Thunder

Oslo Storm Press Conference 5/9/2022 What is the coolest thing your player has done so far in their career? Could be a good game, season, media spot, or graphic. The choice is yours! 9 blocked shots the other day in a game we won. That was cool! How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them? 30+ years. Went on a date, took her out to dinner and then to the beach. Didnt expect to make it last but now I’m stuck with her. Because the Storm fans are so fanatical, Oslo is expanding into eSports! Which game would you like to see Oslo compete in? What is your favorite outfit to wear? Synchronized disc golf. Shorts and t shirt What is something that you’re not addicted to but still wouldn’t want to live without? Ha ha. VHL Say you have to listen to a song at least once per day for the rest of your life. Which song? Why? Achy Breaky Heart. It’s my favorite aunt’s favorite song and she’s a nut. This Saturday is both National Archery Day and National Miniature Golf Day. If you had to do one or the other, which would you choose? If there was food at the other end of the arrow, archery day; otherwise I’d play miniature golf. Who is your favorite cartoon character? For extra fun, just describe them without giving their name and we can try to guess who it is. “He’s rough, he’s tough. The bad guys say enough, he’s …… ….” 2 words both begin with “A”. Good luck. Its not on TV but I have it on Apple TV. Which language that you don’t know already would you like to learn? Why? Been learning Spanish for years. Still working on it. Getting there but too many words I dont know. Gotta be able to speak with wife’s family.

5/3/22 - Oslo Press Conference 1. Have you guys done your Prospect Scouting Report? I need to do mine before the season is over, I almost forgot about it entirely. When I answer with, “What is prospect scouting report?” That is the answer. When do we do it? During E season? I’ve done so many articles I dont know what i have and havent done. 2. We all love ice hockey, but have you ever played street hockey? What about field hockey? Yes, yes. Street hockey as a kid and field hockey in PE. 3. Do you like surprises? Both being surprised or surprising others count here, I think. Not a fan of being surprised, especially a party or celebration, but I like it when others are surprised! 4. Are you a personality test person? 'Which Harry Potter House' style or the clinical kind? (I'm an enneagram 9, if anyone knows what that means) You’re not gonna like this but I’ve never read harry potter or seen an entire harry potter movie. 5. Did your favorite NHL team make the playoffs? Tell me how you feel about it. Yes, but getting spanked by Carolina in game 1 doesnt make me too confident. 6. What is your favorite meal to cook? Depends on the meal. I will pick breakfast. Sausage, eggs, homefries, pancakes, bacon, english muffins. Any and all combinations of the above items.

This is for all who have recently read @Platerecent article about Shindigs writing 11 articles in a week, totally dominating the .com forum and coming up with topic after topic as if he has nothing else on his mind other than VHL and documenting whatever is in his brain. The question is…. Shindig an overworker or an overachiever? Or can he be both? @Shindigsis one of the well established members of VHL. He has been one of my “GO TO” for questions and advice as I navigate through this game. Who knows how many others reach out to him for answers, which just puts more on his plate and gives him more to do. He’s leading the Las Vegas Aces as GM all the while he’s dealing with his team captain’s idiosyncrasies, @dylanjj37. And now he’s on an article spree. Does shindigs sleep? Does shindigs have a life? Plate was spot on with his article identifying the productive week by shindigs. And if you ever read his posts on discord as he motivates @dylanjj37to get his TPE done for the week, shindigs is typing away creating yet another week of articles for all to read. Perhaps shindigs’ AGM, @eagle_3450could slow shindigs down a bit so burn out doesnt come up too soon. What would we all do if shindigs wasn’t available to respond to our trivial needs? And lastly, there is still the highly anticipated fight yet to occur between @Scurvyand @Shindigs, when the two meet on the ice. The Vegas odds are currently in shindigs favor 5 to 2. I have dumped all of my salary into this bet and cannot wait for the stars to align and the battle to occur. Now, its up to all of you to decide. Is shindigs an overworker or overachiever?

