Thunder

Its more fun bringing it up!! I got fooled big time by it. Even put in for the tpe. You’re a legend to have your birthday recognized back in 2014!!

Done! You’ll either be a rich man or come to the realization that @ScottyP is worthless!!!

Yes, its true… The approval for the VHL Virtual Bookie has been made final and begins now. After many months of dealing with Tulalip Tribal Gaming, the Resort has given me permission to run the operation as the VHL Virtual Bookie. To start the bookie operation, I have selected the next four VHL games of the playoffs. But wait! There’s more…. As an introductory offer, games 4 and 6(if necessary) are included with your wager of game 3 in each series. 3 chances to win on 1 wager! VHLE and VHLM games will be added in the future. Betting is simple, all you need to do is look at the game #s below, and make your wagers by submitting a reply with the game #, which bet, and the wager. You do not have to bet on every game, or every prop. And its preferable that wagers are made before the game begins! From there, its on you! All wagers are in increments of 100, or in the amount to make a whole number depending on the odds, ie. if the odds were -125, then the wager would be in increments of 125. And because I’m such a nice bookie, you might see game time notes to help with your decision making. Remember, gambling can be an addictive habit. If you feel you need help with your addiction, seek assistance. The VHL Bookie is not responsible for your addiction. To begin the virtual booking with a variety of choices, plus to increase the number of words for maximum TPE out of this, here is a list of betting choices: Puck Line - The point spread of the winner Total Score - The number total goals between both teams that are scored Money Line - The winner of the game But wait, there’s more. Individual props include: Shots on goal - the over/under of shots on goal by a player Points - the over/under of points by a player No, the virtual bookie has not forgotten the goalie prop. Saves - the over/under of saves made by a goalie And to make things even more exciting, there is the awards prop Third Star - Second Star - First Star Unfortunately, there are no parlay bets or teaser bets at this time. Let the virtual betting begin! Game #49(#53 & #61included) - Seattle Bears vs New York Americans New York is coming off an easy series against the Chicago Phoenix, while the Seattle Bears are well rested. Even though New York had little difficulty scoring against Chicago, Seattle traded for Fuukka Rask, @jubis, and Rask went 21-2-3 with Seattle. Seattle is currently up 2 games to 0. Puck Line - New York Americans +1.5 (+160) Bet 100 to win 160 Seattle Bears -1.5 (-190) Bet 190 to win 100 Total Goals - Over 6.5 (-115) Bet 115 to win 100 Under 6.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Money Line - New York Americans (+160) Bet 100 to win 160 Seattle Bears (-192) Bet 192 to win 100 Shots on Goal - FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY Analfist @STZ Over 5.5 (-125) Bet 125 to win 100 Under 5.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Oreo McFleury @JB123 Over 6.5 (-140) Bet 140 to win 100 Under 6.5 (+105) Bet 100 to win 105 Points - Tord Yvel @Trazan Over 1.5 (+130) Bet 100 to win 130 Under 1.5 (-125) Bet 125 to win 100 Daryl Dixon @Ricer13 Over 2.5 (+140) Bet 100 to win 140 Under 2.5 (+105) Bet 100 to win 105 Saves - Wwwwwwwwwwww Wwwwwwwwwwww @rory Over 35.5 (+110) Bet 100 to win 110 Under 35.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Fuukka Rask @Jubis Over 22.