VattghernCZ

<shitpost>

Have you seen the shots Wann Kerr has been sending on the net, acting as if they were scoring chances?

Absolute muffins!

Seriously! Soft like pulled pork shoulder roasted for 4 hours at 110 Celsius, excuse my usage of non-freedom units, I only know the freedom units for weight, length and temperature between 20 and 40 Celsius. Is anyone clocking those floaters? I swear to flying spaghetti monster I could run faster than the puck flies 4 years ago, when I was 100 pounds heavier than I am now! 

I've seen Kerr shoot the puck on the opponents' net, and it was our own Jesse Teno, who had to make a save! Nothing bad with padding your teammates' stats, but come on you joke of a forward! Good thing Kerr is a hockey "player" and not an astronaut, he would turn the Artemis program into a Mars landing mission, 'cause he's so blind he'd miss the whole Moon!

How can you be so incompetent to score 2 goals on 69 (nice...) shots? As a wise man once said:

"You miss 97.1 percent of the shots you do take."

Oh wait, that wasn't a wise man, that was the Wanker! He's come to miss nets and drink Bernard lager, and he's out of Bernard lager.

</shitpost>

On 3/19/2024 at 3:21 PM, aimkin said:

For week ending 3/24

Answer 6, get 2 TPE. Answer 3, get 1 TPE.

 

1. The new season is almost upon us! How are you feeling about your build for the first sim?

2. We picked up a backup goalie! How do you think he'll fair compared to our old beloved GOAT Bot?

3. Are you participating in VHFL or Super Coach? Why or why not?

4. Gustav has been booted as AGM and now that role falls on me. Tell me why this was Jacob's best decision ever.  /s

5. Out of writing, podcasts, and graphics, which one do you enjoy doing more? Which one do you enjoy checking out other's work for? 

6. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

1. Kerr with the new build was the best player at the WC, I'm really excited to see how well he'll do in the 72-game season. Don't want to jinx it, but maybe a career year?

2. It was time to move from the bot. They'll surely be missed on and especially off the ice, but that's just business.

3. Yup, both. Uncapped TPE for minimal effort? Sign me up!

4. Because you're a heart and soul United, you need someone like that in the AGM position to keep everyone excited!

5. I mostly like to do graphics, even though I'm not particularly good at it, and I like to check out others' graphics - they fill me with envy haha. But maybe I'll grow some confidence in my english and do a podcast one day, it's on my to do list!

6. Yes.

11 hours ago, Alex said:

can Wann Kerr @VattghernCZ step up and replace Molly The Cat @JCarson? 

Repeat at least

(Posted 20 minutes after the deadline, I didn't know USA switches to DST this weekend - where I live, we do on the last weekend of March. If it's not approved, that's fair, I'll claim it for WE 3/24. My ignorance has already cost me the option to press welfare, 2 more capped lost won't kill me lol)

It doesn't always have to be genes that carry a trait across generations of a family. An example of this is one of the newest standouts of the Greenland Youth Academy, Alagsantere Grønvold, eligible for the S96 VHL entry draft. And an adopted son of Wann Kerr and his wife.

There really isn't much resemblance between these two, as the youngster is already 6 inches taller than his 5'9 adoptive father. But there are definitely more similarities between them once they hit the ice. Both move pretty well, which is especially impressive in the behemoth of a Greenlander, and both play pretty gutsy game with a lot of F-you attitude. Albeit both on the opposite end of the ice, as Alagsentere plays defense.

„He's a menace. Obviously we don't really encourage physicality here with teenagers, but guys other guys definitely don't like playing against him,“ said Gønvold's junior coach. „Any team that drafts Santy will get themselves a first pairing penalty killer, he's truely got the potential to be a franchise cornerstone. If you have someone who can create offense from the back end, that it. This will probably never be a strength of his.“

That's a lot of praise coming from someone who had coached defenders like Leif Reingaard or Vanellope van Schweetz, some of the brightest rising stars in the VHL. With only two seasons left in the youth academy, scouts should definitely start eyeing this youngster, and try to bring him to the M as soon as possible – immediately after his youth career ends at the S94 VHL trade dea

dline.

On 3/11/2024 at 8:38 PM, aimkin said:

Welcome back! This is for the week ending 3/17/2024.