1. We had a tough 0-3 sim yesterday and are currently in a 5 game losing streak. What do you think needs to change to get back to a winning format? Not sure. We have the team to compete. Just not getting the breaks. Tweaking something might change things. Of course, if our GM would stop fighting against us!! At least it was a draw. 2. David Tavau is, as of writing, 9th in the league in terms of shots blocked. What do you think about his efforts? A true STAR. He keeps us in games and is the engine keeping the team going. 3. We have a lot of draft capital this season. What do you think the team is missing? Well, its a new hybrid season, so no need to get too wrapped up in results. Keep with GM plan and things will work out. 4. Hey how's it going? I'm your new AGM! How do you feel about me coming back from the dead and being your AGM? I didnt know you were dead. Just jiggly. Welcome back. Help the GM and team all you can, and if you play against your team please dont fight!! 5. What's your favorite childhood TV show? Gilligan’s Island 6. Hot chocolate or coffee? Hot chocolate when skiing, snowboarding, or hunting. Coffee when getting on discord in the morning, or with dessert after dinner.

https://imgur.com/GCqZnZM

Congrats. Looking forward to being on the team next season.

1. How many discs to you own? 2. What is your favorite course and why? 3. What goals do you have to be a GM and what changes would you expect of your AGM? 4. What draws you to stay active in the VHL? 5. Xbox or Playstation? 6. Venison or Elk? Thats a start!

Graphic Review Everytime I do a graphic review I find how talented people are on this site. Everything about this graphic is like its meant to be and is placed perfectly where it belongs. I’m not sure how much time you spent on it but you’ve got artistic talent. The player jumps out right away with the bright colors and the jersey logo looks like it was sewn on there and is perfectly placed. I like the angle of the player too as it blends right into the black and white background. The seriousness of the face builds on the focus of the player and contributes to the graphic in a realistic way that gives the viewer the impression that this player is a contender and means business. The choice of font and the size is proportionate to the overall graphic. It complements the graphic and adds to the professional look. The splatter is not reckless and is not overly thrown onto the graphic, but without it there might be something missing. The size of the dots are just right and once again, they complement the graphic. I have nothing to say that can lower your score. Great graphic. Score 10/10

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve flipped any crap on Brian Payne, and I was trying to think of something to write about to get the 2 TPE, so I decided its time to throw some mud on the wall and see what sticks. If you know Scurvy, then you know he’s dedicated to the league, his team, and building the best player he can be to contribute all he can. He busts his ass to max TPE every week and fights to get it done. He’s competitive and wants to win. And that brings me to this discussion. Warsaw is struggling right now and Brian Payne feels like he’s not contributing like he could be, and because he’s not contributing, he’s responsible for Warsaw’s overall results. He’s got the numbers on his build to have solid games but whatever is going on in STHS land right now, its frustrating the hell out of him. He wants to do it all. His life history won’t let him be a timid, weakling defenseman. He’s got to be a hitter, a punisher, and a leader. As a rookie, its taking longer than he expects and with the new hybrid, its even harder for Payne to be the player he wants to be. He’s got the build right now to put up good numbers in hits and shots blocked, and he’s putting up impressive numbers. But, not to him. It’s never enough for Brian Payne and the “Payne Train.” Payne is in the top 10 in shots blocked, and is close to making the list for hits. His discipline or lack thereof is evident as he’s currently #2 in penalty minutes, and he’s yet to get into a fight. Ahh, the lack of fights, another category Payne sees himself as falling short. If he can’t contribute with goals or assists right now, a few fights would surely give Payne some comfort knowing he contributes in other ways. Until he drops the gloves, Payne is going to be on edge. He’ll go through the motions and he will present a hell of a good front, but deep down inside is a storm brewing like a gallon of tequila bubbling in the inner stomach. Picture a bull being let out to pasture after spending the winter with his head in a stanchion. That’s what’s happening to Brian Payne right now. Be patient. That’s the only advice that can be given to him. He’d say the same to anyone on the right track. Well, this article didn’t go as planned. I intended on ragging on him and coming up with one liners to highlight his meager performance, but I couldn’t do it. Brian Payne is going to shine and become a star for the Predators. He’d probably rebuild if he hadn’t already done so, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s progressing slowly and will continue to do so. The only satisfaction I can get out of this, besides the 2 TPE, is when Payne gets in his first fight, he loses his ass! That will make it all worth while! And to top it off is if his first fight and first loss was to Bo Johansson. How cool would that be!

