Aimee

The Scotland Nessies! Actually, maybe the Highland Nessies now that I think about it.

Hello there guys, gals and non-binary pals. It is I, Aimkin. Your resident whatever you think of me and I am here today to propose to you a proposal like no one has ever proposed before. There will be a picture and words and hopefully they will all be good ones. I come to you today to propose a relocation. But not just any relocation; no. A relocation that would be super expensive, weirdly specific, and result in the most amazing mascot that any VHL team could hope to have swing from the rafters and get stuck, forcing personnel to try and figure out how to get them down without killing the person inside the costume. Yes kids, I admit it. It’s not a real large fluffy animal; it's probably an underpaid intern who was able to dance and walk on ice without breaking their face. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I, and others, think that it is time to relocate the London United. Have they only been around for a little over 10 seasons? Yes. Have they managed to overcome all odds and win a cup? Also yes. But none of that really matters and I am going to use this proposal to tell you why. I am going to show that it will be expensive but worth it, and that the mascot idea alone will win over the board of governors to take me seriously. Not only that, but a slogan has been chosen. Much like the Kraken in the NHL, we are putting the cart before the horse and doing all of the marketing before even knowing for sure that people are going to want it. Though, I think people will. First Proposal Point: The London United locker room Discord avatar has been a picture of a cat for the last three seasons. Prior to that, it was the Indian flag for god knows how long. No one has even seen the London United logo or colors truly for some time now. No one reps them beyond jerseys and the red white and blue is just so 1700’s. It’s beyond passé. This location however, will allow us to match the national football (soccer) team and bring some much needed brilliant life and color into this team. Second Proposal Point: Why the hell is a flag the logo for the team? It’s so boring and kinda funky. It’s also small and is more likely to invite opposing teams to tour the city instead of being afraid of us. We want our logo to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. We want them screaming for their mommies when they hit the ice or look at our jerseys. I want them wetting their pants then claiming it’s just from falling on the ice a lot. So I give you….a logo mock up…. Third Proposal Point: We can have a slogan. One which can be changed based on the GM at the time. It’s simple, really. A single sentence that tells people who we are and what we can do. How we will dominate and destroy. I give you….the slogan… Fourth Proposal Point: Because why not? I mean things like this happen all the time around here so it honestly couldn’t hurt to move one measly team to another city. I’m sure the cost will hover in the tens of billions of dollars but honestly, who cares? I’m sure those seasonal donations are more than enough to rehome an entire team and all of its facilities. Besides, I’m sure it wouldn't cost that much to build a new state of the art arena in a country not all that known for hockey. And how hard could it really be to grow interest and fans in said country? I'm sure it’ll be fine. No worries there. And now that you have read my proposal, I am sure that you are 100% in agreement with me that London United should be relocated to Scotland and be renamed the Nessies, the arena called The Yard, and with the mascot being the majestic (and very fluffy) highland cow. logo and slogan brought to you by @Triller 691 words for week ending 10/1/2023

And so ends S90 for Jesse Teno and the London United. The regular season, at least. They will be facing off against Helsinki in the wildcard round. They managed to pull it off fantastically in S88 to make it from barely in to a cup. Is it possible that they could do it all over again? Jesse Teno had their worst season record so far finishing with 27-31-3, also their first losing record. However, they had their second-best regular season saver percentage of 0.927, and a mid 2.43 goals against average. Where they shined though was a career record of 6 shutouts, coming only in second this season to whom other than Lachlan Summers. It was also in assists that they were second to Summers, ending the season with 4. While Jesse has managed to be the playoff hero before, it’s unclear as to whether or not they will be able to pull it off given their drop in performance this season. 162 words for week ending 10/1/2023

1. and one says 'let me buy us some shots' and the other says 'couldn't do that on the ice last season?' 2. 'we have no arms', 'what do you mean?' and then they start screaming at the reality of their existence. 3. 'be kinda good today, okay guys? please?' 4. 'playing a game of Clue while team member lays on the ground dismembered' 5. peeing in the visiting team's litter box and leaving hairballs in all visiting helmets. 6. There once was a player named @Triller Whose skill on the ice was thriller. But off he would struggle, needed to be wrapped in bubble, As he walked himself into a pillar.

