Grape

#blamecoleh is back!

NO DON'T GIVE THE E MORE RELEVANCE

Relatively unused loophole, but good to nip it before it becomes an issue

Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage, also referred to by its full name, Obusier de 15 cm TR Schneider-Canet-du-Bocage, is a French howitzer designed in 1903. This particular howitzer is unique in that it is believed to be the first ever motorized artillery system, not having to rely on railways or construction crews. This howitzer was made specially requested by Portugal, and only four were ever constructed, with only one allegedly being used in combat. The howitzer coming to the VHL today is a very special one. The four howitzers made and sent over sat in the Portuguese arsenal for decades, staying locked away through both world wars. Eventually the Portuguese got tired of holding onto them, and instead of turning them into scrap, they decided to sell off the howitzers in the late 1960s. Two of them were sold to war museums in Europe, one went to a used car dealer in Sussex, and one, Obuz, was sold to a man named Wilhelm Aftoner, who planned to use it as decoration for his restaurant in Germany, Friedrich Fazbaron’s Schnitzelria, in which it was repurposed as a schnitzel cannon. This restaurant was immensely popular, and ran without a hitch through the 1970s and into the 80s. Unfortunately, disaster struck, as Wilhem Aftoner turned out to be a child murdering psychopath, and ended up killing 6 children in 1987, in which he stuffed 5 into his animatronic suits, and one in Obuz. Imbued with the spirits of the dead children, while the spirits possessing the suits seeked revenge, eventually leading to Aftoner supposedly dying and coming back and so on and so forth for a handful of decades, Obuz sought a different purpose in his new life. When the restaurant eventually shut down after an incident regarding a worker being bitten in the head, Obuz was sold and shipped out to a new location, a hockey rink owned by Jukurit of the Finnish Liiga. From there, Obuz was exposed to hockey night in and night out and it became his passion. One night, he finally exposed his sentience to a random janitor and from there, the janitor assisted the howitzer in learning the game of hockey. After somehow putting skates on the wheels and taping a hockey stick to the artillery barrel, Obuz slowly but surely learned to skate and shoot. While the skating was extremely awkward for both Obuz and anyone watching, his shot was of an extreme caliber, able to blast the puck from seemingly anyway and having it be consistently well over 100mph. It was time to show the world what this howitzer could do. The janitor and howitzer got on the ice early, having Obuz launch puck after puck. Eventually the Jukurit team arrived for practice and were in awe. After some discussion with the head coach, Obuz was given the chance to prove himself and play for the team, with some minor modifications. The artillery barrel and combustion system were altered slightly to reduce the intensity of the shot, since at its current speed, it risked injury or death to opposing players and netminders. After those changes though, it was time for Obuz to step onto the ice and actually play with and against fellow players. Every time he got the puck, he would set himself, and fire, missiling it down at the opposing goalie. Even from his own zone, the puck came with so much heat that it occasionally beat the netminder. Against Obuz, a 200 foot goal was not seen as a misplay by the goalie, just an insanely hard shot. While Obuz was legendary in the offensive zone, he struggled defensively and in transition. Obviously, turning wasn’t that much of a strong-suit for him, and speed really is not in his arsenal. Despite his struggles, however, he solidified himself as a local legend and a somewhat controversial figure in the Liiga, with players and ownership heavily debating the howitzer’s eligibility to even participate in the league. Eventually, Obuz saw that it was time to move on. He had his fun in Finland, and now is the time to truly showcase himself on a global scale. After saying his goodbyes to his team and janitor/mentor, he was wheeled onto a cargo ship and taken to the United States, where he would hopefully begin to carve out a name for himself in a new, higher level hockey league. Of course, being a relatively unknown player in the States, he would first carve his name out in some smaller leagues. Due to being considered a weapon and therefore not eligible to play for any college teams, and apparently would be deemed a declaration of war if he went to Canada to play there, Orbuz started at the bottom, playing beer league, slowly gaining notoriety and catching the eyes of some lower level scouts. Eventually, he caught enough attention and was notified that he would be eligible to join the VHL. Ecstatic, Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage was finally able to showcase his skills on the world stage, and he was ready to blow away the competition.

Player Information Username: Grape Player Name: Obuz Schneider Canet du Bocage Recruited From: Returning Age: 18 Position: D Height: 80 in. Weight: 250 lbs. Birthplace: France Player Page @VHLM GM

I cannot promise that, based on the name I've decided

Zero Ottawa Lynx players. I want both teams to lose now

The time has come for Bob Vladovechsenkchushkin to hang up the skates. He has had a fruitful career and has gone through many changes over that course. He first started out with the goal to become the ultimate grinder, and focused purely on checking and fighting attributes. Then the hybrid change came out and my VHLE GM talked me into rerolling and becoming a player that would actually be useful for a team, so I spread the TPE around to create a legitimate scoring forward. Then I rerolled again when I actually looked into the hybrid stats and allocated TPE in a more savvy method, creating my best player to date. While Vladovechsenkchushkin never really tore up the scoresheet and will likely be forgotten in the sea of okay VHL players, I am personally very happy with how they turned out, even though I went away from the original plan. On the personal side of things, so much has changed in my life in recent history. I will be going into my Senior year of college, and am studying my ass off so I can get into a Master’s program. I was elected to an executive position with my fraternity and hold a ton more responsibility than what I used to have, also gaining two Littles in the process. I ended up making a massive mistake which cost me thousands of dollars and had me living in six different places over the course of a month. This will be my second summer working with children. I’ve finally gotten my drinking under control. Over all, this has been a time of major growth and responsibility for me. I am not the same person as I was when I created this player, and I feel that that signals a change for this player. Sort of like, getting rid of the old me, bringing in the new me, or something poetic like that. Bob Vladovechsenkchushkin may still have one more season before a forced retirement, but it truly feels that he has run his course. Bob started off as a reckless player, throwing the body and punches whenever he wanted and worried about the consequences later, and eventually evolved to become a more secure two-way player with a fair bit of offensive bite. Now, however, it’s time for a change, a rebirth so to speak. To potential GMs out there interested in snagging this future superstar, I won’t give you much. What I will tell you, is that they will be a defenseman, they will have a gimmick build, and they will have a damn good name. The VHL has been a rock for me, being the only thing consistently stable and rewarding in the recent past for me. Through much of the chaos that filled my life, both with this player and with the past players, I have always found comfort and happiness with the VHL, and fully intend to stay and continue to be a part of it for many more seasons to come. With all that being said, this will be Bob’s final TPE claim, and a new player will be put in place. (524 words )

If we implement this we could bring back Achilles and assign them to the VHLPA

Name mispelled. 0/10

Weekly Presser: 1. So far the team hasn't been simming super well. What are your thoughts on how the team is performing? 2. Based on what we've seen so far, which team do you think will be the hardest to beat? 3. What player has really stuck out to you with their performance so far this season? 4. What do you think this team needs in order to get back to competing? 5. With all the spots locked in for the NHL playoffs, which team are you most excited to watch? 6. Did you do anything fun over Easter weekend? Traveling, seeing family, or just hanging out? @Try_Me678@Gmoneyman52@hardcase33@Urmomsza Rocket@connormcnamara@elshark@dstevensonjr@asteria@Kadens055@Ninjadude@YourSweetBaboo

I see the US political spectrum that like what the Federal Republic of Germany had in the 50s-60s. The vast majority of the elected politicians are in the center. The lack of choice from those two parties, obviously needing to maintain a majority to beat out the other, leaves no room for people further from the center to go somewhere else, so instead opt for whichever party comes closer. So while the focus of each party is near the center, there are some stragglers that sit at the further ends. Again, politically, Democrats and Republicans are pretty similar, the radicals on both sides are what stretch out the parties and the media focuses on these far sides to identify the parties.

Politically speaking this is false. The Democratic and Republican parties are pretty similar on the political spectrum (both slightly auth-right), with minor differences being blown up and made to believe are major. There's a reason people are able to switch from one to the other pretty easily. The media just likes to push the divide and give far-left/right voices a platform to present themselves because radicalism = clicks. We hear antifa-this and proud boys-that, not because those groups are the norm, but because they are the exception and the exception will typically get more views. Same thing with shootings and AR-15s. Vast majority are done by handguns, but since AR-15s are the prime issue, those ones get highlighted.

Disagree with the first half. Pre-graduation jobs help teach skills and general conduct that would be important going into future occupations. It shouldn't be there to support a family, but to create a working mindset. Also good to start building a resume early and lower stage jobs help sharpen those skills.

First presser of the season!! 1. For most of you, this is the first time playing with Ottawa. What are some of your thoughts on the team? 2. What are some of your individual goals coming into this season? 3. A lot of you are new to the VHL, so how do you feel about the VHL right now? 4. What are some of your pregame rituals to help get you going when the puck drops? 5. What team in the VHL would you most want to play for? 6. How do you think this team will perform this season?

Welcome to the League!

This counts as harassment and you will be hearing from my lawyers

The Ottawa Lynx Medical Center has regretfully informed the media of a major injury to a star player. Alex Carlson, The Lynx’s 7th round pick, 69th overall, has suffered a severe Achilles injury during practice, and will be sidelined for the entire season. In a discussion with the front office, a mutual decision has been made to cut Carlson and allow him to retire. With this being the second major Achilles injury this player has suffered, Carlson decided it would be best to hang up the skates for now and pursue their true passion, whatever that may be. Carlson is currently on-route to Houston, in which he stated that he “felt immense comfort being in that city”. He discussed how when he first came over to play in the VHLM with a waiver signing in Houston, the people and the team were extremely welcoming to him, and that it felt like a “second home”. What the future holds for Alex Carlson, we do not know, but the Ottawa Lynx wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors.

The Peregrine Falcon can dive at speeds over 200mph

Maybe the real Achilles were the friends we made along the way

So what you're saying is Jacob's cells choose to be intolerant of us hydros? That's all I need to know. #CancelJacob

Yet your cells are hydrophobic. Curious...