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Claimed:Clueless: A Review of the VHL's Team Logos [6/6 Final]


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Being a newb here I thought to myself, what could I possibly write that's relevant to everyone, and could possibly educate people about the VHL? Well, the answer is quite short and as uninteresting as this post is: nothing. So instead of taking a swing at looking intelligent while writing about stuff I have no clue about, I'm going to try my hand at looking dumb while writing about stuff I have no clue about. So for everyone's benefit, I'm going to review the thing that's least relevant to the league: the logos.


European Conference:




Okay. First off, the Cologne Express. The first thing I notice is the record that looks like is spinning. Or atleast, I'd have to guess. Then second of all, this train has no visible wheels. What's going on here? Is it going off the rails on a crazy train? I have no idea. All I know is, this team is on an express. With no wheels. Which isn't very fun.


Grade: Where's the cologne bottle?




So, apparently there's a city that's called "HC Davos." So where's the HB Davos? Or the Davos City? And those mountains. Or pyramids. Or triangles. Whatever those are. Are those "Dynamos"? Do the players wear triangles on their heads? So much mystery. Maybe they just want to be at the top of the food pyramid. Maybe they're on the way to the top. Either way, they've got me confused. Which, as you may find out is common in this media spot.


Grade: You may be the Dynamo, but you aren't greatamo.




So, apparently they're Titans. What kind of Titans? Are they 'Titans of Stone'? I'd worry about their shooting. Come to think of it, being made of stone wouldn't bode well for hockey. If they were really big and menacing, they might not fit into an arena. Safe to say this team name is a sham. Plus, what kind of titan looks like some Joe Shmoe in a helmet? Needs more chiseled roman body. That's what this needs. This isn't going to boost a team.


Grade: No hands of stone for me, bro. In fact, stay stoned. I'm going home.




So, there's Titans and a Reign. Maybe they're just reins. Wouldn't that be a terrible name? The Riga Reins? So you can get ridden every night, and have a team name that just summarizes how you played. Like a pile of Riga. Wait, what kind of point was I trying to make at the start there? Maybe the Reign control the Titans. Well, that would make sense, since they're playing hockey while stoned. Not hard to beat a stoned hockey player. Believe me.


Grade: Latvia is cool. My player is Latvian. But getting ridden is not cool. So I don't approve. Wait, did I even review this logo?




Vasteras. What a cool name. Then you've got this bird, who's clearly not made of iron. In fact, that's probably a good thing because, as I said in regard to the Helsinki Stoned Titans being made of a mineral doesn't bode well when you want to play the game of hockey. Nevertheless, I suppose they make do with such an awesome home city name. They're all like, "Yeah. We're the Vasterasses. Suck it."


Grade: Pure gold. Or yellow.



I hope you didn't lose as many brain cells reading this as I did writing this. If this is a hit, I'll write part two for the North American conference. Actually, I don't even care. I'll do it anyway. This is important stuff.



Edited by RMiner57
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Content: 3/3

Hahaha, this was quite humorous. It's definitely challenging to find something write about some weeks and this is a very creative choice so nice work there. Sadly it seems like Vasteras was the only one to get an 'OK' review, and now they're gone. What a shame.


Grammar: 2/2

Just one:


which, as you may find out is = which, as you may find out, is


Appearance: 1/1

Looks good.


Overall: 6/6

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