1. I was sent here to infiltrate the VHL by a rival sim league to syphon members away so that we could grow bigger. 2. London. Yuck. What a terrible place to be. 3. Because Loki the God of mischief has demanded that Simon play a huge prank on us in order to raise our spirits only to drop-kick us off the ledge during the playoffs. 4. The Yorkshire Puddings. They are delicious and because posh Londoners need to get their heads out of their britches. 5. I once pinched a teacher's ass while in high school because she was hot. 6. Pizza. Who on Earth needs to eat that much cheese? It's honestly disgusting. The grease however, can stay. Perfectly healthy that stuff.

With London on an absolute tear right now, Jesse Teno is feeling their best this season so far. Of the 12-game winning streak, 10 belonged to the starter. Of those, 2 were shutouts which means that Teno has tied their season high of 5. With 19 games left to go, and all backup games done, will it be possible for Teno to set another personal record? With this recent turnaround, Teno is finally in the winning column with a record of 23-19-3. They are also sporting their second highest regular season save percentage with 0.931 and lowest regular season goals against average of 2.27. They have also finally made their way onto the top 10 goalie stats lists. Currently they sit in 9th for wins, 9th for losses, 5th for save percentage, 7th for goals against average, in a 3-way tie for 2nd in shutouts (only one behind their friend Lachlan Summers), still lead in assists with 4, and are nowhere to be found on the other lists. According to the index, Teno sits at 9th overall. 177 words for week ending 9/24/2023

Jesse Teno continues to disappoint this season overall. Nowhere to be seen in the top 10 goalies this season, Teno is struggling to keep the wins coming. Goat Bot statistically has done better than them. Teno only recently made their way into the top 10 in Save Percentage and Goals Against Average. They hold a tie for 2nd in Shutouts and they sit at 1st in Assists with 3. It’s surprising that despite their first under .500 season, Teno has not racked up that many Penalty Minutes. It seems that maybe the veteran is able to keep their frustrations off the ice in a good way. Jesse Teno currently has a record of 15-19-3, the first time they have ever had a losing record this far into the season. Along with Goat Bot, they have managed a 4 game winning streak and hopefully the upcoming games against DC and Waraw will give Teno a chance to rack up a few more wins. 162 words for week ending 9/17/2023

Disclaimer: This is satire and I love and appreciate everyone who works for the VHL and I have no ill-will towards anyone. Enjoy the dramatization of my feelings. And on the seventh try of the seventh day of the seventh month, she was one again FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY for the job she so dearly coveted. Thou shalt not covet and yet here she is, coveting like no being had ever coveted before… Or so the dramatic part of my brain likes to narrate it as. Well, if you couldn’t tell, I’m going to talk about how I have been FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY every time I try to get the job of my dreams. Not just FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY, no. But scorned, ignored, overlooked, passed over, rejected, upstaged, neglected, disregarded! Thank you thesaurus.com. There really is no other way to say it, I think. I mean, it’s clearly a malicious attempt to keep me from being able to control the flow of TPE to all of you innocent people who suffer week in and week out waiting days for updates to be approved. Yes. I want to be an updater. I have applied for the job multiple times and have spoken with prominent members of the community about how I would be a fantastic addition to the updater team. Yet every time I am passed along for someone who has been here much longer than I have. But what is it about me that makes me the perfect candidate for the updater job? Well that’s simple my dear reader; I’m online every single day in some capacity. I may not be active every day on the forum but I do check in constantly like a mother bird fawning over her baby chicks. I read and absorb and every time I click Update Player I am always smacked in the face with (1) or (2) or even (3)! A (3)! After days of suffering I am still waiting for those in control to release my sweet sweet TPE to me - their rightful owner. I have been scorned many times where I was in desperate need of approval so that I could apply said TPE and yet, it was the weekend and I could have made such a difference had the updaters just logged in and checked the que. Do I know what really goes into the job? To be honest, no. I don’t know how simple or complex the back-end is and I cannot fathom the length of the que on a week like theme week. But, if I had the job, and I knew I had the ability to give some relief to players, I would do it. Even if it were just a small amount each day. It would make all the difference to how the updates slow down significantly mere weeks after the new hires have had their fun. I think it is time that people like me stop being FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY by the hiring team and given a chance to do a job that many people fall out of doing. I would be worthy of the job TPE. I would do my fair share. I would check in every day. I would earn my keep. Love you all and please hire me in the future. 541 words for week ending 9/17/2023