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Under 22.5 (+135) Bet 100 to win 135 Stars of the Game - First Star - Gustav Mattias @Berocka (+2300) Bet 100 to win 2300. Second Star - Jasper Davis @Josh (+4500) Bet 100 to win 4500. Third Star - Fuukka Rask @Jubis (+1400) Bet 100 to win 1400. Game #50 (#54 & #62 included) - Toronto Legion vs DC Dragons The Dragons are definitely a playoff hockey team, going into Toronto and taking the first two games. They now come back home and have a chance of sweeping the Legion in front of their home fans. DC’s offensive prowess has been incredible thus far, causing oddsmakers to struggle with predicting the results. Puck Line - Toronto Legion +1.5 (-130) Bet 130 to win 100 DC Dragons -1.5 (+145) Bet 100 to win 145 Total Goals - Over 5.5 (-125) Bet 125 to win 100 Under 5.5 (+120) Bet 100 to win 120 Money Line - Toronto Legion (+110) Bet 100 to win 110 DC Dragons (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Shots on Goal - Bobby Bob @Baby Boomer Over 2.5 (+110) Bet 100 to win 110 Under 2.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 The Frenchman @OrbitingDeath Over 6.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Under 6.5 (+130) Bet 100 to win 130 Points - Diego Machado @Dadam30 Over 1.5 (+150) Bet 100 to win 150 Under 1.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Theo Allard @InstantRockstar Over 1.5 (+165) Bet 100 to win 165 Under 1.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Saves - Joel Castle @animal74 Over 35.5 (+110) Bet 100 to win 110 Under 35.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Henry Tucker Jr @NSG Over 34.5 (-105) Bet 100 to win 105 Under 34.5 (+115) Bet 100 to win 115 Stars of the Game - First Star - The Frenchman @OrbitingDeath (+1500) Bet 100 to win 1500 Second Star - Jimi Jaks @ke1vi (+3200) Bet 100 to win 3200 Third Star - Joel Castle @animal74 (+2900) Bet 100 to win 2900 Game #51 (#55 & #63 included) Malmo Nighthawks vs Moscow Menace Moscow went to Malmo and took the first to games, now they are home and are up 2-0. Can the Menace live up to their name and sweep Malmo, or are the Nighthawks ready to play some hockey. Puck Line - Malmo Nighthawks -1.5 (+140) Bet 100 to win 140 Moscow Menace +1.5 (-155) Bet 155 to win 100 Total Goals - Over 6.5 (+160) Bet 100 to win 160 Under 6.5 (+105) Bet 100 to win 105 Money Line - Malmo Nighthawks (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Moscow Menace (+125) Bet 100 to win 125 Shots on Goal - Gregger Mckeggegger @TheNeonShaman Over 4.5 (+175) Bet 100 to win 175 Under 4.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 George Richmond @badcolethetitan Over 4.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Under 4.5 (+160) Bet 100 to win 160 Points - Viktor Jensen @Advantage Over 1.5 (+135) Bet 100 to win 135 Under 1.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Axle Gunner @Steve Over 1.5 (+120) Bet 100 to win 120 Under 1.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Saves - Ash Sparks @DarkSpyro Over 31.5 (+140) Bet 100 to win 140 Under 31.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Olober Syko @Spartan Over 32.5 (+175) Bet 100 to win 175 Under 32.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Stars of the game - First Star - Jacob Stone @scoop (+5000) Bet 100 to win 5000 Second Star - Reese McFleury @Spaz(+9000) Bet 100 to win 9000 Third Star - Grimgor Ironhide @FrostBeard (+12000) Bet 100 to win 12000 Game #52 (#56 & #64 included) London United vs Prague Phantoms This series is tied at 1-1. Both teams are deep in talent and it is making for an exciting series. The oddsmakers are being generous with these odds, but remember, anything could happen! Puck Line - London United -1.5 (+220) Bet 100 to win 220 Prague Phantoms +1.5 (-150) Bet 150 to win 100 Total Goals - Over 5.5 (+135) Bet 100 to win 135 Under 5.5 (+180) Bet 100 to win 180 Money Line - London United (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Prague Phantoms (+120) Bet 100 to win 120 Shots on Goal - Leonard Triller @Triller Over 6.5 (+140) Bet 100 to win 140 Under 6.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Rip Wheeler @ScottyP Over 2.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Under 2.5 (+210) Bet 100 to win 210 Points - Wann Kerr @VattghernCZ Over 1.5 (-125) Bet 125 to win 100 Under 1.5 (+130) Bet 100 to win 130 Nikolas Kauppi @Tetricide Over 1.5 (+150) Bet 100 to win 150 Under 1.