dogwoodmaple

For many, pizza is one of their favorite foods. The versatility, the toppings, everything about it seemingly calls to everyone as a universal love. Unfortunately for rookie phenom Maple Dogwood, he's firmly in that group. "I've always loved pizza. Thin crust, deep dish, wood fired, coal, it doesn't matter. I've always said that even bad pizza is still pretty good, and it's something that I'd even consider as my final meal if I could. That's where all these problems started, though," Dogwood said. Because of his prowess on the ice and his affinity for pizza, Maple signed an endorsement deal with a local pizzeria, Pete's Pizza. But what seemed like a match made in heaven quickly turned into a dystopian hellscape. "My agent hooked me up with Pete's Pizza and it all seemed pretty straight forward. I was going to shoot a couple of commercials, a radio spot here and there, and some in-person grand opening stuff and that was it. It seemed like a great deal, a lot of cash for not a ton of work. Not to mention that I love everything pizza. So what's not to love?" The first week of this arrangement went incredibly smoothly for all parties. Maple filmed the first commercial and things went off without a hitch, but the following week's grand opening was where things went off the rails. Maple met the owner of a newly opened store at 10:00 AM on a Saturday where they were running a grand opening discount. Everyone who came between 11:00 AM and 8:00 PM got a free slice of pizza and Maple was there to help raise awareness and bring some fans in. Maple even did some behind the scenes filming where they prepared the day's pizzas which was the first mistake. "The owner had me making some dough and I thought I was following his instructions, but apparently I way over-proofed the dough and it started to rise so much that it quickly burst out of its container and started swallowing up the entire room. Not only that, but it knocked over a cauldron of piping hot sauce, which then spilled their 500 gallon tank or fresh mozzarella. The result was a lava type concoction that started pouring out of the kitchen and was flowing towards the front of the store," Maple said. We heard from an eye witness who gave us a firsthand account of how bad the damage was. "I'm just there trying to get some free pizza and meet my favorite hockey player and all of the sudden I see an enormous, steaming river of molten sauce and cheese racing towards everyone waiting in line. It was heading towards us so fast that we barely had time to react. We all started screaming and running for the hills. I'm never supporting Pete's Pizza or Dogwood again. I almost lost my life. It's ruined pizza for me forever, especially when I saw the pizza lava engulf someone's car and melt it down," the eyewitness said. "Look, it was an honest mistake! I mean I feel terrible, but it could've happened to anyone. Of course I agreed to pay to renovate that location and pay for that one car to be fixed," Maple said. A Pete's Pizza spokesperson confirmed that their contractual relationship with Maple was cancelled immediately.

1. I would love some coffee mugs! 2. Unfortunately not, but I have other sport memorabilia 3. We will persevere! 4. 6'1" and that seemed like the right size, hopefully! 5. 82 I think? You'd think I'd remember with all the jerseys I've sold! 6. Nah, but if we win the title I'll get a cup tattoo

Maple Dogwood never thought the handful of flying lessons he took as a teenager would ever come in handy. He was mistaken. After one of their recent road trips, Maple and the rest of the team was flying home on one of the team's private jets when disaster struck. About two hours into the three hour flight, the pilot got terribly ill. At first he thought it was just something he could shake off, but he quickly because too sick to continue with some sort of stomach bug. Soon, the first officer also started complaining of the same thing. Then the flight attendants and the entirety of the coaching staff, roster, and everyone on the plane. Everyone except Maple Dogwood, that is. "I was so tired after the last game that I immediately fell asleep once we were airborne. I guess I even slept through the food they served because I think I was the only one who didn't eat anything. Must've been something wrong with it because it was like a horror movie. Everyone was throwing up, it was horrible," Dogwood said. In the midst of all the chaos and the mess, the responsibility fell to Dogwood to try and land jet and get everyone home in one piece. He quickly jumped into the cockpit and got on the radio. "They asked if I had any flying experience and luckily I did. Unfortunately, it was on a single engine Cessna and never anything as big as the jet we were on. When my dad and I did the lessons all those years ago, I never imagined they would be useful. To be completely honest, I never even really liked flying. I was prone to air sickness, which is why we only took a handful of lessons. I could take off okay, but landing it a whole other ballgame," Maple said. After getting his bearings and with some help from the air traffic controller, Maple felt comfortable enough to at least try to land the plane. "I was trying to come up with any option that didn't involve landing, trust me. I thought about that scene from 'Air Force One' where everyone escaped with parachutes but the pilots laughed when I suggested it. There were never any parachutes on these flights and we were flying far too low, anyways. I was convinced there was no way we would get out of this alive, but the air traffic controllers were phenomenal," Dogwood explained. Between the air traffic controllers and the help of the lesser-sick of the two pilots, Dogwood was able to maintain their heading and eventually touch down at the airport with only a slight bump or two. When paramedics came on board to help evacuate everyone, they were horrified by the sights and smells of what would later be dubbed the "Flight From Hell". When asked about his harrowing journey, Dogwood said it was hard to put into words. "First off, I'm glad I fell asleep and didn't eat that airplane food. Second, I'm just thankful that I had help getting that bird on the ground. Hopefully I don't ever have to sit in the cockpit of an aircraft ever again. I'm happy to sit back with my feet up and just enjoy the flight."

