aimkin

I’m here with Jesse Teno on locker clean out day and they are looking a little worse for wear. As they finished packing up their bags, I approached and was able to get a short interview with the goalie. “I know this season wasn’t easy for you. It was your worst record since entering the league. How are you feeling looking back at it?” I feel okay, I suppose. I’m not sure what happened this season that caused such a downturn but I’m hoping that next season I can come back and prove that this season was just a hiccup. I’m sure overall I still look good, but this season has me feeling not the best. “That’s understandable. What do you think you’ll be doing this off season to prepare?” Same as always, I think. Just keep working at it with both professionals and with kids. I know it makes for an easy practice at the community rinks, but those kids really do keep me on my toes. It certainly helps with reaction time when some kid comes out of nowhere and is screaming bloody murder to try and scare me. “That does sound like an interesting way to do it. Hopefully it will help this off season. So other than the usual, anything new to add to the routine given the hit this season?” Possibly, yea. I haven’t really thought it out all the way just yet, but I think I’ll talk to the goalie coaching staff and conditioning coach and see what else I can do that either I don’t do a lot of or haven’t yet done before. I’m always looking for something interesting to add to spice things up a little bit. “With only a few weeks to go before the start of the next season, do you think a new tactic or training regimen will make an impact in that short of time?” I mean, I hope so. It would be easy to sit here and be confident that trying something new will suddenly improve my playing but honestly, I spent many years getting to where I am today and nothing over two weeks is going to have that kind of impact on my game. But I can try it and then hope that down the line it provides some sort of benefit whether that’s in game one of the season or in my last game in the VHL. “Speaking of your last game, you’re rounding the corner into the backend of your VHL career. You’re entering season six of eight. How do you feel about that?” Won’t lie, I can’t believe I’m already this far along in my career. It’s almost scary how far along I’ve come and just how long I’ve been playing for London. It feels like just yesterday I was being drafted. But I’m going to make the best out of the next three seasons that I can. “Do you think you’ll be spending the rest of your career in London?” Well, if we can move to Scotland before my career is up, then I guess technically not. But yes. I would love to finish this out with London over the next three seasons. My teammates are amazing and while we had to say goodbye to a lot of them this season due to retirement and free agency, the core are some of my best friends and I don’t know where I would be without them. It would be a dream to retire with the team that drafted me. But if things change, I guess I can’t blame the math or the politics of the sport. 605 words for week ending 10/22/2023

Welp, today will officially be my first ever depreciation hit. I can’t believe my time with Jesse is on the backend as we head into their 6th season. My hit is going to be 189 TPE and I currently have 182 banked. I can cover it with this article, 2 trivia, and another task. It’s going to be interesting seeing what I can manage to recoup over the next 6 weeks so save up all over again. And under the advice of Jacob, I won’t be buying any depreciation fighters until the next off season. I’ll admit, it’s been hard not being able to apply especially when Jesse has been struggling a bit. But I do look forward to my last season in a few months when I can start building them up again. I’m just hoping that Simon will be kinder this season and allow Jesse a more successful season than the last. 154 words for week ending 10/22/2023

With a nice long off season in progress for Jesse Teno, it seems that wedding planning has ramped up for the goalie. There have been a lot of trips back and forth between London and Vermont as the planning has swung into full gear. While their fiancé has been doing most of the work, we hear that Jesse is very interested in taking a bigger role now that the season is over. Also, it seems that rumors have been going around that Jesse is in support of London relocating to Scotland. While it’s not clear who began the talks, Jesse has not yet confirmed or denied that they were the beginning of this discussion, but that they would be interested in seeing if the league would end up moving them to a new market. For now though with hockey, Jesse is once again taking the time to work out at local rinks with kids and beer leagues in order to keep them on their toes. 165 words for week ending 10/15/2023

BAD. FUCKING. ASS. Always a pleasure to have my player be the subject of your work. Amazing graphic. Thank you!

Transaction ID: 3W670775G7577231W 1Million Doubles Week 5 Uncapped TPE

Hell yea!

1. I've recently become addicted to Merge Dragons. I also play a little Minecraft here and there. But mostly this off season I'm wedding planning. 2. Depends. Some days its trivia, other days it's the media spot. Really depends on my mood. 3. I think the unnecessary drama and favoritism that happens sometimes. It pushes newer players away pretty easily. 4. The social aspect, for sure. I love the people I would now consider my friends. 5. Not shitting the bed completely and making a comeback into the playoffs. 6. Jesse is probably going to be going as a D&D ranger.

