Jody 3 Moons is the Travis Tritt of the hockey world. His style, impeccable. His hair, unfuckwitable, and his hockey skill, insanity. The man known as 3 Moons is the furthest descendant of a royal Ukrainian bloodline. His ancestors were practitioners of blood magic and gypsy voodoo who, before the time of Jesus, harnessed an ancient black magic and used it to greatly enhance the fertility of their blood line. After thousands of years of prosperity, this ancient bloodline has dwindled down to almost nothing. After the death of his younger brother, Jody 3 Moons is now unknowingly the last remaining link to this powerful blood line.
A depiction of the original 3 Moons bloodline
Although it's been thousands of years since his blood was first enchanted by the black magic, the power is still as strong as it was in each and every one of his ancestors. Ranging from kings to conquerors to artists to sportsmen, the 3 Moons bloodline is truly remarkable and Jody is no different. Someone who's style is so magnificent can only be described as great.
Jody's calling, however, was not conquest or artistry, it was hockey. When he was 2 years old, a young Jody saved a single mother who was being accosted by a mugger on a cold winter night. The mugger wielded two butcher knives but two-year-old Jody apprehended him with ease. After dispatching of this violent criminal, Jody realized the mugger's blades could be affixed to the bottom of his shoes to allow him to glide across any icy surface with ease. On that day a hockey legend was forged and Jody had found his life's passion.
By the age of 16, Jody was already a multiple MVP-winner of the Ukraine's professional hockey league and he had already inseminated well over 2,000 women across Ukraine. It was time for Jody to take his hockey skills and super-human sperm to another continent. Jody spent 7 days at the summit of a Ukrainian mountain with only 14 grams of psychedelic mushrooms, a wine skin filled with monkey's blood, and a goat who acted as his guide. When he re-appeared on the 8th day, he was completely convinced that his destiny was in North America atop the hockey world. So he departed his homeland of Ukraine, and like his ancestors before him, started his conquest.
Once landing in North America, 3 Moons tried out for a junior club in Manitoba and made the team. From there, his name spread like wildfire throughout the North American hockey scouting scene. His major strengths were everything. His power was akin to an African crocodile, his speed like a gazelle sprinting across the plains. His hands were nothing short of breath-taking and he could diddle about 10 girls in 23 second, a Manitoba Junior League record. 3 Moons was undoubtedly the total package. His junior career was filled with awards, trophies, and records. The most important of which, was the 1300 girls he inseminated within his first season in North America.
A small sample of Jody's handiwork
There is no down-side to 3 Moon's game. He is the descendant of a thousand-year-old black magic blood line. Do you really think he would have any negative aspects? He has over 2,000 children at the age of 16 for fuck sakes. Jody 3 Moons is gorgeous. A woman has never rejected him and he's capable of withstanding 10x the damage of a normal human being. Jody was ran down by an 18-wheeler when he was 5 years old, but was completely unaffected. He ran a half-marathon the next day, and probably got at least 1 girl pregnant. He never has used a condom but his monthly STD testing always comes back clean. He's been in a dirty hole or two, that much can be guaranteed. Undoubtedly, if he has one flaw, it's his uncanny ability to get women pregnant. Jody himself does not need the presence of a woman in his life, but it's thought that the power within his enchanted blood forces him into reproducing and continuing the blood line as often as possible. Another potential negative to 3 Moon's game is his stunning good looks. There have been several documented cases of his teammates becoming homosexual and leaving their wives after witnessing 3 Moons in the locker room. Finally, he's a bit of a pussy and will not resort to fisticuffs under any circumstances, despite being 10x stronger than an average human. Jody just gets down like that.
The character of Gunnar Stahl from the motion picture D2: The Mighty Ducks is loosely based on Jody 3 Moons
Jody has the raw talent and athleticism to play any position on the ice, including goalie, head coach, and general manager. He played a game of craps in Dubai with 7 billionaires to determine what position he would play throughout his career and it ended up being center. 3 Moons does not lose face-offs. Ever.
Jody 3 Moons will be taking the VHL by storm. He is already widely-considered the best player, nay, human, on the face of the earth, and plans to stamp this claim with a seal of 3 Moons authenticity in the upcoming VHL season. At the time of writing this Biography, Jody 3 Moons is the confirmed father of over 2700 children, and is suspected to be the father of at least 3000 others. He has never paid a single dollar of child support.
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The man himself - Jody 3 Moons aka Mr. I F*ck N*ggas Up For That
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