You all know the rules: Answer 6, get 2 TPE. Answer 3, get 1 TPE. Let's go!

 

1. Training camp has opened. Did you click the button??? And how does it feel to officially roll into S93?

2. How do you think your TPE earning will be compared to last season?

3. What do you think you're going to focus your TPE into this season?

4.What do you think of the new team that Jacob has pulled together?

5. What did you think of Jacob's draft picks?

6. Is a hotdog a sandwich? Why or why not?

1. Of course! Free uncapped TPE? Sign me the F up! Straight in my veins!

2. I will try to do my best to keep max earning, but my PC has died, so I can't do graphics. And there's only so much I can write about. So I'm afraid I'm gonna miss a few PTs, but 10 capped is always guaranteed.

3. Honestly, that's gonna depend on Jacob's plan come trade deadline. My plan is to bank everything to fight depreciation, but if Jacob decides this season we're going all in and our windows closes after Teno retires, I'll probably apply it all and make peace with Kerr being mediocre in his last season .

4. The core remains mostly the same as the one that got us to game 7 of the finals, sans Molly. What's not to like?

5. To be honest, I didn't follow the draft at all, I have no idea.

6. No, it's fu*ken hot dog! You don't take two pieces of bread and put stuff between them to make a hot dog, so it's not a sandwich!

(I know the formatting sucks and there is no graphics, but my PC decided to sh#t itself and die on me, so have some mercy lol)

After a bit of a down season from some of the core London players, the United managed to claw their way into the postseason carried by their goaltending, depth scoring and Leonard Triller. Triller and Jesse Teno would catch fire in the postseason and will the team into the finals, where they would ultimately lose in 7 games.

Despite the heartbreaking end and Molly the Cat, the franchise leader in all-time goals, announcing their retirement from professional hockey, London players remain positive about the following season.

"Hey, we all have to step up and work even harder with Molly gone," said Wann Kerr, "and I'm up for it. I feel the best I've ever felt, on the ice I mean."

When asked about that will the biggest strengths of the S93 United be, Kerr said: "Jesse in the net and Triller up front. Obviously, we're not allowed to use the services of betting companies, we are only their advertisers, but if we were allowed to bet, I'd put my full base salary on Triller winning hardware. I've seen him practice the whole Summer. If you ask me, he's The best hockey player on the planet right now. Watch him score 120 points while awarding me with 50 goals!"

It's great to see players this confident and excited for the following season. And if the World Cup is a teaser for what's to come, London will surely omce again be a powerhouse.

Brat Slovák!

And calling us Czechs "Eastern Europeans" is a surefire way to piss of at least half of us

15 hours ago, aimkin said:

Hello and welcome to the off season! I will be your new PC host and I hope we can keep making these interesting.

You all know the rules: Answer 6, get 2 TPE. Answer 3, get 1 TPE. Let's go!

 

1. Welcome to the off season. If you got hit with depreciation, were you able to bring yourself back up? If you didn't depreciate, are you saving up yet in anticipation of it?

2. How did your player react when they got back to the locker room after Game 7?

3. What is your player planning on doing in the off season to prep for the next?

4. We've lost a few to retirement and may lose some to FA. If you could bring any player to London from any other team, who would it be and why?

5. As of right now, London only has 2 final round picks including the last pick. Who do you think London should go for when the dust has settled and the top players are taken?

6. If you could bring back any 1 retired player (from any season) to play with London, who would it be and why?

1. Yes, I even made Kerr better. My build last 2 seasons was 1168 TPA, my S93 build is 1191 TPA. A bit less physical - though probably still the toughest forward on the team - but more skilled.

2. Let's say it's a good thing he's the only Czech player on the team, because of the language he was using 

3. He's mostly focusing on power skating and stickhandling drills this offseason. He's also traveling to Tibet to try to learn discipline from the monks there, the penalties caused by his short fuse cost the team too much.

4. We would benefit from having a high end puck moving defender, I believe. Someone like Liv Slater? I believe her and Triller could find some chemistry haha.

5. I am not keeping up with the prospects to be honest, I have no idea.

6. Daniel Janser, he was The top player when I joined. Kerr playing behind Janser would be insane center core.

hehe. ass.