The S90 playoffs have officially ended for Jesse Teno. After a successful 3-2 run through the wildcard round against Helsinki, London fell to defending champions Davos and Lachlan Summers 2-4. After failing to make the playoffs last season, it was good to see the United back and fighting like they had in their championship run back in S88, only 2 seasons ago. Though this time was nowhere near as successful. While Teno had some good games, their overall this season in the playoffs was weak. With a 5-6-0 record, 0.900 saver percentage, 3.63 goals against average and no shutouts, Teno had their weakest performance yet. Not only was this well below their last playoff appearance but was also way under their regular season stats. With London losing Molotov and Board Game Clue on Skates to retirement, and 6 others to free agency, it’s possible that this could have been London’s final chance at the playoffs for quite some time. The only members of the current team that are guaranteed to be back next season are Leonard Triller, Molly the Cat, and Jesse Teno. “It’s not how I wanted us to go out as a team, but I know we all gave it our best. I hope the fans can forgive us for letting them down.” 215 words for week ending 10/8/2023

1. Triller. I don't know why but something tells me that guy can pack it away. 2. Thor Odinson. First name suggests he is the god of thunder and therefore lacking in knowledge like the Thor in the Avengers movies lol. 3. Jesse Teno. Sorry guys but this player has a set of pipes on them like you wouldn't believe. 4. Igor Molotov. I mean, have you seen his last name? For sure most likely to blow up. 5. Board Game Clue on Skates. That many rich people inside of you? One of them has gotta own a horse. I bet it's Colonel Mustard or Mrs. Peacock. 6. Molly the Cat. She would get in, realize it's actually water, and pee herself scared while getting out.

Please forgive me for my unintended sleight against Molly the Cat. I hope she can forgive me and also rate this article a 9/10.

Agreed. If I had to keep them in London to please whoever, then that's alright. But either way the team needs a serious rebrand. But unless we want to be the London Fish 'n Chips, I'm not sure what a more creative alternative would be lol.

Upcoming in the next few months I have Inheritance by Christopher Paolini which is 860 pages. That's definitely going to be my longest book.

The Scotland Nessies! Actually, maybe the Highland Nessies now that I think about it.

Hello there guys, gals and non-binary pals. It is I, Aimkin. Your resident whatever you think of me and I am here today to propose to you a proposal like no one has ever proposed before. There will be a picture and words and hopefully they will all be good ones. I come to you today to propose a relocation. But not just any relocation; no. A relocation that would be super expensive, weirdly specific, and result in the most amazing mascot that any VHL team could hope to have swing from the rafters and get stuck, forcing personnel to try and figure out how to get them down without killing the person inside the costume. Yes kids, I admit it. It’s not a real large fluffy animal; it's probably an underpaid intern who was able to dance and walk on ice without breaking their face. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I, and others, think that it is time to relocate the London United. Have they only been around for a little over 10 seasons? Yes. Have they managed to overcome all odds and win a cup? Also yes. But none of that really matters and I am going to use this proposal to tell you why. I am going to show that it will be expensive but worth it, and that the mascot idea alone will win over the board of governors to take me seriously. Not only that, but a slogan has been chosen. Much like the Kraken in the NHL, we are putting the cart before the horse and doing all of the marketing before even knowing for sure that people are going to want it. Though, I think people will. First Proposal Point: The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons. Prior to that, it was the Indian flag for god knows how long. No one has even seen the London United logo or colors truly for some time now. No one reps them beyond jerseys and the red white and blue is just so 1700’s. It’s beyond passé. This location however, will allow us to match the national football (soccer) team and bring some much needed brilliant life and color into this team. Second Proposal Point: Why the hell is a flag the logo for the team? It’s so boring and kinda funky. It’s also small and is more likely to invite opposing teams to tour the city instead of being afraid of us. We want our logo to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. We want them screaming for their mommies when they hit the ice or look at our jerseys. I want them wetting their pants then claiming it’s just from falling on the ice a lot. So I give you….a logo mock up…. Third Proposal Point: We can have a slogan. One which can be changed based on the GM at the time. It’s simple, really. A single sentence that tells people who we are and what we can do. How we will dominate and destroy. I give you….the slogan… Fourth Proposal Point: Because why not? I mean things like this happen all the time around here so it honestly couldn’t hurt to move one measly team to another city. I’m sure the cost will hover in the tens of billions of dollars but honestly, who cares? I’m sure those seasonal donations are more than enough to rehome an entire team and all of its facilities. Besides, I’m sure it wouldn't cost that much to build a new state of the art arena in a country not all that known for hockey. And how hard could it really be to grow interest and fans in said country? I'm sure it’ll be fine. No worries there. And now that you have read my proposal, I am sure that you are 100% in agreement with me that London United should be relocated to Scotland and be renamed the Nessies, the arena called The Yard, and with the mascot being the majestic (and very fluffy) highland cow. logo and slogan brought to you by @Triller 691 words for week ending 10/1/2023

