Claimed:A Guide For Dummies [Reviewed]

[Gooningitup 1,290]

How to Run a Successful franchise into the ground

 

Step 1

 

Let All Your Best Players Walk For Nothing

 

I think the title says it all, but for all those people who want to ruin a franchise this is the first step. Got a big name star? Maybe a guy like Mason Richardson, or Thomas O'Malley heck even the slightly lower tier guys the Freedom McJustice, or Maxime Perron. If you don't ever want to win games, hell even compete just let them walk to FA let them go for nothing. Why trade them for a serious asset that could help speed up the rebuild you don't want. I mean come on winning is for losers, we want to dig this franchise into the ground losing is the way to go now a days. That means avoiding big marque type players let them walk from your team you don't want them.

 

Step 2

 

Trade All Your Draft Picks

 

That is right, you don't want to draft good players so trade your high end picks for guys who are retiring, or even can barely play hockey.  You want to surround your team with the worst assets possible, no star just a bunch of guys who can barely skate. Maybe teach a chimp to play the game so you can sell seats, just make sure he does not get too good, if he does trade him too. Purge all your draft picks every year that you can trade do it, helps other teams and shows others your serious about losing for a long time.

 

Step 3

 

Create A Toxic Environment.

 

Nobody want to play fora douche bag, if you make the market the least attractable thing out there, maybe even the worst players will not show up.If you can manage to, do that you guarantee losses. Can't play if you can not ice a roster, you will just have to forfeit every game that is a huge bonus for you, as nobody likes winners anyways always bragging and cocky. Make sure nobody wants to come near that franchise even for the entire cap that you would be willing to pay them given you have no other players anyways.

 

Step 4

 

Sell The Franchise To Owners Without Money

 

How can you sign free agents, or even a coach and general manager without any money? The answer is you can't well maybe, just get a team of chimps or maybe even a race of super intelligent dogs.Reality is without an owner with money you can not ice a team, without a team there is no way you can win. That means the owners are selling tickets to fans who get to see the other team warm up for there next game, instead of watching two teams play. That is genius its free money after all which they probably will just spend on drugs, booze and prostitutes that way they can not buy players after words.

 

Step 5

 

Do Not Show Up For Work

 

Nothing smells greater then the stench of not showering, no pants on doing whatever you want well some team pays you to not do your job. You can just relax by the beach, maybe hit up the local strip joint? Who knows, but as the general manager of a team that has no players, and just wants to lose so they pay you millions of dollars to do so is just great. The cars the women and not a care in the world. This is all made possible by your lack of showing up for the job they pay you for, its a pretty awesome perk isn't it?

 

 

 

 

[eaglesfan036 4,598]

sounds hard

[Kendrick 4,741]

@Mr. Power #2 sounds like it's right up your alley mate!

[Daniel 565]

Good read but fuck Maxime Perron and @JumpierPegasus

[Victor 10,937]

Davos couldn't even follow all these steps properly, what a mess.

[FacePuncher 1,343]

Review:

interesting, not sure if it could be a whole book though! Very sad to see what happened to Davos, especially with Ahma being a pretty good friend of mine. hopefully every GM doen NOT take the advice you gave here haha

 

609 words  

[Tim 182]

Claimed