1. Well I hope so! If we can get 2-3 goals a game, that will be easy to hit 2. Hate to say it, but I think more. Our lack of shooting is definitely our downfall at this point. And there are just so many good teams this season. 3. Doubt it. We really struggled to get the 80 we have now. 4. I think against. It's a rough one this season and I think all the other teams who have been out shooting us will just continue to do so. 5. Probably decline but I would be okay if we stayed the same. We might just eek out a wildcard round if we can. 6. I think Triller. He has just been amazing this season so far.

I cam as a hockey fan who didn't understand Sim leagues. So definitely others are out there.

MANCHESTER, VT – This past weekend, I took a trip to the great state of Vermont to follow London’s starter goalie Jesse Teno while they returned home for Labor Day weekend. While not a holiday recognized by the VHL, Jesse was able to get away for a few days to spend some time with their family. It’s been a few months since they had been able to go back home and even the short trip seemed worth it. Jesse and their fiancé took up residence with Jesse’s parents and were spotted all over town. After flying late Friday night into Burlington International Airport, Jesse drove the two and a half hours home to Manchester to be with family. Their fiancé has been back in Vermont for a few weeks now, working on the upcoming wedding. She has been flying back and forth and can sometimes be spotted in London when she is in town to see the home games. On Saturday morning we joined Jesse at Riley Rink which, since we last visited, has seen all of its upgrades and renovations completed. It has been fully operational and open to the public for about a month now. This morning, however, Jesse had one more thing to add to the building that would make it truly complete. Along with the local coaches and some players, Jesse and the rink’s staff hung brand new banners for each of the schools and clubs that would be using the new rink. They also announced that they would be cleaning, fixing, and re-hanging all the old championship banners that have been among the rafters over the last twenty years. During the day, Jesse and their fiancé went shopping, hitting up the famous Northshire Bookstore, the Eddie Bauer outlet, and a local pinball museum. They also enjoyed lunch at Thai Basil, an afternoon coffee at the bookstore café, and went home for dinner. On Sunday, Jesse was back at the rink but this time in full gear along with a few dozen kids who had signed up for a one-day clinic on the ice. They warmed up with the kids, worked with the aspiring goalies, and even dropped their pads for a mock fight with a few college students. Jesse was also joined by some family who participated in a kids vs adults game, though Jesse opted to play as the kid’s goalie. The game lasted only about twenty minutes, but it seemed that everyone involved had a great time. Kids won 2-0, Jesse’s unofficial fourth shut-out of the season. And on Monday, Jesse spent the day at home with their family. Mom and dad put on a large bar-b-que and invited a whole lot of friends from town. Festivities lasted all day with people coming and going. The grill was going all day, the pool was open, and they watched the town fireworks from their back porch and firepit. Overall, it seems that Jesse had a great weekend home though now they head back to London to continue S90. 503 words for week ending 9/10/2023

1. The Kanou award! 2. Falling off into obscurity and being remembered as a one hit wonder. 3. Spicy pork and broccoli. Great pre-game meal. 4. Snails and some shellfish. Just too slimy. 5. Probably the Sahara? I think that would be cool. 6. Teal. No reason. Just an amazing color.

It’s been a slow week for Jesse Teno who has shared the net with Goat Bot and has had their fair share of struggles in net. London’s main issue continues to be shooting but it certainly seems to be wearing the veteran goalie thin who has done their best to try and keep their team in each game. London is 5-5-0 in their last ten, two of those wins being shutouts – one for each London goalie. They have once again managed to climb their way to the middle of the league rankings. Teno’s stats, however, are some of the worst the goalie has seen so far. They are nowhere to be found in the top 10 wins, save percentage, or goals against average. The only places they seem to be shining are in losses (4th – 14) and in shutouts (tied for 1st – 3). And the only stat where Teno currently sits at the top is assists (3). It looks like it’s going to be a long season for the London goalie who is just trying to keep their team from missing the playoffs again this season. 186 words for week ending 9/10/2023

Agreed. I definitely think, for me at least, that podcasts tend to be easier but it is harder to think on the fly vs having time to edit what I write. Obviously I don't put a lot of effort into mine besides having a decent mic but I feel like that's all you need lol.