Surprised that your captain didnt make it in the article… @dylanjj37has got to be the theme of your next article.

4/25/22 - Oslo Press Conference 1. Our bots are on fire right now, should we name them? What would be a fun name scheme for them? How about Seinfeld characters. What better way to rub it in the opponents faces to have Kramer be the first star. 2. Do you nap? Do you think your player would take a pregame nap? Depending on where I am at, I will sometimes enjoy a little nap. Especially if I’m by the pool in the sun. As far as a pregame nap, no way. Napping would require doing warm ups all over again. 3. We have to travel around Europe a lot for games - what’s your favorite way to travel long distances? In a window seat on an airplane with my headphones on and no interference from little kids kicking the seat behind me. 4. What’s your favorite way to travel short distances? Shotgun. Unless my wife is in the car, then I have to drive. 5. Which super power would you want to give to your player? Lightning speed. There would be no icing. The goalie would not be able to react fast enough for my moves, and I would steal the puck all the time. 6 What is your favorite afternoon snack? It all depends on where I’m at and what I had for lunch. Usually a banana takes care of my afternoon snack, unless I feel the need for salt, in that case it will be walnuts and cheese. Don’t ask how that satisfies the salt desire!

1. We have started the season 3-6-1, how do you feel about this start? Of course I’d like to see all wins and no losses. The games have been good though. Some 1 goal games that could have gone either way. If this is a rebuilding year, then I guess its what to be expected. 2. Who on the team has impressed you the most so far this season? Boris. He’s a stud in goal. Great save %. 3. What VHL team has had the most surprising start to the season? I didnt think Vancouver was going to fall out of the tops so quickly. 4. Our AGM @N0HBDY is now the Geneva Rush GM, do you have an parting words for them? Best of luck to you and I hope you do very well as GM. 5. What is your favourite meal you have had in the last week? Carnitas tacos Saturday night. Finally got all the toppings to go with the tacos. 6. Is water wet? Not necessarily. It’s more so whatever water is adhering to that is wet.

Magazine is in the works. Just trying the find the right centerfold.

https://imgur.com/rRXmABq

D - Brian Payne Up next @qripll

So sorry to hear that @BrutalBoost. Not easy dealing with those things. Quality of life. I have a quad brother in a nursing home. Take care.

Hope she’s ok. Don’t know you but still dont like hearing about anyone’s mom being sick.