“I may be knocked back but Imma battle on, and rock that

Gonna make it hotter than hell spawn and top that

Push the limits and if it's a fight then I'm in it

Finish it as I begin it I came here to win it”

Sings Bloodywood’s Raoul Kerr in their song “Aaj”. A song Wann Kerr, London United center not related to Raoul Kerr, has made his pre-game pump up song. It's not different now, before the biggest game of his career so far. Raoul’s rapping in English gives way to Jayant Bhadula’s screaming in Hindi, as Wann sits on the hood of his Alfa Romeo in the London United arena garage with headphones on, headbanging and sipping Bernard lager as a part of carb loading before the warmups.

It's the fourth time Kerr is playing in the final series, the second time in the top league. He's played the finals on every level of hockey. And total championship titles? Zero. This has to be the season to change it. To break the Wann Kerse.

He got oh so close to winning the Continental Cup in S89 with Vancouver Wolves, eventually stopped by Lachlan Summers in 6 games. Now he's even closer.

The series is tied at 6 games.

It's time to finally doi t.

Tonight.

1. Triller, there's no real question about it. Career high in goals, and leading the team by like 20 points or so. But I have to give a shoutout to Halvar Torbjorn, he has always stepped up when the first line was shut down.

2. That's a bit tougher. Do I go with Triller again, with almost a goal per game? Probably Teno has the edge here, we haven't been too great defensively, but they still manage to have almost .95 SVS%, that's just unreal.

3. I'd say having such a strong depth scoring. Four 30 goal scorers and two 20 goal scorers? That's a depth only a few teams can match. And we're facing one of them right now in the finals 

4. For myself, not much, I'm staying in London and focusing on handling the depreciation. For the team, I'd expect to see our pending UFAs re-signed, and maybe a puck moving defenseman added 

5. Molly retiring will hurt us, but I still expect us to be a strong contender with Kerr, Triller and Teno still on the team. Especially if Sjin and Marchand continue to develop and Torbjorn stays and builds on his strong season.

6. You mean "when"? Probably the same thing as Jesse, only with snakes instead of a cat. Then I'll fill it with ice, put a few beers in it, and just chill on the balcony.

2 hours ago, Beketov said:

Fixed that for you

Finish them DC tomorrow

1 minute ago, Scurvy said:

That's awesome!!!! 

Let's not talk about the two Rs my dumb sleep depraved ass didn't notice

Dumb sleep depraved me didn't notice two Rs in Bouchard

For the second straight season, London United are facing Helsinki Titans in the European Conference finals in the VHL playoffs. Last season, Helsinki took the series home in 5 games, after they won games 1, 2, 4 and 5. So far this season, 4 games in am the pattern is has been the same, as the Titans are up 3-1. Will the pattern continue? One of the players hoping it won't is Wann Kerr, a London center for whom deep playoff runs but not winning the funal price has been a theme reocurring since his VHLM days, even dubbed a Wann Kerse by some. Is this the year he finally breaks it?

If Kerr's former teammate and captain Pierre Emile Bouchard @Gaikoku-hito can do something about it, the answer is “doubtful”. Once again, he's a force on the Titans’ blue line, frustrating Kerr to no end. “He's like 50 or something, why the f*ck is he even on the ice? He's acting like a f*cking child! Jeez! A f*cking clown!” was what the microphone on Kerr’s teammate picked up Kerr shouting on the bench during game 3 - the sole United win so far - after Bouchard scored a powerplay goal late in the 3rd period, and blew a kiss Kerr’s way while skating to the bench.

“You have to be mentally tough to win in this league. If you're not, well, you never get there. I know how hard it is. Unlike some players, I have been there,” said Bouchard, a Founder’s Cup champion and a Continental Cup champion in the post-game press conference. “Hahaha, you know what they say about barking dogs. They took one game, but if I rember correctly, it's us in the lead,” commmented Bouchard Kerr's freaktout.

“Oh, you picked that up? You guys are everywhere, unbelievable. Okay, I might have gone over the line a bit, but come on, a guy with his experience should show some sportsmanship and some class,” commmented Kerr when he was asked about the outburst, in much calmer state of mind after the win.