It's probably also a first-gen mentality. We both came in with ideas and really successful content and players and so then, when you're up and coming and are getting all this praise, it feels like there's an expectation to continue to produce high quality content every week.

Glad you were able to come back! But yea, I think it's important for people to know that this is just fun and that there's no shame in taking time for themselves.

Today I want to talk about mental health and the VHL. One of the first things that I was warned about by Shindigs when I joined was that I should make sure that I don’t push myself to the point of burnout. I had been quickly producing a lot of content every week, maxing out, and always writing both .com articles and media spots. I was so into it that I wondered how I could possibly burn out. It’s not like I was putting the effort in daily or how I put effort in at work. I was simply creating some content at the start of the week during my down time, and it took maybe an hour total of my whole day (aside from a few where I pulled stats and had to use my big person brain). Now, I’m not saying I’m burned out. Clearly, I’m sitting here writing a media spot. But I have taken to doing the occasional podcast because it does take less time for me to make a 15-minute audio file vs figuring out what to write 500 words about and how. Of course, all of this to say that I’m not going anywhere and that I’m perfectly fine would be a half-truth. I’m not going anywhere. But I wouldn’t say that I’m doing perfectly fine either. Between my personal life and work, I’ll admit that lately it’s been hard to keep myself coming back every day. Now, I can explain it all in 4 simple letters. ADHD. For those who don’t know, ADHD comes with a wonderful thing called hyper-focus. Wherein, a person with ADHD finds a hobby, subject, activity, etc. that piques their interest. They then dive headfirst, 100%, into that thing and don’t come up for air until their gremlin brain decides that one day they no longer want to think about the thing or do it. So of course, as someone who was diagnosed a little over a decade ago (too late if you ask me), I went into this knowing that I was going to hyper-focus and I felt it when it happened. I will say that thankfully, my decline in hyper-focus was gradual instead of a cold turkey crash. That has allowed me to want to continue with the VHL and all of its aspects. But it has made me realize that slowly over the last few months I have either a) struggled to find the time and energy to write so I take Welfare, or b) produced content later and later in the week. Originally, I had started shifting to writing and posting mid-week because someone had told me that most content gets dumped early and late in the week and that the mid-week was usually lacking. So, I pushed off until Wednesday or Thursday. Now, I find myself writing and posting on a Friday because life is just messy at the moment and when I come home from work, I rarely have the energy to do anything but read or scroll TikTok endlessly. I’ve also been struggling to figure out what to write when Jesse’s story is the same season in and season out with only a few changes here and there. I have lost some of the passion that I had when I joined a little over a year ago and I do find it hard to keep making original content every week. All of this to say that there is no shame in losing that hyper-focus or even the love for the VHL and that you should do what is best for you mentally. I have seen a few instances of people come and go in this league who very much have some mental issue that they are working through or dealing with, and I just want to remind everyone that it’s just a sim league and if you need to step away for your mental health, you can. There is no shame in becoming a clicker for your own benefit if it’s what you think works for you. I have taken Welfare a few times and yes, I feel yucky about it, and I feel like I’m letting my team down by not max earning. But honestly, after getting into a car crash 2 days ago, and while being in the middle of wedding planning, I’ve accepted that there are things more important than how much TPE you can earn in a week. Step back. Evaluate your mental status. Take a break if you need to. But don’t over-produce content just to make others happy. If anyone out there needs someone to talk to, you can always shoot me a message. 778 words for week ending 9/3/2023

Welcome to the league! Looking forward to your future posts.