D - Bo Johansson @chikn up next

F - Bogdan Trunov @qripll up next

Have you ever had a night when you just couldn’t sleep? No matter how hard you try to get the badly needed rest, you just can’t, and closing your eyes does nothing. Well, last night that was me. And since recreational drugs is not an option for me, I could only do one thing. I got up, went out to the family room and turned on the tele. While channel surfing I came upon ESPN Ocho, channel 595 for those on the same satellite system as me. On ESPN Ocho, there was a professional disc golf tournament taking place. Now, I only recently heard about disc golf from the Oslo AGM @ctots, who by the way, is a lot more knowledgeable and skillful in the sport than he led us to believe. In fact, ctots is a highly ranked disc golfer. He has sponsors, a caddy, a group of followers who trailed with him for all 18 holes. At first, I didnt recognize ctots because of all the sponsorship apparel he was wearing and the disc golf equipment he was provided. Ctots was sporting a Sports Neutron Tesla ball cap, Oakley sunglasses, a Black Zombie polo, Sketcher’s Disc Golf Shoes, and a Garmin GPS Disc Golf watch. The dude was covered in coin. He was definitely someone who looked the part and played the part. And as the fan favorite got to every tee, ctots didnt disappoint. He was on fire. it was as if every throw he made was done so with such flair and precision, he could do nothing wrong. He was on fire! All the other pro disc golfers were in awe when ctots threw his Innova driver, out distancing them all. The announcer, Lindsay Czarniak, was so impressed with ctots, it got a little uncomfortable for her co-announcer, Chris Berman. Berman stumbled as he tried to do his trademark, “He could go all the way.” Ctots impressed the crowd with his anhyzer throws and incredible air bounces. The highlight was on hole #17, when ctots let his driver glide and appeared to be an intentional kick off a huge cedar tree on the right side of the fairway, causing the disc to overstable from the hyper throw and then become a long roller right into the circle. As ctots walked up to his disc, the crowd lined up along both edges of the fairway were bowing to the king of disc golf as Berman was yelling “We’re no worthy!” Ctots decided to show off his incredible skills as he took his putter and tossed an understable a good 20 feet in the wrong direction of the hole, only to have the disc circle back and splash into the chains for another eagle. The fans were ecstatic, Lindsay Czarniak was crying with joy, and Chris Berman was stunned by such brilliance. For those interested in learning more about ctots and his professional career in Disc Golf, he can be reached by clicking @ctotsor he is often found in the Oslo Storm and Bratislava locker rooms. This article was written for the 2 tpe!

1. Oslo finished last in the E last season, but we’re on the rebound. How many positions will we gain in the standings this season? There is no way to go but up. And since we are going up, why dont we jump up 7 places and finish on top. 2. Are you planning to focus your stats anywhere specific this season? Right now I am trying to figure out how to maximize the abilities and will see how I can contribute to the team. I still have a free re-roll so will use it if I have to. Looking to be best defender I can be. 3. Who do you think might make a good rival for Oslo this season? Whoever is ahead of us until we are in the lead, then whoever is right behind us. There is no need to be nice to anyone in the league. They are all enemies! 4. The LR found out I like disc golf, what’s a hobby you have outside of hockey? After discovering disc golf, it’s likely that it will be a hobby of mine soon! Other than that, I like to work out. I’m gonna say of the workouts, hot yoga is kind of a hobby. It’s tough though having to fight off the cougars trying to trap me in the corner to get a taste of my sweat. 5. What’s the largest amount of money you’ve ever found? How’d you find it? About $400,000. I’m not at liberty to say as the statute of limitations is not up yet. 6. There is a big pile of candy at my house, and there might be one at yours, too. What types of candy do you like best? A particular brand? Chocolate, caramel, fruit, sour, or something totally different? Depending on the sweet tooth and time of year…. Caramel is good, as well as sweet chewies. Can always fall back to Milky Way. But in reality I go in spurts where I can go months without a piece of candy. I’m weak if I start eating candy though so keep it out of our house.