And so ends S90 for Jesse Teno and the London United. The regular season, at least. They will be facing off against Helsinki in the wildcard round. They managed to pull it off fantastically in S88 to make it from barely in to a cup. Is it possible that they could do it all over again? Jesse Teno had their worst season record so far finishing with 27-31-3, also their first losing record. However, they had their second-best regular season saver percentage of 0.927, and a mid 2.43 goals against average. Where they shined though was a career record of 6 shutouts, coming only in second this season to whom other than Lachlan Summers. It was also in assists that they were second to Summers, ending the season with 4. While Jesse has managed to be the playoff hero before, it’s unclear as to whether or not they will be able to pull it off given their drop in performance this season. 162 words for week ending 10/1/2023

1. and one says 'let me buy us some shots' and the other says 'couldn't do that on the ice last season?' 2. 'we have no arms', 'what do you mean?' and then they start screaming at the reality of their existence. 3. 'be kinda good today, okay guys? please?' 4. 'playing a game of Clue while team member lays on the ground dismembered' 5. peeing in the visiting team's litter box and leaving hairballs in all visiting helmets. 6. There once was a player named @Triller Whose skill on the ice was thriller. But off he would struggle, needed to be wrapped in bubble, As he walked himself into a pillar.

1. I was sent here to infiltrate the VHL by a rival sim league to syphon members away so that we could grow bigger. 2. London. Yuck. What a terrible place to be. 3. Because Loki the God of mischief has demanded that Simon play a huge prank on us in order to raise our spirits only to drop-kick us off the ledge during the playoffs. 4. The Yorkshire Puddings. They are delicious and because posh Londoners need to get their heads out of their britches. 5. I once pinched a teacher's ass while in high school because she was hot. 6. Pizza. Who on Earth needs to eat that much cheese? It's honestly disgusting. The grease however, can stay. Perfectly healthy that stuff.

With London on an absolute tear right now, Jesse Teno is feeling their best this season so far. Of the 12-game winning streak, 10 belonged to the starter. Of those, 2 were shutouts which means that Teno has tied their season high of 5. With 19 games left to go, and all backup games done, will it be possible for Teno to set another personal record? With this recent turnaround, Teno is finally in the winning column with a record of 23-19-3. They are also sporting their second highest regular season save percentage with 0.931 and lowest regular season goals against average of 2.27. They have also finally made their way onto the top 10 goalie stats lists. Currently they sit in 9th for wins, 9th for losses, 5th for save percentage, 7th for goals against average, in a 3-way tie for 2nd in shutouts (only one behind their friend Lachlan Summers), still lead in assists with 4, and are nowhere to be found on the other lists. According to the index, Teno sits at 9th overall. 177 words for week ending 9/24/2023

Jesse Teno continues to disappoint this season overall. Nowhere to be seen in the top 10 goalies this season, Teno is struggling to keep the wins coming. Goat Bot statistically has done better than them. Teno only recently made their way into the top 10 in Save Percentage and Goals Against Average. They hold a tie for 2nd in Shutouts and they sit at 1st in Assists with 3. It’s surprising that despite their first under .500 season, Teno has not racked up that many Penalty Minutes. It seems that maybe the veteran is able to keep their frustrations off the ice in a good way. Jesse Teno currently has a record of 15-19-3, the first time they have ever had a losing record this far into the season. Along with Goat Bot, they have managed a 4 game winning streak and hopefully the upcoming games against DC and Waraw will give Teno a chance to rack up a few more wins. 162 words for week ending 9/17/2023

