twists

Oh no I goofed, time to ninja edit

Teams Vegas will beat in the playoffs While the Aces are heading into the playoffs with the guaranteed 8th seed, don't expect them to be a pushover. In fact, I'd bet my hard earned TPE that Vegas has a good chance of winning it all. Let's take a look at the top seeds currently in the playoffs. Mexico City - Honestly these guys are just posers. They've had the easiest schedule in the league and pretend they're good for some reason. There's even been rumors that they pay off the refs so they're consistently on the power play. Imagine when they play a real team in the playoffs, they won't stand a chance. I've heard the refs in the playoffs are of a higher pedigree that would never take a payoff. I think they're going to get exposed hard in the playoffs. Houston and San Diego - Middle of the pack teams never win. They'll just lose to us in 7 somewhere along the road. Their players are mid af. God bless their souls though. Entire Eastern Conference - Everyone knows the west is the best conference. It hasn't ever been up for debate in the history of the VHLM. Basically, GG you guys tried.

Yeah, but don't you ever not ruin the fun? Jeez.

1. The new AGM is the worst. He's just a weird little boy that for some reason is obsessed with me smh 2. Hell yeah we can, with their new defender Vegas is gonna win the cup! 3. Yes? I mean I've only played 8 games, but I do have 7 points in those games so I can't complain

I'm sorry, I know the world is disappointed in me, but a man has to eat

Claim 2/2 for this

6 SBs in one game and 10 minutes on the PK lol. We need to stop fighting

DON'T RUIN MY DREAMS WITH YOUR LAME ASS FACTS

You take that back, Vegas is gonna win it all!

Wooo a three point night for the boy!

Trials and Tribulations By, Eric Queefson I grew up in a small town in Ohio. I can't even remember the name because I had so many bad memories there that I blacked it out. I grew up in Ohio is really all you need to know anyways. My parents were pretty nice except when Dad drank and Mom took her "coffee pills". Come to think of it, they were never nice. From a young age whenever I made a mistake Dad would finish his bottle of liquor and then beat me with it after. According to him I was constantly ruining his life and my Mom should have gotten an abortion. Between the physical and mental abuse that I suffered at home, I needed to find a way to escape. That escape was hockey. Since my parents never spent a penny on my existence, I had to work in order to play hockey. There weren't many jobs available to children 8 years and up, but luckily I found a job as a factory worker for Apple. They're pretty proud of their child labor, so it worked out well for me. I was only earning about a dollar an hour, so I tended to pull 20 hour shifts. I didn't sleep much when I was a child, I wonder if that's why the development of my brain never surpassed a 12 year old. At first I could only afford sticks and pucks, but as I got older I could spend even less time sleeping so I could earn more money at Apple. When I turned 12 they gave me a one dollar raise. This was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life. I could suddenly afford DOUBLE the hockey I was already paying for. This is when I began playing actual hockey for a team. I shot through the various leagues, and ended up playing with kids that were 18 years old. After almost dying one night due to frostbite (I left my abusive parents house to live on the streets), I decided to buy a one way ticket to Los Angeles. At least there I could stay warm on the streets. After one of my practices I bumped into a man named @InstantRockstar. He was the GM of the hockey team local to LA (the Stars). He told me that he was out doing some scouting and had watched my whole practice. After that he muttered something about retention rates and seemed to space out for a second. Then he looked me right in the eye and said, "Son, I know you're good at hockey and one day you will be a pro. I'm going to pay for you to attend a hockey boarding school". I was really excited, not as excited as the time I got a dollar raise from the Apple factory, but still excited! I failed all of my classes constantly. In fact, my science teacher told me she had never met someone with a lower IQ than me! I took that as a compliment (lower score is better right). After almost getting cut from the team due to my grades, I started paying a fuckin' nerd to do my homework for me. He also let me cheat off of him during tests. I think he thought we were friends or something, but who the fuck would be friends with a nerd am I right? I was pretty popular at school. I definitely Eiffel Tower'd some bitch when I was a Junior with my friend @Spartan . I got so much pussy you wouldn't believe that I had been homeless literally a year before. I guess it was due to the fact that I had taken the team from being last place in the division to back to back championships. I defended the puck so well that I was basically a second goaltender for our team. In fact, when they announced awards at the end of the season I always won Goaltender of the Year over an actual goaltender. Naturally, I was always the MVP of the league every year I played. As my senior season finished, I knew I had to figure something out or I'd be going back to living on the streets. In my final week of school I got a message from @Blazzer. I was super eager to open it because I thought I was getting a free porn subscription, but it turned out I just didn't know how to read. Anyway, I got an offer to finish out S87 with the minor league team known as the Las Vegas Aces. It was definitely a good alternative to living on the streets, so I decided to accept. I rented an apartment for a month, but it just didn't feel like home. I decided to default on my rental agreement and move back into my box behind Chipotle. That brings us to where I am now, hopefully I'll be good in the VHLM! 830 words

Cheating on the Aces already?

Transaction ID: 1LD96080NW7933409 1. Doubles Week 2. 5 TPE Uncapped 3. $1 Million Player Store

FINE I WROTE THEM

Lol I assumed being 4 words off wouldn't be a big deal. If it is I'll just say @jacobcarson877is a big weenie

Obviously I'm swiss smh get good

These are all very good reasons for making the changes that you guys did. I just wanted to be a little annoying and say everything is bad lol.

