joeg

accepto

Player Information Username: joeg Player Name: Joe John Jefferson Junior Recruited From: Returning Age: 21 Position: D Height: 77 in. Weight: 220 lbs. Birthplace: Canada Player Page @VHLM GM

What Would Living in a Sports Bubble be Like With 2 major sports leagues playing in the bubble (NHL and NBA) and 2 sports leagues without the bubble having issues already (MLB and NFL) it is not outside of the realm of possibility that we could find ourselves in the bubble until we overcome our current situation. So I began asking myself, what would it be like to live in the bubble for a season. Well first, and most importantly, food. Now this depends on what you fancy. Continental breakfast is usually good, but that will definitely fade after the first week. If the bubble is somewhere nice, like the Royal York, than i would be pleased with every meal. Lunch would be tough, we'd probably get a sandwich everyday, but this can be made up for with a stellar dinner. That is the wild card. If dinner is something substantial and delicious, so exactly the opposite of what the NBA players have been getting at disney world, then that would make up for a lacking lunch. In summary, it would totally depend on your hotel. For comfort, hotel beds are a dime a dozen. It might not be great, but it will most certainly be good enough. Now sticklers might make a point of saying they need their pillow. Fine, bring your own pillow, it's not that hard. Certain amenities would be required, specifically a work out room (a real one, not those found in hotels now) and an INDOOR pool. I don't want an outdoor pool. There is too much uncertainty surrounding the weather. Indoor pool=indoor rules!! These are the demands for amenities should we enter the bubble. WC/280

+4

1. There will be ebbs and flows, but I feel positive. Just got to take it one game at a time. 2. His new lifetime deal with Magnum Ice Cream. 3. Have to try and take the load off of him some nights. Give him some better help in front. 4. I believe that more people want to play offence, with the high end, high profile player. 5. Any advice would be appreciated. 6. Probably a 7 or 8. It's plenty enough for me, but I could see other people feeling otherwise.

Transaction ID: 34T28328613410249 $10.00 CAD -5 Uncapped TPE -Free Week

1. Very excited. They'll be a great addition to the team. 2. It might cause a few headaches but nothing we can't manage. 3. I completely forgot about it to be honest. 4. It'll be AWESOME. 5. The only player from the first round I can name is Merrick sooo I plead the fifth. 6. Frostbeard until I realized he was a GM.

I got elbowed in the face playing touch football at recess and the teacher freaked out and thought my nose looked weird so sent me to emergency incase I broke my nose. Turns out I just have a funny looking nose that liked to bleed.

One of our on the ground reporters, Chad Monstinglopsingbergershine was sulking around the Miami airport when he caught up with Toronto Legion player Joseph Gainer. The following is a transcript of their conversation. CM: Joe, Joe! Do you have a second to talk? JG: Ugh, fine. CM: What are you doing in Miami instead of Toronto? Where are you heading? JG: I came down to spend some time with my family and friends in the Florida heat. We're going to catch our plane and head to Puerto Rico for a week. CM: So you flew to Florida to fly to Puerto Rico? Why not just stay here? JG: To get away from you. CM: Ok, I had that coming. Our insider VHLM sources say that you are afraid of flying, and only took planes when you needed to in the VHLM and actually took a bus most of the time. I believed they called in aviophobia. Any comment? JG: The only part I take issue with is calling it a phobia. There is nothing irrational about fearing flying. You're in a giant, pressurized metal tube, 30 000 feet in the air, where any number of things you can think of can go wrong, and even some you can't think of. CM: Amen to that brother. Hey, you're looking kind of chunky. Shouldn't you be in Toronto putting in the work? I've heard that Toronto is going to take another winger to replace you? What do you think about that? JG: 1. I think that you're lucky that there are at least 5 police officers that I can see right now. 2. I'm the same weight from the end of the season. 3. I welcome whatever role Toronto puts me in, and also welcome any addition to the team that will help us reach the ultimate goal of raising the Continental Cup. CM: Awesome. Fantastic man! Well, enjoy your vacation and we'll take again soon? JG: Not likely. WC/327

