Thunder

No wonder you got a fire lit under your ass…. Wasabi soaked peanuts!!!! This was a good read. Inspired me to come up with something for next week.

1. Biggest departure from all the trades? Who are we going to miss the most? (Mark Calaway, Guntis Gavilrovs, Dalkr Vidarsson, Owen Lazaro or Pierre Marc Bouchard)Explain why? Mark Calaway cannot be replaced. Experience and skill along with VHL maturity. Dont know what I’m gonna do. It’s bad enough that I’m going through withdrawals losing Owen Lazaro, and I went on a hunger strike when I thought Guntis was traded. I was in a state of shock when Dalkr packed his bags, and the thought of losing my buddy PMB is just gonna throw me off a cliff. My head still hurts. 2. Vancouver also add a few players so which is the key addition to the roster that will make a huge impact this season? (Matteo Stefano, Rip Wheeler, King Kisslinger or Guntis Gavilrovs) Explain!! Is this a test?? I know so little about Matteo Stefano and King Kisslinger, but I’m looking forward to their presence and impact. As far as Guntis goes, he’s got a heavy burden of keeping me in line. And Rip Wheeler….. well you know what I think of Rip. He’s got “No Ragrets” 3. Award have been present and one of the hardest ones I had was picking last year’s MVP Who would you have picked for our MVP or do you agree with my selection? I already forgot who you picked as mvp, but I do remember that I thought it was a good pick so I cant see trying to outsmart you and pick someone else. 4. If you had to change any of the award or add award to the Vancouver Wolves presentation which awards, would you change or add and why? The Glue Award given to Riley Martin. There were many games that he was the passer just before the 3 players touched the puck to get the points. And Riley took shots that set up goals, but his touch on the puck was outside the point scoring… 5. So we traded our MVP tender to Toronto; do you know have these games circled on the calendar or is it just another game against Toronto? Explain…. Oh, I’m not concerned at all. I have a deal with Valdr that he’s going to open his legs if I take a shot on goal, and I’m going to let the puck go by if I think its gonna get him a point, so long as Vancouver still wins the game. 6. Riddle: Made for victory, not for sipping tea; if you win me once, in history you will be. What am I? You spelled Victoria Secrets wrong

I know. I probably could have gotten another week out of the quote if i said it all

1. After our performance this past playoffs, how do you feel about the state of Davos as a team? Thanks for letting me crash your press conference. Right now I feel Davos is in a good position to get their asses handed to them by the Wolves. Other than that, go ahead and win games. 2. With the draft coming up, we currently sit at the 10th selection! What position do you think we need the most? How do you replace a player like David Jokinen? That is going to be your biggest challenge in the draft. 3. Did your player perform as you expected this season? Absolutely not. My player didnt even get into one fight. In fact, I believe whenever the fights started, my player hid on the bench. 4. Do you believe offseasons should be shorter? Or is this the perfect amount of time between each season? I dont really care. I’d like to earn more tpe so that my player is contributing more and getting into a couple scrapes. 5. Give us one aspiration/goal you have for S96! My biggest aspiration is to hit more, block more shots, and fight more. Points and assists come with the game. 6. What piece of advice would you give a first-gen Its all for fun, dont take anything seriously, and seek help often. You will succeed if you follow those simple suggestions. 7. If you were an animal, what would it be and why? I’d be a predator of the sea. The great white shark. It’d be pretty cool in the depth of the ocean checking out all the fish that I could be eating. 8. Have you ever traveled internationally? If so, to what countries? Of course…. I’ve been to Canada, the states, and Mexico. But in virtual hockey I’ve traveled the world.

There was a scare in the Vancouver locker room the other day. Word was going around that the knuckle dragger Guntis Gavilrovs was going to leave the team. The mood deafened to sadness and despair. Bollos de Trueno was in the corner weeping, Rip Wheeler opened a third bottle of whiskey, Riley Martin was throwing gear around, and Logan Ninefingers was all wrapped up in a Gavilrovs jersey, curled up in his locker. PMB, the leader that he is, started a chant going and got everyone involved which seemed to resonate throughout the arena. “Hell no, he won’t go. Hell no, he won’t go.” This inspired the team to wander into the GM office and let Frank know their feelings. Frank was sitting at his big GM desk, with his big GM coffee mug filled with banana beer, in one hand and a big GM Cuban cigar in the other hand. The team knew something was up when they saw Frank’s shit eating grin as he said to the team, “Guntis isn’t going anywhere, now get the hell out of my office.” 184 words