G - Xavier Booberry @chiknup next

The new satellite phone isn’t working, neither is the state of the art technology with constant location tracking on the luxury yacht owned by Las Vegas Aces Captain Juan Ceson. The direction of the ship was taken over by the 84 year old ice resurfacer, Rico Zamboni, who recently gave notice to Shindigs and decided to be a full time squatter on the luxury sea liner, “The Juanita”. Without any indications to the whereabouts of the ship, and no means of communicating with Zamboni, this has gotten Juan Ceson a little worried. At what point is he going to declare that Rico Zamboni is lost at sea. Ceson and Shindigs have reached out to port authorities from Barcelona to Buenos Aires to try to locate the Las Vegas Aces yacht. The Aces general manager has replaced his paperwork of strategic affairs and drafts on his desk with a large nautical map of the world. Juan Ceson, Aces distinguished team captain, has not slept in days and his performance on the ice is beginning to show it. Critics around the Las Vegas club have already thrown out potential excuses for not winning the cup if Rico Zamboni and the majestic vessel aren’t found soon. Juan Ceson reported that the last conversation he had with Zamboni, was on VHLE draft night, which Zamboni was watching the Season 83 draft from the hot tub filled with specially flown in rehydrating Icelandic natural spring water, located on the 3rd deck of The Juanita. Ceson and Zamboni shared their thoughts and predictions. Ceson recollected how Zamboni was thrilled to see Leandro Goncalves go #1 to Vasteras, and with Ivan Retoslav getting picked up in the #2 spot, Zamboni told Ceson that an Aces prodigy on any team is going to bump the quality of the team. He told Ceson as the draft continued to stick with Shindigs and keep producing quality skaters for the VHLE. Ceson was proud to have trained Retoslav at Las Vegas and took credit for Retoslav’s success. Retoslav’s agent is the AGM for the GM expert Shindigs. Zamboni was surprised that Istanbul selected Ryuji Sakamoto in the #3 spot, given the high likelihood that Sakamoto will be called up the VHL Toronto Legion. Given the players available Zamboni agreed with Ceson that it might be worth the risk for Istanbul to grab Sakamoto, especially with the #4 pick, which also went to Istanbul. By selecting Siyan Yasilievich, Istanbul is sure to have a solid lineup for season 83. Another surprise came on the 5th pick, which Zamboni expected the Watchmen to go with Brian Kowalski, but instead they went with Baxter Arcanum. Zamboni predicted that Arcanum may have some loyalty issues being the Oslo AGM, and there could possibly be some trading going on during the season. However, Zamboni added, if Bratislava holds onto Baxter Arcanum, it’s likely they will be in contention for the trophy. Istanbul had the 6th pick, and they didn’t waste any time grabbing Calen McKay. Zamboni had high praises for this selection and added that McKay is sure to score a lot of points and can most definitely put Istanbul in contention this season. Geneva GM NOBHDY, was delighted to find Brian Kowalski available at #7 and picked up the well balanced forward bringing some experience and puck handling master to a team that is building to compete and continue success. Zamboni and Ceson were in agreement on the 8th pick, which also went to Istanbul. Tomas Sogaard is sure to add to the depth for the Red Wolves. Zamboni wasn’t entirely surprised that Oslo selected Jake Thunder when the second round started. Another Vegas prodigy, and someone who Juan Ceson took under his wings to teach Thunder how to effectively check and block shots. It didn’t take Thunder long to reach out to both Ceson and Zamboni, thanking them for their support for Thunder while progressing in the M. Rounding out the top 10 picks, Cologne Express selected Deron Nesbitt, who is most definitely going to add to the already stacked team, giving the Express an advantage going into season 83. Juan Ceson is not worried about this selection; however, he mentioned that any given day the tables could turn and he guaranteed he would do everything he could to reward the Aces with a championship, as he hung up with Zamboni. It doesn’t appear that there were any other contacts with Rico Zamboni, after Juan Ceson spoke with him. No new statements or invoices have come in, no new ports of calls, no new helicopter rental bills. There is absolutely nothing to indicate where Rico Zamboni or The Juanita are. A sadness has clouded Ceson’s mind. Could Zamboni be lost at sea? Was he headed in the southern direction and ran into Somalian pirates? Was the ship going north and is currently docked at a non commercial port? The Atlantic Ocean is vast and it could take a long time to discover where Rico Zamboni has gone.

F - The Seabasstard @qripllup next

Cole, you put a lot of work in this. Well done. Too bad its wrong!! You didnt factor in the GM’s. You’ll see when Oslo takes home the trophy!! Take care.