Gainer and Bobfather End of Season 72 Sit Down BOBFATHER: Joseph great to see you again. Thanks for doing this virtual sit down with me. GAINER: Always glad to sit down with you Bob. BOBFATHER: Let’s talk about the regular season first. You got off to a sluggish start before picking up the pace, eventually earning yourself time on the first line. How do you feel you progressed this season? GAINER: On a personal level, I think that I should some good growth throughout the season. Getting a chance to play on the top line was fantastic and it certainly took a lot of hard work to reach the top line. Mac had a hell of a season, and it took a lot of work to reach his level. And getting to play with Frostbeard was unreal. Whoever gets to draft him is in for a treat. BOBFATHER: Let’s talk about Mac. Both you and him were drafted to Toronto in last season’s VHL entry draft. You didn’t get to see a lot of time together in Mississauga. Are you hoping that changes in Toronto? GAINER: The long-term goal is obviously to win a championship. If management thinks that putting us on the same line will help us reach that goal than I am all for it. And if they believe we are better off on different lines then that is what we’ll do. It’s all about reaching the goal of hoisting the continental cup. BOBFATHER: So, do you not want to play with Mac then? GAINER: No. I’m just saying that I am all in on doing whatever is in the best interest of the team. Whether that is with Mac or not, I’m all in on helping this team get wins. BOBFATHER: Can you share your thoughts on the league expansion and expansion draft? GAINER: Yeah sure. The league expansion is a net positive. Being able to expand by 4 teams show the health and stability on the league currently. League leadership deserves praise for putting the league in this healthy position. As far as the expansion draft goes, it always stinks to lose players. Ultimately though, we seem to be in a pretty good position to come out of the expansion draft with the core intact. BOBFATHER: Quickly getting back to the VHLM season, you guys made the playoffs for the first time in your career but fell in the first round. What are your thoughts on how the team performed? GAINER: It was tough to go out the way we did. Ultimately, we weren’t the better team and as such didn’t make it out of the round. I try to pick out some positives though. Individually it gave us as players the experience of what playoff hockey is like, even if it was in the minors. And as for the team, hopefully it helps to establish a culture of winning in Mississauga. BOBFATHER: Looking forward to the upcoming season you’ve been placed on the roster in Toronto. How are you settling in so far? GAINER: Well thankfully I haven’t had to move or anything as Mississauga is essentially Toronto. It has been kind of a funny transition as the league expansion has made it a unique offseason. I think that after the expansion draft though things will settle down a bit and it will be a more manageable transition. BOBFATHER: What is your expectation for the upcoming season? GAINER: I’ll answer that in 2 ways. First, personally. This Toronto team is very talented, especially up front. I hope to settle in where management places me, and then be able to adjust to the VHL. There is a nice mix of experience on the team, so I know I’ll have a lot of veterans to lean on. As a team, obviously Toronto made the playoffs last year and took Calgary to game 7. I would think that the goal is always to exceed the previous year. So regular season wise hopefully be in a little bit more solid playoff position and come the playoffs, advance past the first round. BOBFATHER: Do you want to put any quantitative data on your personal goals? Points, goals scored, assists? Anything? GAINER: I hesitate to just because the season is just so unpredictable. Ultimately, I’ll say this: I hope to be a net positive for team contributing in positive ways and ensuring that I justify Toronto’s decision to select me where they did last year. BOBFATHER: You wrote a controversial article last week on tourtiere being a good pregame meal. You received some criticism. Any statement you would like to make? GAINER: Yes. First, the only thing I’ll apologize for is not putting a picture with the article. I should have figured that there is no way my mere words could convey the excellence that is tourtiere. If you disagree with me, it is obviously because you are ignoring the facts and nothing, I can say will convince you. When you come around to the science let me know. BOBFATHER: Fantastic. That’s about all I’ve got on my end. Anything you would like to add on your end before we wrap this up? GAINER: Yes. A couple of things actually. First, Steve Simmons stinks for releasing that Auston Matthews tested positive for COVID. We need to respect players privacy, you know, like the rest of the league has been doing. Second, as an addition to the previous question, there is in no world any excuse for putting ketchup or chili sauce on tourtiere. Don’t even get me started with that crap. Finally, I can’t wait to get started in Toronto. We are Legion. BOBFATHER: That all? GAINER: Keep on chugging and let’s get this train going full speed ahead. BOBFATHER: Joseph, it’s been a pleasure as always. We look forward to watching how the offseason and season plays out for Toronto. Stay safe and best of luck this season. GAINER: Same to you Bob. Always happy to chat with you. TTYL. WC/1000 Claiming for weeks of July 19 and July 26.