Graphic Review At first glance, I see another outstanding graphic by girts. I like the quality, the blending of the colors and the overall graphic. Upon closer examination I see that your colors are chosen very well and highlight the player and graphic The size of the player dominates the graphic very well and there is plenty of detail in the graphic, especially the logo that is warped perfectly to match the jersey and angle. The signature is of good size and the font is excellent for the signature. I also like the contrasting colors to present another point of professionalism in your graphic. You also placed the wolf in the bottom right corner and of a good size to provide some more depth to the graphic. Outstanding as always. Score 10/10

Graphic Review Until trivia is fixed, i gotta get tpe somehow! At first glance, I like the graphic because its telling me a story about this player and she enjoys hockey. The color scheme is good, obviously because you have done several graphics and are quite talented. At closer examination, I like the color scheme even more as you have the blend and contrast well defined. The player is proportioned well to be the focus with the team logo in the background to provide some of the story. The signature is good and the frame of the graphic is good. What doesnt fit in the graphic is the body below the chin. I cannot determine the black under the chin as its not flowing with the hair. Also the two shades of tan so clearly defined doesn’t mesh with the graphic. As I scroll up and down on this to look at it, I keep seeing your Kirby Phan graphic and know that you have the skills. So, I’m not sure if you were in a hurry or there was something about the player that you rendered as best you could. Score 9/10

There was an interesting speech in one of the discord locker rooms that prompted me to come up with something to write about for the upcoming TPE earning. As I write this, I’m not sure where it’s going to take me but I figured I would start with some famous quotes by hockey players but with a minor adjustment that the player is making the comment as if he were a VHL player. If you need to find out where the quotes came from and what the original quote is, just google them, that’s where I found them. Johnny Gaudreau would have said, had he been a VHLer, “Have fun right now. If you do pursue this career in the VHL, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to take gaming very, very seriously. But right now, just appreciate and build on whatever attributes you love about the game. Enjoy hanging out with your buddies on discord. No matter how big you make your player, you’ll miss that time when its gone. Try that trivia question, look silly, and get better.” Mike Eruzione’s quote would have been, “The VHL is a metaphor for life. You have to be willing to get knocked down and get back up.” “VHL is a game of fun and. If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right. Just chill,” would be a Mark Messier quote. J.J. Watt would be quoted with this, “The VHL, honestly, was my first love. The excitement, the fast pace, the intensity of the game… I still love it to this day.” Connor McDavid would have said, “It’s more fun to be playing in the VHL than doing anything else.” Martin Brodeur playing in the VHL would have said, “I’m just a gamer, I want a sim every day.” “This is your moment. You’re meant to be in the VHL, on the forum, in discord.” - Herb Brooks P.K. Subban would be like, “The VHL is filled with great people, and hockey is a great sport, and I encourage a lot of people to play it because of the relationships that you make on discord.” Doug Orr playing in the VHL would have said, “Put all your TPE in fighting, lets see what happens.” “Talent is a gift, given to you by building a solid player, and only then can you succeed with hard work.” - Jean Beliveau Here’s the quote from Bobby Orr, had he been in the VHL. “The biggest thing we get out of it is seeing the newbies succeed. And hopefully we will also see that the lessons we’re teaching - not only the fundamentals of the VHL, but the life values are sinking in.” And of course there is always a quote from Scurvy, “Scotty P, he’s garbage. He’s a worthless piece of shit.” - Scurvy And obviously I couldn’t get away with not providing a Scotty P quote to help fill the 500 words, “I do what I do bruh.” - Scotty P And here is a quote from Thunder. “This media spot is the shits, but nobody has read this far into it so it doesnt matter anyway.” - Thunder 524 words

1. What do you think about Vancouver being bounced from the playoffs by Chicago? I think it sucks and Simon sucks and we should be in the finals. 2. Finals are set and are you surprised by who made the finals? Yes…. I didnt expect Vancouver to not be in the finals 3. Do you think changes are coming to the Vancouver roster this off season? Explain…. I have no clue. I’m sure Frank will do what needs to be done and Vancouver will be on top next season. 4. Do you golf during the off season or what other active do you take part in during the off season? Bollos gets shit faced with Riley Martin and they tag Vancouver walls with “Rip Wheeler” emoji. 5. NHL season is starting soon so what are you most excited about for this coming NHL season? I get to watch the Bruins. 6. Riddle: I am always in front of you, but you can’t see me. What am I? Hmmmm. My dick?

