Aimee

https://imgur.com/g1yz4a0 Got inspired by NHL social media this week to do a graphic for the first time in forever.

It has been a truly rough week for Jesse Teno and the London United as they have only win 4 of their last 10 games. The struggle is real with the defending champions where nearly every night this week they have had a 1-1 record. While Teno does seem to be struggling some nights in the net, it seems the big issue for London is shots on goal. They currently sit with a -14-goal differential and have been out-shot in 6 of their last 10 games. As of right now, London sits in 8th overall in the league, smack dab in the middle. Teno is sporting a not so good 24-18-5 record, 0.931 save percentage, 2.37 goals against average, but did manage to break their season record by recording their 4th shutout. Amongst all goalies Teno sits at 7th overall, 7th in wins, 9th in losses, 9th in OT losses, 4th in save percentage, 5th in goals against average, 4th in shutouts, and is below 10th in goals against, shots against, and assists. 173 words for week ending 7/16/2023

1. Molly the Cat - Banana, Triller - Pineapple, Siyan - Straberries 2. Molly the Cat. Probably the litter. 3. Going to tell Triller that there is a snake in his boot but actually it's a bunch of Woody dolls that I pull the strings on at the same time. 4. The Ten-0 (100 degree view) 5. The Pasgetti. It's spaghetti with just parmesan cheese. 6. Text my agent that I'm getting a $1 million raise.

As the season continues, Jesse Teno continues to drop in overall goalie stats. Though they are on the same pace as last season, compared to others around them, like Lachlan Summers and Brandt Fuhr who are sitting firmly at first and second overall, it’s been a steady decline. Teno at the time of writing is sitting in 10th overall among goalies this first half of the season. Their performance has definitely taken a turn for the worse, most recently letting in 6 goals on 44 shots against the New York Americans. Teno seemed for sure to fall apart in the third period when they let through 3 of the 6. Though 4 goals were scored in the 3rd, one of them was an empty net goal. The frustration is palpable when the goalie shrugged us off for any comment on their current performances. We can only hope that the rest of the United team and management have continued to support them through this funk. 164 words for week ending 7/9/2023

Welp, guess I'll start pumping out those podcasts for the boss-man then.

Hello all. Thank you for hiring me as the new commissioner. I hope that together we can make this league the happiest one on Earth. So, as the new commissioner of the VHL, I have some changes that I would like to make. I’m sure you are all dying to know what I am going to do; with baited breath and on the edge of your seats. I’m sure all of my decisions will be super popular and not create any problems for the league, the site, or cause us to hemorrhage members. 1. All members must pay an entry fee every day that they log into the site. The site will be broken up into five sections (parks, if you will) and you will have to pay to enter each section of the site. Unless you buy a section hopping bundle which will allow you to visit all parts of the site. However, it will cost eight times as much instead of five times as much. Also if you purchase a section hopping bundle, you must decide the day before which section you want access to first. You may only access that section first and once you leave, you will not be able to return to that section until the following day, assuming you once again purchase a site pass. 2. Inclusion of the LGBTQIA+ community will be relegated to Pride Month only and really only for a few evenings for adults and some performative activism. But don’t worry, our stores will be filled with merchandise because even though our care and support is surface level, our desire to suck every dollar from our customers runs deep in these capitalistic times. 3. While the VHL does not currently have an overall mascot, that will be changing. We are currently working hard to find any and all loopholes in the legal system to change the laws around the public domain so that we can steal other people’s ideas and characters only to then close the loophole behind us and hold onto the characters for infinity and beyond. 4. We will be starting to hire staff who will have to pay initially to join our staff and will be paid well below a living wage so that they must rely on the VHL for most of their basic needs such as food, clothing and housing. We will also make them work long hours in hot temperatures slaving away at the coding in order to make the VHL as profitable as possible. And when those staff members are inevitably treated poorly by trolls, we will take some performative steps in order to show that we support our staff members. However, nothing will actually change and we will continue to let them be treated like trash. 5. Finally, we will be building a whole new part of the site that will cost hundreds of millions of dollars to put together, and will cost every person who wishes to access it at least $5,000 for a minimum of 2 days and nights. 504 words for week ending 7/9/2023

1. Not afraid, but not thrilled when I see them. 2. Nope. I moo. 3. Classic Hershey's. 4. Cold! Snuggle under all the blankets and there are only so many layers you can take off when it's hot. 5. Mostly me unless she's not happy with the set temp lol. 6. Yes! But only from inside lol.

About a third of the way into the season and Jesse Teno might finally be starting to find their stride this season. With 22 games put away, Teno has a 12-7-3 record including 3 shutouts. So far, Teno has managed 3 shutouts every season since they took up starting goalie in London. Can they get at least one more to break their personal season record? Jesse is also sitting at a respectable 0.937 save percentage and 2.18 goals against average. Currently among goalies they sit at 6th in wins, 10th in losses, 7th in OT losses, 2nd in save percentage, 5th in goals against average (right behind friend Lachlan Summers), tied for first in shutouts, and tied for 4th in assists (1). All this to say that Jesse is, once again, sitting at 6th overall among goalies with a minimum 13 games played. This is a very familiar spot for Teno to be in and some might say it’s a comfortable one. Given the success last season, there’s nothing to worry about at this moment with Teno’s production. 180 words for week ending 7/2/2023

1. Lately it's been Punk Rock Factory and Sub-radio 2. Charmed as my comfort show but Stargate SG-1 as my all-time 3. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (the original) 4. Eragon / The Inheritance Cycle 5. Tetris and LEGO Star Wars 6. I tried! My mom has been knitting for nearly 20 years and I gave it a shot in college but I don't have the patience for it.