Can't wait!! #WeAreLegion

Now look, I’m not one to make ultimatums or tell people they are wrong. BUT, if you think anything other than Tortiere being the correct pre-game meal than not only are you wrong, but your taste in food needs to be re-evaluated. Let us go over some facts, shall we? FACT: Pre-game meals should consist primarily of carbohydrate rich foods FACT: What carbohydrates are better than beautiful, flaky pie crust AND some delicious potatoes in that beauty FACT: It’s Canadian, which should put it ahead already FACT: What type of meat do you want? Pork? Done! Veal? Done! Beef? Done! Fish? That is a hard no and I redirect you to the beginning of this article and suggest you re-evaluate your food preferences. FACT: My dad makes an absolute killer tourtiere that he learnt from his father. Am I biased? NO! No amount of bias could overcome the glorious creation known as tourtiere. That’s really all I got. If you want to be like the rest of the herd, sure, then go have some pasta. Have a sandwich or something simple. It will work, I guess. But if you want to stand out amongst the herd. If you want to treat you stomach to a masterpiece that will make you weep. If you want to fuel your body AND treat your body, then there is only one option. T-O-U-R-T-I-È-R-E WC/225

Alright first Toronto presser, I hate the media already, let's get cracking 1. Always happy to be able to add more talent. And the playoff experience will be invaluable experience. 2. It's aight. I'm just ready to get cracking again. 3. Earning that sweet, sweet, TPE. And since it's all banked right now, I can't wait to be able to go on a spending spree. 4. Calgary 5. Regular pepsi but diet/zero coke. 6. Burrito. You can pack more in it.

Dear Mississauga, I wish I could say we rode off into the sunset as champions of the VHL. I wish we could reward you with the championship this city deserves. Alas, for whatever reason now was not our time. Even with this outcome not being the one that we wanted; I wouldn’t have changed a thing. My time in Mississauga the past 2 seasons, I have learned made new friends, become a better hockey player and learnt lessons I will take with me for the rest of my life. With that said, with a long offseason of hockey now staring us in the face, I would like to recount some of my favourite stories from my time in Mississauga. I’ll start with the first day I entered the locker room. I was taken by my teammates out onto the ice and put on a giant “sling shot.” My teammates prepared me and launched me into the boards. Whichever board I hit, the advertisement on it was used to create my nickname. I landed square on the board hosting the Little Ceasers advertisement, which gave me the nickname “bad -za”. Something I took pride of off the ice during my time here was my trilogy of fights with that stupid rodent from Saskatchewan. The roughriders may have beat my beloved Tiger Cats more times then I care to remember, but I got the best of their gopher 2-1, cementing myself as the ultimate “Gainer.” Celebrating the end of the season 71 VHLM season, there was the infamous disputed 6 ball in a doubles game of snooker between @Alstoner and @st4rface and opposing team @lastoneup and @grittyisking. There are still some sore feelings over that game, and rumor has it the game will become an annual tradition. We even gave out a 6 ball to the best player after each game. Between season 71 and 72, I was very proud to be able to participate in the first annual “Mississauga Hounds March on the City to Remember Her Majesty Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland” parade. We came very close to winning the world record for the longest parade name, but we came up just short against “Super Star Same Day Sprinting Parade for Spontaneous Stellar Snakes Stretching to Succeed in Sanctimonious Shoulder Strength Sponsored by the Sensational, Standout Show, the Simpsons.” I was still thrilled to participate in the parade and know that we’ll get that world record soon! This past season is still a little bit raw to look back on. I hope to touch on it more next week on my interview with the Bob Father. I have memories of Mississauga that I will hold special for the rest of my life. This has been a fantastic experience, in a fantastic place, with a fantastic group of people. I’ll never forget my time here with you all. I’ll leave you with these inspiration words: Stay cool Keep your sunny sides up And stay safe. WC/500

I have no memory of writing this....wtf is wrong with me

1. If the chance at the cup isn't pushing you, then I don't know what will. 2. When cats eat wet food, their shit smells awful. 3. Mac 4. Pretty damn good. 5. Miami cause @Bacon 6. Nah, shut it down and hope we can start in the late fall. I don't want next season to start in January. We are just not ready yet.