It will definitely be interesting to watch how the “Kerrsy” and “Bouchy” clash continues throughout the series. Last season, Bouchard had the upper hand both individually and of course with his team. So far this series, Bouchard has the upper hand in both offense (Bouchard 1+6, Kerr 2+3) and defense (Bouchard 7 SB, +1; Kerr 2 SB, -3), but Kerr is being more physical (Kerr 8 hits, 2 PIM; Bouchard 2 hits, 2 PIM). Neither of these two has been taking over games, as in 4 games Kerr has been named a 2nd star once and Bouchard a 3rd star twice. I believe we can expect these to to make a few more physical contacts on the ice now after this incident. So far, there has only been one bodycheck between these two - Kerr hittin Bouchard in the first period of game 1.

Wouldn't these two squaring up be one of the highest moment od the series, regardless of the winner? Kerr would get his chance to prove he's not just barking. But knowing him, he'd probably get his a*s kicked.

43 minutes ago, Scurvy said:

I read to book 4.    Loved the first one and thought they get progressively worse.   Book 4 was a slog to get through for me.  Some good portions but overall was tough.  Don’t think we will ever see book 6-7 so might never finish book 5 

Well, it's gonna be an interesting experience reading more

When I ranted about the lack of personality in GRRM characters to my friend, I found myself comparing GRRM to Abercrombie as a polar opposite in this regard. The way most of The First Law is written in POV of different characters really makes you care for them, I absolutely love most of them. GRRM just can't do that.

I'm super happy I got to read more of Abercrombie's stuff, and thank you for that! I'm gonna read the second SOIAF book, then I guess back to more Abercrombie 

Not applying now, but being Czech myself, I definitely will once I have some VHLM and VHLE GMing experience and there's an opening again. Good luck applicants!

Game 76:

A very close battle between the Dragons and the Legion and a win stolen by a goaltender. Both teams came out flying, D.C. revording 20 shots in the 1st period to go against Toronto's 15. The Fr*nchman opened the scoring in the first minute of the game to put D.C. up 1-0, and Toronto answered a minute later as Steve Lattimer tied the game. Dragon's winger Lucas Grey put his team up by 1 once again in the 8th minute of the game, and his goal ended up being the game winner. Followed a very evenly matched second period, and a huge offensive pressure by Toronto in the last period when they attempted to tie the game and outshot D.C. 14-7, but Henry Tucker Jr in the Dragons net shut the door and ended the game with ridiculous .976 SV% (41 saves on 42 shots). Joel Castle had a fantastic night in the Legion net as well, with 37 saves on 39 shots for .949 SV%, but there's no doubt Henry Tucker Jr deserves being named 1st star of the game. 2-1 win for the Dragons to claim a commanding 3-1 series lead.

1. I'm really, really, really not a movie guy. I watch The Lord of the Rings extended trilogy every December 25th, and that's the only movies I watch just because I want to. But probably Silent Hill, because I'm not a fan of happy endings.

2. Refer to answer 1, I don't even wait for them to be honest.

3. Definitely, I like the community here, and the game Is fun. Hopefully I'll be able to find more time to even participate in GMing on top of having my player, the limited experience I've had was fun.

4. I've only ever saw them in expensive-ish hotels and never used it, so my idea about them is that it's a fancy thing rich people install in their bathrooms.

5. Not very pro athlete like, but he cracks open a cold one after game to enjoy while the rest of the team is showering, and he takes a shower after them.

6. He's putting some money in youth hockey development in Czechia, He flies there to meet some young hockey fellas and attends a few practices with them, before flying home to Vancouver.

On 2/14/2024 at 3:35 AM, UghSike said:

Currently rereading "Blood Meridian" by Cormac McCarthy.

If you don't know about this book, check it out. Even by today's standards, It's still pretty rough/raw.

 

Last book I read was "Lullaby" by Chuck Palahniuk.

I watched a youtuber going through the Blood Meridian story in a 4+ hours long video,and yea, sounds really interesting

So...I had seen Game of Thrones, so I thought it would be a good idea to read the books. I'm just finishing the first book, and fu*k me, the characters are bland. I feel like GRRM does absolutely terrible job getting you invested in any of them. 

Like Bronn, he was by far my favorite GoT character. The smirk, the snarky remarks, a bit of a dick, just perfect. In the first book...he's good with a sword and hangs out with Tyrion, and that's all of his personality.