1. I would mandate a relocation to Atlanta, no questions asked. 2. I think trading gets more value, but also can be riskier 3. Honestly? No. I like all the ones we have. 4. Four more, with at least one team in Atlanta 5. Lost in Translation 6. No and yes!

1. Myself, clearly! You gotta love the best! 2. I'll go with the Colorado Avalanche 3. My OG was Dogwood Maple so this just seemed like a national progression to Maple Dogwood. 4. Atlanta. We need representation down here! 5. Gotta be the 21st. Always liked that one. 6. Vancouver is classic, but I'll go with Helsinki

17!!!

This offseason, Helsinki Titans superstar forward Maple Dogwood made his way to the United Kingdom as a guest star on the latest season of the Great British Baking Show. "Growing up, I was always in the kitchen with my parents helping them out and really took a liking to all things baking. Plus, I have a massive sweet tooth and love to cook up concoctions. Last year, I made my wife a four-layer birthday cake that was completely from scratch. The cake, the icing, even the sprinkles! And it was absolutely delicious. It ruined the kitchen for like a week, but the cake was top notch. One of the things that drew me to Bake Off was that you have these great kitchens to work in and someone comes after you and cleans everything up!" Dogwood said with a grin. After getting approval from his Helsinki coaching staff, Maple set off for the UK and started filming. Unfortunately for the future Hall of Famer, things did not start or end well. During the first episode, the contestants were tasked with making a classic creme brulee - something Dogwood had made a thousand times before. "Creme brulee is pretty basic and I felt really confident in my baking skills. But things started to go awry when it came time to brulee the top. Everyone got these miniature blow torches and they were acting like they were professionals with them - I'd never seen this kind in my life! I had no clue how to use it, how hot it would get, nothing. So I'm over here trying to light mine and apparently I was just letting off a ton of gas from the torch and then boom. An explosion." The entire baking tent was engulfed in smoke and immediately they halted filming. Fortunately, nobody was injured and the fire was able to be extinguished rather quickly, but it still shook Maple nonetheless. "After that, they told me I could still be on the show and stuff like that had happened before, but I was really nervous to give it another go. Not to mention that we had to essentially shoot the entire episode over again, which made me feel really bad for the rest of my competitors. But I thought that I've come this far I was due one mulligan. Unfortunately, I needed another," Dogwood said. During the re-filming, Maple got the sugar crystalized, but while the judges were going through their grading process, he put down his blow torch and accidentally set it to 'auto' mode. Unbeknownst to everyone, it was also right next to some flimsy fabrics and very close to the edge of the tent itself. As Paul Hollywood was grading the competitor directly next to Dogwood, the flames jumped and singed off Paul's beloved eyebrows and caught the entire tent on fire. Again, everyone made it out unharmed, but that was the last straw for Dogwood. The show's hosts offered him a deal - leave now and they would destroy all the tape they had already filmed. That was something Dogwood could not pass up. "I think it worked out best for everyone that I left. And I hope my fellow competitors enjoyed the rest of their time on the show. They did get a nice new tent and facilities out of it, courtesy of yours truly..."

1. Painstakingly go through the last 25 Hall of Fame players to study their builds and strategy to create the proverbial Michael Jordan of the league. 2. Couch or my office, great for relaxing. 3. I last rode a bike in 2022 on a beach trip. Didn't realize it had been that long! 4. Absolutely. I never stepped on the baselines when I played baseball. 5. The closest local pub to drink with the unwashed masses 6. That I don't have any weaknesses

1. We're still alive! All I can hope for. 2. We'll shift this to 94, but I really can't complain at all about my performance. Just happy to help any way I can. 3. For 95, I want to improve my endurance and stamina. 4. I'm quite happy with my team right now! 5. I honestly don't, but I always enjoy watching the legends play 6. Fall and winter easily. Football season and football weather.

9P434475NT989641N 5 uncapped Doubles Week Free Week (12 TPE Capped)

1. I think it was most certainly not my fault 2. For me the team is all about the camaraderie and closeness of the players. They won't go far without it 3. I think we have a chance to win the whole thing this season, no doubt 4. For me, I've enjoyed all of my scouting discussions. 5. I'll always be a 21st at heart! 6. If my next player is lucky enough to head back there, I'll be thrilled