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Saves - Jesse Teno @aimkin Over 35.5 (+140) Bet 100 to win 140 Under 35.5 (-105) Bet 105 to win 100 Matt Murdock @Acydburn Over 36.5 (+190) Bet 100 to win 190 Under 36.5 (-110) Bet 110 to win 100 Stars of the Game - First Star - Rip Wheeler @ScottyP (+25000) Bet 100 to win 25000 Second Star - Matt Murdock @Acydburn (+20000) Bet 100 to win 20000 Third Star - John Jameson @Frank (+9000) Bet 100 to win 9000 Bookies Wagers Game #49 Bookie likes this one because Fuukka Rask @Jubis has been a monster in goal and will keep New York scoreless. Total Goals Under 6.5 (-105) Wagering 515 to win 500. Bookie likes this one also because there’s a good chance Rory is going to face a lot of shots from Seattle. Saves - Wwwwwwwwwwww Wwwwwwwwwwww @roryOver 35.5 (+110). Wagering 300 to win 330. Bookie is taking a chance on this one, but has a good feeling about how much impact Daryl Dixon has on Seattle’s scoring. Points Daryl Dixon @Ricer13 Over 2.5 (+140) wagering 1000 to win 1400. Game #50 Bookie feels this one is a lock because Toronto has got to get back in the series and Bookie says the veterans will be stepping up. Shots on Goal - Bobby Bob @Baby Boomer Over 2.5 (+110) Wagering 500 to win 550. Bookie really likes the chances of this one as The Frenchman has been nothing short of a superstar all season. Stars of the Game - First Star - The Frenchman @OrbitingDeath (+1500). Wagering 100 to win 1500. Bookie is taking a risk with this one as the payout isn’t the best, but Bookie thinks Toronto will come back in game #50, and even if Toronto loses, the score will be within the odds. Puck Line - Toronto Legion +1.5 (-130) Wagering 260 to win 200. Game #51 Bookie sees this as a straight up winner as Moscow surprised Malmo at home, and Malmo wants revenge. This one might be a double winner for Bookie as there’s a good chance Malmo evens the series. Money Line - Malmo Nighthawks (-110). Wagering 440 to win 400. Bookie’s got a feeling about this one. There’s just something about the name! Stars of the game - Second Star - Reese McFleury @Spaz (+9000). Wagering 100 to win 9000. Bookie really likes this one and feels the oddsmakers screwed up when they decided to put this prop on the table. Bookie thinks Mckeggegger will be shooting at least 7 shots in the first game. Shots on Goal - Gregger Mckeggegger @TheNeonShaman Over 4.5 (+175) Wagering 1000 to win 1750. Game #52 Bookie doesn’t want to touch the money line, puck line, or total goals with this series. Bookie thinks the teams are too closely matched and have outstanding goalies, making everything unpredictable. At any rate, Bookie feels this one has a really good chance of winning. Points - Nikolas Kauppi @TetricideOver 1.5 (+150) Wager 500 to win 550. Bookie has a good feeling about this one because he’s looking to Toronto to put the brakes on Prague, especially on Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP. Bookie feels Prague won’t even shoot enough shots at Teno to meet the over, so Bookie feels the under is the safer bet. Saves - Jesse Teno @aimkin Under 35.5 (-105) Wagering 525 to win 500. Bookie has mixed feelings about this bet, not because he doesn’t think Jameson won’t get a star, but feels that Jameson has a better chance of picking up first star or second star of the game, and given the two free games, it makes it even more enticing to place a wager, even though its for the third star. Bookie feels the reward is worth the risk. Stars of the game - Third Star - John Jameson @Frank (+9000) Wagering 500 to win 45000. I wouldnt do Rip Wheeler any justice if I didnt tell him how much it pained me to include him in any kind of accolade, or even mention him as a chance to do anything other than getting his face smashed in by Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy. Scottyp, I hope you lose your ass!! Everyone else, good luck!! One last thing, you may ask if there is any free TPE handed out, but I cannot guarantee that. I can only say there is the same likelihood of getting free TPE as getting TPE wishing @Victor a happy birthday!! 2096 words