Gainer’s Thoughts on Expansion 4 brand new teams are coming to the VHL, which means now teams get to visit 4 new cities. What does that mean? 4 NEW CUISINES are added to the VHL schedule. Getting to visit 4 new cities means players get to partake in new national or regional cuisine. Without further ado, here is Gainer’s rankings of the new expansion clubs by cuisine. 4. Los Angeles, Pink’s Hot Dogs Los Angeles The City of Angels, you can rejoice. Not because Kwame Brown is gone, but because hockey is coming your way. On the food end though, I have some trouble adding you to the rankings. You see, the other 3 cities more or less had some national or regional dish that I could use. For LA, there is just so much good stuff happening there that 1 couldn’t be singled out. So, I settled on the 1st restaurant that came up when I searched “LA Famous Restaurant”. And that was Pink’s Hotdogs. Now I did a little bit of research into Pinks, and there was no shortage of amazing wieners on the menu. However, as you’ll find out in these rankings, the ultimate downfall was there just aren’t enough carbs for me. Nothing personal, just not enough carbs. 3. Chicago, Deep Dish Pizza I think I first heard of Deep-Dish Pizza on the classic TV show Man vs Food. I’m going to be honest; I wish I could put this higher. I love pizza (I don’t want to meet the person who doesn’t like pizza), and deep-dish pizza just packs more bang for my buck. Your downfall is how hard it is to eat. I want to num nums in my mouth, not on my plate. 2. Warsaw, Perogi I went to a Pittsburgh Pirates game with my dad once. They had a footlong hotdog sold in the stadium that came with onion rings and pierogis on it. I would have gotten, nay, I should have gotten it. But the thought of having to sit through either 9 innings of pain after eating a stadium hotdog or using a gross stadium bathroom was enough to turn me off. What was the point of this? Oh yeah, perogies. My great aunt makes killer perogies. 1. London, Full English Breakfast I went back and forth on this one. Part of me wanted to go fish and chips. But alas, I don’t like fish. Or anything from the sea for that matter. So, I went with full English breakfast. Bacon, fried eggs, sausage, mushrooms, backed beans, toast, grilled tomatoes…YOU HAVE IT ALL. Have it any meal of the day. Breakfast for dinner is an ultimate meal after all. Hell, have it for all 3 meals. This is peak human intelligence. I mean bacon AND sausage in one meal. UN-BE-LIEVABLE. I’ll be sure to have this when we head cross the pond to London. Oh, and say hi to the Queen for me. WC/496

Gainer Welcomes Home a New Family Member In these interesting times in which we find ourselves, people are doing what they can to keep themselves occupied. For Joseph Gainer of the Mississauga Hounds, the quarantine allowed for him to have a chance to do something he has wanted to do for a long time, welcome a new kitten into his home. When asked about his new addition to his family, this is what Gainer had to say; “I’ve been wanting to get a kitten for a while. We always had one when we were kids, and they brought endless joy.” That statement is one that not many people will disagree with, bringing a pet into the home most times does bring endless joy. So, what took Gainer so long to bring home his new kitten named Peanut, he mentioned not having enough time to properly dedicate to the cat. “During the season I am just travelling too much to bring home a new cat. Especially when they are kittens, but throughout their whole life, you want to be there for your cat, and I don’t want to do this half ass. If you are bringing home a pet, you need to be able to dedicate the time needed to create a smooth transition and healthy environment.” Now, obviously the question on everyone’s mind is “why not a dog?” As Gainer told us, it just doesn’t make logistical sense to get a dog. “A dog requires a lot more care, especially spending time with it, and in my career that just isn’t possible. As such, it is just not right to bring someone in that I can’t properly care for. With a cat it can be left alone when I’m out at practice or games. And when I am away for games, my parents usually come into town to stay at my place, so the cat won’t be alone.” Gainer has been sure to voice caution for those looking to adopt a pet during this time. “Right now, we have been separated from a social life, and we can feel yearning for interactions. Pet adoptions have skyrocketed, as have prices. If you are going to adopt a pet, make sure you understand the responsibilities and commitment that come along with that. These pets are living, intelligent beings that deserve to be treated with respect.” Ultimately, as Gainer said, it will come down to the individual whether or not they purchase a pet during this time. It is, however, prudent advice to take an extra minute to consider the adoption. This new addition to the Gainer family is sure to be a fun one. Gainer made sure to quip at the media that if he plays bad “I’ll blame the cat. Let us see how Steve Simmons spins this one to become more disliked!” Gainer ended by saying, “I’m overjoyed to have a new family member. But I’m sure him and I are more excited to get these playoffs started! Go hounds!!!” WC/500