In what has been called one of the most heroic moments of the last century, Cologne's Maple Dogwood yet again found himself on the front page of every major newspaper in the country. As a part of Dogwood's longstanding relationship with the Atlanta Humane Society, an organization which he pledges more than one million dollars to each season, he found himself in a unique position. Dogwood was doing his weekly dogwalking duties of the dogs who have been at the humane society the longest when he heard something unsettling. "Usually all the dogs are barking constantly. Anybody who has ever been to the pound or a pet adoption knows this. They're always howling, barking, and all that. That was no different this morning until all of the sudden the barks stopped. I mean, immediately. No growls, no barks, no howls, no nothing. I thought it was really strange since a lot of the dogs are scared in here and it's just not like them to be quiet. That's when I figured something must be wrong. I checked the power, which was fine. Then I checked all the water lines, and all those were fine as well. But just then, I smelled it. It was a gas leak," Dogwood said. It turns out that the Atlanta Humane Society recently had some renovations done and one of the gas lines was knicked. It was only a pinhole leak, but it had continually built up until it was noticeable to both the dogs and Dogwood. "The second I smelled it, I knew I had to act fast. I immediately went to every enclosure and leashed up all the dogs and took them outside, one by one. We have a large fenced in yard outside so it was a great place to keep them all safe. Not all of the dogs wanted to leave, but I was able to get every one of them leashed up and outside to the yard. We made sure they had plenty of water and food to try and keep them as least stressed as possible. But then I knew we had an even bigger problem - we were a spark away from blowing up," Dogwood said. As the Express forward did a final sweep of the facility and awaited for the authorities to arrive, he heard a very soft bark coming from the back of the building. As it turns out, one of the dogs had gotten out of his enclosure but ran off in the confusion and chaos of Dogwood trying to get all the dogs to safety. "The small Pomeranian was scared to death and eventually let me get close enough to grab it and run outside. I was able to flag down the police who showed up with someone from the gas company and some contractors to fix the problem. Fortunately, they patched the leak and said the Humane Society could resume operations in the next day or so," Dogwood said. That's wasn't good enough for Maple, however. As a result of his harrowing experience and resulting fame that came from his daring rescue, these dogs became famous and every single one of them was adopted within 24 hours. All but that last Pomeranian, who went home with Dogwood himself. "I just couldn't let him go, it felt like fate," Maple said.

1. We always try to give it our all, no matter the opponent or situation. I'm confident we'll continue to play well! 2. My main goal will always be team performance, but I can't complain about my own play. 3. Has to be our consistent offensive playmaking 4. Our coaches definitely put us in position to win with their adjustments, that's for sure. 5. It really feels like we're starting to gel as a team 6. The main thing we need to focus on is our defensive lapses. Those can't happen

1. We were always a big sports family but not really into hockey growing up. 2. My expectations are just to have fun, enjoy the ride, and hopefully win a bunch of games. 3. HOF or not, I'm just trying to enjoy my time here. 4. Who can even really say? 5. Let's go with the Helsinki Titans. Number 27, always liked wearing that one. 6. Consistency is key, moving a little bit on a consistent basis will work wonders.

Maple Dogwood, known around the league for his rather unusual off the ice antics, made waves again this week with yet another foray into entrepreneurship. On Saturday, he became the spokesperson for a car dealership in his hometown of Atlanta as he inked a deal with Ferrari of Georgia. What was supposed to be a rather simple sponsorship agreement turned into an abject disaster just hours later. "I'm honestly not sure if the ink was dry on the contract I signed, but I sure as heck hope so. It all happened so fast and I just can't believe how it all transpired," Dogwood said. After the agreement was signed, Dogwood was set to tour the dealership and shoot some promotional material and do a quick interview where he would be driving one of the Ferraris while the interview was taking place. The drive itself went off without a hitch, but then the entire world came crumbling down just moments later. "So we wrap up the interview and then the show me where to park the Ferrari and I park it. It's on this big hill, but I don't really think about that too much. I could hear someone yelling something about a brake, but I told them that my foot was still on the brake, because I was about to park it. They kept yelling about parking and brake, but I just yelled back that I did, in fact, park the car. Anyways, I was the last one out and then I felt myself moving forwards. In reality, it was the car that was moving backwards. I'm glad I wasn't in it, but it started to roll back down the hill towards the entire inventory. I raced down the hill to try and jump in the car to stop it, but my head coach was there and he was telling me not to because he was worried I'd get hurt. So the car just kept slowly rolling straight into a massive group of maybe 50 Ferraris. I thought it was just going to be some body damage, which is what I told the guy next to me who looked physically ill," Maple Dogwood said. But as it turns out, it was more than just some dents. When the Ferrari he was riding in collided with the other cars, there was a spark and then the entire inventory went up in flames. The explosion could be heard for miles away and the owner of the dealership had to be transported to the hospital following some significant chest pains he sustained from watching the ordeal. "I just feel awful about it. In hindsight, I can see now that they were reminding me to put the parking brake on, but I guess it's a little too late for that now. I told the owner of the dealership that I would pay for all the damage, until one of this executives gave me a rough figure on how much that would be. Then I told him we'd have to talk to the lawyers. Needless to say, I was immediately terminated from my spokesmanship and I think they even passed an internal official rule which forbids me from ever buying a car from any of their dealerships worldwide. I don't know if that's even legal," Dogwood said. The star VHLE rookie forward was uninjured in this ordeal and says he hopes Ferrari can simply forgive and forget. There has been no official comment from Ferrari. 580