog's name is Enzo. The very nice man is named Eve. Their daughter is Zoé. I don't think that's the right accent. At this point I just need to talk to 150. Seriously, it's a great book. I've read it twice, I cry at the end. I'm not usually am emotional person, especially not while reading for school, which is why I read it originally. I suppose I should give a shoutout to my eleventh grade English teacher, Mrs. Daniela Rosenblatt. She might spell it with two l's, I'm not sure. Seriously, though. Read it. I finished it while givingblood today, and the people thought something was wrong. Also, shoutout to Mook because he's Mook.

I was being nice.

Skates on the Ground: J’accuse! or Shots You Take The General had had a thought. He had liked his new thought. He had given his friend Fedir Okranitz a hug and had gone to beat up another hockey player. Then the time had come for George “The General” Patton to fight the good fight. The game, and therefore the season, came to an end, and the time came for him to do just what the goalie had said. He had boarded a plane, and here he was in… France. Mr. Patton landed at Aéroport de Paris-Charles-de-Gaulle (Paris’s Charles de Gaulle airport for those of you who speak the proper language). The General had never been to France. He did not want to be in France now. It was not as bad as a place as, say, Luxembourg, but that did not make him a fan of the baguette eating, beret wearing, French speaking idiots. Unfortunately for George “The General” Patton, he had stuck his finger randomly on a list of destinations, and he had ended up here. He wasn’t happy about it. Luckily for him, he had things to do instead of being angry at the lazy, unshaven wine drinkers. He went to the Eiffel Tower, where he spent over nine dollars to climb as high as he could go. What a joke, he thought to himself. It doesn’t cost anything to climb the Washington Monument. Stupid French. Nevertheless, he had his bullhorn, and this was his unfortunate location. “People of Paris! HYDRA exists! They—“ George “The General” Patton was interrupted by a fellow owner of bullhorn from below. “You stupid American! We do not speak your stupid language! This is not stupid Romania!” This left George “The General” Patton with many questions. First of all, he was yelling at him in English that he didn’t speak English. Second, why was Romania stupid? The General had never met anyone from Romania, so he wasn’t going to judge just yet. Third, Americans, by virtue of being Americans, were not stupid. And finally, he was technically German. That’s what it said on his passport, at least. “Ich bin deutsch, dummkopf!” It was becoming clear that his finger was not a good way to choose a destination. It might be best to go somewhere where they spoke one of his languages, right? Or English, really. Apparently people on the internet weren’t fans of having to use Google Translate to read meaningless articles on a simulation hockey league. He waited for the elevator down to the ground. It was taking much too long. It was an elevator, how slow could it be? Certainly slow enough to make him take the stairs, which he did. They were quiet, giving him time to think. Maybe it wasn’t enough to alert others to the danger. Maybe it would take a leader to stop the threat. Maybe the world needed a strong figure to stand Maybe the evil could only be stopped by a strong figure. Maybe he had to fight HYDRA himself. Come back next week for… A BRAND NEW SERIES

Questions edited for grammar Who do you want to draft you in the VHLM draft? - Austin I don’t really know much about the teams or who’s on them or anything like that. I know the GMs, though, so I’ll talk about that. Kendrick (Saskatoon) is a pretty cool guy. I’ve only talked to him once, but it was fun. Austin (Yukon) claimed me on waivers, and is generally awesome stupid. IR (Minot), apparently also known as Zack, is cool, and he lets me call him by a really stupid name. I’ve never spoken to Jala (Bern) at length (unless I’m forgetting), but I’ve seen him around SHL and he seems alright. Kitty (Bratislava) is awesome. I feel like I’ve spoken to Draper (Oslo) a few times, and he puts up with Austin’s and my craziness (if I have the right guy here. Who is the best singer in the Yukon Rush LR? - Austin Definitely Boom, right? Australian girls have cute accents. Where did you get the idea for your name? – Austin­ If you mean player name, he’s General George Patton, of the United States Third Army. How much better can it get? If you mean my username, well, you should ask that next week and get a full story.

Today is the real Thanksgiving. Because 'Merica.

I'm annoyed because I wanted to listen to a song on YouTube and the actual song started forty seconds into the video.

Austin says I should apply. I'm on my phone, which makes linking difficult, but you can check out the Skates on the Ground series.

Skates on the Ground: Love to Fight or A Good Man George “The General” Patton, who was actually a reborn version of General George Patton of the Third Army, was not happy. He was not a young man born in Germany. He was not the boy who had played hockey for so many years to prepare for a career full of glory. He was a general from so many years ago, dead in a car crash not far from where he had once thought he had been born. No, he was actually Ol’ Blood and Guts, brought back from the dead by Nazi scientists as part of Operation Paperclip. He was a product of the computer brain of Emile Zola. He was American, not German. He was a war hero, not a hockey player. In fact, he was a really great general instead of a mediocre hockey player. He was very much not happy, though. He did not appreciate finding out that he was over one hundred years old. He did not appreciate finding out that he was alive only because of doctors affiliated with the National Socialist German Workers' Party, a horrible organization responsible for millions of deaths, and HYDRA, a previously fictional organization. It was still game time, though, and The General was still a hockey player. He was a hockey player with some serious anger, and he intended to take it out on someone. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say a whole lot of someones, because there are six men a team on the ice at a time, and five that he could hit. So he did just that. He hit the ice (figuratively) and took down the first opponent he saw. Then he hit another. Then another. Then another. Then one more, you know, for good luck. The General liked this beating people up thing. He was about to take down the first guy again when Fedir Okranitz, star goalie who couldn’t manage to carry them into the playoffs, skated up. The Ukrainian yelled in his ear. “You don’t have to do this!” “But Fed! I love to fight!” “You’re a good man!” “What the hell am I supposed to do!?” “Fight the good fight!” The General had a thought. He liked his new thought. He gave his friend Fedir Okranitz a hug and went to beat up another hockey player. The time would come soon enough for George Patton to fight the good fight. When the game, and therefore the season, came to an end, it was time for him to do just what the goalie had said. It was time for The General to fight the good fight. He boarded a plane, and off he went to… Come back next week for… J’ACCUSE! or SHOTS YOU TAKE

I'm not just mad, I'm angry. One of the girls in my carpool (I'm a senior in high school) is an absolute moron.