During the off season, we followed Jesse Teno as they spent their time off working with the Teno Foundation to continue to bring hockey and hockey equipment to underprivileged youth. As of today, the Teno Foundation has raised $1.5 million which has allowed them to provide lessons, equipment, and support to over 5,000 children ages 3 to 18. The money has also been invested into local rinks to fix surfaces, re-line rinks, build out concession stands, and install bleachers. With the volunteers and Jesse Teno’s support from their professional sponsors, the foundation has been able to provide incredible experiences for kids who otherwise would never have been able to afford them. We decided to look into a day of both a volunteer for the organization and Jesse themselves to get a feel for how this still fledgling foundation is doing so well. It was a Saturday morning when we entered Riley Rink in Manchester, Vermont, the home town of Jesse Teno and the unofficial headquarters of the Teno Foundation. When you walk in, you can still smell the hint of fresh paint, the bleachers still glisten, and the food stand smells like actual food and not built up grease. It’s hard to tell that this was once a community rink with cracks in the cement floor and nothing more than a microwave and fridge for concessions. When asked about the quality of the improvements, Jesse Teno had this to say; “I know it’s not the nicest community rink in the world but really this foundation is about giving kids an overall good experience so that they can succeed; not to make some state of the art high-tech facility. Maybe one day we can do that but right now, the funding is enough to bring kids an elevation from the basics and that’s what matters.” For the day that we followed them around, Jesse spent most of their time in meetings with volunteers and companies to plan the next renovations. As the volunteers exited, some headed out of the building to work on other projects while a few changed into coaching gear for the group of kids who had lessons that day. The foundation is offering lessons for kids starting at five years old going all the way up to eighteen. Today’s group at the rink were about a dozen middle schoolers, about thirteen years old, who all had some experience playing hockey. But thanks to the Teno Foundation, these kids were able to experience real drills and practice. We spoke with some of them and one of the boys stated “it’s a lot of fun. I like having someone who is like a real coach. I want to play in the VHL one day so it’s good that we can do this.” “Honestly, it’s amazing helping these kids,” said one of the college-age volunteers. “It’s a lot of fun teaching them the basics and watching them grow into their abilities. I think a few of them might actually have what it takes to make it big one day.” It seems that all around, the Teno Foundation is having a substantial impact on the community; on both the kids and volunteers. Jesse has certainly made a difference in these kids' lives and we hope that the foundation can continue to be successful and bring hockey to even more kids in the future. 563 words for week ending 7/2/2023

Faaaaack F - Igor Molotov

F - The Board Game Clue on Skates G - Henry Tucker Jr. @JB123

Just under one week into S89 and Jesse Teno is playing a song they’ve sung before; another struggle out of the gate - which is surprising given the radical success they had during the playoffs. 7 games played and Jesse has a 3-3-1 record which isn’t unusual for the veteran goalie but definitely shows their continued struggles at the beginning of every season so far. Hopefully they will pick up the pace once more as they work off the playoff hangover that seems to be the reason this time around. These few games to start the season have also done some good for the London goalie. As of 3 wins ago, Jesse has moved into the 2nd all-time wins for London United, only 22 wins behind current all-time winning London goalie Cole Pearce. Given Jesse’s past seasons, I think it’s safe to say that they will take that 1st place spot soon enough. Also by the end of the season, Jesse will overtake Pearce and Tater Tot for most games played by a goalie for London as well, passing their 188 and 200 games played respectively. Also also, Jesse only needs 2 more shutouts to tie Pearce for that record as well. It’s also no surprise that with the historic run for the Continental Cup that Jesse Teno has also taken 1st place in all categories for the playoffs in team history. Most games won (15), played (23), most shutouts (4), highest save percentage (0.949), and lowest goals against average (1.92). With plans to stay in London for the long term, it will be interesting to see what records Jesse can set and leave behind. And if London can make it back to the playoffs, Jesse might be able to give future London goalies a real run for their money. 301 words for weeks ending 6/25/2023 and 7/2/2023

1. Bauer 2. Spicy pork and broccoli! 3. Nope. Jesse stays awake by sheer will. 4. Light blue gatorade. 5. White. Makes it harder for shooters to see it. 6. Jesse likes to run up and down the halls praising Simon.

F - Florida Man D - Velociraptor Greg @JB123

F - Tomas Sogaard D - Mo Probert @JB123

Amazing leadership team! Let's gooooo!

1. Right 2. Formidable! 3. I want to know Leonard Triller is so damn bad ass. 4. Molly the Cat for sure. How could they with no opposable thumbs??? 5. I think Siyan. 6. Probably 2nd or 3rd.

Love love love! So happy to see your progress over the whole season. I remember how pumped we all were for that hat trick. I cannot wait to see what Leonard does this coming season!

Glad to see you finally making the big move!

Thank you!!

“And the winner of the S88 Daisuke Kanou Trophy is awarded to…. Jesse Teno!” Jesse stands from their seat as the crowd cheered, though none louder than their teammates in attendance who whooped for their goalie. Jesse walked down the aisle to the large stage, ascended the stairs, and took the trophy with a smile before approaching the microphone. “This is seriously such an honor, especially to be up against Molly and Siyan, my amazing teammates. You guys deserve this just as much as I do. And to be nominated alongside Xavier Booberry is also a great honor. I want to thank the Board of Governors for this award and I want to thank my whole London United team from the guys I share the ice with to our GM Jacob and to all the people working at the arena. I would not be here today without all of you having my back.” Jesse raises the trophy before saying, “Thanks for the trophy, and I promise I’ll try not to dent it!” They then give a slight bow before heading stage left. 182 words for week ending 6/18/2023

Thank you! You've been doing amazing yourself. Keep it up!

Thanks for the correction! Just means I'll have to work harder to catch up. lol