Recruitment SO crazy it might just work

[Banackock 8,060]

TRecruitment SO crazy it might just work

This article is rated 14A. Reader discretion advised unless you hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

 

Here I sit and wonder, do I do another week of welfare because I'm too tired from the daily grind to write, or do I in fact write something to get the theme week TPE? Well, here we are. Sitting on the toilet after a bottle of Disaronno and a great date night with my partner writing about the VHL and recruitment. I surprised her with some roses, a bottle of wine and an uplifted mood despite the hour and 20 commute home from my final day of work before getting two days away from the 'fun'. Now I'm here to surprise the VHL, the commissioners and all of it's glorious members on ideas for recruitment that are so crazy, they may have massive effect on the leagues member gains. Not a lot of thought has gone into this and the league was unwilling to lend me $50,000 for 25% of my recruitment research company. However, I pulled off the unthinkable and managed to do the research assignment for free, with hidden fees of course that I will take to small claims court with the VHL. 

 

Idea #1: Send a machine like Wall-E to the moon to engrave "vhlforum.com" into the face of the Moon.

Think face tattoo on Mike Tyson, but we're putting one on the face of the moon. People are going to see it when the moon is big, bright and up close (I think it should be a full moon here tonight or soon!). Not a bad time for the VHL to invest in this project, AI and robotics. It is, afterall, where the world is heading. Think about it this way. Everyone looks at the moon. Everyone has access to the moon (okay, not everyone - blind people etc). We're going to get loads and loads of opportunity here to get the league's name out.

 

Projected numbers: 571,373 potential recruits

Downside: Likely to attract an estimated 11,253 call center scammers into our community. Fortunately, it's "John with Microsoft" and is just calling from Sudan with a thicc accent.

 

Idea #2: Advertise on late night TV, because it's cheap and @BOOM and @Berocka need some friends

It's the time of day when all those incredible advertisements come out that are so shit, they're awesome. FOR JUST $9.99, you can get NOT one, NOT two, but SEVEN magnetic, glow in the dark chopsticks if you call the number on the bottom of the screen in the next 273 seconds. All we got to do is place an advertisement on there (NOT YOUTUBE) at the right time, with a credible member like @Dr Billy Bob who apparently achieved his doctorate at the school of hard knocks and life. The man has mad street cred and is surely able to bring in some magical recruitment success.

Projected numbers: 1,932 potential recruits

Downside: Likely to attract some creepy old men but would help diversify the membership throughout the league.

 

Idea #3: Advertise on Condoms

Similar to the moon, lots use them and lots who don't PROBABLY should. It's the perfect opportunity. They're everywhere too! Walmart, K-Mart and even your local highway burger shop bathrooms in those little machines. What's better is you can probably put some crafty little sayings on them to really attract the attention of potential future members. "vhlforum.com, so fucking good", "the only thing that's going to hug you tighter is the vhlforum.com", OR "pulling out so you can log in, vhlforum.com". You got any other ideas? Jot them down below, my pals. 

Projected numbers: 864 

Downside: Negative publicity from other righteous leagues like the SBA, Women's National Hockey League's and public support from Tim Peel.