Gimme.

NY Cosmos, especially the white Atletico Madrid, especially the home Maccabi Haifa green (with the collar and thinner sleeve stripes) It appears that I like simple kits.

I don't know what I just watched.

What are your Goals for your player? Have you decided how you are going to build him yet? –Phil The General is going to do what generals do – he’s going to fight a lot. He’s a center, so I suppose he’ll have to win some faceoffs, but my goal is to fight a lot. Which VHL team would you like to play for? Maybe list your top 3. –Phil I don’t know. That’s really it. I want to play with people I like. I’ve spoken with some of the GMs since I’ve joined, they’re nice guys. I’ve spoken with plenty of people, actually, and y’all are nice. I think I’ll find a way to be happy regardless of where I play. As a new member, could you give us a taste of your first impressions of the league? Is it hard to figure out what's going on? –Phil It’s not too tough. When I have a question, I tend to ask someone, and they tend to help me out. For the most part, though, it’s pretty easy.

Skates on the Ground: The Many Headed General or Not Gianfranco George “The General” Patton, who still played for the Yukon Rush hockey club, was now a slightly more accomplished hockey player. He was not playing for a very good team. But he was playing hockey, which was sort of the point, he presumed. He was having fun, he presumed. And, as far as he knew, he was getting paid. He would learn later that he was actually paying for literal peanuts, which would explain the elephants working in the locker rooms. They just wanted the leftovers from the postgame spreads! This story, however, does not involve the peanuts, nor does it involve the elephants. It was the last home game of the season, and The General was heading out toward the ice when he noticed a small, nondescript door that had not been there the previous game, or even when he had gone out to practice earlier in the day. Naturally, being an idiot, he opened it and went through what was not a rabbit hole. It led to a long hallway. Long hallways often lead to things that are very bad or very good. The General, of course, was hoping for the very good side, so he pressed onward and onward. After what seemed like a long walk (it was relatively short, but he’d been walking slowly), he reached another door, black with red lines. Still an idiot, he opened it and walked in. It was a room full of big computers. Very big computers, making loud noises. There was a screen, with a little speaker attached. As soon as he walked in, it began to speak in a crackly voice. “George Smith Patton, Junior.” There was some static. “November eleventh, eighteen eighty five.” More static. “December 21, 1945.” More static. The General knew what those were from his visit to Luxembourg. They were the endpoints of the original general’s life. The voice continued, though. “November eleventh, nineteen ninety two.” That was his birthday. The General was very confused. “What the heck is this?” These were computers that should not have survived past the millennium, but here they were, speaking to him, reciting facts about him. “My name is Zola, Herr Patton.” “The soccer player?” “No! My name is Arnim Zola.” “Like the guy from Captain America?” “That movie ruined my image!” There was angry-sounding static. “How do you know who I am?” “You saw the movie, Herr Patton. You know all about it.” “HYDRA’s real? And it’s really still around?” “Indeed. And because it is real and ‘really still around,’ you are real and ‘really still around.’” “I don’t get it.” “Operation Paperclip, Herr Patton, was not just for the scientists. Your government brought you back, too. At least, your body.” “If I died way back then, how am I standing here and able to play hockey?” “Rebuilt! By my HYDRA scientists! That is how you are twenty two and not one hundred and twenty nine years old. That is how you are standing in my brain and not lying in the dirt in Luxembourg.” The General was very thrown off by this. There were quite a few questions he wanted to ask, but there was one that was very important. “Does this mean I can get GI benefits?” Because that would have been awesome for The General. “Raus jetzt!” He took the advice of the strange doctor from the movie in the computer, and ran back down the hallway toward the safety of the ice. He was a HYDRA experiment, a creation of an organization that only existed in movies (and, apparently, the world of simulation hockey). Come back next week for… LOVE TO FIGHT or A GOOD MAN

1010 WINS

Why I'm happy: I'm out of school in twelve minutes. Why I'm mad: I'm coming down with a cold, I have to go to my therapist tonight (walking in the 20 degree outdoors (shut up, Canadians)), and I have a pimple thing on the back of my ear.

George Patton Center Points Shots Blocked

Questions for the future will be accepted by PM or in the chat.

After a few previous players who didn't impress as highly, you're creating a new player. What should we expect, activity-wise, going forward? – Diamond_Ace I think that this time around, I’ve found some people with whom I enjoy conversing. I’ve got a great team in Yukon, I’ve made some connections in the chat, and with the story I’m developing for my player, I’d say I’ll be active for a long time to come. What keeps you coming back to the league? – Flyersfan1493 I join these leagues for the hockey, and stay for the community. Last time I was here, my locker room was quiet, my player was boring, and I lost interest quickly. This time, the LR is hopping (and bouncing nudge nudge know what I mean know what I mean), the people are great, and my player is interesting enough to keep me here. Any members you would like to play with? – Flyersfan1493 I’ve gotten to know some cool people in my short time here, and I’d love to play with any of them. I already share an LR with Eaglesfan036 and Mook, who are two cool guys. RED, who I know as Winters, is awesome. Da, I already knew. Jamie is my true love. Flyersfan1493 and I have had some nice chats. These are just the guys I remember over the past day or two, but I think most people on the site would be good teammates.