I may be scarred for life because of this injustice.

What about ring dings or devil dogs?

Just go easy when Halifax plays Saskatoon please!!

1. The end of the regular season is here! How do you feel about your performance this season? Would have liked more hits and shots blocked, but being on a great team is awesome. 2. Which team do we have to keep our eye on in the playoffs? One series at a time. 3. Which series has been the best in the NHL playoffs so far? I’ve only watched Boston/Toronto. Not happy with it. Bruins need to step it up. 4. Describe your perfect date. In a suite at the Bruins and it’s game 7 for the Stanley Cup. Wife has her eyes on the game so she’s not bugging me. Bruins win!!! What could be better than that? 5. What is the most important thing that a team needs to have success on a deep playoff run? They need to play playoff hockey. 6. Why is it that the second movie in a trilogy usually ends up being the best one? Well, Dumb and Dumberer was kind of funny!!! I dont know why tho.

1. We’ve only got a few regular season sims left, who do you predict will be the Continental Cup champion? Moscow 2. Our beauty of a captain, David Jokinen, has had a career year! Any words to commend him on this feat? He’s my hero. 3. What do you believe we can learn from this season that we can carry onto the next? Any bold predictions or suggestions? Win more, lose less 4. If you had a chance to add a new award to the VHL, what would it be and what would you name it? The Ray Bourque Trophy. Player who wins the most fights 5. Regarding fighting in hockey, do you believe it is a staple of the sport? Or is it something that should be phased out of the game entirely? Ouch. You serious? Whoever is suggesting that fighting be phased out is not a hockey player. You cannot participate in playoff hockey without hitting hard and that sometimes flares up into a fight. Now, the fighters can decide how hard to punch. 6. The Stanley Cup playoffs have begun! Which team has impressed you most thus far? It’s easier for me to tell you which team has not impressed me. That would be the Bruins, my team. They cannot maintain 60 minutes of playoff hockey. I thought Big Rig would help motivate them, but thus far, they soften up too soon. 7. In terms of playstyle and build, which NHL player is yours most similar to? Radko Gudas. Love that Gudas hip check!! 8. Since this debate has flared up again recently: is a hot dog a sandwich? It can be when it’s called a polish sandwich, ie. the hotdog is split in half and placed on two slices of bread with pickles mustard ketchup and onion. Other than that, no. Especially when a hot dog is cut up and put in spaghettiios. Oh, now I’m hungry.

All that work to get lifetime fan club membership and you turn me down. What am I going to do now?

Graphic Review You are seeing this review because I’m a dumb ass and got a trivia question wrong. The color scheme is well chosen as the shades of purple go with the black helmet and they blend in quite well to make the graphic appear to be a work of art. The player is the focal point of the graphic and its size is appropriate as it doesnt dominate the graphic and allows the viewer to appreciate the background as art. I like the direction of the eyes you have chosen on the player as it adds to the graphic’s purpose. The signature location is a really good spot on the graphic as well as the font size. It goes with the player and the color scheme as well. I dont recognize your graphic style so I dont think I have done reviews of yours in the past, but looking at your two signature graphics along with the graphic you just completed, its safe to say that you have quite a bit of talent on making graphics. Well done! Score 10/10

There is a new giant in the VHLM. At 6’8”, weighing in at 250 pounds, this player has come to cause damage. Marlins GM, @dylanjj37, has joined the San Diego Marlins squad, and in his short preview of only playing 6 games, GM has been punishing opponents. GM has 16 hits thus far, and the referees have taken notice to the physical force GM provides to the San Diego defense. @Mysterious_Fish, San Diego Marlins general manager, has welcomed his new player, and plans on mentoring Marlins GM, so that GM has a successful career in the VHLM. San Diego AGM, @meandyoc, has some concerns with the freedom Marlins GM has with the team and has expressed his concerns of the possibility of San Diego relocating to the Faroe Islands, where Marlins GM is from. Given Marlins GM relationship with Juan Ceson, John Season, Stan Par, and other wealthy hockey stars, Mysterious_fish and Meandyoc are looking forward to the unlimited resources that could be coming Marlins way, and they are planning on a VHLM championship in the future. In the meantime, they are spending their free time in the Juan Ceson zoo, as they have lifetime membership passes. 270 words

Claim week 2/2

I miss uncle BoJo

Just fight Rip Wheeler a few times, that will boost your win loss record.

Take Rip Wheeler @ScottyP to Vegas with you and bury him in the desert.

