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Man Damien's Cool As Shit[Final 6/6]


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For those of you who read my last article, you learned a very valuable lesson: Noah Lefevre is the Ron Burgundy of the VHL. Ron Burgundy was amazing, but he didn't do it alone. He has his Champ Kind (Pope). His Brian Fantana (Me). His Veronica Corningstone (Meg). This story tells you about his Brick Tamland: Damien Walec.


Most of you know the origin of the Pajodcast Crew. A bunch of VHL dudes started talking on skype one day. The members of the crew have grown and shrank over the years. During this time we always had myself, Devise and Advantage. People would phase in and out: Jason, Noah, Boom and Streetlight. All of us were guys in their early to mid (or late in old man Jason's case) twenties. All except one.


Every group needs the younger guy who struggles to obtain an identity with his older brethren. A Ginny Weasley if you will. Ours was Damien. Though he's now a stunt double for Bin Laden with his sick and greasy beard he was once a fresh faced teenager who had trouble talking to girls. This is the story of how he became a man.



Look at that fucking thing!!


It was a few months before his prom, and Damien needed a date. He asked for help from his friends while building a sick cloud fortress in Terraria with Devise and I. We didn't have much advice, because I was in a relationship during my prom and Devise is immune to women. We branched out to Noah, but he lost his virginity as soon as he left the womb to the nearest nurse, so his answer wasn't a practical one. Boom gave a girl a kangaroo, Advantage bought a hooker and Jason built a robo-date: none of which were valid options for Damien. It was at this time that I told him he had to sack and initiate the Theta Protocol.


Damien found a target: A cute girl in his gym class. He walked up to her one day after totally obliterating the Beep Test and asked her to follow him. They went off into a quiet corner and he proceeded to show her a photo. At first glance, it looked like an early version of a naked selfie. In actuality, Damien had used his mad photoshop skills to put his head on Noah's body and used one of HIS naked selfies, because the penis was more impressive. The girl took him into the locker room and had her way with him then and there. They probably went to the prom too, but from that day on Damien was a true man. Those pipes, were clean....and how.



I am the one who knocks...


From that day on Damien was a changed man. He grew out his terrorist beard and started 420 blazing it every day. He eventually grew a second dick and proceeded to have a threesome where he could actually satisfy two women at the same time, a feat nobody else in the world had been able to accomplish (barring Noah). It was totally sweet. The End.


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