Disclaimer: This is satire and I love and appreciate everyone who works for the VHL and I have no ill-will towards anyone. Enjoy the dramatization of my feelings. And on the seventh try of the seventh day of the seventh month, she was one again FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY for the job she so dearly coveted. Thou shalt not covet and yet here she is, coveting like no being had ever coveted before… Or so the dramatic part of my brain likes to narrate it as. Well, if you couldn’t tell, I’m going to talk about how I have been FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY every time I try to get the job of my dreams. Not just FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY, no. But scorned, ignored, overlooked, passed over, rejected, upstaged, neglected, disregarded! Thank you thesaurus.com. There really is no other way to say it, I think. I mean, it’s clearly a malicious attempt to keep me from being able to control the flow of TPE to all of you innocent people who suffer week in and week out waiting days for updates to be approved. Yes. I want to be an updater. I have applied for the job multiple times and have spoken with prominent members of the community about how I would be a fantastic addition to the updater team. Yet every time I am passed along for someone who has been here much longer than I have. But what is it about me that makes me the perfect candidate for the updater job? Well that’s simple my dear reader; I’m online every single day in some capacity. I may not be active every day on the forum but I do check in constantly like a mother bird fawning over her baby chicks. I read and absorb and every time I click Update Player I am always smacked in the face with (1) or (2) or even (3)! A (3)! After days of suffering I am still waiting for those in control to release my sweet sweet TPE to me - their rightful owner. I have been scorned many times where I was in desperate need of approval so that I could apply said TPE and yet, it was the weekend and I could have made such a difference had the updaters just logged in and checked the que. Do I know what really goes into the job? To be honest, no. I don’t know how simple or complex the back-end is and I cannot fathom the length of the que on a week like theme week. But, if I had the job, and I knew I had the ability to give some relief to players, I would do it. Even if it were just a small amount each day. It would make all the difference to how the updates slow down significantly mere weeks after the new hires have had their fun. I think it is time that people like me stop being FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY by the hiring team and given a chance to do a job that many people fall out of doing. I would be worthy of the job TPE. I would do my fair share. I would check in every day. I would earn my keep. Love you all and please hire me in the future. 541 words for week ending 9/17/2023

1. Well I hope so! If we can get 2-3 goals a game, that will be easy to hit 2. Hate to say it, but I think more. Our lack of shooting is definitely our downfall at this point. And there are just so many good teams this season. 3. Doubt it. We really struggled to get the 80 we have now. 4. I think against. It's a rough one this season and I think all the other teams who have been out shooting us will just continue to do so. 5. Probably decline but I would be okay if we stayed the same. We might just eek out a wildcard round if we can. 6. I think Triller. He has just been amazing this season so far.

I cam as a hockey fan who didn't understand Sim leagues. So definitely others are out there.

MANCHESTER, VT – This past weekend, I took a trip to the great state of Vermont to follow London’s starter goalie Jesse Teno while they returned home for Labor Day weekend. While not a holiday recognized by the VHL, Jesse was able to get away for a few days to spend some time with their family. It’s been a few months since they had been able to go back home and even the short trip seemed worth it. Jesse and their fiancé took up residence with Jesse’s parents and were spotted all over town. After flying late Friday night into Burlington International Airport, Jesse drove the two and a half hours home to Manchester to be with family. Their fiancé has been back in Vermont for a few weeks now, working on the upcoming wedding. She has been flying back and forth and can sometimes be spotted in London when she is in town to see the home games. On Saturday morning we joined Jesse at Riley Rink which, since we last visited, has seen all of its upgrades and renovations completed. It has been fully operational and open to the public for about a month now. This morning, however, Jesse had one more thing to add to the building that would make it truly complete. Along with the local coaches and some players, Jesse and the rink’s staff hung brand new banners for each of the schools and clubs that would be using the new rink. They also announced that they would be cleaning, fixing, and re-hanging all the old championship banners that have been among the rafters over the last twenty years. During the day, Jesse and their fiancé went shopping, hitting up the famous Northshire Bookstore, the Eddie Bauer outlet, and a local pinball museum. They also enjoyed lunch at Thai Basil, an afternoon coffee at the bookstore café, and went home for dinner. On Sunday, Jesse was back at the rink but this time in full gear along with a few dozen kids who had signed up for a one-day clinic on the ice. They warmed up with the kids, worked with the aspiring goalies, and even dropped their pads for a mock fight with a few college students. Jesse was also joined by some family who participated in a kids vs adults game, though Jesse opted to play as the kid’s goalie. The game lasted only about twenty minutes, but it seemed that everyone involved had a great time. Kids won 2-0, Jesse’s unofficial fourth shut-out of the season. And on Monday, Jesse spent the day at home with their family. Mom and dad put on a large bar-b-que and invited a whole lot of friends from town. Festivities lasted all day with people coming and going. The grill was going all day, the pool was open, and they watched the town fireworks from their back porch and firepit. Overall, it seems that Jesse had a great weekend home though now they head back to London to continue S90. 503 words for week ending 9/10/2023

1. The Kanou award! 2. Falling off into obscurity and being remembered as a one hit wonder. 3. Spicy pork and broccoli. Great pre-game meal. 4. Snails and some shellfish. Just too slimy. 5. Probably the Sahara? I think that would be cool. 6. Teal. No reason. Just an amazing color.