Greetings, VHL!
By now, a handful of you probably know who I am one way or another.
If you don’t, then hi, I’m fishy!!!!!!
After a lot of thought and back and forths, I’ve decided to make this announcement. I’ve spent so much mental and emotional energy thinking about how you all would react to it and worrying whether I would be alienated from the community as a result of sharing this with all of you. After rolling the idea around in my head for a little over a month and a couple discussions with folks in this league, I’ve come to realize that it’s not worth the stress or worry that I’ve been giving it.
With that being said, I’d like to make a public notice that I’ve come out as non-binary and am requesting that you refer to me with they/them pronouns from this point forward.
I know that this topic may be unfamiliar to a lot of you, which is why I’m going to take this opportunity to educate you, to the best of my ability as someone who is still learning, about what this experience has been like and means to me. I know this post is long, but I kindly ask that you skim through it.
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What does it mean to be non-binary?
This is a really big question, especially because non-binary is an umbrella term under “transgender.” I am only me, which means that I can only speak on behalf of my own experience and what it means to me as an individual, not everyone in the community. I realized that I was non-binary when I felt disconnected from she/her pronouns and traditional signs of womanhood. Without going into a lot of detail, I don’t feel that identifying as a cisgender* woman is the most true & honest representation of myself. To be non-binary is to identify outside of a “man” or “woman” label. Here’s the best representation I can give you:
Think of gender as a spectrum, looking something like this:
[ --------------------------------------------------------------]
Man Woman
For me, my gender exists outside of that “woman” area. Different people have different understandings of where the boundaries for man and woman are. Here’s a visible representation of where I feel like I exist on the gender spectrum:
[ --------------------------------[---------------]---------------]
Man Woman
*: To be cisgender is to identify with the gender that traditionally correlates with your birth sex. For example, my body has female biology, which means that my sex is female. To be cisgender would mean that my gender identity would be woman. The majority of people you talk to are probably cisgender.
What’s the difference between sex and gender?
Sex is biological, and gender is social. Someone’s sex is typically determined by their bodies. Gender is typically assigned in accordance with a person’s sex.
The issue is that many people understand these two different identities as the same thing. However, gender only exists because we, as humans, decided it does. That’s it. That’s the only reason.
I don’t want to go into a lot of detail here in order to avoid simply ranting, but I’m happy to discuss it further if you’d like to talk more about it.
Well, they/them are the third-person plural form, and you’re only one person.
You may not realize it, but English speakers actually use they/them in the singular quite often. Here’s an example:
Person 1: “Oh, yeah, my cousin really liked that movie!”
Person 2: “What was their favorite part? Did they think that the ending was as epic as I did?!”
Feels natural, right? I do recognize that it feels odd to use they/them intentionally, but it’s not as weird when you realize you already do it.
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I understand how confused you may be. I also recognize that, if you’ve gotten used to referring to me with she/her, that it may be difficult to make the mental switch.
I also understand that this may be something you still feel really uncomfortable with. For that reason, although I strongly prefer they/them, it’s okay with me if you continue to use she/her. However, I ask that, if you do make this decision, you do so consciously and work to educate yourself on trans experiences. This post barely scratches the surface, and I’m only one person who can only speak on behalf of my own experiences. Additionally, if you do continue to use she/her, I ask that you make a point to refrain from using words like “girl,” “woman,” “girlfriend,” or the likes out of respect for that fact that I do not identify with those terms.
I will not tolerate intentionally disrespectful or transphobic comments, and I will not hesitate to report anyone who ventures into that territory. I’m confident that my trust in you all is not misplaced. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me, whether in this thread, on Discord, or in a PM on forums, with any questions you may have about the topic in general, my experience, or just questions you’re afraid to ask someone else for fear of it being hurtful. Regardless of how stupid you think they may be , I am more than happy to talk with you about it - if you don’t have someone in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about these topics, I am very happy to fill that role. The best thing we can do for the trans community is to talk about it, especially in a constructive way.
With much anxiety & relief, I’m ending this post. Thank you all for creating a community where I feel willing to come forward with this.
Peace,
fishy
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