Graphic Review After doing review of the first graphic, scrolling down to the next one to review because I got both trivia questions wrong, I saw this one and liked the detail so decided to review it. As it turns out, it’s the same designer as first review today. Designer definitely is talented with doing graphics. You have skill. I like the colors because it’s simple on the eyes but there are enough changes in colors that it identifies everything in the graphic that needs to be said. The player is the main focus on this graphic, as the size of the player encompasses from top to bottom. The logo is warped and distorted at the right dimensions that its impossible to tell if it is layered on the jersey. It fits well and the shades make everything realistic. I like the shades of blue used for the entire graphic. The dark on the left that is behind the player and then lightens as progresses on the right side. Added to that is some kind of blended shapes which make it all fit in. The detail of making sure the color of the fingers on the left side of the graphic are darker and the colors of the fingers on the glove near the signature are lighter, matching the signature really adds to the graphic. I can assume a lot of work was put into this and it was quite time consuming to make these fine tuning adjustments. I can now say that this graphic is consistent with the work I have seen of your graphics. Very good graphic. Score 10/10

Graphic Review It sucks getting trivia wrong because then I have to go down the list of graphics and put my inexperienced two cents in, so here goes! At first glance, my response was “Wow” this is a good graphic. I like what popped out right away, the player, mysterious and unfettered. The Wolves logo behind is perfect because it adds to the no nonsense of what Annie Oaks is telling the viewer, “Don’t Fuck with Me.” I like how the wolf blends in with the player and the wolf shows teeth, bad ass. The selection of the shades of black really add to the graphic and makes everything blend in really good. The size of the player is not overbearing and the signature is located at a spot in the graphic that emphasizes its importance but with dominating the graphic. The font choice is good and works well with the wolf. I think this is the first graphic of yours that I have paid attention to, and I see that you have serious graphic talent. I really like this graphic. Score 10/10

1. Happy TDL week! What trade surprised you most leading up to it, if any? Pretty happy Saskatoon got Felicia Hardy 2. In your opinion, do you think putting TPE into the LD attribute has any impact on sims? No clue 3. Which team do you believe has been Davos’ biggest rival this season? Los Angeles Stars!!! 4. Are you a member of any other sim leagues? I can barely navigate this one. 5. In the spirit of last week’s theme week: which VHL team is most due for a rebrand? DC 6. Did your favorite NHL team make the playoffs this year? Yes. And if they didnt, I’d have to pick a new favorite team!! 7. Connor McDavid has just amassed 100 assists this season! Any thoughts about this feat? He’s on the wrong team. He needs to join the Bruins. 8. Are you an early bird or a night owl? I get up early and go to bed late.

1. What did you make of the wild's trade deadline? We scored on that deal. No doubt about it. 2. Who do you think pose the biggest threat to the wild this post season? The biggest threat is partying in between playoff rounds as we wait for the other teams to catch up. 3. 1 game left for the east team to make it into the NHL playoffs! Who makes it? Hopefully not Pittsburg 4. What is the most unique food you have tried? One time I had a cheeseburger with no cheese. 5. Who is the Stanley cup favorites in your opinion? Let New York have that title so they get their ass kicked in the first round 6. BIg Mac or whopper ? Whopper got me sick for a week one time, so I’ll go with a Big Mac.

Thats coming next week. All about john season

Things are starting to heat up between Prague Phantoms winger Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP, and Vancouver Wolves winger Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy. Game #393 found Rip Wheeler to be skirting the ice time with Logan Ninefingers, knowing all too well that Ninefingers has been after Wheeler. Logan Ninefingers, the hard working, gritty power forward for the Wolves had reached out to his GM, @Frank, for a chance to share the ice with Wheeler so they could match up and air out some differences. Ninefingers has been vocal about how disappointing Wheeler is as a hockey player, giving a lackluster effort and just going through the motions. For almost two periods, every time Logan Ninefingers stepped on the ice, Rip Wheeler immediately asked for a sub out. This chicken shit worked as Logan Ninefingers was keenly aware of Wheeler’s antics of being mouthy only when Ninefingers cant get to Wheeler. At the 16:43 mark, Wheeler had only four shots, all of which were easily stopped by Dalkr Vidarrson, @kaleebthemighty. Wheeler received a pass from Skor McFleury, @Alex, while looking on the Vancouver bench and seeing Ninefingers was about to jump on the ice. Wheeler dumped the puck and went right after rookie Riley Martin, @Smarch, with what can only be described as a limpwristed attempt to challenge Martin. Now Martin, not about to back down from anyone, let alone Rip Wheeler, reveled at the instigating and proceeded to use Wheeler’s face to redden his knuckles. Spanish Moon Moth, @Renomitsu and Guntis Gavilrovs, @Girts embraced for a fight to a draw; as did Nikolas Kauppi, @Tetricide and Mikko Borisyuk. @Minebro. Spanish Moon Moth and Nikolas Kauppi both shook their heads in disgust as they saw Rip Wheeler pick himself off the ice and skate to the bench as quickly as possible knowing that Wheeler will not be tangling against Logan Ninefingers anytime soon. Before opening the bench door, Wheeler could be heard begging the referee to give him a game misconduct so he could avoid Ninefingers another day. 335 words