Time Means Change I was last in the VHL around August of 2020. While everything is still so familiar, many things are not. Sometimes we forget that the world goes on without us. We think things only change when we're around. Unfortunately, that's never the case. I want to touch on the old, the same, and the new in this article. VHLE My first reaction when scrolling over the forums was, "What the fuck is the VHLE? Did they make another league for no reason". Well, that's partially true. The VHLE is the middle ground between the M and the L. Sometimes a skater graduating from the VHLM isn't quite ready for the show. Whether their team is stacked in their position, or they went inactive, they have to go somewhere to play at a higher level. Back in my day, we just jumped straight from the VHLM to the VHL. If you only got to play 4th line minutes, then you were damn happy with that. There was always that inactive with 500ish TPE to his name lurking on every team. You know those guys that had more TPE than your average VHLM graduate, so they still had some worth to the team. Everyone had those, and it would have been much better if an active was taking that roster spot up instead. Enter the VHLE. It aimed to provide a league where people could compete with TPE that was outside of the limits of the VHLM, but weren't really ready for the VHL. Whether that's an active that doesn't quite have a roster spot on a VHL team, or an inactive that shouldn't be taking up the roster space. I see the advantage to this league, but in the end couldn't they have just kept things the original way without the need for a whole new league. Was it really that big of a deal? TPE Usage and Stats The first thing @Spartan said to me when I got back was, "Hey we completely re-did stats so your builds don't matter anymore". Oh yay. We barely understood how to make good players back then, better confuse us even more. I haven't looked too far into it, but what I've mostly figured out is: Stats don't go up even close to 99 anymore There's new HyBrId AtTrIbUtEs Well, I feel like stats go up to 99 in every game/sim ever so we should have continued that. Alas, they didn't consult my inactive ass. Taking a look at how the hybrid attributes work is pretty cool. It means cool new builds and more considerations need to be taken into account when spending your TPE. I like the new mechanic that hybrid attributes will bring. That being said, I'm still not a fan of the changes because not being able to level a skill/attribute to 99 is dumb. Honestly fuck it, lets go back to making @Josh play the games on NHL 09 and livestreaming each one. Trivia on the Portal Amazing. Whoever did this should be proud of themselves. It even automatically awards your TPE instantly when you guess right answer on the trivia. We need to do more things like this. Fantasy zone next? VHLM Pitches Yes, I know. The new way is 100% better than the old way and it makes much more sense to do it on the portal. However, I miss that super lame day after creating your very first player where GMs were flooding your notifications with offers. You were so excited. You got to read over the GM/AGM offer that was just barely customized to you. It was stupid and inefficient, but I always enjoyed it. You really felt like your player was a big deal, and it was going to totally matter where you signed. The new way is better, but the old way was more fun . No New Ways to Earn TPE I'm sure this league has existed off of graphics and media spots for its entire existence, but isn't it time for something new? I get the point of tasks is to build community content, but you can probably still do that in a more fun way. Maybe playing an hour or two of video games with a few other members could count for a point task. Sure, you wouldn't be generating new OC for the forum, but you'd be building that community that helps retention oh-so-much. Obviously that's a very hasty idea, but the point was to introduce new ways for members to interact with each other. Kachur Heh, if you know you know. The People It would be wrong of me not to mention all of the friends I made that are still here. There's some people that have gone inactive, but for the most part all of the awesome guys I was entering the league with are still here. It really is great that so much of the community has stuck together around these parts. I can't wait to do some dumb shit with all of you on discord. All of the people who have taken over the important admin roles in the league are very deserving of it. @frescoelmo is still doing some weird kinky shit with elmo, @Spartan is still doing...whatever he does, @dylanjj37 is still rating me 1/10, @Baozi is still horny, @McWolf is inactive, @Doomsday is still patriotic, @Gustav is still memeing, @jacobcarson877is a big weenie, and @Viper is still underage. I'm sure I forgot people so pls don't hate me. All together though, I couldn't really have asked for a better welcome back party. Thanks for listening to my Twists Talk, and hopefully the league will immediately change everything I just complained about. If they don't I'll just have to get drafted to the Moscow Menance in the first round, immediately go inactive for two and a half years, and then show up one day like nothing ever happened. I don't think poor little Spartan's heart could handle it. 1001 words.

Well it could have been better

1. I loved Jason he was literally my best friend. How dare he leave the Aces assistantless! 2. I want an AGM that makes me giggle and say "haha" in real life. Also help that bum GM let us win more 3. Its me. I'm the spy. I was simply afk for two and a half years, but now I have come back with dirt on everyone. 4. git gud and gain more teeps (its prob viper's fault tbh) 5. Red wings will always be number one for me. Been a fan since I was 0 years old' 6. They definitely need a mascot. I was thinking a large gnome with an aces jersey

A message to the opps You may remember me, you may not. I am the prodigal son, the "gnome guy", the guy that @Josh actually responds to on discord. The question isn't whether I am back, but how back am I? I. Am. Fully. Back. Okay, enough with the dumb shit, how have you guys been? A lots changed in two and a half years and I'm excited to catch up with all of you. Feel free to drop me a line on discord or DM me here. Anyway, I'm sure you guys have heard about Eric Queefson. He's going to be the hottest defenseman this league has ever seen. He's shockingly still team-less and is ready to fuck up the M. Eric is a young, affluent, white guy that grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood, he was an athlete in high school, and has lots of friends. Basically, the epitome of someone with opps. You may ask yourself, what is Eric's next move? Even he couldn't tell you that, he's a mother fucking wild card. But more importantly, this is Eric's message to the opps: Get fucked dil

Player Information Username: twists Player Name: Eric Queefson Recruited From: Returning Age: 18 Position: D Height: 74 in. Weight: 200 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM