DMaximus

week 2 claim

19th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards – S84 Another exciting regular season has come to a close. That means we can dole out some regular season awards! Welcome everyone to the 19th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards honoring the highs and lows of S84! Thank you to everyone that reads this. These awards have been created by me. There is no voting process and they are not officially recognized by the VHL Board of Governors. I wrote descriptions for most of these award names in the original award post. For each award, I list the winners from the last 5 seasons. If you want to check out the award winners from every season, use this link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sAZtX3bxVpPTIsKe1rSRVOenH1-iyWzbQEdR9ZvYOdU/edit?usp=sharing I also document the “all-time” record for each category. Of course, by that I mean all-time for the existence of these awards, not all-time, all-time. Clear? Ok, good. Let’s get things underway! The Pylon Award (worst +/- rating) – Ryan Li @Ryan Li After coming close to winning the award with a -59 last season, Ryan Li was determined to win it this year. His determination paid off. He captures the award with a -60 this season. All-time record: S82 – creed - -156 Last 5 Pylon Award Winners: Season Player + / - S84 Ryan Li -60 S83 Barron Kruulenstien -66 S82 creed -156 S81 chris foley -96 S80 Nathan Steele -77 The Gandhi Award (least penalty minutes, min 1,000 minutes played) – Florida Man @zepheter In what is probably the least likely name-award combination, Florida Man wins the Gandhi award by having only 2 PIM in 1,880 minutes played. All-time record: S81 - Brendan Telker - 0 PIM, 2211 Minutes Played Last 5 Gandhi Award Winners: Season Player PIM Minutes Played S84 Florida Man 2 1880 S83 Mason Jones 2 2146 S82 Omi Aberg 2 2132 S81 Brendan Telker 0 2211 S80 Jakob Sosa 0 2052 The Major2 Award (most major penalties) - Cadmael Ixazaluoh @Vice Cadmeal earned nine majors this season, all of the were fighting majors. They had a symmetric 3-3-3 fight record. Rumor has it that they were going to get in more fights, but didn’t want to mess up their even record. All-time Record: S77 – Randy Marsh - 14 Majors Previous Major2 Award Winners: Season Player Major Penalties S84 Cadmael Ixazaluoh 9 S83 Brian Payne 11 S82 Owen Taylor 12 S81 Magnus Verlander 9 S80 Julian Nousiainen 10 The Timex Award (received most hits) – Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath The last couple of seasons, this award, the number of hits received directly lines up to the points leader. Duncan Idaho followed suit, they had the most points in the league and they received the most hits, with 316. All-time Record: S82 – Bogdan Trunov - 408 Hits taken Last 5 Timex Award Winners: Season Player Hits Taken S84 Duncan Idaho 316 S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 346 S82 Bogdan Trunov 408 S81 Lester Green 381 S80 Asher Reinhart 360 The John Wayne Award (most shots on goal) - Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath Duncan Idaho has always been a force on the ice. This season was no different. They led the league by taking 621 shots on goal. All-time record: S82 – Jerome Reinhart - 713 Shots on goal Last 5 John Wayne Award Winners: Season Player Shots on Goal S84 Duncan Idaho 621 S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 692 S82 Jerome Reinhart 713 S81 Jerome Reinhart 711 S80 Asher Reinhart 637 The “Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots blocked) - Alex Johnston @Alex In a very tight race, Alex beat out Duncan Idaho by one blocked shot (187 to 186) to claim this award. All-time record: S81 – Jerome Reinhart - 204 Own shots blocked Last 5 HtBotB Award Winners: Season Player Own Shots Blocked S84 Alex Johnston 187 S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 189 S82 Taylor Mourning 195 S81 Jerome Reinhart 204 S80 Asher Reinhart 169 The “Can’t Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots missed) – Baby Bob @Baby Boomer Baby Bob netted this award by missing the next a league high 415 times. All-time record: S81 – Jerome Reinhart - 532 Shots missed Last 5 CHtBotB Award Winners: Season Player Shots Missed S84 Baby Bob 415 S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 509 S82 Jerome Reinhart 489 S81 Jerome Reinhart 532 S80 Asher Reinhart 455 The New Shin Pads Award (most blocked shots) – Jaromir Lemiuex @hockeyis66 Jaromir Lemiuex used all sort of combinations to block more shots than anyone else in the league. 268 to be exact. All-time record: S82 – creed - 460 Shots blocked Last 5 New Shin Pads Award Winners: Season Player Shots Blocked S84 Jaromir Lemiuex 268 S83 Barron Kruulenstien 261 S82 creed 460 S81 Artair McCloud 237 S80 Chicken Wing 235 The Tired Legs Award (most minutes played) - Jerome Reinhart @MexicanCow123 In an interesting twist, Jerome Reinhart was traded during the season, this led to them playing 74 games. Those two additional games gave them the extra time to win this award over normal 72 gamer, Igor Molotov @Dom. Jerome ended up with exactly 2400 minutes played. All-time record: S82 – Chicken Wing – 2,512 Minutes played Last 5 Tired Legs Award Winners: Season Player Minutes Played S84 Jerome Reinhart 2400 S83 Rhys Trenton 2374 S82 Chicken Wing 2512 S81 Artair McCloud and Ryan Vidot 2469 S80 Chicken Wing 2333 The Snap! Award (most power play minutes) - Napoleon Dynamite @thadthrasher Napoleon Dynamite danced his way to this award, spending 369 minutes on the powerplay. One minute more than runner-up Hari Singh Nalwa @Dil. All-time record: S79 - Muffbeav - 454 power play minutes Last 5 Snap! Award Winners: Season Player PP Minutes S84 Napoleon Dynamite 369 S83 Battre Sandstrom 339 S82 Tyler Reinhart 397 S81 Bogdan Trunov 397 S80 Scotty Kaberle 391 The 1 vs. 100 Award (most time on penalty kill) - Deron Nesbitt @AW13 Deron was on the ice, killing penalties for 335 minutes. All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov - 447 penalty kill minutes Last 5 1 vs. 100 Award Winners: Season Player PK Minutes S84 Deron Nesbitt 335 S83 Zeedayno Chara 340 S82 Hulk Hogan 2 359 S81 Sven Eightnine 319 S80 Sven Reikkinen 346 The Sean Archer Award (highest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) – Paul Atreides @Mr_Hatter Apparently there is a big mess-up in the index for Faceoff stats. Based on the index, the winner is Igor Molotov with 33.09% of 3,835 faceoffs taken. That number changes when you go to their individual page in the index, which shows 52.10% faceoffs won. That’s still nowhere near what the actual winner would have, so I had to dive a little deeper. The individual leaders page appears to have the actual values displayed. According to that, Paul Atreides gets the award by winning 61.22% of 3,040 faceoffs taken. All-time record: S74 - Brock Louth - 63.72% face-offs won Last 5 Sean Archer Award Winners: Season Player Face Off Pct S84 Paul Atreides 61.22% S83 Zeedayno Chara 63.17% S82 Pistil Stamen 62.10% S81 Aloe Dear 60.70% S80 Dakota Lamb 60.66% The Castor Troy Award (lowest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) - Pistol Pete @PistolP In the history of running these awards, there’s been situations with the stats where I had to decide a tie-breaker or figure out who to give an award to on the fly. I’ve never encountered a situation like this though. The results displaying in the index itself for FO% are inaccurate. That’s really making it difficult to figure out the actual winner. The only thing I can come up with is to use the dreaded asterisk. With the previous award, I was able to get the stats of the actual winner by going to the individual leaders page. Unfortunately for this award, that page only displays the best and not the worst. So, this one is kind of a guess. Pistol Pete wins it with an inaccurate 25.12% of faceoffs won, on their player page it says they won 43.73% of their faceoffs, which probably has them in the running if the stats were accurate. I’m not going through an looking at every single person’s page to figure it out. Maybe I’ll change this after the fact if someone can send me proof of the actual winner. I really don’t understand how this happened, but the show must go on…. All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov – 29.60% face-offs won. Last 5 Castor Troy Award Winners: Season Player Face Off Pct S84* Pistol Pete 43.73% S83 Gregory Bates 31.86% S82 Eeli Rantanen 30.47% S81 Otto Numminen 44.06% S80 Frank Funk Jr 39.19% The Triple Deke Award (most penalty shot goals) - Zach Kisslinger II @Kisslinger Zach Kisslinger II finishes in first place for this award by scoring 7 penalty shot goals. The next closest was 4 goals. Great job! All-time record: S67 - Veran Dragomir and S78 - Thomas Landry II - 8 penalty shot goals Last 5 Triple Deke Award Winners: Season Player Penalty Shot Goals S84 Zach Kisslinger II 7 S83 Zeedayno Chara 7 S82 Baby Bob 4 S81 Armani Calamari 5 S80 Calvin Hobbes 5 The Rocky Award (most fights won) – Paul Atreides @Mr_Hatter Mr. Atreides brought down the house with a fantastic 4-0-2 fight record this season. The 4 wins nabbed him the award outright, but 0 losses means he would have likely won the tiebreaker if there were on anyway. For those interested in last year’s rookie sensation Brian Payne @Scurvy, they followed up their all-time great season with a much more average 2-3-1 fight record for this season. No one said winning fights is easy! All-time record: S83 Brian Payne – 7 fights won Last 5 Rocky Award Winners: Season Player Fights Won S84 Paul Atreides 4 S83 Brian Payne 7 S82 Owen Taylor 4 S81 Pistil Stamen 3 S80 Jared Carter 4 The Glass Joe Award (most fights lost) – Deagun Rust @Spade18 Deagun Rust may have needed some oil to help them out. Their fight record was a league worst 0-3-2. Their three fight losses tied them with Brian Payne @Scurvyand Cadmael Ixazaluoh @Vice, but Rust loses on the tie breaker. All-time record: S74 - Lee Xin and S69 Rusty Shackleford - 5 fights lost Last 5 Glass Joe Award Winners: Season Player Fights Lost S84 Deagun Rust 3 S83 Kyle Glass 3 S82 Vasile Lamb 2 S81 Magnus Verlander 3 S80 Magnus Verlander 3 The Stars Award (most stars won) – Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath Duncan Idaho claims this award for the second time in their career. They amassed a fantastic 33 total stars this season. A very even-keel 10 1st stars, 10 2nd stars, and 13 3rd stars. Special recognition to both Nico Pearce @Spartan and Baby Bob @Baby Boomer who tied for the league lead with 15 first stars. Also shoutout to Papa Emeritus @Beketov, who led all goalies with 24 total stars. All-time record: S76 - Mikko Lahtinen – 34 total stars Last 5 Stars Award Winners: Season Player Total Stars S84 Duncan Idaho 33 S83 Zeedayno Chara 31 S82 Taylor Mourning 33 S81 Justin Lose 28 S80 Duncan Idaho 28 The “Always a Bridesmaid” Award (most stars without winning 1st star) – Asher Reinhart @rjfryman Asher was burned by never being given a first star. But they get to claim this award because of it, their 13 stars without a first start ties the all-time record and wins them the award for this season. All-time record: S84 – Asher Reinhart, S72 - Lewis Dawson, and S67 Dan Baillie - 13 stars Last 5 Bridesmaid Award Winners: Season Player Stars S84 Asher Reinhart 13 S83 Tui Sova 12 S82 Gustav Hjalmarsson 9 S81 Donny Carter 8 S80 Mistxh J 12 The Biggest Backpack Award (player with the largest difference in points from the rest of their team) - Nico Pearce @Spartan Nico was the centerpiece of the Helsinki offense. They scored 32 more point than their next teammate, Nezuko @Baozi. All-time record: S82 – Taro Tsujimoto - 52 points more than nearest teammate Last 5 Backpack Award Winners: Season Player Point Difference from nearest teammate S84 Nico Pearce 32 S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 23 S82 Taro Tsujimoto 52 S81 Alex Johnston 32 S80 Nathan Perry and Julian Nousiainen 22 The Anniversary Award (rank in total points matches season number) - DB III @wcats This is season 84, so the award goes to the player in 84th place in total points. Congratulations to DB III! They recorded 51 points this season, good enough for 84th place. Last 5 Anniversary Award Winners: Season Player Points S84 DB III 51 S83 Robert Wilk 54 S82 Jakub Brozik 71 S81 AJ Williams 76 S80 Frank Funk Jr 71 The Eggshell Award (goalie with most overtime losses) - Cole Pearce @N0HBDY Cole Pearce and Oskar Lindbergh @Doomsday tied with 9 OT losses. Pearce gets the award because they played in less games. All-time record: S82 - Sirkants Klamasteris, S78 – Calvin Harvey, S75 - Doug Dimmadome, and S71 Jaxx Hextall - 11 OT games lost Previous Eggshell Award Winners: Season Player Overtime Games Lost S84 Cole Pearce 9 S83 David Davis 9 S82 Sirkants Klamasteris 11 S81 Papa Emeritus 9 S80 Aksu Maronen 10 The Jason Voorhees Award (most PIM by a Goalie) - Oskar Lindbergh @Doomsday Clearly being upset by the number of OT losses, Oskar Lindbergh committed 16 PIM, more than any other goalie this season. All-time record: S76 - Doug Dimmadome - 29 PIM Previous Jason Voorhees Award Winners: Season Player PIM S84 Oskar Lindbergh 16 S83 Ben Dahl 14 S82 Thadius Sales 18 S81 Barry Taffe 23 S80 Tater Tot 14 The Poke Check Award (highest % of penalty shots stopped, min 10 penalty shots against) - David Davis @Josh David Davis saved saves 80% of the 25 penalty shots they faced. That’s enough to lead the league and win the award. All-time record: S81 – Tater Tot – 100% penalty shots stopped (10 shots faced) Previous Poke Check Award Winners: Season Player Penalty Shots Stopped S84 David Davis 80.0% S83 Dexter Vaughn 80.0% S82 Tater Tot 88.2% S81 Tater Tot 100.0% S80 Kunibuni UnGuri 81.2% That wraps it up for this season! Another year, another successful award ceremony! Congratulations and/or condolences to all the winners! As always, please provide any suggestions, insights, or thoughts in the comments. Thank you all for reading and continuing to make this a successful column! Over 2,000 words. Will claim for 4 weeks.

15 years is a long time in internet years. A lot has changed not only in internet culture, but the world’s culture. Personally, I haven’t even reached my 3 year birthday in the VHL. Due to this fact, this article won’t have much journalistic integrity. I’m going to make a lot of general assumptions based on nothing but stereotypes and biases in my mind. Look, I’m not proud of it either, but I’m currently on vacation and if it weren’t raining outside at the moment, this would likely be the first theme week I’ve missed. So, let’s spew words until we get to 500 and hopefully I’ll make up for this sub-par effort with future posts or maybe I’ve already covered myself by riding on the quality of my previous posts. Taking the wayback machine to 15 years ago lands us in 2007. Much of the internet was dominated by cis white males. Testosterone reigned supreme which means juvenile jokes sprinkled with homophobia and misogyny were par for the course. You won internet street cred by out insulting your target, the more vulgar the better. The more personal the better. Any sign of care or concern for another person or group was a display of weakness, so never do that. I imagine the general tone of the VHL followed this same ethos. One could argue the reason the VHL was created was to just give another avenue to allow angsty teens to yell at one another. Use the guise of a competitive hockey simulation league as a cover to let insults fly. In those 15 years since 2007, internet culture has changed in some circles. Others, it’s gotten worse. It seems like in general culture every step forward is followed by a step or two back. Are there areas of the internet that still thrive on hatred and insulting of others? Sure. Are there areas that are much more accepting of many types of people. Yes. Maybe I’m kidding myself, but I like to think the VHL community is a member of the later. An accepting community of all people. A community that provides safety for people to open up and express themselves. I want to recognize the leaders of this community for making conscious decisions and changes to improve the community. Things like creating a code of conduct and having moderators around to protect everyone. I know that sometimes things like that can be controversial and everyone might not agree with decisions made by those in power. But that is part of growth, it’s not perfect. We do our best to make the best decisions at that moment with the information we have. Sometimes the end result isn’t ideal, but if the intentions are pure, we all move down the path of progress. Thank you to those in power who helped move this community from where it was 15 years ago to where it is today, thank you. The VHL may not be perfect and who knows, I might write an article 15 years from now looking back and saying the exact same thing, but I think the VHL is a better place than it’s ever been. That’s thanks to the maturation of everyone involved. Happy Birthday VHL!

Happy 15 years VHL!

Off season is over and training camp has begun. What did skills did you work on over the off season? I worked on my skating and agility. Although they're not the most important skills for a goalie. They are the foundation that leads to being a solid goalie. What do you feel was the most controversial management move during the off season, for either Prague or the VHL? I guess it was the trade made by Cow that led to them being ridiculed to the point they no longer wanted to be a GM. What are your personal goals for the upcoming season? I want to dominate the VHLE and show that I will be a great goalie in the VHL.

Week 2 claim

To finish us off F - Taylor Mourning @Ricer13 we're done!

S84 Pre-season Power Rankings Each year when predictions open up, I go through a process of looking at every VHL team’s roster and ranking them. This helps me figure out who I want to pick to win awards. I figured I’m already doing the work to rank the teams on my own. I might as well type out some sentences and earn some sweet TPE. So here we are, my Season 84 pre-season power rankings. I’ll start at the bottom and work my way to the top. Save the suspense for the end. I find it’s helpful for me to group teams into tiers. I’ll also highlight a key player from the team who will be crucial to the team’s success. Bottom Feeders 16) Prague Based on all their offseason moves, it appears that Prague is rebuilding. Their current roster makes that evidently clear. Incomplete and low on TPE, they’d likely struggle to beat some VHLE teams. Key Player: Future Draft Picks 15) Malmo Malmo is mostly young, their fans can look to the future and hope. Hope might be all they have at the moment. Key Player: Fans will definitely be cheering for Malmo legend Druss Deathwalker’s @animal74 final season. But with Malmo looking into the future, the growth of Igor Molotov @Dom is the key for Malmo 14) L.A. Props to L.A for filling out a complete roster. Unfortunately, it’s tough to find where the talent is on that complete roster. Key Player: All eyes will be on L.A.’s #1 overall pick, goalie Art Vandelay @Gustav Missing Pieces 13) New York If you had to name a strength for N.Y., it would be their top D pair. Jerome Reinhart @MexicanCow123 is a proven winner and while Sven Eightnine @BarzalGoat may have taken a step back last season, they still received valuable experience on a great Seattle team. Unfortunately for N.Y., the compliments end there. It’s tough to find where their offense is going to come from. Key Player: If they have any chance to do well, Robert Wilk @Tomat0 will have to shine on offense. 12) Vancouver Vancouver has a couple of veteran players who keep this team from being too terrible. But an incomplete roster and aging players whose best days are behind them make it tough to see how Vancouver will be overly competitive. Hopefully fans will still be drunk from the past glory to mind too much. Key Player: Young goalie Brandt Fuhr @Tate will have to improve on an already great rookie season for Vancouver to have a chance at success. Almost There 11) Chicago Chicago’s defense and goalie are very suspect and it doesn’t appear their offense will allow them to continually outscore opponents. Fans can expect a lot of high scoring games, at least. Key Player: Recent acquisition Baby Bob @Baby Boomer will need to mesh with their new teammates and have their best season. 10) London London has a very evenly skilled team. There’s no real superstar standout player who can carry the team. Their success will depend on everyone contributing. If they’re 2nd lines can keep improving, they might be able to take on some of the top-heavy teams later in this list. Key Player: Goaltender Cole Pearce @N0HBDY will have to stop everything in sight to allow the team to unite in front of him. Outside Looking In 9) Riga Riga has a great top line, but lack of depth is likely what’s holding them back, especially without a complete defense and a top-tier goalie. Key Player: Alexandre Leduc @Lemorse7 has had a solid first two seasons. They will need to make the leap to greatness to propel Riga forward. 8 ) Warsaw Warsaw and Riga are very similar looking team on paper. Warsaw appears to be just slightly better at every position, which gives them the nod over Riga in the rankings. Key Player: Brendan Marner @MetalToday will have recover from a slight dip in performance in their sophomore season. 7) Seattle Some significant retooling after their championship finds Seattle lower down this list than one might expect. Much like Riga, they lack depth at defense and strong goaltending. Key Player: Free Agent signee Jonathan Ori @ROOKIE745 will need to lead this team for Seattle to have any chance at a repeat. Good 6) Davos Davos made a lot of moves to strengthen their roster this season. Their lack of offensive depth is all that is holding them back. Key Player(s): It’s tough to separate these two because they came as a packaged deal from Seattle. Both Vinny Detroit @dasboot and Zeedayno Chara @Jubis need to transfer their winning magic to Davos. 5) Toronto Much like Warsaw/Riga Toronto and Davos are very similar on paper with Toronto just being slightly better at every position. Key Player: Veteran center Paul Atreides @Mr_Hatter will have to duplicate their amazing performance last season. 4) Moscow On paper Moscow is slightly worse than the other teams in this tier. But, based on their performance over the last couple of years, never count out Moscow. Their winning pedigree puts them above both Toronto and Davos. Key Player: Hard Markinson @STZ took a slight step back last season, after being separated from long-time partner Aurelien Moreau @Frank. Can they return to the exceptional level of performance this season? 3) Helsinki Helsinki’s roster might not match the other teams in this tier top to bottom. But their goaltending outshines all other teams and that means a heck of a lot. Key Player: No real surprise here. Helsinki’s success rests solely on the shoulders of their goalie, Xavier Booberry @CowboyinAmerica Great 2) Calgary Calgary probably has the best top line in the league. If you want to search for a flaw, you could point to inexperience on their 2nd line and at goalie. But this team is going to score a lot more goals then they give up, that’s a pretty simple recipe for success. Key Player: Journeyman defenseman Erlantz Jokinen @jRuutuhad their best years at Calgary. They’ll need to rekindle that magic for Calgary to win it all. 1) D.C. Like in many other of the tiers, a direct comparison between teams in this tier show that D.C is better at every position than Calgary, so they get ranked higher. Key Player: Of course, this is hall-of-famer Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath . Without another hall-of-fame season from Duncan Idaho, D.C.’s chances at a cup evaporate. 1,068 words. Will claim for 2 weeks

D - Erlantz Jokinen G - Xavier Booberry @Lilpfigher

F - Jonathan Ori D - Hari Singh Nalwa @Lilpfigher

For the first pick I'll take F- Duncan Idaho @Lilpfigher

I'll play and I'll GM if needed.

1. The VHL Draft recently happened, so if you got drafted how do you feel? If your draft is next season, what are your goals for the VHL Draft? I was drafted by Prague 6th overall. I’m really happy with the selection. I thought I might drop in the draft because of most teams not really needing a goalie, but it worked out really well. I’m happy to go to Prague. 2. What do you think is the biggest thing you can bring to your team next season? I need to be a more consistent goalie. Too many times I let in easy goals. That needs to end. I need to stay in the moment, keep my concentration on everything in front of me. 3. There has been a lot of GM turnover this offseason, would you ever consider becoming a GM or AGM? I was a GM and really enjoyed it. However, it takes a lot of time and energy if you want to do it right. I’m not sure I have that in me right now, plus I’m enjoying just being a player.

week 4 claim

Week 3 claim

What's the TPE max for the tournament? Can I apply my banked TPE now, or does it not matter at this point?

Great squad here! Super pumped to be on the team, especially since @jRuutuis our GM. Let's go!

Week 2 claim

18th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards – S83 Another exciting regular season has come to a close. That means we can dole out some regular season awards! Welcome everyone to the 18th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards honoring the highs and lows of S83! Thank you to everyone that reads this. These awards have been created by me. There is no voting process and they are not officially recognized by the VHL Board of Governors. I wrote descriptions for most of these award names in the original award post. For each award, I list the winners from the last 5 seasons. If you want to check out the award winners from every season, use this link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sAZtX3bxVpPTIsKe1rSRVOenH1-iyWzbQEdR9ZvYOdU/edit?usp=sharing I also document the “all-time” record for each category. Of course, by that I mean all-time for the existence of these awards, not all-time, all-time. Clear? Ok, good. Let’s get things underway! The Pylon Award (worst +/- rating) – Barron Kruulenstien @LefLop An interesting battle for this award saw players from three different teams competing for the award. Barron Kruulenstien held off challengers from New York (Gary Tarantino II @Garrett ) and Vancouver ( Ryan Li @Ryan Li) to win this award with a -66, how cruel. All-time record: S82 – creed - -156 Last 5 Pylon Award Winners: Season Player + / - S83 Barron Kruulenstien -66 S82 creed -156 S81 chris foley -96 S80 Nathan Steele -77 S79 Jared Carter -49 The Gandhi Award (least penalty minutes, min 1,000 minutes played) – Mason Jones @Masu Chan Mason Jones built a solid season accruing only 2 PIM in 2,146 minutes played. This was enough to win the award in a tie-breaker over Harkat Mulds @hylands, who also recorded 2 PIM, but in fewer minutes played (2,071) than Jones. We don’t recognize bots at this award ceremony, but if we did β-CGY LW2 would have taken this award with 0 PIM in 1,143 minutes played. All-time record: S81 - Brendan Telker - 0 PIM, 2211 Minutes Played Last 5 Gandhi Award Winners: Season Player PIM Minutes Played S83 Mason Jones 2 2146 S82 Omi Aberg 2 2132 S81 Brendan Telker 0 2211 S80 Jakob Sosa 0 2052 S79 The Terrible Trivium 0 2084 The Major2 Award (most major penalties) - Brian Payne @Scurvy Rookie Brian Payne announced their presence to the league by recording 11 majors in their first season. All 11 majors were fisticuffs. All-time Record: S77 – Randy Marsh - 14 Majors Previous Major2 Award Winners: Season Player Major Penalties S83 Brian Payne 11 S82 Owen Taylor 12 S81 Magnus Verlander 9 S80 Julian Nousiainen 10 S79 Henry Tucker 11 The Timex Award (received most hits) – Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream To score as many points as Saku Kotkakoivu scored this season, you going to have to take some hits. Saku took more hits than anyone in the league, 346 to be exact. Oh, and there’s no need to leave the stage, Saku, because… All-time Record: S82 – Bogdan Trunov - 408 Hits taken Last 5 Timex Award Winners: Season Player Hits Taken S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 346 S82 Bogdan Trunov 408 S81 Lester Green 381 S80 Asher Reinhart 360 S79 Dakota Lamb 310 The John Wayne Award (most shots on goal) - Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream You won this award too! Saku fired 692 shots on goal this season. Oh, and there’s no reason to leave the stage, Saku, because… All-time record: S82 – Jerome Reinhart - 713 Shots on goal Last 5 John Wayne Award Winners: Season Player Shots on Goal S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 692 S82 Jerome Reinhart 713 S81 Jerome Reinhart 711 S80 Asher Reinhart 637 S79 Gunnar Odinsson 614 The “Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots blocked) - Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream You won this award too! Saku took this one home with 189 of their shots blocked. Oh, and there’s no reason to leave the stage, Saku, because… All-time record: S81 – Jerome Reinhart - 204 Own shots blocked Last 5 HtBotB Award Winners: Season Player Own Shots Blocked S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 189 S82 Taylor Mourning 195 S81 Jerome Reinhart 204 S80 Asher Reinhart 169 S79 Groovy Dood 165 The “Can’t Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots missed) – Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream You won this award too! Saku took this one home with 509 of their shots missing the net. Saku won all three “shot” awards, congratulations! Celebrate in your own way, possibly by taking 3 shots of your favorite beverage, in a responsible manner. All-time record: S81 – Jerome Reinhart - 532 Shots missed Last 5 CHtBotB Award Winners: Season Player Shots Missed S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 509 S82 Jerome Reinhart 489 S81 Jerome Reinhart 532 S80 Asher Reinhart 455 S79 Gunnar Odinsson 433 The New Shin Pads Award (most blocked shots) – Barron Kruulenstien @LefLop Barron continues the trend set by creed last season by winning both the Pylon award and the Shin Pads award. Barron won this by blocking 261 shots, which would have been an all-time high if not for the insanity from creed last season. All-time record: S82 – creed - 460 Shots blocked Last 5 New Shin Pads Award Winners: Season Player Shots Blocked S83 Barron Kruulenstien 261 S82 creed 460 S81 Artair McCloud 237 S80 Chicken Wing 235 S79 Han Jae Kuk 242 The Tired Legs Award (most minutes played) - Rhys Trenton @DeeGoat Rhys led the league with 2,374 minutes on the ice. That’s an average of 32.98 minutes per game! All-time record: S82 – Chicken Wing – 2,512 Minutes played Last 5 Tired Legs Award Winners: Season Player Minutes Played S83 Rhys Trenton 2374 S82 Chicken Wing 2512 S81 Artair McCloud and Ryan Vidot 2469 S80 Chicken Wing 2333 S79 Han Jae Kuk 2343 The Snap! Award (most power play minutes) - Battre Sandstrom @Acydburn Battre Sandstrom brought this award back to the family (it was won by Onde Sandstrom in S77). Battre spent 339 minutes on the power play. All-time record: S79 - Muffbeav - 454 power play minutes Last 5 Snap! Award Winners: Season Player PP Minutes S83 Battre Sandstrom 339 S82 Tyler Reinhart 397 S81 Bogdan Trunov 397 S80 Scotty Kaberle 391 S79 Muffbeav 454 The 1 vs. 100 Award (most time on penalty kill) - Zeedayno Chara @Jubis Zeedayno said yes when asked to kill penalties. They were killing penalties for 340 minutes this season. Enough to lead the league and claim this award. Oh and there’s no need to leave the stage, Zeedayno, because… All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov - 447 penalty kill minutes Last 5 1 vs. 100 Award Winners: Season Player PK Minutes S83 Zeedayno Chara 340 S82 Hulk Hogan 2 359 S81 Sven Eightnine 319 S80 Sven Reikkinen 346 S79 Gustislav Nasherov 447 The Sean Archer Award (highest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) – Zeedayno Chara @Jubis You won this award too! Zeedayno must have spent his nights practicing face-offs because they posted one of the best all-time seasons for face-offs by winning 63.17% of their 2,900 face-offs. The best performance we’ve seen since the all-time record was set in S74 by Brock Louth. All-time record: S74 - Brock Louth - 63.72% face-offs won Last 5 Sean Archer Award Winners: Season Player Face Off Pct S83 Zeedayno Chara 63.17% S82 Pistil Stamen 62.10% S81 Aloe Dear 60.70% S80 Dakota Lamb 60.66% S79 Pistil Stamen 59.00% The Castor Troy Award (lowest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) - Gregory Bates @Tyler Gregory Bates had a rough go at it in the face-off circle this season. They won a league low 31.86% of their face-offs. Unfortunately for HC Davos, they didn’t really have anyone else to help out with face-offs. Three of their players occupied the bottom 5 spots in face-offs won. All-time record: S79 - Gustislav Nasherov – 29.60% face-offs won. Last 5 Castor Troy Award Winners: Season Player Face Off Pct S83 Gregory Bates 31.86% S82 Eeli Rantanen 30.47% S81 Otto Numminen 44.06% S80 Frank Funk Jr 39.19% S79 Gustislav Nasherov 29.60% The Triple Deke Award (most penalty shot goals) - Zeedayno Chara @Jubis Zeedayno really put their mark on this award by scoring on 7 of their 9 penalty shot attempts. The seven goals is enough to win this award outright and almost matched the all-time record. All-time record: S67 - Veran Dragomir and S78 - Thomas Landry II - 8 penalty shot goals Last 5 Triple Deke Award Winners: Season Player Penalty Shot Goals S83 Zeedayno Chara 7 S82 Baby Bob 4 S81 Armani