A Tight Knit Community The VHL has the ability to bring people together and make us all feel close, even during these times of social distancing. What’s amazing about this, other than the fact that the league has members from around the world, is the many ways in which the league connects its members. For many members the main way they connect is through their individual teams, specifically their discord locker rooms. It is the easiest and most economical way to connect large groups of people. But it doesn’t stop there. Consider the multiple ways in which you connect with teammates outside of the locker room. Forum individual messages, replies to different posts on the forum, heck, chatting on the stream during the VHL entry draft. All of these are ways in which members connect. These ways also don’t limit you to only chatting with team members. Locker rooms are filled with alumni players and league staff amongst others. Heck, some members in your locker room may even be a General Manager for another team. This allows for you to branch out into the larger VHL and meet members of other teams. All of this goes to the strengthening of the community fabric found in the VHL and what makes it such a great community. Well this may be the process by which members connect, other activities the league participates in help to build the feeling of community. The first and most obvious is this, using theme weeks, doubles weeks, etc. to bring together the community and have members get to better know one another, especially with the crazy year that 2020 has been (so far). In the locker rooms, mental health is protected and your teammates are always there to help you, even if they are across the world. Another league activity is birthday wishes. Be it in the locker room, or bribed on the forum, the ability of a community to come together and celebrate the birthday of someone they have possibly never met, is incredible. Especially in times where social gatherings are not possible. Finally, being able to contribute as a community to social movements, as we saw this past week, shows how united this community is to good and just causes. This league has been a blessing for me, especially during these teams. Having a place that is such a tight community, which once again is especially important during this time that prevents us from seeing our friends, has helped me manage my time in isolation, and given me a short escape from the world when I login. Eagerly waiting to see game results every night gives me something else to look forward to, and the league has embraced me at whatever pace I have felt comfortable. To league staff, from the commissioners, BOG, to VHL and VHLM GM’s, thank you for all you do to help make this such a safe, jolly, and welcoming community. And to all my fellow members, I hope this league has been as helpful to you as it has been to me. My friends, stay healthy, stay safe and Go Hounds. WC/510

1. Consistent efforts, and not losing the games we should win. (Not trying to state the obvious, but we can't be losing games to Miami (no offence)) 2. Canada (definitely not cheering for us them because I'm on the team ?) 3. Mac. Mac. Mac. Mac. 4. I'm very happy with the team right now. But I understand that you always try to make the team better, so if a move comes up to make us better, I'm all for it. 5. A whopper from burger king with extra onions, no mustard, medium fry from Arby's (large if it's a playoff game), a buster bar from DQ, and a bottle of water (to be healthy). 6. I've been able to slowly increase the number of hours I sleep per day...

1. It makes me feel like our hard work is paying off. It means I will continue to put effort in so that our success can continue. 2. We're pretty even up and down the lineup in terms of effort and stuff we are putting into our players, so I think having relentless waves coming over the boards is a big boost. 3. I think we are still prone to some of last years problems lackadaisical defence leading to some poor defensive games, but we're definitely improving. 4. Team success. There is no i in team. 5. @LastOneUp has been absolutely stellar so far. 6. On the advice of legal counsel I invoke my 5th amendment privilege against self-incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.