When the VHL and the NHL clash, it adds to the spirit of hockey. Everything falls into place. The weather changes, there is more time spent in front of an IPad or television, (for me that is) and center ice activates. And with the Vancouver Wolves being eliminated by a cheating Simon, I can live vicariously through Riga because the Frank Troll gave us access to their LR. While Riga starts their cup dominance, I’m still jonesing for some hockey. I’m not interested in old games so if you’re thinking the NHL channel could fix my addiction, it won’t. I havent updated my video game since NHL 22, and don’t plan on getting a new version until things change. Gone are the days of building the player with slots. It was an expense but it was well worth it for me!! That leaves me to pre-season. The next game is Tuesday and I set the DVR to record. I really hope it works, otherwise I’m going to have to turn on Apple TV and watch The Goon. At least there is the good news that its officially the early signs of hockey weather. 195 words

1. WE SWEPT MOSCOW! How did you feel once that series concluded?! Pretty shitty since I picked Moscow to win it all, its costing me TPE, and thank you for letting me crash your press conference. Appreciate it. 2. Do you believe in the Victory Cup curse? Absolutely. Its a curse true and blue and the only thing Davos has in its favor this season is that it missed the curse. 3. Has Davos exceeded your expectations this season now that we face Riga? Yes and no…. I thought Davos was in a rebuilding season but at the same time, Alex is a genius at GM so nothing surprises me with success of Davos. But, Davos is about to lose to Riga so it was good while it lasted for Davos. 4. Who would you say is the Davos team MVP this playoffs so far? David Jokinen. Do I need to say why? OK, I will…. @Ahma bleeds Davos purple so there is no one else who is as dedicated to Davos than Ahma. I mean, if you listened to the latest podcast you would know its a waste of time for any other team to even look at Ahma’s players. 5. Which team do you believe is Davos’ biggest rival overall? OH, it has to be Vancouver Wolves. This rivalry has been created by me and its in my head only. Every team is a rivalry to me. 6. Thoughts on the end of the VHLE? Nothing in particular. I kind of liked the prep to get into the big leagues.. could have even bumped it up another 100 tpe and keep more players in the league. I dont know exactly how things work so it’s nothing I really concern myself about though. 7. Will you be participating in the Pro Am this offseason? Sure, if I’m smart enough to sign up. 8. Is there anything about the VHL that still confuses you or that you have questions about? First of all, who’s gonna answer my questions? Yeah, there are things that confuse me but nothing I cant overcome.