Calamari 5 S80 Calvin Hobbes 5 S79 Nathan Perry 5 The Rocky Award (most fights won) – Brian Payne @Scurvy What an amazing performance by Brian Payne. They broke the long-standing all-time record by winning 7 fights this season! And this is only their rookie season. Lots of eyes will be on Payne to see if they can keep inflicting pain. All-time record: S83 Brian Payne – 7 fights won Last 5 Rocky Award Winners: Season Player Fights Won S83 Brian Payne 7 S82 Owen Taylor 4 S81 Pistil Stamen 3 S80 Jared Carter 4 S79 Calvin Hobbes 5 The Glass Joe Award (most fights lost) – Kyle Glass @Tbeez99 Well it’s fitting for this award to go to someone with the last name Glass. Kyle Glass may need to spend a little more time training karate. They lost 3 fights this season, that was matched by two other players, Phil The Rock Johnson @Phil and Vinny Detroit @dasboot. Glass gets the award on the tie-breaker because their over record of 1-3-0 was worse than the other two players. All-time record: S74 - Lee Xin and S69 Rusty Shackleford - 5 fights lost Last 5 Glass Joe Award Winners: Season Player Fights Lost S83 Kyle Glass 3 S82 Vasile Lamb 2 S81 Magnus Verlander 3 S80 Magnus Verlander 3 S79 Rusty Knale 3 The Stars Award (most stars won) – Zeedayno Chara @Jubis Zeedayno took home this award with 31 total stars this season. Congratulations to Duncan Idaho @OrbitingDeath for leading the league with 18 1st stars. And a shout-out to Xavier Booberry @CowboyinAmerica for leading all goalies with 22 total stars. All-time record: S76 - Mikko Lahtinen – 34 total stars Last 5 Stars Award Winners: Season Player Total Stars S83 Zeedayno Chara 31 S82 Taylor Mourning 33 S81 Justin Lose 28 S80 Duncan Idaho 28 S79 Gunnar Odinsson 32 The “Always a Bridesmaid” Award (most stars without winning 1st star) – Tui Sova @v.2 Tui was symmetric in their 2nd and 3rd stars, winning 5 of each. That’s a total of 12 stars without ever winning a 1st star. All-time record: S72 - Lewis Dawson and S67 Dan Baillie - 13 stars Last 5 Bridesmaid Award Winners: Season Player Stars S83 Tui Sova 12 S82 Gustav Hjalmarsson 9 S81 Donny Carter 8 S80 Mistxh J 12 S79 Tim Waters 11 The Biggest Backpack Award (player with the largest difference in points from the rest of their team) - Saku Kotkakoivu @DollarAndADream Saku demonstrated their value to Calgary by recording 23 more points than their closet teammate. That’s a bigger difference than any other team in the league. All-time record: S82 – Taro Tsujimoto - 52 points more than nearest teammate Last 5 Backpack Award Winners: Season Player Point Difference from nearest teammate S83 Saku Kotkakoivu 23 S82 Taro Tsujimoto 52 S81 Alex Johnston 32 S80 Nathan Perry and Julian Nousiainen 22 S79 Red Lite 40 The Anniversary Award (rank in total points matches season number) - Robert Wilk @Tomat0 This is season 83, so the award goes to the player in 83rd place in total points. Congratulations to Robert Wilk! They recorded 54 points this season, good enough for 83rd place. Last 5 Anniversary Award Winners: Season Player Points S83 Robert Wilk 54 S82 Jakub Brozik 71 S81 AJ Williams 76 S80 Frank Funk Jr 71 S79 Tim Waters 64 The Eggshell Award (goalie with most overtime losses) - David Davis @Josh David Davis had a really good season. For some reason they couldn’t keep it together in overtime. They led the league with 9 OT losses. All-time record: S82 - Sirkants Klamasteris, S78 – Calvin Harvey, S75 - Doug Dimmadome, and S71 Jaxx Hextall - 11 OT games lost Previous Eggshell Award Winners: Season Player Overtime Games Lost S83 David Davis 9 S82 Sirkants Klamasteris 11 S81 Papa Emeritus 9 S80 Aksu Maronen 10 S79 Kevin Malone 8 The Jason Voorhees Award (most PIM by a Goalie) - Ben Dahl @Ben Ben Dahl wanted to send a message in their rookie season. They did just that by committing the most penalties for a goalie. Their 14 PIM was enough to win the award. All-time record: S76 - Doug Dimmadome - 29 PIM Previous Jason Voorhees Award Winners: Season Player PIM S83 Ben Dahl 14 S82 Thadius Sales 18 S81 Barry Taffe 23 S80 Tater Tot 14 S79 Jean Pierre Camus 23 The Poke Check Award (highest % of penalty shots stopped, min 10 penalty shots against) - Dexter Vaughn @Flames1Fan Dexter Vaughn showed their talents by stopping 80% of the 15 penalty shots they faced. That’s enough to lead the league and win the award. All-time record: S81 – Tater Tot – 100% penalty shots stopped (10 shots faced) Previous Poke Check Award Winners: Season Player Penalty Shots Stopped S83 Dexter Vaughn 80.0% S82 Tater Tot 88.2% S81 Tater Tot 100.0% S80 Kunibuni UnGuri 81.2% S79 Zamboni Driver 85.7% That wraps it up for this season! Another year, another successful award ceremony! Congratulations and/or condolences to all the winners! As always, please provide any suggestions, insights, or thoughts in the comments. Thank you all for reading and continuing to make this a successful column! 2000+ words, will claim for 4 weeks.