There’s something amiss in the VHLM right now. There’s definitely something strange going on. I cannot put my finger on it, but I know that I am onto something because the sun is definitely not lining up with the moon. Well apparently it did for a little while, but that doesn’t explain the phenomenon that is happening. And this is the topic I get to write about for my TPE; however, before I get into it, if you read through this I am asking for your help to provide some input and solve this anomaly because I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure it out. How can Halifax 21st be the nemesis of the Saskatoon Wild in season 93? Saskatoon is a dominating team and hands down is going to win the Founders Cup this season, yet every time Saskatoon matches up with Halifax the skies turn dark, the birds stop singing, the squirrels hide their nuts, and Halifax kicks the living shit out of Saskatoon. Halifax and Saskatoon have matched up four times this season, and Halifax has come out on top all four games. These two teams match up two more times in season play, and I’ve got to figure out how Halifax is cheating before the next two games take place. Saskatoon GM, @Dadam30, is doing everything right, and even with their expertise managing the team, cannot seem to overcome the trickery and dirty handed play by Halifax GM, @LucyXpher. Lucyxpher is no stranger to internal investigations, considering the recent jelly coin debacle. But to continue, it has come to the point of having to hire some private investigators to determine what means lucyxpher is doing to cause Saskatoon’s misery. With the help of Harry Bosch, Mitch Rapp, Scott Coleman, Joe Pike, and Elvis Cole, here are some of the potential suspicious actions by Halifax over the course of the season to cause Halifax to have a huge advantage over Saskatoon. When I say “huge advantage” one only needs to look to the record. Look what has happened over those four games. Saskatoon outshot Halifax 102 to 91, yet Halifax put the puck in the net 13 times to Saskatoon’s 4 goals. Halifax was unusually more aggressive in the competitions, outhitting Saskatoon 89 to 68. With the extra hits came more penalty minutes, as Halifax spent 69 minutes in the box while Saskatoon had 57 minutes in the sin bin, yet there was no advantage to Saskatoon. Saskatoon blocked 31 of Halifax’s shots, while Halifax blocked 27 of Saskatoon’s shots. Both teams scored two of their goals on power plays. Given these statistics, the biggest stat that is lopsided, and yes I agree its the most important stat, is the goals scored. What is Lucyxpher doing to give Halifax such an advantage? I asked Elvis Cole to look into this and here is what he found out. Elvis Cole spent a lot of time looking at the accommodations in Halifax, as well as in Saskatoon and he discovered that the conditions of the hotel rooms provided to Saskatoon were sub par. The heating was at uncomfortable levels and the air quality was just above hazardous levels, which is likely the reason the Saskatoon players seemed to be out of shape during the contests in Halifax. Barely breathing while on the ice, there’s no doubt Saskatoon was a victim of foul play. Investigating further, it was determined that Halifax AGM, @Will3, signed for all of the hotel adjustments. To make matters worse, the food provided to Saskatoon was determined to have been poisoned, which to no surprise caused some indigestion problems with Bollos de Trueno, as if Thunder Buns needed any help there. Scott Coleman conducted covert surveillance on a few of Halifax 21st players and reported that John Season, @dylanjj37, spent a lot of time at the Juan Ceson Zoo, which is not unusual, but what he found to be unusual was the secret laboratory that he found John Season going to every day. Coleman noted the unusual manipulation of the monkeys and the walrus. To make matters even more suspicious was the Geico team meeting with John Season and Halifax goaltender, John Webber III, @Webberj. Webber was providing some advice to Duncan the walrus. Coleman came to the conclusion that Webber was given a synthetic cocktail giving him super agility and vision which played a pivotal role in the inability of Saskatoon to score goals against Webber III. Harry Bosch conducted his investigation in the locker rooms and around the arenas to determine foul play. His report indicated that the Saskatoon sticks had been tampered with as there were several sticks with splinters causing a severe loss of power. Saskatoon goal scorer, Oliver Loo, @Misty, had complained about something being wrong with the sticks and this certainly explains why Loo didn’t more score goals against Halifax. Bosch also discovered that the Saskatoon blades had been dulled and all the sharpening tools were not functional. To make matters worse, there were steel weights found in the pads giving the Saskatoon players a sluggish feel on the ice to go with not having edges on their skates. Joe Pike helped Harry Bosch and he found the boards behind the Saskatoon goal to have been altered, giving Halifax an rebound advantage. You might ask, “what about when the teams change sides,” and Pike located wireless devices that automatically adjusted the boards to the desired rebound. Just ask Boston how Florida got their first goal in the last game. This was obvious as Halifax players, Pierre Marc Bouchard, @Gaikoku-hito, has scored 1/5th of his goals against Saskatoon; Maple Dogwood, @dogwoodmaple, put up 6 points against Saskatoon; Aanarsi Reingaard, @Laine, has 21% of his points credited when playing Saskatoon; and John Season has 4 of his 27 assists against the Wild. The final part of the investigation was completed by Mitch Rapp. Rapp spent some time investigating @lucyxpher, finding her to have secretly have been attending the workouts of Carson Tripp, @Cartripp14, and Micah Cedarbaum, @MicahC. Lucyxpher adjusted the tensions of the ropes, causing Cedarbaum and Tripp to have rubber arms just before game 3. Strategically having John Season create a general fight, GM Lucyxpher picked Dorji Kahn, @Oddpurplefly to fight Carson Tripp; and Ty Duke, @TheDuke, to fight Micah Cedarbaum. Both of these fights, which would have normally ended in Duke and Kahn getting their faces smashed in by Cedarbaum and Tripp, ended in draws and had no favorable bearing for Saskatoon. Luckily for Saskatoon, Leon Bruhmaninho, @BigBruhman, worked out at a different gym when Lucyxpher was commmitting the fouled play, and did not have rubber arms and Bruhmaninho kicked the shit out of an uninformed Robin Sierra, @ethanjaeda. Although the Saskatoon luck was not enough to come up with a victory as Halifax goaltender, Joe Webber III, was all jacked up on juice and stopped every puck that went at him. All of these allegations were found to be factual and everything has been turned over to VHL Commissioners, @Beketov, @Acydburn, and @Josh, who requested a $1000.00 filing fee, which was paid in small unmarked bills to Josh, as directed. We will all have to wait for games 296 and 331 to take place to determine if the commissioners did their jobs or if lucyxpher has juice and everything was overlooked. I can only hope that by the time playoffs start the moon is no longer aligned with the sun, the birds are singing again, the squirrels found their nuts, and the Halifax curse no longer exists. 1261 words To be claimed 04-21 and 04-28.