Riga and HC Davos are in a serious battle for the European Conference finals. By the time this is in print, the series could likely be over, but it still needs to be said. The Riga GM, @Lemorse7, does not play fair. Now, you may ask what the hell are you talking about, and I have to explain. Lemorse7 has been trolling the Vancouver Wolves GM all season and most recently played some serious mind games against Frank and other Wolves team members. The Riga Troll(Lemorse7) messed with Logan Ninefingers so badly that Ninefingers didn’t get a point the entire playoffs against Chicago. The Riga Troll shook up PMB so much that he wasn’t able to beat up Legacy Gaming and Guntis Gavilrovs had to put in some extra effort to get revenge on Legacy Gaming in the next game, only to become injured and not play the remaining games at 100%. The Riga Troll was so menacing that Rip Wheeler gave up drinking, which caused an economic depression for the local liquor stores. Bollos de Trueno, was useless in the play offs, which was not much different during the season either. The biggest issue; however, was how The Riga Troll dedicated so much time f-ing with Soju. Considering all the damage The Riga Troll did to the success of the Wolves this season, I thought it would only be fair for Lemorse7 to give a few Wolves access to the Riga locker room so that there could be some reciprocal trolling. What better opportunity could there be for Riga to get a little taste of friendly participation by superstars like PMB, or Riley Martin, or even Owen Lazaro. The extra attention given to Riga could likely help the team to kick the shit out of HC Davos and then move into the championships. I’m pretty sure that every member of Riga, with the exception of Alex, would take whatever they can get, because Riga will not be able to complete the job without help from the Wolves locker room. Logan Ninefingers can speak to the other world and has the ability to disrupt SIMON and change the outcomes to Riga’s favor. All Lemorse7 needs to do is invite us to troll the Riga locker room. The Riga Troll will soon learn the power afforded to Ninefingers and he will see this at the next game when Red Panda with the results. Should Riga Troll play it smart and afford the Wolves to troll, its quite likely that Red Panda’s unique game is a positive outcome, but should the Riga Troll choose to prevent this union, then be prepared to cry. Perhaps The Riga Troll should get some advice from people like Lucyxpher, who as a VHLM GM, recognizes the benefits of open arms and encouraging a mutual involvement, or someone like Axle Gunner, who is a legend and future hall of famer who would certainly like a Continental Cup or two. Or… you could seek advice from Skor McFleury, who is going to retire once Riga is eliminated, and only The Riga Troll could prolong McFleury’s career by making the right decision. Time is running out for The Riga Troll, but it doesn’t matter to me as I’m getting TPE regardless!! ALERT!!!!! This was completed prior to The Riga GM allowing the Wolves to troll the Riga LR. Due to The Riga GM making such allowance, Riga spanked HC Davos and now leads the series 3–2. Riga is on their way to the Cup. Congratulations… 590 words

Goodbye Villain. The Villain was the best shit I ever heard…. Could have gone on for a long time with that character. Genius!!

Well sort of you did…. Comparing to frostbeard’s birthday and how youre older by a few months…. So i guess you’re right. And at least you got the joke, since i fell for getting free tpe. Never gonna let it go !!!! And…. I can only say that i pictured you as an old man because of your profile pic. Dont know why others think youre old! You’re still young!! Have great day Victor

It’d be a hell of a lot better if @Tate got the Villain to involve Scottyp and scurvy. This thing could grow legs!!!

Only 2 1/2 hours. Couldn’t come up with anything else? I didnt hear a thing about Victor’s birthday!!!

Sounds like The Villain has seeded himself into your brain and is preventing you from exposing the devious things Villain has in mind and he’s keeping you from recording him and presenting his twisted mind to the vhl. If youre gonna quit leagues, quit all the other shit you have and get back on track with villain podcasts. I’m running out of shit to write about and i need stuff to keep maxing tpe. Step up!!!!

Just dont do it this season please!!

None with Thunder!!!

Whatever!!!!

1. How would you describe Davos’ performance in the wildcard round against Warsaw in one word? Good - but I have to say more than one word because I’m crashing the press conference for the tpe and if I dont write enough it will not count for tpe. 2. Moscow is up next! How do you feel about our squad going into this series? If you are answering after the series is over, how did we do? I think Moscow will completely crush Davos, unfortunately for Davos and for David Jokinen because I really like him. 3. What are your thoughts on the current state of goalies in the VHL after the STHS tweak from a few seasons ago to create more scoring chances for skaters? I haven’t really paid attention to that to know if it has made a difference. If it is for the betterment of the VHL, then I think its a good thing. 4. If you could play with any other player in the VHL, active or retired, who would it be? I’m not sure who that would be. I’d say it would have been nice if my player was on the same team as Brian Payne back when he was playing because he was legendary and it would have been fun to be on the same line. 5. What was your player’s most impressive stat this regular season? The most impressive stat for Bollos de Trueno would be how he screwed up so much this season and cost Vancouver most of the losses. Trueno was shit this season. A big pussy who didn’t fight, didnt hit, and barely blocked shots. 6. Does your player have any pregame rituals or superstitions? Yeah, he cant give Simon any shit before the season starts again becuase it cost Vancouver the first 5 losses of the season. 7.What is the first song that comes up when you shuffle your playlist? I have several playlists but the latest shuffle came up with La Reina del Sur 8. Do you speak more than one language? If so, what are they? I’ve sputtered in spanish for several years but over the past couple years my ability has expanded exponentially. I speak it every chance I get now.