Answer 3 questions for 1 capped TPE, all 6 for 2. 1. The summer weather looks like its here to stay for me, what is your favourite summer activity? It's something I don't do nearly enough anymore, but golfing. I have taken to enjoying working outside at our house, like gardening and landscaping. 2. In honour of our Junior Showcase Tournament friends, including our very own Cole Caulfield jr, how does your player spend their offseason? Clueless just follows where the wind blows. It's far too much of an ask for Clueless to have a plan for how to spend the offseason. 3. What is your favourite sport to play, besides hockey? Ha, I mentioned this above, golf. If golf isn't a sport, then soccer. 4. The Monaco Grand Prix happened this weekend in Formula 1, so what is your favourite car, or car brand? I've always like the look and style of Aston Martins. 5. We are slowly but surely approaching my favourite part of the season, draft season, so what is more important to you the team you get drafted to or the draft position (1st, 24th etc.)? I take pride in my draft position, so I guess that. But at the end of the day, the team does matter more, because the team is what wins you championships. 6. Did you play hockey growing up (or still), if so how long or what level did you play? I did, I played "competitively" throughout high school. I played rec league in college and in bar leagues after college. That doesn't really count, imo.

I’ll be honest, this was a tough theme week. I think it’s because I’m less involved with the VHL than I traditionally have been. My new player, Clueless Wallob, is just starting out, so I’m in the VHLM, which isn’t overly exciting to me, so I’m kind of just sitting in the background. But I guess I’ve been like that since stepping down as the GM of the Philadelphia Reapers a bunch of seasons ago. Being a ghost who operates in read-only mode most of the time means that I have few interactions with the league and with everyone in it. My low number of interactions makes it difficult for me to single out any individual to put into an appreciation article (couple that with the Oscar-speech concern that I would forget to name someone directly and that they would then be upset with me for being slighted). So saying that, let me name some people. I wanted to give a special shout out to because they’re ex Reapers and they are all doing awesome things for this league, @jacobcarson877 @N0HBDY, @KaleebtheMighty, @youloser1337. Thank you for that. I thank you. Reaper Nation thanks you. Pretty large group for the next wave of appreciation, and that’s anyone who helps run the league. Commissioners, simmers, updaters, GMs, AGMs, the BoG, the website, Discord, and app admins, everyone else . Much of the work you do is hidden and thankless. I’m sure a lot of the work isn’t fun either. But you understand the importance of the work you do and its helpfulness to the league. Without all of you contributing in the way you do, the league would be worse off or possibly non-existent. I thank you for your work and contributions. I want to thank everyone who creates content and posts in the forum. Forum content is what makes the league what it is. I really appreciate the depth of history maintained by this league. I appreciate everyone who has contributed to the VSN, their reporting on the current news of the league in addition to the historic focused articles is fantastic. The VSN is a great part of this league. I appreciate the people who write the Hall of Fame articles. It’s nice to read the articles about all-time great careers. It keeps the history of the league alive and available to everyone. A special shoutout to @Victor here for maintaining all the spreadsheets in the Hall of Fame section of the forum. So many details, so many stats tracked. It’s amazing. I also want to thank anyone reading this. Thank you for consuming content. Reading articles, staying up to date with the happenings of the league. Following who is saying what. All of that is the lifeblood of the league. Even if you aren’t creating content, your consumption of it helps the league. Maybe this is pointless because there’s no way they’ll see this, but thanks to everyone who is participating in this league, but isn’t reading this. Thanks for updating your player and taking an interest in the league, regardless of your level of engagement. The league is made better by everyone participating in it. Thank you for your participation. I think I got everyone there in one way, shape, or form. Ultimately, I want to thank this league, which is made up by individuals working together, for being an enjoyable part of my life for the last couple of years. I look forward to many future memories.

1. So the Leafs lost another Game 7, do you think franchises can truly be cursed? Yes, definitely franchises can be "cursed". There becomes a mindset within the franchise that can prevent good things from happening. Once the franchise adopts that mindset, the cycle will continue. Thus the curse. 2. What is your drink of choice? I honestly like water a lot, so I tend to drink that more than anything else. Non-alcoholic side, I like root beer. Alcoholic side, I like beer. 3. When do you tend to update your player? The time of this post can help answer your question, Sunday night. Although in my defense, I am capped, so the TPE doesn't really mean anything for now. There's no harm in me waiting until the end of the week.

Ah, I was hoping that Clueless would have been put on Team Clue. Might have cause a black hole that would have destroyed the Clueniverse.

G - Oskar Lindbergh @HoopydogFinish us off!

F - Vasile Lamb @MMFLEX you've got 2 picks to make now.