His middle name is Eunuch. Should explain everything.

No doubt Logan Ninefingers was behind this chicanery. I bet you’ll find empty white claws in the Vancouver locker room. @Frank you gotta put a stop to this quickly. Ninefingers is a bad influence on the other rookies. Make @Scurvy watch Brad Marchand highlights, it will be a self correcting problem.

1. Happy theme week, everyone! What do you think of this season’s theme: rebrand? I like it. Lots of ideas from people. 2. Now that we’re halfway through the season, are we performing as you’ve expected? Since I’m crashing your press conference, I’d say the team performance is not even close to what I expect from Davos. Step it up. 3. The rebuild is still going strong. Any draftees in the upcoming class catch your interest to add to our squad? Haven’t paid too much attention to that so I guess I have to say it’s up to Alex. 4. If you had the duties of coming up with a theme week topic, what would you choose for it? It would be how to make TPE earning easier. And WTF is up with these screwball trivia questions. 5. How many goals and assists has your player scored this season? Not sure, I haven’t looked at season stats. I only look at game results if we won or not, then if I hit anybody, blocked shots, and got in fight. If I got in fight, then I would look for the Gordy Howe!! 6. Predict the NA and EU conference champion! Toronto and Moscow 7. I went to a San Diego Gulls game last weekend! Have you ever gone to a professional hockey game live? Season tickets to Silvertips, but wife hogs the tickets. Couple NHL games. Prefer Tips, easier to get in and out of!! And cheaper. 8. How well would your player fare in an Easter egg hunt? He’d smash the eggs with a stick. Lives and breathes hockey. Nothing else.