Reapers

[omgitshim 899]

Reapers

 

First off, congrats to @BladeMaiden for getting an expansion franchise! Unfortunately, you have a long line of Reapers to live up to. Are you up for the challenge? Let's break down the famous Reapers who have come before and how your new franchise will live up to and even incorporate elements of the other Reapers.

 

The Grim Reaper

 

 

So right off the bat, you gotta live up to death itself. Not an easy task to be sure. Your team is going to be a constant reminder of the mortality of this league. No one lasts forever, especially in the VHLM where players are chewed up and spat out constantly. You either get to the bigs in a season or two or your pretty much stuck in minor league purgatory for the rest of your career. On the upside, Philadelphia is used to this sort of grim outlook on things, so you'll fit in well. Plus you get to use cool scythes for your hockey sticks. Heck, opposing teams should be scared that they won't return home after facing you! What other teams instill fear in everyone just by their name? Storm? Boring. Bulls? Yawn. Aces? Nah fam. 21st? The hell does that even mean? Rush, WIld? None of them have the same impact as Reapers.

 

Reaper

 

 

Who needs real sports when you can go into esports!? Reaper is one of the damage heroes from Overwatch, and in close quarters combat, few can face him and survive! Sure, maybe he gets a lot of flak for being a gothy Hot Topic reject, but seriously, if you saw someone with two shotguns in the ice rink, would you want to face that? Hell to the no. Reaper is the ideal way anyone should play hockey: slowly stomp up to the other team to knock the crap out of them, then teleport to the other side of the rink and straight up murder half their team. With half their team dead for a few seconds, you should be able to score on just about any goalie! Who am I kidding, damage heroes never go near the objective. The puck will just sit there untouched until the other team comes back.

 

The Carolina Reaper

 

 

You thought those first two were scary? Prepare yourselves. This thing will put fear in the hearts of even the toughest foe! Guinness World Records declared the Carolina Reaper the hottest chili pepper in the world (although it refused to make the claim that it was the hottest in the universe). Feed one to an opponent midgame and they are going to be needing a "penalty box" in short order. You'll be so hot, you'll melt the ice rink! Actually that might turn things into a game of water polo, in which case all bets are off. Hell just teach your whole team how to swim and cackle madly when the others drown! Who needs points in Skating when there's nothing left to skate on! Use these tactics to your advantage and you will turn your expansion franchise into a bona fide contender in no time at all!

[BladeMaiden 1,807]

omgitshim thank you for your awesome history of the reapers. This is some of the best GM advice I’ve received. I will do my best to make my team live up to their horrifying name!

[Peace 1,518]

3 hours ago, omgitshim said:

 

 

The Carolina Reaper

 

 

You thought those first two were scary? Prepare yourselves. This thing will put fear in the hearts of even the toughest foe! Guinness World Records declared the Carolina Reaper the hottest chili pepper in the world (although it refused to make the claim that it was the hottest in the universe). Feed one to an opponent midgame and they are going to be needing a "penalty box" in short order. You'll be so hot, you'll melt the ice rink! Actually that might turn things into a game of water polo, in which case all bets are off. Hell just teach your whole team how to swim and cackle madly when the others drown! Who needs points in Skating when there's nothing left to skate on! Use these tactics to your advantage and you will turn your expansion franchise into a bona fide contender in no time at all!

 

You mother fucker. 

Don't bring him into this, Mr Reaper, C. made the actual grim reaper run away.  

You'll awaken the sleeping beast. 

Let him slumber!