How to Properly Dress for A Saturday Night Hockey Game Hockey night in Canada, Saturday Night, HNIC, whatever you call it in Canada, Saturday night means hockey night and there is a certain dress code for that. Below you will find the appropriate attire for Saturday night pregame dress. Let us get into the king of hockey fashion, Austin Matthews for some good and some bad. Let’s start with the good. The hat is good, very good in fact. Fedora is a classic look that can’t go bad. Flat cap and newsboy are other options you can’t go wrong with. To the bad, double breasted blazer is ok on Saturday night ONLY if it is a rivalry game or playoffs. For a standard game, stick to the casual blazer. Now moving on done, the pants are good. Your pants should match the colour of the blazer. Tight or loose are fine, but they must match. Now, getting down to the nitty gritty, WEAR SOCKS PEOPLE. I don’t know where the idea came that it looked good to wear shoes with no socks. You wear socks, BLACK SOCKS. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Finally, to the shoes, go crazy here. This is where you can really go wild. If you feel pretty tame, then just match the shoe colour with the blazer and pant colours. But if you’re feeling on the wild side, slap some brown shoes on and go wild. The world is your oyster. Remember, Saturday night hockey is a national treasure that must be protected. Let’s not sully it up with bright suits or beanies, or mismatching suits. Oh, and by the way, I had to look up what half these words meant. I wasn’t sure blazer was the correct term, so maybe take my advice as a grain of salt. WC/306

The Bob Father: The Return of Gainer Welcome back to the newest iteration of The Bob Father, Bob McKenzie’s long form sit down interview with VHL athletes. This feature includes the return of Mississauga Hounds player and Toronto Legion prospect Joseph Gainer. Bob Father: Joseph, welcome back. It’s great to be able to talk to you again. Gainer: Always a pleasure to talk to you Bob. Bob Father: It’s been a big last few weeks for you. Drafted by Toronto in the VHL, and Mississauga in the VHLM. You’ve also had a great start to the season. But the first question I have is this, we head you turned down an offer to sit down with Darren Dreger on his Dreger Café show. Can you tell us why you turned it down? Gainer: Dreger is a mouthpiece for Paul Marner. Bob Father: …ok, seems like there is a lot to unpack there. Let’s move on. You are in your sophomore season of the VHLM and are with the same club. How different does it feel compared to last season? Gainer: It’s pretty different. I think first and foremost we’ve already been a little bit more successful in these early days this season. As far as being in my second year, I just kind of know better what to expect now. The flow of the season, managing the highs and lows, I’m able to draw on experience from last year to better manage these situations. Bob Father: Your team had a fair amount of turn over. How have you been able to handle that? Gainer: It stinks that we lost the guys that we did in the draft, but I think it’s important to note that that is what makes it so important to play your hardest game in and game out. It’s virtually impossible that the next season you will with the same group the next season, so you have to cherish every moment you have with your teammates. This year’s group of guys is great, and we’ve gelled very well. Bob Father: You and @LastOneUp were drafted back to back by Toronto. What has it been like playing with a future VHL teammate? Gainer: Ha, it’s been awesome. Mac's a great player and teammate. Now to get into it further, we don’t play on the same line very often, so we haven’t been able to play with each other a lot. But that doesn’t change the fact that just being around him is awesome. Learning from him, training with him, it’s awesome to create a relationship with him, and know it will be there when we make the jump to Toronto. Bob Father: Take about the start to the season. As a team, individually, how has it gone. Gainer: As a team it’s gone about as well as we could hope. We’ve been able to get some good wins and learn from our losses. I’d rather make our mistakes and fix them now than in the playoffs. Individually I got off to a little bit of a slow start, but I’m starting to get into gear now. I think it’s just important to keep playing and not overthink it too much. Obviously putting up 10 shots a game and not scoring like I was during the beginning of the season wasn’t great, but I’ve seemed to rectify that now. Hopefully we can keep building momentum and make a run in the playoffs. Bob Father: Well as always Joseph, thanks for taking the time to sit down and chat. I look forward to chatting at the end of the season with you again. Gainer: Always a pleasure Bob. Thanks again. WC/610

DUDE!!! VERY NICE!! YOU DA BEST!!

ID: 2EL57140RG264932G ($15) Doubles Week Free Week 5 Uncapped TPE