Jesse, you got your first shutout of the season last night, how are you feeling about it? Great, honestly. As I’ve said before, shutouts are kind of a goalie’s number one goal in terms of best stat so it always feels good to get the first one of the season out of the way. Last season you had your first shutout during Game 8 against Warsaw and this season it was Game 10 against Chicago. Do you think this is a sign of regression? Honestly no. Shutouts are a mix of hard work and puck luck so I don’t think getting it later has any real meaning. If I went half or more of the season without one, then maybe I would think of it as something to be concerned about. But for now, I think I’m still in my prime. How are you feeling about the scoring issues in London recently? It’s hard, I won’t lie. I know the guys are trying so it’s not like it’s anyone’s fault. Again, I think it comes down to a lot of puck luck. It’s amazing how many dingers I’ve heard between last season and the start of this one. 198 words for week ending 9/3/2023

1. Just maintaining their in-net presence in order to try and continue to give their teammates a chance to win games. 2. Honestly, not sure. I know everyone is working hard so maybe it's a matter of luck and it's not been on our side lately. 3. You love Goat Bot more than me, don't you? 4. Bring cookies to the next practice! I hear Wolanin was considering sneaking off with us so I think that would get him to come around. 5. I would buy everyone a dinner out so we could all get to know one another and just relax. I would like money, please and thanks. 6. I check in once in a while but I've had it muted a little over a year. It was always so random and definitely the home of the trolls. Never really appealed to me.

Come to London. We have cookies (and need goals).

One week into the S90 season and the London United are 2-2-1. While not the best start to the season, it is also not uncommon for this current iteration of the team. London has, at least for the last few seasons, struggled to find their footing during the early part of the season. Jesse Teno is once more calling the net their home, only backed up by Goat Bot. It is uncertain whether S89 draftee Devon Giguere will be backing them up next season or not but for now, London must continue to rely on Teno to take them game to game. Returning on the offensive are skilled veterans Leonard Triller, Igor Molotov, Molly the Cat, and Sock Monkey. All had very good previous seasons, but the shots took a downturn in S89. We are hoping that this season will prove to be different. New to the offensive are rookies Nick Sansoe and Thor Odinson who both had amazing production down in the VHLE and hopefully their skills will translate well in the majors. On defense, we have The Board Game Clue on Skates and Hunor Solyom returning along with a recent pickup in Deron Nesbitt who has been shipped around through the VHL nearly every season, London being his 7th team over his 9-season career. He was acquired in a trade with Moscow in exchange for right winger Adam Rage and a S92 2nd round pick. The defense is also joined by rookie Jack Jeckler who, like the other rookies that have moved up, had a successful 2 seasons in the VHLE. London was also busy picking up options and resigning prospects who are still making their way through the VHLM and VHLE; 7 players in total. London’s favorite goalie and Daisuke Kanou winner Jesse Teno has struggled through the first five games of the season, letting in 14 goals total on 175 shots. With a 0.92 save percentage and 2.72 goals against average, Teno is going to be feeling this battle back to a good position. The team is sitting in 6th in the European Conference and 12th overall in the league. While one of the worst starting standings for the team in a few seasons, I think London in the past has shown that they are capable of pulling themselves out of the bottom to have a successful season. Given what happened in S88 though, I still think it would be foolish to assume that this team is past their prime completely. With 7 players becoming unrestricted free agents next season, this may be, however, London’s final chance to make an impact with the team as it is. The rebuild is around the corner but it is not here yet. While it is possible that some or many will re-sign with London for their final year, it’s more realistic that that will not be the case and London will need to shed players in favor of cap space and bringing up prospects and bringing in new draftees. However it goes, we think that London still has a chance to make this season a good one as long as the team keeps doing what they’re doing and continue to work hard. 533 words for week ending 8/27/2023

Congrats to our captains! And thank you for the honorary A.

This past week Jesse Teno participated in the ProAm tournament. They were drafted 8th overall by the Bayern Munich Fish, GM’d by Eric White Jr. and were the first goalie drafted in the tournament. Jesse was out to an amazing start, helping the Fish to a 10-1-0 record on the first day. They shared the net with Connor Strome but after the first day played every game through to the end of the tournament. Jesse led their team to a final record of 25-12-3, coming in second behind the Maui Stingrays. No surprise there given that Maui had Lachlan Summers in net. The Fish eventually came in third overall, taking home the bronze trophy. Jesse overall ended the tournament as second overall goalie with a 25-11-3 record, 0.926 save percentage, 2.19 goals against average, 4 shutouts and 1 assist. Overall, definitely a good showing for the veteran goalie who is going into S90 hoping to lead London back to the playoffs before a rebuild begins. 167 words for week ending 8/27/2023