If there is an easy thing to say about the VHL general managers, it would be, “they know their shit.” And I dont even know all of them and their pedigree. The ones I know, I can safely say that they match the statement about their abilities. Starting with Spartan, he’s got Moscow running the league and has been for multiple seasons. It doesn’t matter where Moscow places in the standings, they are a playoff team. The only thing that will keep Moscow down this season is the “VHL Curse.” And Cole, better known as badcolethetitan, well he’s been so impressive taking Chicago up a notch ever since he took over and unfortunately for him, Chicago faces Vancouver in the playoffs this round. I remember calling Alex a genius in the past, and that hasn’t changed. He has got a lot of talent knowing what to do with players, and who to pick up to make HC Davos better. He’s a very patient GM who is always respected by opponents. I’m not sure how far Davos will go; however, because although David Jokinen is a threat for the team, its well known that he’s somewhat skiddish about playing against Vancouver, should Davos make the finals. There is one general manager that sticks out above the rest. Frank, is a notch above and is unmatched when it comes to running a team. His eye for success comes out when needed most. Taking Vancouver from the bowels of the division after losing the first five games, thanks to Bollos de Trueno, to home ice, Frank had no fear whatsoever that the Wolves would be a dominating force. Perhaps he was leading other teams into a sense of confidence when they played Vancouver, or he had other things in mind, his adjustments to the team and lineup has given the Vancouver Wolves the best chance to get a cup. It is because of his decision making and his dedication to the team that Frank should easily be awarded the David Knight trophy. 341 words

There is no doubt that will be plenty of discussion about the VHLE going away, and of course, since it is the hot topic, I might as well have a discussion with this as well. However, I am going to be on topic of what really happened to the VHL, and I think you might be surprised of the results of the investigation, even though I am not all that surprised. I saw this coming and there is someone sitting in a deep dark cave right now laughing in a slow hoarse voice. The process of the investigation started weeks ago when I first learned about a conspiracy involving a twisted, dangerous, person, who hides in a dark web of mischief and deviousness. This was revealed in an inconspicuous podcast blending in with other point tasks and would have been overlooked by me, had I not taken a break from hanging out with @Smarch, as his wingman, helping him find hookers. The podcast involved a mastermind who had just created his best work yet and he could not keep the news to himself any longer as he proudly discussed the invention with a side kick, who at the time appeared to be nothing but a misunderstood squeaky little creature who goes by Pinky. Typical to this monster’s inventions, the boasting and antagonizing began. The Villain exposed himself in this early podcast and @Tate warned us of what might be coming. I have to be honest though, I did not expect The Villain to ruin the VHLE. I thought that The Villain would be doing some manipulation with his new invention of a player who would mischievously overcome all limitations of the STHS and Simon and every team would be envious of the Mad Villain, who would capture all awards from now until the end of his lustrous career. As the weeks progressed and The Villain used deception and magical wizardry, to invade the Vancouver locker room and steal the mascot, The Villain could not help himself but announce this in additional podcasts. But, behind the podcasts, The Villain was obviously at work implementing a process to of putting the VHLE behind us. He clearly used his dark powers to sway all minds and decisions to be in order to force the board of governors to make the decision to dismantle the VHLE. It could be my fault that The Villain went underground and did not provide any clues about his true intentions, after I exposed his motives of kidnapping the Wolves mascot, and for that I must apologize. It seems that as soon as The Villain realized that if he announced his intentions, I would intercept him every step of the way; as an example when I discovered he was making a super stick for Manny Ceson. I should have known The Villain was into something deeper and darker. It came about too easily and now that the VHLE is officially over, Manny Ceson and Mad Villain will remain in Las Vegas for the foreseeable future and harass the other VHLM teams. Now that The Villain has destroyed the VHLE, I challenge him to announce his next mission and all future missions to give me a chance to stop him in his steps. Does The Villain have any more podcasts in him? 554 words

I’d be happy to do it but I dont think Margot will want to leave my side.

Girts, you gave Bollos too much credit especially since Calaway carried me most of the season until Frank switched the lines. I had to look up who de Trueno is dating because I couldnt tell you what she looks like. But…. I think Bollos can handle dating Margot. Definitely a step up from Rip Wheeler tagging Mama June and we all know Logan Ninefingers has the hots for Ferro.